Minimal Effort

Cute Computer Guy is 6’0 or 6’1. He has dark hair and dark eyes, olive complexion, he is neither skinny nor chubby nor “buff”…yummy. I love that shit. He has a little facial hair but basically he is clean cut (even more yummy) laid-back. No, I should emphasize WAY LAID BACK. By the way, did I mention he was cute?

I called Cute Computer Guy last night aound 9:40 p.m.(his name is Mike) and I inquire about the software. Somehow, we shift into talking about who we are and what we do and other such topics.

It is 10:30. He says he needs to make another phone call before 10:30 and asks if he can call me back. I give him my number.

He calls back. We are conversating (he can really hold is own. This is very attractive to me). He tells me “Hold on a sec” I hear some shuffling and then gets back on and says “I just had to take off my shirt. It’s pretty hot over here”

What are you doing to me? How dare you put Cute Computer Guy with Shirt Off Picture in my head?!

It is 11:30. My FATHER (this is so much the nightmare of all telephone calls) gets on the phone and says “I need to call your mom yo” HOLY SHIT. Then he hangs up.

I say sheepishly “Yes, I do live at home” (So much for my attempt at pretending I live at my own apartment) I am beet red but he doesn’t seem to care. I tell him, if he still wanted to chat, to call me on my cell phone. He still wants to talk. He calls my cell phone.

It is 10 after midnight. The conversation ends.

So…?

COMMENTS/PROCEEDINGS/DISPOSITION:

1. At one point, he is telling me about his family. He wants to divulge but says “This would take a long time for me to tell you. It should be further discussed over dinner” (Man, this guy is SMOOOOTH)

2. We talk about past relationships (which I am slightly taken aback with because…according to the rules…isn’t that a third or fourth coversation type of topic? We are talking about it at our virginal conversation) I tell him that boys are annoying me because of blah blah blah and then he says “So how am I doing?” hee hee hee I say “You are doing very well. FOR NOW..bwahahaha”

3. He says “We are having this awesome conversation. You are one of the nicest girls I’ve talked to in a long time. And yes, you are funny” (I told him I wasn’t funny..but after he said this, of course I turned into jello..sigh)

4. He says (AHHH!!!) “Do you even want the software?” [I think he saw right through my ruse…but then again, did he REALLY have to give me his cell phone, his home phone and his e-mail for a question? Like I would really have a computer emergency. I think he knew it from the start]

5. At the end of the conversation he says “So when are we hanging out?” (DAMN He’s good!) We throw back dates and times and find out that we are both available on Sunday.

Me: So do you want me to call you or you call me..or how do you want to do this?

Him: I will call you on Thursday and we’ll figure out what to do on Sunday.

Me: Oh, okay. Did you want my number?

Him: Oh, I have it. Your home number, your cell phone number and if all else fails…I know where you work.

Man, did I mention that this guy is SMOOTH??

So, end result:

I have a date with Cute Computer Guy on Sunday. But he will call me on Thursday to arrange for Sunday.

I don’t know about you guys but it SOUNDS positive.

However, my sister said “It’s not a real date. He said “hang out” ” Now, tell me people, when you are asking someone on a date do you say “You want to go on a date?” I don’t think I have ever said that but the intention should be known. I don’t know.

I don’t care. I will be seen in public with a cute computer guy who can hold his own on the telephone and apparently, knows what he wants.

Now we will find out if I’m one of the things he wants (hee hee)

For now, I am going to listen to Justin Timberlake and frolic amongst the daisies as a personal victory.

(Come Sunday I find out he only wants to be friends or something. AHHH!!!)

Comments anyone?

My friend Stacey is originally from Chelmsford, Massachusetts. I think, being from San Diego and all, I have a unusally high knowledge of people from Chelmsford. How this happened, I truly do not know.

Stacey wants to move back to the East Coast. Long story short, she was bored in Chelmsford and decided–on the whim–to move to San Diego. Not for a guy, not for a job–for a change. I think that is awesome.

She has lived here for three years and wants to go back. Not necessarily Chelmsford but to start off there and then move into either Boston or Cambridge after the summer.

She has asked me to move in with her next May..stay with her in her condo in Chelmsford until August and make the big move to either Boston or Chelmsford.

However, we have agreed on the “soul mate clause” which means, between now and a year from now, if we were to get into a serious relationship (which neither of us has been in ..her for the past 3 or so years, me..never) we can back out of the deal.

So I present to you, my refernce page of should I make the move out to the east coast…more specifically…Chelmsford a place that is synonymous with being anonymous (I apologize if offend any Chelmsfordians with this entry…but you know what I’m saying is true.)

San Diego:

Pros:

predictable (read 70 degree) all-year round weather.

I like to drive– ALOT. We have 5 lane freeways for my pleasure.

I pay no rent living with my parents.

More likely to work out

The people at my job like me.

At least I have SOME friends out here.

6 hours away from Vegas, 8 hours away from San Francisco, 1/2 hour away from Mexico.

Cons:

I live with my parents. Enough said.

We have no seasons..so I lose track what day, what month, what year it is. This can be annoying.

