Minimal Effort

I was going to write about something my friends Mike, Jender and I were talking about but something came up.

My friend’s mother is in the hospital today. She was run over this morning by a car while walking to work.

So my friend Ryan and I are going to go to the UCSD medical center to make sure that Gina (and her mother of course) are okay and possibly get her flowers. I think it is too late right now, but I want to be there for support.

So in light of the “re-run” episodes, here is a cop out entry: a letter from my friend Cooper. This will pretty much update you folks about what’s going on in my life:

Hey Sharon,

I’m finding that it’s very difficult to answer phone calls at night,
being that I’m usually drunk and/or high.

I’m at my temp job right now, between film gigs. Early this month though, I start work on some thing for Wheel of Fortune. Vanna is going to pass that arm of hers over nine new cars in nine choice SF spots. It’s three weeks of work, hopefully at my new union rate! That should be… fun?

Working on draft two to Twilight. I read that you’ve got some scripts
brewing as well. You wanted some feedback right. Well… I don’t want
to give it because I don’t think you need it. You know what’s funny. You
know what works. The hardest thing in life is simply trusting that. And
I’ve got this feeling that if one can do that – can truly trust in their own
abilities – then everything else is gravy.

A suggestion that you take
from someone else is a dilution (a real word?) of your own talent and
instinct.

This is all tied into a book I’ve dicovered. Yes, I found a book – the
only book ever – that I fucking love. It’s all about talent and self-confidence, and how the world hates anyone with the balls to dream, because then maybe they could have dreamed too. It’s genius. It’s called “The Fountain Head”
by Ayn Rand. You might have heard of it. Anyone who regards living as
more importnat than simply staying alive should read it. It’s our paperback mascot Sharon, I shit you not.

Friendster, I know of it. Everyone I know is doing it. It’s a huge Asian
thing out here. I haven’t put myself up their yet. I’m sure I will
someday. We’ll see. My love life’s a mess as well. I’ve just started
to dive back into the dating scene. And sure enough, “Theresa” calls me up. We had it out last night. She and I are stuck in this cycle. Niether of us can move on, because no one else is more right (which we’re in
agreeance on), but there’s this barrior that can’t be crossed for some fucked up reason. Neither of us will bury it. But neither of us will take it where it’s supposed to be, because I fear rejection by her, and she’s
protecting her pride from the guy who strayed. Stalemate. We’re going to the movies tonight :o) It’s like a drug.

That’s my life in a nut shell. Good luck with editing. I hope it
turns out well. Keep me posted.

Coop


****

I’m on the best diet of my life: The man diet.

I am an elitist.

I was on Friendster and I felt so bad that I thought that I was better than some people.

I feel sad when a person says that their favorite music is “everything”

My friend John once said “If somebody says their favorite music is everything, they don’t respect music”

How about when somebody lists their favorite movies and it’s like 10,000 movies

and then after their list they write ETC….like the 10,000 list wasn’t enough.

Or people who misspell things. That drives me nuts. I would avoid people like the plague who cannot distinguish between easy and e-z. dear lord.

I should be shot for feeling this way. I mean they are only humans.

Stupid dumbass humans.

I am hella tired.

I say ‘hella’ because I just got back from San Francisco with my companions Gina and Ryan.

Some highlights:

I sneaked into the CSU college football field (the one that Berkeley plays on) and my friend Gina and I were pretending we just scored a touchdown. We were doing our football dance (well, I was on the ground, rolling around in excitement) and then we did that hit each other in the chest thing that football players do and BOOM!

Flashlight on our guilty asses.

“Can you get off the field please?” and this flashlight followed us until we ran and ran and ran up the steps (the gazillion steps) and out of the stadium.

And we have it on tape.

We have an amateur video which was actually a good and/or bad idea on however you think of it. I’m a pretty crazy person (especially on vacation) and I’ll do these stupid things on camera (like pretending I’m on a catwalk on the Golden Gate Bridge or playing Neo on the Matrix in the greek/drama theatre we sneaked into (We did a lot of sneaking around in S.F.) but I always always always regret my silly behaviour when I watch it on camera. I like to be BEHIND the camera not in front of it.

