Minimal Effort

The other night I went to my friend’s Steve’s house and we ended up (we being, karen, steve, and I) watching some kpbs documentaries. Made me think about being an animal (I love those animal documentaries. They’re mad fascinating)…Think of it.. all you would have to do really is survive. No philosophy, no ethics, no drama, (okay, maybe drama but not retarded high school drama which sickens me but I happen to see a bunch over here)and hmm. what else? lots and lots of sex (not that I would know, since I’m virgin mode. hee hee)

Hey, if you haven’t had sex in a long long time, would your virginity grow back again? I think mine has.

Anyway, I digress.

Top 5 animals I would love to be

5. A seal — you lie around the beach and slap your mate on the ass. nice.
6. A duck — you float, you fly…and nobody will make fun of your weight
7. A tiger — you get to crawl sexily and growl. I think I’m part tiger when candles are lit… hmm….
8. A bonobos monkey — all they do is have sex.
9. A dolphin — lots of sex and free seafood (if you workat Sea World…)
10. A penguin — you find the significant other of your dreams and you mate for life. (yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m a hopeless romantic) and you get to slide down mountains on your belly, lots of seafood, and your man is always wearing a tux..that’s mad sexy.

So I’m doing the whole looking for a full time job thing. It sucks ass. I spent like 2 hours fixing my resume and 2 more hours filling out an application where a resume wasn’t needed. There’s this job I have a total hard on about but I will have to wait…what…2 to 3 weeks? My sanity is on the line here captain! HELLO! I’m thisclose to quitting starbucks and becoming a nomad. (hi john.) A smelly dirty nomad (Hi john, again)

It’s so fucking frustrating to have a bachelor’s degree and still be serving coffee. WHY GOD WHY! What the fuck is the point of having a degree? Degrees are fucking overrated.

oh, my hair shrunk. good reviews so far. It looks really good wet which is amazing to me because my hair never looks good wet yo. but it does. and to have it just above my chin is like, dangerous. I’m almost at “you look fat” territory but it actually slims my face a bit. niiice.

Anyway, san diego is slowly growing on me. I think new york knows it too because I had a dream about being in NY again. I can’t believe I moved out here. I must’ve been on drugs to move out here again. Right now it’s regrettable but I guess later I will recognize the fact that I did it for the right reasons (which is slipping my memory just now).

Boys. Bleah. I actually had a tiny (this tiny) argument about meeting boys with one of my producers. He was saying that meeting guys at clubs are cool. To limit myself to NOT meeting my guys at clubs is setting my standards too high. OOPS. Sorry..didn’t want to meet up with horny drunk guys yo. I mean, there are plenty of places, situations, and work places (heh heh) to meet people. Just the idea to go to a place where the ultimate goal is to get a girlfriend with a shallow stupid conversation is mind-numbing. As Chris Rock would say, “you’re not meeting the [person], you’re meeting their representative. You can’t talk like you talk, you can’t walk like you walk” or as Matthew Perry in FOOLS RUSH IN says “You spend 3 months dating this one person and finding out that they’re another person and you spend another three months meeting this other person. Dating is stupid.” Of course I’m paraphrasing but eh.

Anyway, I’m off to bed and think about how stupid my life seems right now and how I’m stupid to think that it has some sort of meaning amongst the masses.

If you think about it, how will my existence change the course of history? I guess no political/social efficacy. (stupid voters)

Anyway, WHO THE HELL IS READING THIS? GIVE ME SOME COMMENTS YOU BASTARDS!!! (Limp Bizkit inflection)

Kevin Wells rocks the hizouse.

In Canada, EVERYONE gets health insurance. In the Constitution, it says that every citizen gets the chance for the “Pursuit of happiness…” or something like that. How can you do that if you’re always worried about breaking your leg? What kind of life are you living if you’re living it safely? I don’t know. I guess I’m bitter for not having Health Insurance.

Yesterday was a loooong day. A long day but a satisfying one. It was my godsister’s Kathleen’s 23rd birthday (Happy Birthday Kathleen!) and I got to spend the whole day with her from lunch at Todai’s to coffee at The Living Room. I’m so glad she is a part of my life.

Actually, got some sort of work done on my emerging film production. Did some brainstorming. This is it guys, this will prove how much I want this…eh? I’m still though, in limbo about what I really really want in life and how much I’m willing to sacrifice. I haven’t felt a sense of satisfaction for a long long time.