The pressure to be beautiful all the time. (EGAD!) And Abercrombie and Fitch clothes can be costly (other alternative, J. Crew. That shit’s expensive too yo)

I have no film friends here…so everyone thinks I’m a lunatic (okay, like 95% of my friends)

Some of my friends are dramatic and/or backstabbers (okay, not friends but people I know..but that is still annoying)

My job is cool..but I’m afraid I might forget film altogether and settle to be a paralegal if I don’t expose myself to a new environment.

I’ve been everywhere practically around here. Hence, nothing is new (unlike when I lived in New York)

* 2 hours away from L.A. yuck, 1/2 an hour away from Mexico.

Hmm.. I have more cons than pros. That can’t be good. Let’s rate Chelmsford.





Chelmsford (that’s like 1/2 hour away from Boston, Massachusetts)

Pros:

Way cheaper than California. (like WAY cheaper)

I can still drive.

Abercrombie and Fitch clothes might not be a necessity.

they have seasons AND less likely to be sunburned (this is only a factor because I am burned right now and it hurts to take a shower)

I know like 4 people.

Free editing at a television studio.

2 hours away from Rhode Island (my friend Christine lives there) 4 hours away from New York (Angela), 1/2 an hour (I’m told with no traffic) to Boston. Better yet, I’m surrounded by a gabillion states! ROCK ON!

FOUR HOURS AWAY FROM NEW YORK (I LOVE NEW YORK)

* The people don’t seem so concerned with looks (hmm…) and think that glasses are actually okay. (I get the “ooh, too smart for me. Can’t talk to you” because of the glasses! Okay, and the NYU sweatshirt..but that’s fucking discrimination! I could be dumb you know!!)

HELLO! $250 a month in a CONDO?!

Cons:

It is hella hella hella hella hella hella hella cold

It is hella hella hella hella hella hella hella cold

The freeways only have two lanes.

* I know like four people.

* “It’s a shithole” says Vikram

* Free editing means I have to actually show it on Public Access. I do not want to die by people I offend.

* I could easily see me saying “Dude, I’m going to Concord (or Conquered however it is spelled)

* Do people have sex in Chelmsford?

* Boredom ? (that could be a neutral factor because it might force me to write shit)

Hmm…it seems I have one more pro than con.

But, you know, this is now. It could all change and San Diego might grow on me or something. Or..better yet, the man of my dreams (Cute Computer Guy?? Hmmm) could bump into me within the next year.

However, if he’s in Montreal…I’m fucking screwed.

When I looked up, I saw that I was at the last subway stop on the 6 train. Originally, I was going get off on the Spring Street stop but I was so engrossed with Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, I ended up being in the Bronx.

“Hey”

I look up. The subway car is empty. I was extremely grumpy but was in better spirits because of the misadventures of that silly Harry Potter, Hermione, and the freckled Ron. My grumpiness derived from the nature of my clothes — drenched. I had just come from my apratment in Brooklyn (Williamsburg, more specifically) and was locked out. I decided to go back to the Spring Street Starbucks (where I work) and change into work clothes. I would smell like coffee but at least I would be dry.

The platypus called my name.

“Sharon”

I look up and down the subway. Nope, it’s only the platypus.

“Yeah?”

“I’m a platypus” said the platypus.

“Duckbill, right?”

“Yeah”

“Good for you” I replied tiredly. What am I supposed to say?

The platypus lights up a cigarette. I don’t know where he got his cigarette or where his cigarette pack was stored (in his bill? under his furry armpits?) Further, I’m pretty sure that nobody can smoke on the subway. But I could be wrong.

“Doesn’t it seem strange that I’m talking to you on the subway?” he puffs out some smoke. I wonder if his bill allows him to do smoke rings.

“No.” I sigh. “I’m too tired and this is New York.”

The platypus shook its (his? hers? I just assumed it was a male) head. “Jaded. That’s too bad.”

“Yeah, well what are you going to do?”

The platypus shrugged and put out his cigarette on the window behind him. I noticed he only smoked half of it. If he offered, I would’ve smoked the other half.

“Would you like to have coffee or something?” inquired the creature.

“Yeah” I had nothing better to do, “Why not?”

Subsequently, we get off at the Spring Street stop and walked towards the Greenwich area.

The platypus told me that is was visiting New York from the Wilmington are. It/He was bored. He indicated that all he ever did (He later revealed his name was Bobo…but Bo for short) was hang out by the river and eat fish.

We get to the coffee shop on 14th street. He orders an Orange Mocha Chip Frappuccino and I order a bottled water. I was trying to increase my H20 intake for better skin.

We talk all night about our respective lives: my fears of being an overall unattractive human, of being untalented and poor, of being in a dead-end desk job. He talks about his fear of being eaten, not being able to eat, and being unclassified as a mammal because his kind lays eggs…unlike any mammal in his class. Recently, he revealed, he feared being stepped on by some surly New Yorker (or New Jersey-ean as it seems all New Jersey-eans migrate to New York to feel cool). He also hated red ants. They bite him sometimes.

Then I realize, through our intriguing conversation, a realization I have never had before.

I am falling in love with Bo the Platypus.