But you would never know it from this video.

Driving home, I tend to make up road-trip games. I made up this game where you say three statements about yourself, TWO of them false and ONE of them true. My friend Gina said this:

1. I took a frog’s leg and kicked it all around the school.
2. I had all three of my holes plugged at the same.
3. I had sex with two guys at the same time.

And when she said I had THREE OF MY HOLES PLUGGED AT THE SAME TIME, I nearly died in the car. What the fuck? (The true answer is the frog leg one which made me laugh even harder)

The next person, Mike, said this:

1. I throw stones at beehives
2. I had three of my holes plugged up at the same time
3. I kissed a girl.

And me and Ryan (we were in the backseat. I drove up to S.F., Gina, that sweet darling, drove down) looked at each other and said “What are your three holes?”

and Ryan said “Oh, god…did you plug the third one with pipe cleaner?”

The things you say on a roadtrip.

This entry might be boring for you who don’t watch film.

But for those who do…this might be boring anyway.

I had lunch with my friend Alfred and his friend…oh dear lord, I’ve forgotten his name (but I remember what he looked like. He’s attractive.) Anyway, they were asking me about film and stuff. Poor Alfred. He bought me a dvd for my birthday and hasn’t given it to me yet.

Later in our lunch conversation, I was talking about my dvd collection and such and they were asking if I had 100 or 500 dvds (since I’m a film addict). I have about 50. They were surprised.

I said, “Well, I want an IMPRESSIVE collection, I just don’t want whatever’s on the market. When people come over, I want them to say “Wow” or in true Keanu nature ‘Woah’ “

Alfred’s friend, we’ll call him Edmund (I THINK that’s his name) asked me if I liked a particular movie…Oh, Rushmore (I loved it, Alfred hated it) and then…

Alfred: Did you like Being John Malkovich?

Me: Yeah. It was pretty good. Not something I would watch over and over again. The beginning was REALLY well made but near the end, I was like…uh…okay. Not to say I disliked but it’s not to say I liked it.

Edmund: I haven’t seen that movie.

Me: Have you seen Adaptation? It’s sort of the same thing. The beginning is really well done but I probably wouldn’t buy the dvd because it’s not necessarily a “WOAH” type of dvd. I mean, I’m not saying I disliked it but I didn’t LOVE it either. Sort of in between…What?

(Alfred made a face)

Alfred: Nothing

Me: What?

Edmund: Oh my god, that’s the dvd you bought for Sharon, huh?

Alfred: (defensive) No, No! I bought you …uh…The Matrix.

Me: Aw maaaan…Alfred, I didn’t mean it.

Alfred: No, it’s the Matrix. Anyway, it’s not like you said it wasn’t a WOAH dvd. Oh, wait, you did say that. Damn, I’m going to have to return…

Me: NO NO NO! I’ll take it from you! It’s a gift!

Alfred: Yeah, but it won’t be a WOAH dvd.

Me: Look, I’m woahing. WOAH, Adaptation.

Alfred: NO! IT’S TOO LATE!!!!!

Okay, he didn’t say the last line nor used superfluous (sp?) exclamation marks.

Anyway, I hate it when that happens —you’re being tested to see if you like something and you say the ABSOLUTELY OPPOSITE (well, at least I didn’t say I hated it)

And now, my supposed WOAH dvd collection (in my eyes anyway)

I will try to do this in alphabetical order. I will add in asterisks if I have some sort of disclaimer.

Amelie

American Psycho

Paula Abdul Workout *(I need to exercise on rainy days)

Ben Folds Five, The Complete Sessions

The Big Lebowski

Charlie’s Angels *(I forgot to send that Columbia House card)

A Clockwork Orange

Fight Club

Galaxy Quest

The Game

Ghostbusters

Ghostbusters II* (Bill Murray is in it, ok?)