10 Things that give me a complete sense of satisfaction and self worth.

10. After I finish a big project that I have been working on for weeks/months/years (I.e. scrapbooks, videos, stories)
11. The second to the last day of a film shoot.
12. When I have had a film shoot on schedule
13. Having a relaxing chill dinner with my bestest friends.
14. Kissing for the first time
15. Showing a film to people and getting a good reception (this is unbelievable. it’s a drug)
16. Doing something new for the first time and being successful at it
17. Going somewhere new and not having to rush through it
18. Getting something that you didn’t get for a while and being good at it (i.e. a new job)
19. Waking up and everything makes sense to you

I feel like something’s missing. Like a lot of things are missing actually. Hmmm.

The question is…
a. what do I do to find it?
b. How can I start a search when you really don’t know what you’re looking for?
c. What kind of person feels like their missing things from their life? Does that make them less of a person? What is the first step? Why do I have to go through this bizarre weird phase?

I need to read some philosophy.

Event 1: Went to PB Bar and Grill for the first time

So this guy goes up to my one of my best friends, Karen, and says “Is your friend looking for a boyfriend tonight?”

What boggles my mind is how a guy, without even TALKING to you, would say such a thing. It doesn’t make sense. I think that would fall under the “love at first sight” category. I’m not saying that exists, but it probably won’t exist for me.

I have NEVER EVER FELT like I belonged in the club, owned the room, or owned the drunken horny men who are swaggering in it. I’m sure if I attempted it, I might come up with some interesting results.

I think I’m going to have to start lying about what school I go to. This guy I was talking to was like “ooh, I can’t talk to you. Too smart for me.” WHAT? Eh. I’m being a hypocrite. Who wants to talk to a guy who is intimidated by your intelligence? Never mind. I’ll tell people I went to Harvard Law School. Yee-ha…go and kick some asses.

Language Lesson of the Day:

Phrase: Excuse me sir, are you a virgin?

French–Bonsoir, Mosieur. Etes-vous puceau?
Italian– Buona sera, signore. E un vergine?
Spanish– Buenas tardes, senor. Es usted doncel?

Other useful phrases:
Is that a french fry in your pocket or are you happy to see me?
–C’est une pomme frite dans votre poche ou etes-vous heureux a me voir?

Do you know how to clean French dressing from the sheets?
–Savez-vous comment nettoyer la vinaigrette de la literie?

Have I mentioned I am a gymnast?
–Ho menzionato che faccio ginnastica?

Hello. I am having a sexual awakening. And you?
–Hola. Estoy experimentando un despertamiento sexual. Y usted?

Would you like to put your bull in my china shop?
–Quiere usted meter tu toro en mi chinero?

(Resource: The Bad Girl’s Guide to Getting What You Want)

Can I just tell you guys how unbeleivably excited to see SPIDERMAN?!!!

Sharon’s Cd Wish List (for this week)

1. Stevie Wonder’s Greatest Hits
2. NERD (Is that their name? The two guys who are/were The Neptunes. I heard this album was an absolute must-have)
3. The Carpenters Greatest Hits
4. Gorillaz
5. Any 311 album

What’s in my car

1. No Doubt — Rock Steady
2. Jimmy Eat World — Bleed American
3. Madonna — You can Dance
4. New Found Glory (don’t know the name of the album. Burned by Alfred. Thanks Alfred!)
5. Dashboard Confessionals.

Okay, I have to go use the w.c. now.

Or Do You?

Rant of the Day:
One of my biggest pet peeves is people who don’t call you back. Granted, I am a hypocrite when it comes to matters to these but I don’t care I’m going to rant about it anyhow. I believe I’m a hypocrite when a person calls AND DOESN’T LEAVE A MESSAGE. If you don’t leave a message, I will always assume I don’t have to call you back. But if you leave a message, I think a timely response (within the next 24 hours) is appropriate and considerate. REAL MEN return calls.