However, I remember that he is a platypus.

At 3 a.m., Bo is tired and has to lick his fur early in the morning. I also remember that my roommates might be home by now and that Bo had taken my thoughts off of my once-drenched clothes.

We bid adieu.

My heart, once again, is broken.

I go down to an open pub and order a Key Lime Pie to drown out my melancholy and remember the good times I had with Bo. The Key Lime Pie slightly rectifies the pain but, unfortuantely, I know I will be scarred forever.

Oh well.

This might be boring. You have been forewarned:

I work for a law firm.

I am the assistant for three lawyers.

Anyway, this means I have a lot of work, dictation, issuing subpoenas on peoples asses and all that good stuff. My printer broke down on Friday and I’ve been sneaking on other people’s computers to print my crap.

However, since my printer is down and a lot of stuff has to go out, it was a state of emergency at the office and they called an “Emergency Printer Guy” to come out ASAP on that day to fix my printer. I didn’t know such guys existed.

Anyway, so printer guy comes in. He is not too tall…probably between 5’6 to 5’9. He is about late 30s, early 40s. He is not particularly attractive but he is not UNattractive. He had a little briefcase with printer type fixing materials. When he talks to me, he has an Australian accent. This automatically, beyond my control, turns me on. It turns me on the damn spot. (get a mop)

He looks at the printer and he opens it up. He starts to caress the printer and I swear to god, it felt like he was caressing me. He takes out his squirt bottle and starts wiping the printer…to make it all shiny and new.

My eyes open wide. I can’t believe this not-so-tall, oldish printer guy is turning me the fuck on. I stare and watch him clean my printer for about 10 minutes…wishing I was that printer…wishing he was putting his screwdriver into MY cartridge. I am envious of my printer.

And…get this…I get goosebumps. He doesn’t lay one finger on me and I GET GOOSEBUMPS.

I am sad that he is leaving. I am sad that my printer is fixed.

I feel like a lunatic for thinking this way about a printer or a printer-guy. What the fuck is going on here?

I come up with the following possibilties and/or options:

• I have a printer fetish unbeknownst to me and now the floodgates are opened to this new information.
• I am destined to make a film about printer porn (and my lighting would be really good!)
• In order to clarify what the hell is going on, maybe I should break my printer a few more times?
• I am fucking horny and any guy will do. I am just impressed that he has a specific talent (I’m a sucker for specific talents)
• I am fucking horny and I am turned on by the accent (another variable which I might of been blinded of at the time)
• I am actually jealous of my printer.
• I am actually jealous of any inanimate object that gets more play than I do.

Aw jeez. And I thought I got to that point that I forgot what it was like to be caressed. (I swear it’s been so long, that they’ve changed sex on me.) Damn printer guy, now I remember what I’m missing.

Egad.

“Sometimes when I reflect back on all the beer I drink I feel shamed. Then I look into the glass and think about the workers in the brewery and all of their hopes and dreams. If I didn’t drink this beer, they might be out of work and their dreams would be shattered. Then I say to myself, “It is better that I drink this beer and let their dreams come true than be selfish and worry about my liver.”
–Jack Handy

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day. “
–Frank Sinatra

“An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.”
–Ernest Hemingway

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
–Henny Youngman


“24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence? I think not.”
–Stephen Wright

“When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let’s all get drunk and go to heaven!”
–Brian O’Rourke (He sounds Irish)

“Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.” –Benjamin Franklin

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.”
–Dave Barry

BEER: HELPING UGLY PEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 B.C.!!!
–“Unknown”

And saving the best for last, as explained by Cliff Clavin, of Cheers:

One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm. Here’s how it went:
“Well ya see, Norm, it’s like this… A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells.
Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That’s why you always feel smarter after a few beers.”

I prefer Heineken myself.

Our flight was cancelled. They could not close the door to the airplane. We were supposed to leave at 9:40 a.m. We “deplane” at 11:00 a.m.

While my sister sleeps in a rocking chair, I stand in line for two hours to get a new flight (they only had one guy reaccomodating the whole plane…poor guy) and they always have to like, type a ton of things (what are they typing?)

Afterwards, we have 3 hours to kill. I wanted to smoke a cigarette, so we leave and I smoke my one cigarette. We leisurely go back to the security checkpoint and the line is astronomically long. We are supposed to board at 2:30…it is 2:15.

at 3p.m. we finally figure out that we have first class tickets (we were bumped up for the inconvenience) and DOH! We could’ve waited in the first class line. So, at 3:15, my sister and I are running our for our lives and of course, me being the dramatic woman I am starts screaming

“Don’t leave us! Don’t leave us!”

We get to gate 34 and I say

“We’re TOO LATE!!! NO!!!!”

and the guy behind the counter says “Calm down, you’re going to hurt yourself”

He must’ve thought I was crazy.

On another note, our seats were 1A and 1B. How sweet was that?

---

Okay, I”m getting a bit tired of these surveys, so this will be the last one in the survey series.

This is from a guy in Massachusetts as well (I seem to know quite a few of Mass guys. Okay, I know like, 3…two of them through a guy I knew in college)

Anyway, he also has a journal, check him out and give him some sugar at gumphood.diaryland.com

LIGHT SPEEEEDD!!!!