Glory

Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets* (Alan Rickman)

In the Bedroom

Joy Ride

Jumanji* (David Alan Grier is HILARIOUS in this)

Kingpin* (I still haven’t seen it. So it MIGHT be bad)

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring

Magnolia

Memento

Monty Python and the Holy Grail

The Mummy * (I love Indiana Jones nostalgia)

My Best Friend’s Wedding

Ocean’s Eleven

Office Space

Old School

Punch Drunk Love

The People Vs. Larry Flynt

Requiem for a Dream

Rushmore

Seven

Sex, Lies and Videotape

Singles

South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut

Sneakers

Spy Game * (Columbia House mistake)

The Usual Suspects

Waiting for Guffman

The X-Files: Fight the Future

When Harry Met Sally

When a Man Loves a Woman* (I’m a girl, need a cheesy one)

You Can Count on Me.

Television dvds:

Futurama

24

Best of Friends, Disk 1

Sex in the city

Stand-up Comedy (I’m addicted):

Chris Rock: Bring the Pain

Jerry Seinfeld: I’m telling you for the last time

Robin Williams: Live on Broadway

Margaret Cho: Notorious C.H.O.

Comedy Albums:

Chris Rock: Born a Suspect

Steve Martin: Comedy is not Pretty

Eddie Murphy: The one with the red flower on his ear.

Avril Lavigne.

Okay, maybe my dvd list is not a WOAH list but, I love it.

Next purchases:

Bjork

To Kill a Mockingbird

The Shawshank Redemption

Best in Show

But, I’m trying to hold off from buying any more dvds until October.

So computer guy update: ( I KNOW! I thought he was gone too!)

For those who don’t know the computer guy stuff, click on “fourth dimension” (i.e. Time…or “older entries”) and look at all the entries that say computer guy.

For those you are familiar, well, we had some cubicles at work set up and we needed computer guy to come in and set up the server and make sure everyone was networked correctly.

The computer guy I went on a date with (and had countless telephone conversations with) is named Mike. I was told that the company guy who was coming in was also named Mike.

Needless to say, this made me nervous and I wasn’t feeling very hot that day (grandma came to visit today). So, hot damn, I was going to kill him with kindness and be like “Oh! What’s going on with you?” and act like nothing ever happened or that I didn’t know about his flakiness.

Anyway, I come back from my lunch with Tyler and I see computer guy.

It is a different Mike.

A much cuter Mike.

Aw shit. So I was thinking “don’t flirt with computer guy…don’t flirt with computer guy….don’t flirt with computer guy”

I tried to come off as unapproachable but he started talking to me! We were talking about cubicles and he said something to the effect “Welcome to Dilbert world” and I started to laugh.

That bastard

Then I replied with a comment from “Office Space” and he continued the script with me. We were saying the script to Office Space together.

Then all of a sudden we were talking and laughing in the workroom not getting much work done.

GODDAMNIT SHARON! I SAID DON”T FLIRT WITH COMPUTER GUY!

I gotta stop doing this. It is not healthy. But I did NOT, I repeat, DID NOT get his number or attempt anything of the sort.

Although I was sorely tempted.

Computer guys and I always seem to attract each other. It must be the dorky factor.

AHHH!!!

I was innocently typing my entry and I somehow, inadvertently, pressed the back button and ended up on Dinguspie’s site (I was leaving him a note) and I came back here and my entry was gone.

Actually, I don’t mind that much. It was pretty boring. I was talking about how I was losing my memory at the old age of twenty-five.

So I’m going to do the twenty-five songs instead of twenty-four (since I’m cool like dat, I’m smooth like dat…we out)

TA-DUM

TWENTY-FIVE SONGS THAT AFFECTED (or effected even….wait I forget the difference) AND MADE ME THE LOSER I AM TODAY! WHOO-HOOO!!!!

(in random order)

1. Drive My Car– by the Beatles

I remember high school and how I was the only one who could drive…so people would constantly ask me for rides (I really liked the couples who wanted me to go to a movie with them…yeah right. third wheel action) anyway, I said the only thing they would have to stipulate to is to listen to my songs which included a LOT of Beatles. I used to blast this song..or as they said back then “BUMP IT!”

2. “She’s Always a Woman to Me” — Billy Joel.

I was 7. I heard this song and that the woman he described was exactly the woman I wanted to be.