Okay, a few exceptions may apply to the aforementioned cardinal rule:

1. You are on vacation and have no access to your phone and the caller did not know this fact. Wait a minute, a person may very well say “Hey, I’m on vacation. Won’t be responding to messages until so and so forth” So toss this exception out
2. Your phone is dead or does not ring or does pick up messages.
   **This has happened to me once. I was not getting my messages for 24 hours for some bizarre reason (DAMN YOU HOMIES! DAMN YOU!!!!) and heh heh heh, one of the messages (all names will not be used to protect the guilty/innocent (it’s all the same to me nowadays))
   “…Let me analyze this correctly…I call you and you don’t pick up your phone (sidenote: that is acceptable behavior. I’m deaf as a bunny. Wait a minute, are bunnies deaf?) , I leave a message and you don’t call me back. Hmm… I don’t think you…” okay enough. BUT in my defense, I DID not receive this voicemail till 2 days later. That sucks. But that is an acceptable exception. Phone service delay (I hate Verizon. bastards)
3. To reject a person because “it’s you not them” when in actuality, it IS THEM but you want them to think it is you. In EITHER case, I have been rejected as such (I have no pride) 3 times. Hmm.

Speaking of which.

BEST WAYS I HAVE BEEN REJECTED (Take note future suitors)

Wait, wait. Maybe I should clarify my terms first.

“Seeing” –been on more than 3 dates. Not necessarily boyfriend/girlfriend but most likely sleeping with the person anyway.

“Dating” –been on a couple of drinks, been on a couple of outings. An interest is assumed. All or most outings are one on one (this is complicated because a lot of my close friends are guys and I tend to be better on a one on one basis rather than a group type thing. This is a tricky one.) Either little or no affection has been admitted or attempted. Scariness factor is high.

“Just friends” — Reader, TAKE NOTE! This is a very delicate issue when it comes to people you have been seeing (with dating, it’s easy). You have to value a person as an equal but forget you ever slept with each other or be able to look past it without uh..looking back. People like me with memory relapses, it is easy. People who hold grudges against anything (from ants to fathers)…this will not work. So don’t even attempt to be friends with an ex or someone you “used to see”. Every single person I have “seen”, I am still very very good friends with and talk to (usually) on a weekly and even sometimes a daily basis.

Okay, so…on to…

BEST WAYS I HAVE BEEN REJECTED:

1. The second guy I have ever “seen” was the best one of all (he knows who he is). He took me out to pizza and said out front what the problem was and broke it off cleanly and kept true to the “I still want to see you. But not in that way” Although, AT THE TIME, I felt the floor go beneath me (Rejection is never nice even if you (the rejector) sort of like the person)…I have always respected his honesty and his upfrontness. KUDOS to YOU..second guy (hee hee)
2. A guy I was dating last summer. He called but he then..he would delay his calls further and further and it took longer and longer to hear from him. He called so much less frequently (is that a proper sentence?) where it got to a point where I, being the independent woman, would just find more activities to occupy my time so I would not think of such trivial matters. It got to a point where we just didn’t call each other anymore and are polite to each other at parties. But it wasn’t abrupt. He did it in a very slow and deliberate way. So it actually didn’t hurt at all. (Drug addict)

Okay, that’s all. Everyone else’s rejection sucked major ass.

TOP THREE REJECTIONS THAT SUCKED ASS (and made me a bitter woman..half the time.)

1. He ignored me. He was rude to me. (We worked together). But you know what? It was good that he did that because it taught me what to expect of a “regular” guy. Guys don’t know how to handle rejection and it took a part of me to say “Self, you have to be bigger than that” and accept that. And, guess what. We got over it in 3 months. We still talk and we talk pretty candidly. He said I was the first girl that he ahem (slept) with and he can still talk to. I’m telling you, it takes a certain type of person to look past the physical intimateness and past mishaps (they are ONLY human) and not to take it personally.
2. A guy I was seeing told me matter of factly. But so matter of factly that it showed he had no compassion and it didn’t mean anything to him. EVEN if it doesn’t MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU, pretend it did…even a little bit. Being so unfeeling about such matters is worse than ignoring you. At least when he is ignoring you, There’s a feeling of guilt, anger, and/or hostility…which means the rejector cared about that person (you) even if for a little while. The “selfless,cold, and composed” complex DRIVES ME CRAZY
3. He stopped calling. (see aforementioned rant about not calling) Umm. The first rejection in my life so it still scars.

Well, that’s all for REJECTION. Actually that’s exactly how many times I’ve been rejected. 5 times. (probably due to lack of game, again)

IN OTHER NEWS:

**STICK SHIFT: I think I finally get the bugger. Yesterday I went all day without STALLING! I still squeal a bit but it’s not as major as the first three days. I still jerk when switching from one to two but I’LL GET IT WHETHER IT’S THE LAST THING I DO!!!!