---

1.LIVING ARRANGEMENT: I am saving up money for a down payment. I am
about 1
year away from owning my own house. What I am trying not to say is I
live
with my parents.

2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Microserfs again by D.C. I just
   finished
   the Dune series. It ruled my soul. Thats kinda good.
3. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I should use a mousepad, but I don’t. At
   home
   its awful.
4. FAVORITE CARD GAME? Asshole. I like that a lot.
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? I get this Economics Journal that I like a lot,
   but I
   will say the Improper Bostonian
6. FAVORITE SMELL? The fresh cut grass of a soccer field in October
7. FAVORITE SOUND? I like the sound of the filters in a fish tank
8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Breaking your arm, having it heal, and
   then
   breaking it, so that the doctor can set it. That is the worst feeling
   I
   have felt.
9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP? How many
   minutes
   do I have before the train leaves
10. FAVORITE COLORS? Blue. I like blue. Its just standard. I refuse
    to
    give the funky answer.
11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? As few as humanly
    possible.
12. FUTURE CHILD’S NAME? David or Elizabeth
13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? Water for human life. Gravity for
    the
    universe. Time for me.
14. FAVORITE FOODS? Ice Cream Cake – which isn’t a food really. It’s a
    delight.
15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate
16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? I drive fast, but slower than I used to.
    I
    drive the speed at which I need to
17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? I sleep with a live bear.
18. STORMS – COOL OR SCARY? cool.
19. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD IT BE? Myself
    8
    years ago. I would tell him what to do.
20. FAVORITE DRINK? Beer. Its my favorite. My most common in water.
21. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Taurus. Which is really cool cause it’s
    a
    bull, so its clearly male.
22. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Yes. I actually have them for
    lunch
    today.
23. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE? I guess that
    I
    have the job that I have always wanted. But I never set my standard to
    the
    sky. I guess for a hope I would want to be CEO of Fox. (Rupert
    Murdok)
24. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR? I often think about blonde
    highlights. But I have wondered if we all dyed our hair red and then
    still
    teased Sam, would he get upset?
25. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? yes.
26. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? John logical argument was
    horrible. Half empty. For him its totally half full BTW.
27. FAVORITE MOVIE? Fight Club I would say.
28. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Yes I took typing
    and
    surprisingly have good form. I don’t look when I type. I also heard
    that
    they structured the keyboard in this way to slow people down on the old
    type
    writers cause they would stick if you went to fast.
29. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? Soccer Equipment and shoes.
30. FAVORITE NUMBER ? 24 and the imaginary number.
31. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Football or Red Sox Baseball (not
    baseball)
32. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU. Sharon
    has
    always been very nice each time that I have met her. I had fun with
    her
    both times and regret not hanging out with her more the second time.
33. IF YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE? Humans are animals.
34. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? April 26th
35. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? About negative 3 years. That’s
    like
    B.C. I am three years away.
36. NAME ONE PERSON WHO HAS CHANGED YOUR LIFE. Carla
37. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND:
    Sent. I just snagged it.
38. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: Again
    snag.

I didn’t want to cook or bake or whatever so I decided to go to KFC for dinner.

I’m a drive-thru person. None of this getting out of the car crap. Just get the food and go. I am also not a big cash person aka I buy things with my bad credit. I have that citibank card with your picture and everything so I don’t have to show ID. It’s all about simplicity.

Thinking that nobody would see me in the shadows of the car, I wore my bright emerald green nightgown of Sylvester the Cat (a la Warner Bros.) singing “Tis’ The Season.” Sometimes I wear pants, sometimes I don’t (The nightie is long enough)

I decided to wear pants. Good thing.

Got to the drive thru– found out they only accept credit cards when you WALK IN. SHIT. I had to go in the damn KFC with my Sylvester nightie and blue pants. Oh, and flip flops. Needless to say, I looked tore up.

As I’m getting out of the car in disdain, I see my Boston University bag (from Barnes and Noble). I bought my friend Wilbur a sweatshirt. Wilbur is in Mexico. He will never know that I wore it. A BU hooded sweatshirt is better than a Sylvester bright green nightie. However, the price tags were still on it.

I stealthily stuffed the tags in my sleeve and walk in.

One other girl was also in her night clothes but she had a plain gray shirt and pants and flip flops. Bitch.

Got my chicken. Got back in the car and I stealthily put the sweatshirt back in the bag. Good as new.

I am restless right now. I want to write. I have written several short stories and several skits as such. They have no relevance nor point to any of them. I suppose just anecdotes of supposed human nature through my mundane eyes.

Regardless, since I cannot sleep (I took a nap earlier) on my diaryland journal, I’m going to see how many entries I can put in one day. tee hee. My goal is 18 entries in one day. We shall see if I succeed.

---

This survey is done by a wild and crazy girl. She came to NYC to visit me once. We saw Brian Boitano at the today show. I just remember my toes freezing to death. Indulge.