3. “Killer Queen” –Queen.

I am obsessed with Queen. This was the first song, I believe, I learned to memorize…and gave me a passion for music. It was my first “adult” record next to The Monkees and The Chipmunks. I wore my record player (yes, I had a record player) out with this record and in particular, this song.

4. “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” –Smashing Pumpkins

Ahhh…smashing pumpkins. I believe this is where the inclinations of my intense depression began…you know the whole teenage angst thing. Yeah, I went through it and barely survived.

You see, I was intensely shy. INTENSELY and people who know me know are shocked to hear that…but nobody knew me before the 11th grade because I was so shy. I made this conscious decision around the 9th or 10th grade to make myself popular. Yes, I know, it was lame, but I really was tired of having no friends and eating by myself at lunch or spending it with books (which is probably why I little more well read than some of my friends)

Anyway, so I became this somewhat social butterfly…which was scary as FUCK because I was playing this person who I really felt I wasn’t. Here’s the thing–it was too easy and I learned how to manipulate people.

Yeah, I’m evil.

But if you give it a conscious effort, a lot of people will pretty much give you free reign and believe whatever you say. So I did the Cosmo/Teen Magazine thing and pretended I was popular and confident.

I eventually became ahem “popular” and was known as the class clown or the gregarious one or the friendly one in school. I was in a whole bunch of cliques and invited to a bunch of parties.

But I always had to have this high energy level and to be always the one making people laugh.

I would be, what you call a gregarious isolationist. Because I knew about everyone, but behind the smiling exterior, I felt more alone than ever.

Oh, how I related to in my senior year, “A Bullet with Buttefly Wings” and when I first heard the words “The world is vampire”…I yelled (in my car, by myself) YEAH IT SUCKS!! And hence began my fake happiness/depressed teenage angst phase. I like to listen to this song and am grateful I finally grew out of it. (man, that was a long one.)

5. “Shimmer” by Fuel

My best friend Alfred and I LOVED this song and would listen to it all the time.

Then when I did the whole suicide thing he said he couldn’t be my friend anymore because “I can’t be friends with anyone who be that selfish not to think how much it would hurt me if they took their life away” Needless to say, he was like, my life.

Well, one day, in our non-speaking terms, we both sitting at a table (we have the same friends) and we were on the opposite sides. I don’t know how it happened…but I started singing that song…(yes, I’m putting lyrics) “She calls me from the cold

Just when I was low, feeling short of stable

And all that she intends

And all she keeps inside, isn�t on the label

She says she�s ashamed

And can she take me for awhile

And can I be a friend, we�ll forget the past

But maybe I�m not able

And I break at the bend

We�re here and now, but will we ever be again

�cause I have found

All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade

Away again”

And we were the only two people who sang that song on the table and all of our mutual friends were silent. We never spoke again

(actually, we did..3 years later. )

6. “I want it that way” the Backstreet Boys

This reminds me of London. My friends and I would sing this at top volume…on the wrong side of the road.

7. “What’s the dilly yo”/”Cadillac” by mest

There are two songs here because these two songs were the songs of my roadtrip from San Diego to New York and back again. One of my best friends (kathleen) and I were hopped up on Red Bull and driving through Alabama at full speed (90 mph) and we were listening to this cd that her boyfriend (my really close friend, Tyler) made for our trip. We put it on repeat for 2 hours so we could memorize the song. Good times yo. Good times.

8. “Bye Bye Bye” by Nsync

I did a 15 minute television project where 5 of my friends memorized a script, a dance routine and the lyrics to this song. Needless to say, after the project was done, my 5 friends (Ken, Cooper, Jacob, Micah and Alex) who HATED Nsync had so much respect for them and ultimately ended up loving that song.

9. “On top of the World” — Juliana Theory

I was drunk. Chad was drunk. He introduced this band to me. We were driving to his place after a New Year’s Eve bash in downtown. We held hands and told me how attracted he was to me and how I had this beautiful face. I just remember squeezing his hand and he put this song on repeat.

The lyrics: “we’re on top of the world, You and I, we gotta lot of time and it sure feels right cause you reached in your pocket and pulled out a pass which said you can take me anywhere…!”