**NEW JOB: I hate my job. I need a new one. Customer Service jobs is a form of torture in third world countries, yet we accept it as a form of work. Not so. We need to wake up the minds of the 16-25 year olds. To a more deliberate form of torture: The FULL TIME JOB (at least you get health benefits. Oooh..don’t get me started on health benefits. the US SYSTEM IS AN ASSHOLE. another time. deep breath, deep breath)

**I MISS NYC That’s all I have to say about that.

**ARTIFICIAL INTELLIGENCE: This is an affliction that affects the majority of the population. Just because you went to college and graduated or because you read a lot of books doesn’t mean SHIT. Application towards life and relationships is key. I’m not saying I’m more INTELLIGENT than YOU ARE (Nyah, nyah, nyah). But I know that because I read a lot doesn’t mean SHIT.

Oh, and the movie. I love Haley Joel Osment. I hope to future works and I hope he doesn’t fall into the dreaded child star syndrome.

Okay, as everyone says, the ending is sort of hokey. But I personally like the aliens. I like how spielberg took that risk and tried to get away with it. Great people do great risks and usually end in failure (as many people believe with the movie) BUT I LOVE THAT HE DIDN’T PLAY IT SAFE LIKE EVERYONE ELSE DOES IN HOLLYWOOD. KUDOS TO SPIELBERG.

Otherwise, I liked it. I love the metaphor of using love as a toy (which a LOT of people do) and the serious side effects, the constant comparison to a classic fairy tale and the issues of morality and ethics. Good good thinking movie. and jude law is hot.
I need a lover robot (okay, calm down)

3 MORE THINGS:

Random Horoscopes:

Cancers: YOU ARE LOVED BY EVERYONE. TALENTED, CHAMRING, LOYAL AND TRUE, It will be hard to fight off the admirers..just don’t use a stick. Those same people will be needed to help you conquer the universe.

Gemini: You know what? Eating Tacos is bad. Don’t do it today. Oh, a buy a dvd for your cancer friend. OFFICE SPACE a good one (only 15 bucks at Walmart)

Capricorn: Watch out for “the leaves”. You have ashy knees…put some lotion on that sucker. Do a good deed today: Buy a new dvd or a new greatest hits selection for anyone born on July 18th. Some good suggestions: BEST IN SHOW, THE USUAL SUSPECTS SPECIAL EDITION, YOU CAN COUNT ON ME (A great indie film with Matthew Broderick and DUDE I forget her name. She played Meryl in THE TRUMAN SHOW) OR STEVIE WONDER’S GREATEST HITS> You’ll be glad you did.

CHECK OUT WHAT YOUR NAME MEANS:
Here’s mine (egocentric aren’t I today?)

Sharon

Your first name of Sharon has made you happiest when you are expressing in some creative, artistic way, and not conforming to strict routine. In a large group of comparative strangers, you are quiet and rather shy, unable to express yourself, not really wanting to become involved in conversation. On the other hand, among friends with whom you feel at ease, you are expressive, witty, and quite charming. These contrasting natures make it difficult for people to understand you and can lead to friction in your personal life. You are deep, philosophical, and refined, but your extremely sensitive nature causes you to become depressed and self-pitying over any real or imagined slight. If you are not careful, people take advantage of your generous nature. You find the beauties of nature, fine music, art, and literature–all the deeper things of life–inspiring. The reserved, sensitive side of your nature brings aloneness and friction into your life, although you crave affection and understanding. You must guard against emotional excesses, which could result in depletion of energy, creating a desire for quick-energy foods. You could suffer through skin irritations, blood conditions, back trouble, and later, through arthritis. Heart, lung, or bronchial weaknesses could also result.

You think that’s me?

CHECK OUT YOURS! http://www.kabalarians.com/gkh/kpquery0.htm

3. Last Thing:

My friend John Kumpart has a film online. Give him some love:

John Kumpart

Here is the link….if it doesn’t work…try going to IFilm and
searching for the title…but it should work ’cause the link is from them.
Thanks!

http://www.ifilm.com/ifilm/product/film_info/0,3699,2421500,00.html
Hmm.. what else? That should be enough of junk reading for you today dear lovelies. UNSEXY SUMMER 2002!

payce!