1. LIVING ARRANGEMENT: I live with my mum and daddy
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas I need to finish it so I can watch the movie!
3. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? PAIN/PALLIATIVE CARE RESOURCE CENTER City of Hope National Medical Center hahaha my mom got it from this nurses convention.
4. FAVORITE CARD GAME? hhhmmmm It would have to be BLACK JACK
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? PLAYGIRL haha just kidding…I don’t have a fav magazine
6. FAVORITE SMELL? ” fresh baked cookies ” << That’s a good one arlene!!
7. FAVORITE SOUND? Fart sounds cause they make people laugh, and snobby people get grossed out (it’s because they have their noses stuck up in the air).
8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? that feeling of having to take a crap and you know you can’t hold it any longer, but you have to, and your stomach is churning and churning, and the crap’s already peeping out of your ass!! oooohh man! can there be a worse feeling?!?!?!
9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP? What am I going to do today!!
10. FAVORITE COLORS? Green,Blue,Purple,Red and Yellow
11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? As soon as I can get to the phone
12. FUTURE CHILD’S NAME? I’m getting my tubes tied
13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? family < nodding in agreement
14. FAVORITE FOODS? Italian and Mexican
15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Vanilla
16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Sometimes, I also like to cruise once in a while
17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? No
18. STORMS – COOL OR SCARY? COOL
19. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD IT BE? AUDREY HEPBURN!! I think she was a fantastic person as well as one of the most classic actresses
20. FAVORITE DRINK? Hhmmm alcoholic? or non alcoholic? I’d say a Strawberry Margarita
21. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? LIBRA baby! Although my life doesn’t feel very balanced
22. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? NO! ICK I like the tops
23. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE? I would be a Veterinarian, or have Brittney Spear’s Job!
24. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR? Just Brown thank you
25. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? uuummm Yeah everytime I see a hot guy I say, “I AM TO MUCH IN LOOOOVE!!!!! IT’s TOO MUCH FOR ME!!!!”
26. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? THe glass is twice as big as it should be!
27. FAVORITE MOVIE? I have lots
28. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Yes
29. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? CRAP
30. FAVORITE NUMBER ? 13
31. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? IT’S TIGHT BOOTY SEASON BABY!! BRING THE FOOTBALL ON!!
32. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU. I’ve known Arlene since the 4th grade and I wouldn’t have asked for a better and funnier friend! I love you hustlin biyaaaatch!
33. IF YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE? A TIGER RRAAAAARRRR!!!
34. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? October 13
35. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? huh?? hahahaha That’s a good one…NEXT QUESTION!!!
36. NAME ONE PERSON WHO HAS CHANGED YOUR LIFE. Gosh I don’t know, I think in all the years I’ve met and known people, they all contributed to the way my life is right now. It’s a good thing! 🙂
37. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND: I have no idea.
38. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: WALLAINE!!!

And I have no energy to be angry. I will just have to rewrite it and eat my hair.

I tried to do the Atkins diet today and ate chicken all day. I was successful until about half an hour ago when I ate two pieces of chocolate cake. I loathe me. Fuck this shit, I’m joining Weight Watchers. If Tina Fey can do it, I can too.

I’ve had a couple of short stories and such other things brewing in my mind. I was on a competing journal site and was trying to check out something called a diaryring but it wouldn’t let me in unless I logged on. So I logged on and inadvertently set up a diary for myself.

Eh. I figure I would never write in it. However, I came up with a notion of having another outlet just strictly for short stories, scripts, and letters I have either written or people have written to me (I think letters are fascinating)

Thus, I present to you…if interested, my “creative” link (for lack of a more clever term). Don’t expect any sort of journaling, just stories and the like. This is mostly an excuse for me to dedicate myself to writing one hour a night of stories. I sort of rant on this format.

Oh, the link: anniewaits18/diaryland/com

Enjoy.

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Now to finish the story that I didn’t finish on my previous entry.

Day: Wednesday
Rating: 7

Commentary: Relatively tame day in Massachusetts. John picked me up from New Hampshire airport, we went to his house, where his extremely hospitable parents were really nice. We pulled out the couch bed and had a Super Mario 3 battle. We sucked at that game hardcore (I used to be really good at it once)

Miscellaneous: John to his brother “I can’t talk now, I’m playing Super Mario Three..and OH! She just took my star card. I gotta go.”

Day: Thursday
Rating: 8

Commentary: Poor John. Trying to be the ever entertaining tour guide to Masachusetts. He took me to lunch at a Chinese(?) buffet but it was actually Chinese I have never had and the sushi was not up to par. We decided to forgo the Chelmsford tour and toured around Boston. He introduced me to some of his friends but I was really interested in meeting Vikram, who apparently is “jacked” (that means “ripped” I thought he was referring to being fucked up) I took some crazy picture, which I got developed today, and it turned out beauuu-teee-fulll. I especially like my pictures of statues. I’m a genius.

Later we went to the Brewery with some friends. And by coincidence, Wilbur was in the same town and joined us and apparently was very drunk. Dude, was bouncing off the walls. I wish he was this crazy all the time.

Miscellaneous: Watched Survivor for the first time.
Cuning guy is GOOD. I was shocked. When am I going to have a chance to watch friends?