I WAS on top of the world at that point in time and I just remember feeling so happy and so elated and…even though I was leaving for New York in two weeks. Ahh…first love (yeah, although I never admitted it to him).

We had a messy breakup…but everytime I hear this song, I remember that feeling and that time and I can’t help but smile because it just feels so good.

10. “Gotta Stay High” — The New Radicals

Best love song ever.

11. “Troubled Times” — Fountains of Wayne

This song always gave me hope that yes, I too, will find love. This song and the Shawshank Redemption (it’s a movie about hope goddamnit!)

12. “Photograph”/”Island in the Sun” — Weezer

I was an Assistant Director on this shoot and doing 16 hour days and such. The thing with shoots is that you save SO MUCH MONEY because you are fed and you’re at the shoot ALL THE TIME (your social life pretty much dissipates). Anyway, on my one day off, I bought the Weezer Green Album and everytime I was riding the subway to the shoot (meeting spot was at Columbia University, which btw, is the MOST BEAUTIFUL University ever) and those two songs were my favorites.

So everytime I hear those two songs, it reminds me of one of the funnest shoots ever.

13. “What do you want from me?” by Pink Floyd

I was dating Steve, the second guy I was with, and he confessed that he was falling in love with me and I said I needed more time (it was like…a WEEK!).

We made out after watching a few minutes of This is Spinal Tap, then he turned it off, and put on Pink Floyd and this song and he held me all night long. Then he asked What I wanted from Him and I said “I don’t know”

14. “Yellow” by Coldplay

Also with Steve, we saw this song on MTV every night. Needless to say, now I correlate this song with him. It’s just one of those things when you hear a song and BAM, you’re in that point in time.

I was senior in college when this song came out.

15. “Flower” by the Eels

I was depressed and I would cry and cry and cry with this song. and cry. Another reminder that thank god, I survived the madness in my life.

16. “Supersonic” JJ Fad

Damn. This song. So, I was giving this guy ahem “sloppy yawn” (Datchery, 2003) and there were songs playing and such and then Supersonic came on. And I completey stopped and look up at the guy and said “I can’t do this with this song” and he’s like “AHHH!!!!” and ran and deleted it.

I continued to give him his sloppy yawn.

17. “That’s why they call it the blues”–Elton John

I’m a sucker for piano men. This song made me sad in a wanting way. I don’t know why. Probably because it reminded me of my parents and how my dad would leave (he was in the military) for sea.

Anyway, I would just watch the video in awe and feel this longingness for love and yearning that somebody thought of me that much.

Then I felt like loser that I felt this way and wanted this much from life.

18. “Eye Palindrom Eye” by They Might Be Giants

TmBG is just a weird group. This reminds me of high school and how my friend Jennifer and Mike and I would spend hours upon hours upon hours upon hours (I am totally serious) talking outside of my car in the school parking lot.

Everytime we get together (Mike is in the bay area now) we just have so much in common all we do is TALK forever about ANYTHING.

We coined a “clique” name for ourselves, called FAGNOW which stands for

FRIENDS AIN’T GOT NOTHING ON WE

19. “Getting Better” by NERD

Actually anything from NERD album.

I bought this album when I was allegedly with Chad. Chad and I were telling everyone we were friends but we would have sex with each other practically every night.

I used to work at Starbucks (this is in california) and he would visit me a couple times a week. Him and my two best friends, Kay and Tyler. After I got off of work, we would chat outside the store. Then Chad would say he was tired and want to go home, then he would give me “the look” and I would say “Yeah, I gotta get going” and we would all separate. A couple minutes later, cell phone would ring and he would say “are you coming over?” hells yeah I’m coming over!

Anyway, since I’m going to his place in my work clothes, I would always take a shower at his place and wear HIS clothes.

The next morning (he had a 9 to 5 job) I wouldn’t want to change in my coffee stained clothes, so I would wear his clothes and walk to my car barefoot from his place every morning (because I didn’t want to wear my Starbucks boots) and drive home, with him behind me in his power suit (in the car) and we would wave and make faces at each other until our roads would separate (he would go north and I south)…then I would BLAST this song because I was so happy from having sex the night before or hours before.

