Minimal Effort

Wow, I sure did eat a lot of chicken the past 24 hours. You see, I bought a big ass pack of chicken from my grocer’s freezer and unlike my mom [who separates them in dinner packs or something], I just throw it in the freezer.

So, it comes time for me to eat said chicken…but it’s a fucking truckload of chicken and there is no way I can eat them all in one sitting. So what I did was separate them and cooked them all at the same time and then freeze ‘em. To make it interesting though, I cooked/prepared them in different ways:

fried

barbecue

baked

[and I just ate it right now] teriyaki.

Well, fortunately for me, I ate all my chicken in different shifts so it didn’t look like I ate a bunch of chicken. I ate my fried chicken and my baked chicken in front of John and Ready respectively. Then I ate my barbecue chicken for dinner in front of Gump [while I laughed my ass off when he showed me his different hairdos on his character—long story] and I just finished eating my teriyaki chicken in front of myself.

Speaking of which, as Gump may have indicated, he and Kerbang, I mean, John are addicted to Star Wars Galaxies which is this online game. However, Gump lets me watch him scour the planet and sometimes lets me feign that he is him—which I LOVE doing because it’s hilarious.

Case in point [or is it case and point? Hmm]: Last night, Gump had to do laundry and said “Distract Kerbang so he doesn’t leave me”…I was like, GREAT, so I began to sing “Lovin’ You” [which goes, Loving youuuu..is easy cause your beautiful, do da do da do….[high F] AHHHHHHHHH ….la la la la la–la la la la la–la la.. you get the gist {I had to sing it out loud to be able to type it out and then count it on the screen. Imagine if someone came home seeing me do this activity}] so Kerbang, I mean, John arrives on his biker thingy and sees me chilling on the campsite and says “You are intolerable” and he kept saying he was going to leave me. So I yelled at him “PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME! PLEASE!!” The bastard left me and I said “you are SO rude”. When Gump came in, he said “I would never say that”. Oh well, I hope he lets me pretend he’s him a lot more often. It’s ‘hella’ fun.

I’ve been watching MTV for the past hour. What the hell is the deal with the crazy big ass titles? I.E. BRYAN BARBER AND MISSY ELLIOTT PRESENTS I’M REALLY HOT or CHINGY PRESENTS ‘WAT DA HUK GON B?” and here’s the captain obvious part—they already give all that information in the corner of the screen. Did the music video directors think we were going to forget?

You read the corner and it’s like, “Hmm…Missy Elliott and I’m really hot..okay” and then, “Fuck, I forgot who is singing this even though only 2 seconds of the video started..oh fuck me! What am I going to do?! Oh shit…wait, it’s…Missy Elliott…bryan barber….what was the song again? Oh, it’s I’m really really hot’” Ridiculous.

Then you have the alterna-rocker video. Formula? Some angry guy who needs a haircut singing angrily in front of a microphone. Woah, that’s exciting. Maybe they throw in the hot girl whose sad and lost. Usually, the hot girl is wearing jeans to differentiate from the hot girl in a r&b video [they’re wearing leather pants] or in a rap video [are they wearing anything?]. I mean, matchbox 20 can sing to the camera…dudes, you can too.

Further, they’re not REALLY playing the instruments, it’s all playback. Whatevs man, whatevs.

Anyway, that’s what happens when you get distracted with music videos. I have to say I have to give it to Outkast—they always have great videos [my personal favorite other than the obvious “hey ya” is the one where it’s raining in their house and they are trying to capture the water. Or how about when they’re in a circus? I hope they come up with a dvd] and I really like The Darkness “I believe in a thing called love” which seems to be an unintentional homage to Freddie Mercury [whom I love! Queen was the third record I had when I was young—my parents were really into music] and anything that has a ship being eaten or whatever from a giant squid gets a thumbs up in my book.

God, Outkast, so much talent and creativity…can you siphon some of to me so I can make a bitch ass script? I really should’ve of listened to Shirley Manson [of Garbage] when I was 16 [I read that she thought that one of the best albums was Aquemini and favorite bands was Outkast] and bought Aquemini instead of Deep Blue Something [‘and I said, what about, Breakfast at Tiffany’s?]

Sorry, I’m a music geek that I try to keep under wraps. I’m much better now. But I was all up into that shit.

Gideon Yago…what the hell happened to you? You were so much cooler with glasses.

Oh, and my boyfriend is Chad of NERD [or the Neptunes].

The only Filipino guy who would EVER have a chance with me. Well, it helps that he’s a musical genius and all.

Okay, I need to stop watching MTV now.

So, before I enter the wonderful world of The Sims [I’m installing the House Party, Livin’ Large and Hot Date expansion packs] I decided to update with meaningless words and sentences.

I suppose, I’ll do one of my list entries of what thoughts have been wandering aimlessly in my mind since I’m suffering from a mild case of ADHD and unable to write about one topic at hand.

Bush wants to promote marriage by spending an unholy amount of money on it. DUDE, STOP SPENDING MY MONEY! AUGH.

I am turning into the biggest, fattest woman on earth because of my lack of exercise. I am seriously going to join Weight Watchers and a gym after I catch up on my finances.

Can I just say how stoked I am that I’m going to work this week? [I start Wednesday] I wish I didn’t just start playing the Sims, otherwise, I would’ve played that shit the whole time I was unemployed.

I can’t wait to buy furniture.