Day: Friday
Rating: 6

Commentary: The start of our roadtrip to Maryland. We first head off to Boston University so I can get some crap for my boys. First of all, we find out two things:

1. John is not good with maps
2. I am not good with maps

John has this spiffy directional thing but I don’t know how he uses it.

We stop by in New York to have dinner with one of my closest friends, Angela and her boyfriend, Dmitri. Dmitri is funny. He tried to hug me and I yelled at the top of my lungs. John, Angela and Dmitri witness the power that is my voice. However, I think John is deaf because I am generally loud and obnoxious in general.

Afterwards, we head to Maryland. We cannot find the hotel. I am driving and am thinking of how to scream to John “Save Yourself” whilst I fight off any rapists in the neighborhood. I guess I could’ve run over the rapists but you never know.

Turns out, we can’t find the damn hotel because according to map quest, it is a close exit. But we soon find out, it is an exit before our road merges with the exit. How are we supposed to exit backwards? Stupid map quest.

After about an hour of trying to figure out what is going on, we get to the room. The bed is a king size bed. John steals the side next to the wall when I am taking a shower, so I have the side next to the door…this mean if Norman Bates/Psycho comes in, I will die first. I hate John.

Further, I have never slept in a King Bed and those things are HUGE! I felt like if I tried to talk to John, who is about a mile away from me in the bed (The bed is THAT big) my voice would echo and/or I would need to use a megaphone. It’s THAT big.

Miscellaneous: John: “Why are you trying to find a magnet for a guy who rejected you?”
Me: “I don’t know. I’m an idiot”
Angela: “How about I reject you and you buy me something?”

Day: Saturday
Rating: 10

This was, I think, the funnest day on the trip. Of course, it is the wedding day and John, being the wedding guru that he is, explains the procedures of a wedding. The wedding started at noon and it was over at 5. So afterwards, we were like “now what?” So we drive into D.C.

We look around via the car and then decide to watch X-Men 2 at the Spring field Mall (another map quest endeavor that primarily failed). John is in good spirits and is constantly making me laugh. I am not sure if it is because I am losing my sense of humor and everything is funny or if John is getting funnier by a mysterious means. Either way, I was highly entertained.

Miscellaneous: License plates in D.C. “MACKETTE” and “MACK DADDY” and “Born to Mack” (I think I got 2 out of 3)..but there was a lot of people bragging about macking…is that healthy?

Further, I am trying to get John his thank-you gift for the being the saavy tour guide/taxi that he is but he is with me constantly and there is no way I can do it without him knowing. At one point, I was going to get it but he came up to me and told me to look at some really bad-no-name- $5.99 dvds. My plan has been foiled…but I don’t think he noticed. I just told him I needed to get a cd. (liar)

Day: Sunday
Rating: 8

Commentary:
I corrupt John to the land of roller coasters. It is obvious that he does not want to go but he was a good sport about it and no vomiting took place–which is good. At one point, he was the one comforting me (the Superman ride…it just looked WAY too high) and telling me to breathe. I wanted to smoke a cigarette at that point but John is a good influence and gave me/suggest gum instead. I have to say, it worked. I was not irritable.

So, in the rare event (ooh, I hope not) that John becomes a rich and famous writer and I cannot get pass his bodyguards, at least I can yell “You dumbass! Who was the one who introduced you to roller coasters?! Huh?! You’re best selling script “Roller Coaster” was influenced by ME! I Know you can hear me!! John?! John?! Damn, Butch, get your hands off of me”

We drive home. We are tired. I am tired of Pizza-Pretzel Combos.

However, the drive home, in my opinion, cemented our friendship for life. It was great talks, dumb word games (“If you had to date a girl with no hair or a girl who insisted that you call her the artist formerly as princess…who would you pick?”) and some possible makings of a feature script.

Miscellaneous:
Me: “If you were in a boyband, who would you be?”
John: “Justin”
Me: “That’s not fair. He’s the good-looking talented one”
John: “No, Justin’s the talented one. Lance is the good looking one.”

---

Essentially, I basically learned 10 things:

1. John is one of the nicest guys I have ever known. He put a lot of shit with me.
2. You can only take roadtrips with really laid-back people. The last road trip I went on was a with a person who was very picky and particular and drove me nuts. I didn’t think that would happen with John, but you never know.
3. Weddings give you mix of hope and despair. I can’t wait to get married but is that ever going to happen? That whole mentality is a bit complicated. It was further complicated when the bride threw the bouquet and it went straight for me, but I let it fall to the ground.
4. I can have really good hair if I really wanted to (I got the pictures back from the wedding. I have REALLY good hair!)
5. John’s car is the blackhole. I kept losing things. How can you lose things in the black hole?
6. I still don’t like sandwiches. It became a handicap when we were playing 20 questions and the word was “provolone cheese”. Who eats provolone cheese? Sheesh.
7. Professional Brads for scripts are always accompanied by Washers.
8. I will always wake up at 8 a.m. no matter where I am. This is very annoying.
9. All the Rocky movies are virtually the same. He trains to box for his wife and then he loses and/or wins.
10. Break in your new sneakers BEFORE you go on a trip. I got blisters.