Actually, this is my official sex cd. I haven’t played it in over a year.

20. “Close to You” by the Carpenters

Karen Carpenter has this voice that gives me goosebumps. 99/100, you start singing this song and people will start singing with you. I wanted to be Karen Carpenter…the drummer with the voice ..except with the whole anorexia and death thing. I don’t want that.

21. Paint By Numbers by Self

This reminded me of when I lived in Queens and I was doing temp work for New York and working at Starbucks at the side. I would listen to this song every morning while bustling through Grand Central Station.

Ahh…the purple line/ 7 train to Queens

22. “Over and Over” By Madonna

I go through these workout phases. But every time I start working out again, I always listen to this song because, goddamnit, you just wanna run.

23. “Ride the Train” by 69 Boyz

Yes. I was a dancer in high school.

A nasty dancer.

And, because of this alleged nastiness, I would dance anywhere from 5 to 12 guys at a party or a dance. AND because of this, I was dubbed “buckwild” in high school. Actually me and my two friends Karen and Jennifer.

karen, Jennifer and I were supposedly nerds but when we danced, holy shit…so when we would walk in the halls people would say “BUCKWILD!!” Dear lord.

Unfortunately, any sort of buckwildness I had has gone into hiberanation. But yeah, I was pretty nasty.

24. “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac

When I was 8, I used to grab a broom and stand on my bed and sing this song in front of the mirror. Then I would grab my sister and tell her she had to sing backup.

So my sister and I would sway back and forth and sing this damn song …oops I meant, lip sync. In the car, we would sing. She hated her part cause I got to sing all the lyrics and all she said was “aaaaaaaaaaaahhh aaaaaaaaahhh…I wanna be with you everywhere” and she would complain.

I would somehow convince her that I was doing all the work and memorizing all the lyrics was hard and such..and she would say “oh…I guess I got away with the cool part” SUCKER.

Eventually she got older and found out how I conned her into thinking she was getting the better deal, when in fact, I was always getting the better deal.

DAMN

25. “Don’t Change Your Plans For Me” –Ben Folds Five.

Nobody does it more accurately than Ben. There’s no other song writer who I connect more with than Ben. Although it is a tough call between this, “Army” and “Jane” …This song ultimately is my life and how I feel about everyone everything and where the hell I am going. I am always conflicted with West Coast and the East Coast and my love life– is in this song (next to the song “Winter Valley Song” by Founatins of Wayne)

However, if you have the dvd, Ben changes a lyric. Instead of singing

“All I really want to say, you’re the reason I wanna stay”

he sings:

“All I really wanna do, is leave this all and stay with you”

I can’t even explain how much this songs relates to who I am.

P.S. Thanks to Gump and Lobsterchick for letting me plagiarize their plagiarism. I feel compelled to have a much more impressive list but oh well, I did it more out of life-events rather than taste.

was sick all weekend. It sucked major ass. Especially since I saw Ben Folds on Saturday night. I love this man.

My friend, kathleen, took one look at Ben and looked at me and said “He’s a complete Sharon boy” …meaning, he is exactly the type of guy of boy I would date. Glasses, disheveled hair, a flair with the piano, semi-shabby clothes…and a wild sense of humour. Basically, Ben did a stand-up routine with some songs. I loved it and it was worth every cent. Especially since I was so close

And since I was so close and my glasses were blaring, he looked at me several times because (amidst the Tori fans) I was one of the people singing to all of his songs and screaming out lyrics. Yee-ha.

Otherwise, I slept all day and had the delectable tasting Dimetapp (everything I have wished and hoped for)

In other news…..

I am going to tell you about a special breed of boy. This is a rare brand and everytime I meet one, it’s like I got to ride on that dragon (you know in the Never-Ending_story).

I, unfortunately, FALL FOR THEM EVERY TIME. Those bastards. What type of boy do I speak of?