Essentially, I think the most important thing, really, that I learned that I am truly blessed that I have great person like John to be my friend. People like John are people you to keep around for life because they’re very rare. So, to John: Thank you for allowing me to be your friend and gracing me with your presence. I am not worthy.

I really had a fantastic trip and hope that one day I will be able to return the favor. My thank-you gift that you will be receiving in the mail will have to suffice for now. I just wrote this in my online journal because many people could learn from your example.

Okay, enough of the corny stuff. He did say he would eat his own crap if he had to.

I still haven’t unpacked and cleaned my room yet. I blow.

I have to unpack, wash my clothes, and repack for Florida. It’s hard for me to go back to work because I keep thinking I’m on vacation…especially since I know I’m flying out again on Friday.

I was actually listening to my old mixed tapes. I do not know what I was thinking when i was making them.

One of ’em I put in was titled “tongue-piercing tunes”…I must’ve made it when I got my tongue pierced (I took it out about a year ago)…so I put the tape in and the song “Lost in Emotion” by Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam was playing…and then, “Daria” from Cake and then “Mrs. Robinson” from Simon and Garfunkle.. What was I thinking when I made this tape?

I also was looking at my singles. Man, I had bad taste. Example of my singles (For you young un’s, singles are tapes with one or two songs on it…that’s it)

• All About the Money by Meja (who?)
• When All the Stars were Falling by Lisa Loeb (I was told I look like her in high school. But, do I look like anyone with glasses? Sheesh)
• Kiss From a Rose by Seal (I actually like this song and am not ashamed)
• Livin’ La Vida Loca by Ricky Martin..this was catchy the first 100 times I heard it.
• Ready to Go by Republica. (This video gave me a headache )
• You’ll See by Madonna (All by myself….does anyone know this song?)
  *I’d Rather be alone by All for One (or some group like that)
• Lump by The Presidents of the United States of America (I actually liked this group. they broke up though)

Anyway, that was a bizarre flashback to my life.

Oh btw, I gave the link incorrectly…the creative (creative, creative…dramatic echo ensues) link. It’s actually

http://www.anniewaits18.diaryland.com

give me a comment or something. I’m just curious as to who reads what.

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This survey is by a guy who picked me up at a club a couple of years ago. Actually, you know that part where it says “Say one good thing about the person who sent this”…well, I think he wrote the best compliment although he spelled lethal wrong. Anyway, I briefly dated this guy…can you tell?

Just to make you feel better after reading that book, and hey shouldn’t
it
have been tyler AND chad…….

1. LIVING ARRANGEMENT: No one arranged for me to live on my own, it
   this
   like an arranged marriage type thing, I think not…..so why is this
   question even here….
2. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? The epic of gilgamesh, where is ones
   place when they are three quarters god and one quarter human…..story
   of
   my life….hehe
3. WHAT’S ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? I don’t have a house for a mouse, oh
   right I
   have infared mouses so I don’t use one….
4. FAVORITE CARD GAME? Pisoy Dos
5. FAVORITE MAGAZINE? Bodyboarding all the way, or Riptide…
6. FAVORITE SMELL? Freshly cut grass or Italian food when you are
   driving
   by places like Buca Di Peppo, only driving because you are usually
   hungry
   and it is such a tease…
7. FAVORITE SOUND? Hmm, has to be the crunching and grinding sound of
   the
   waves at Mugu, that place is so good and so heavy that when the wave
   breaks
   and you duck dive you can hear the water just cruncing and grinding on
   the
   sand bars.
8. WORST FEELING IN THE WORLD? Waking up in the morning after a night
   of
   restless sleep, or no sleep at all, and feeling like shit and knowing
   that
   you have to go to work for 8 hours.
9. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU THINK OF WHEN YOU WAKE UP? Fuck I am
   late
   for work, oh wait it is Saturday……..surf surf surf
10. FAVORITE COLORS? Blue and Gold
11. HOW MANY RINGS BEFORE YOU ANSWER THE PHONE? When I want to answer
    it,
    usually 2 unless I didn’t hear it at first.
12. FUTURE CHILD’S NAME? Reese for a boy, Mikala for a girl
13. WHAT IS MOST IMPORTANT IN LIFE? Knowing that life is a series of
    pranks
    and jokes and to not take life so seriously, chill out and relax take
    it
    down a couple notches and let cruise control take over…….
14. FAVORITE FOODS? Breakfast Burritos and Pizza, the two worst things
    in
    the world for you…..well I guess Chicken Fried Steak or Chicken is
    worse
    actually….
15. CHOCOLATE OR VANILLA? Chocolate, next best thing to sex
    right?…….
16. DO YOU LIKE TO DRIVE FAST? Depends on my mood but usually in the
    65-75mph range, not Like Sharon who goes 80 in a residential, that shit
    scares me and the weaving back and forth in her own lane makes me want
    to
    vomit from nausea…..sorry but it is true, why do you think I offer to
    drive everywhere.
17. DO YOU SLEEP WITH A STUFFED ANIMAL? Unless you consider me my own
    stuft
    animal, no
18. STORMS – COOL OR SCARY? Very Very cool, the only things on earth
    that
    generate large ocean waves for surfing, unless there is a twister or
    water
    spout headed right toward you then that is not so good.
19. IF YOU COULD MEET ONE PERSON DEAD OR ALIVE WHO WOULD IT BE? The
    inventor of the pet rock, you know the guy made a million dollars……
20. FAVORITE DRINK? Water Water Water, Beer = Newcastle, Hard Liquor =
    Rum
    and Coke, Soda = Pepsi, Juice = Mango Strawberry mix, Dairy = Milk I
    guess
    although I really don’t drink milk….to many hormone additives from
    the
    diary commssion.
21. WHAT IS YOUR ZODIAC SIGN? Capricorn, why is that always
    interesting to
    people though…..hmmmm
22. DO YOU EAT THE STEMS OF BROCCOLI? Give me enough velveta melted
    cheese
    and I will eat the stem of any vegetable. Have any of you heard of
    Okra,
    that stuff is good, more of a southern delecasi though.
23. IF YOU COULD HAVE ANY JOB YOU WANTED WHAT WOULD IT BE? Porn Star,
    or
    maybe just a grip on the set……
24. IF YOU COULD DYE YOUR HAIR ANY COLOR? Already did it.
25. EVER BEEN IN LOVE? Here is a question for you, what if you were in
    what
    you thought was love, only to realize later on that it wasn’t what you
    thought love was, were you then really in love? Therefore until this
    question is answered I don’t think that my answer to this question
    should
    be yes…….and you would have known that I would have known the
    powders
    origin so I can clearly not choose the wine in front of you……
26. IS THE GLASS HALF EMPTY OR HALF FULL? It is half full because I am
    still thirsty and need more to drink.
27. FAVORITE MOVIE? Thin Red Line, Space Balls (although Sharon is the
    only one on earth that doesn’t like this movie),
28. DO YOU TYPE WITH YOUR FINGERS ON THE RIGHT KEYS? Hey, I didn’t
    waste a
    semster on typing class in highschool so I could do it wrong…..
29. WHAT’S UNDER YOUR BED? My bed doesn’t have an under as it is
    directly
    on the floor, so I guess the same as Sharon, the Carpet and the floor.
30. FAVORITE NUMBER ? 13
31. FAVORITE SPORT TO WATCH? Hockey, because they always score RIGHT
    WHEN
    YOU LOOK AWAY!!!!!!
32. SAY ONE NICE THING ABOUT THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU.
    Intelligence
    and Beauty make a leathal combination….
33. IF YOU COULD BE ANY ANIMAL WHAT WOULD YOU BE? A duckbill Playtapus
    because I have issues like that….
34. WHEN IS YOUR BIRTHDAY? The same as Martin Luther King’s real
    birthday,
    none of this observed crap.
35. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? oh I thought is sayed marred, never
    then….
36. NAME ONE PERSON WHO HAS CHANGED YOUR LIFE. My sociology teacher
    Bennetta Jules Rosette, I have never seen someone that believes in
    their
    students so much and puts so much stock in thier abilities no matter
    what
    level they are on. A true teacher to the ultimate meaning of the word.
    She helped me realize my potential and push myself. She believed in me
    so
    that I belivied in myself. She was the most intelligent person I have
    ever
    met but she talked to you on the same level, that is the measure of
    true
    intelligence!
37. OF ALL THE PEOPLE YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND:
    Tyler
38. PERSON YOU SENT THIS TO WHO IS LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND: No one else

Characters:

Euphodeura: Tourist
Bob: Tour Guide
Setting: Egypt

B: So here we are at the Sphinx

E: Ooh!

B: The nose was stolen by bandits

E: Why?

B: They sold it.

E: Really!

B: No, actually, it just fell off.

E: Were the bandits involved?

B: Possibly, they may have stolen it after it fell off.

E: Isn’t the nose 5 million tons?

B: They had a truck.

E: But you can’t drive trucks in the desert,

B: There’s an ice cream store in the Sphinx’s head

E: How many flavors?

B: You enter in the rear.

E: Really?

B: None

E: What?

B: None

E: What do you mean?

B: THey don’t have any flavors

E: So is there really an ice cream place?

B: Possibly. Difficult to tell

E: What else is there to see?

B: The Sphinx

E: How long have you’ve been tour guiding?

B: Pyramids, camels, egyptians, and lots of sand.

E: What?

B: A couple of minutes

E: You’re not a tour guide, are you?

B: Define tour guide

E: I don’t know..

B: Well if you don’t know, how do you NOT know I’m a tour guide?

E: Because of the hat

B: What hat?

E: Er..the shoes

B: I suppose. They’re the original Flight Air Attack Slams with stealth technology developed in a lab in the mountains with minerals confidentially delivered from Guatemala. Each fiber was intricately placed to add to maximum airtime.

E: Wow!! How much?

B: I just got here

E: You just got here?! …I need some aspirin

B: Where is the tour guide?

E: Aren’t you the tour guide?

B: Oh! Yeah! So here we are at the Sphinx….