Usual signs:

• Not a big talker
• Whenever he utters anything from his mouth, it usually something unbelievably hilarious
• Makes the girls swoon, yet unaware of this characteristic
• If found single (which is rare), there is always a girl who wants them back
• handsome but not TOO handsome (sigh)
• comes off as shy but approachable
• When he talks to you or smiles at you, he makes you feel like you are the only one in the room (but that could just be me)

I am big sucker for the reserved guy in the corner who always cracks the jokes. However, I found these breed of guys VERY difficult to catch. Should I try with this one?

Evidently, this guy (according to his brother) is the one who “always gets the girls”…dude, what is that formula? Why do certain people have this formula that makes the opposite sex swoon? My friend Jennifer has it. This guy has it. I need to somehow steal the formula to their opposite social chemistry and use it for evil..I mean, good.

I don’t know if I can go hunting for unicorns if the unicorn is afraid I’m just going to take the horn and throw away the rest. Of course, I wouldn’t.

However, since this guy is known to make the girls swoon, based on that factor alone, I must dislike him.

Because I would hate to believe I was part of any type of trend.

So my email box was running out of space so I had to delete a whole bunch of stuff.

And lo and behold, look what I came across! An email from an ex-boyfriend (that I totally forgot about). Long story short, we broke up and made up like 8 thousand times.

This letter was the last letter I got from him (and it was the second to the last time we broke up. We got back together after this email and then we broke up one final time. Now he is living with his new girlfriend. Sheesh)

Anyway, this letter totally cracks me up because of the last sentence.

Enjoy:

Sent: 09/06/02:

Sharon,
I am sure you know by now that this is getting more difficult by the day. I hope that you are fully aware of what you are doing and saying, which obviously you are because your actions are calculated and malicious at best. I hope you are happy hurting me as you feel I have hurt you, but don’t think that it is fair to either of us. You may think it is easier to hate me right now or to get me to hate you, but the fact of the matter we will both regret it if that happens. I am no longer angry and in incapable of being angry at this point. I feel very somber that this where you want to go with this, and it hurts me to know that you would rather hate me and be at odds with me to “ease” into the outcome that you think is right. All things aside I cannot convince you of anything and anything I say obviously won’t make a difference anymore because I have realized that you would rather have me hate you then grow a friendship between us. Anyway here is an article for you that I came across…http://www.cnn.com/2002/SHOWBIZ/Movies/08/05/ca.s02.full.frontal.ap/index.html


****

Hee hee hee. Of course I called him back to talk things out and so on and so forth but then I said “Why did you add that link at the end? That seemed…out of the tone of the letter” and he said he thought it would’ve been lame to send two emails so he tried to throw it in one (The link, btw, was about a Steven Soderbergh film. He knows I love Soderburgh. Oops. I misspelled his name one of the aforementioned times)



I have not left my room all day. I just have been watching dvds. Can we say lame?

Lame.

Okay, we said it.

Discover your true body bliss with this enlightening green tea lotion. Infused with natural extracts of asian sandalwood, peony petals and everlasting, its silken harmony smooths the body as it soothes the soul.

Decouvrez le veritable bien-etre corporel avec cette lotion revelatrice au the vert. Integrant une fusion d’extraits naturels de bois de santal asiatique, de petales de pivoine et d’immortelles elle adoucit le corps et apaise l’esprit par son harmonie soyeuese.

You know what? I am an evil evil evil person. I am manipulative and conniving.

What am I to do? I feel guilty being the puppetmaster to all my little puppets.

But that’s what happens when your maniacal genius.

I am hella tired and am running on empty as we speak (or in my case, as I speak)

I have a terrible email addiction. I constantly check it.

Futurama Volume II is on dvd today. I want to get it but am a brokeass. DAMNIT!

I have nothing interesting to say but I usually write in this thing everyday at midnight out of habit.

I am also running out of ideas to write about here.

My so-called sassiness has dissipated in the universe and since sassiness can neither be gained nor negated, it must’ve been passed to someone else. Probably YOU, you bastard.

I am the lamest girl on Earth at this moment.

Oh, wait! I see Mars! (it’s pretty bright over in this mug)

I shall not update until I am unlame.

So goodbye forever.