This weekend, everyone was completely useless. More specifically, last night, on sunday. Every one of my roommates [with the possible exception of Ready] were in their respective rooms playing video games ALL DAY LONG. Risa and I were playing the Sims, Gump and Kerbang were playing Star Wars Galaxies. Now, I imagine, if Lisa and I were playing Sims online, we would never see the light of day [not like we see it anyway]

I had a dream about the Sims last night. Talk about obsessed. but the background music was “Solid. Solid as a rock.” by that one girl and that one guy. it came out in the 80s.

That’s what I call completely random. I mean, where the hell did that song come from?

I really like to eat chicken.

okay, since I said that, I’m going to make chicken.

I suppose I’ll have more interesting news later. God, this was boring.

Sorry.

must…stop…computer.

I downloaded the Sims Unleashed on my computer today.

And i played it for NINE HOURS. Well, I did eat a little bit and looked up at the Grammy’s for a second or two.

But I played this game for NINE GODDAMNED HOURS.

If I never update again, you know why.

the sims have taken over my soul. I cannot stop playing it.

save yourselves!

So the inevitable “I hate singles” day is coming up– Valentine’s Day.

I suppose I could give you the cynical, bitter entry of how much a Hallmark consumerist holiday I think valentine’s day is.

But no! I will not do that. It’s cliche and it’s overdone.

Instead, to cheer up the single-people, I will give you Sharon’s Top Ten Things to Do if You are Single on Valentine’s Day:

10. Get a bunch of girlfriends [or guyfriends] at somebody’s spiffy apartment. Girls, buy some ice cream, some Cosmo and KFC. Then pig out, put your hair in pigtails and run outside screaming [with chicken in fist] “Look, how much fun I’m having without a guy telling me I’m that I’m a fatass!” It’s fun, I tell you fun [I did this in New York, 1999] Boys: Go play a video game.

Writer’s sidenote: All of these things have been tried and tested by yours truly, so success is guaranteed

9. Put on your nicest dress [or a prom dress] and go bowling with a girlfriend. That shit is awesome.

8. Send your sexiest underwear to an ex-boyfriend with some crazy sexy perfume on it. And say “HA!” to his new live-in girlfriend

7. Have a television show marathon of either Friends, 24 or Sex in the City. I mean, television show dvds are made for losers for that kind of time [time single people would probably be using if they had a significant other].

6. Go watch a movie in the theater by yourself. I suggest something awful like “You’ve Got Served” or something. Last year, I watched Daredevil and I felt better about my life. [watching action movies help too– like Predator or Terminator 3]

5. Go drive to the beach [or in my case, Cape Cod] and play Ben Folds last song, “Evaporated”, on repeat and then drive yourself over a cliff.

4. DON’T WATCH THE LITTLE MERMAID. Tears will ensue and you will get angry at the Octopus woman and why she refused Eric and Ariel to have true love. [Damn her].

3. Write a story about you and a dream guy–then make a montage-collage of all the fake and wonderful things you did together. [Make sure you include the picture where the laughing girl in overalls is being carried by her handsome boyfriend, piggy back style.]

2. Duh, masturbate.

1. Go out with a single guy friend to a nice fancy restaurant where you both look spiffy. Then, after several glasses of wine and lots of laughter, stand up and slap him and say “Well, I’m SICK of being your cancellation prize!” and try to storm out. When he tries to say in fact, you are not a cancellation prize, look deeply into his eyes and think “loins, loins, loins” as a psychic way to get into his head. Hopefully, he’ll kiss you passionately, pick you up and take you home for some angry cancellation-prize sex.

You can worry about the next morning on February 12.

My computer is still on California time, so it is actually 5:35 a.m. and not 2:35 a.m. as this entry indicates.

Wow, I never thought there would be a day I would stay up this late, like, all the time.

I just watched Memento with Risa and John and then I went upstairs to watch the Two Towers and read diaries.

When did I become such a loser?

I mean, I think I hit a low point of loserdom. You know what I did last night?

I tried to download porn because I am that bored with life. Well, not life per se, but I just wanted to see what midgets fucking or what a “dirty sanchez” was. Maybe I could take notes. I was wondering if sex was still the same.

Well, I failed at that too. I couldn’t even download porn.

I mean, I don’t get it. Like, it shouldn’t be that hard, right? I know guys who have a kajillion pornos downloaded. I’m talking, a book of cds full of porno downloads, a harddrive dedicated to porn, tons of folders under secret names.

And I couldn’t even download one. Well, it probably would’ve been disappointing anyway, as they usually are.

Regardless, I’m reading a book called “An Exalatation of Larks” and I was falling asleep until I read one of the main female characters was giving aggressive head. No WONDER John thought this book was good! [it’s his book]. However, it’s a non-cliche time travel story which I like.

Speaking of movies, i so want to see “You Got Served”…like on a platter. I just want to see the dance moves.

I tried to teach John and Gump the “snake”..you know that dance move, where you lead with your head a la Rudy Huxtable on the Cosby Show.

Oh god, it was awesome.

I’m going to teach them the roger rabbit, the running man, the kid n’ play and maybe the Reebok for starters.

It’ll be like dance hall crashers all over again.

Ooh, i should teach them kick ball change, down, up knee, and the walk through with a sashay, the box and for good measure, jazz hands.

Lisa kicked John’s ass today on Soul Caliber [for you soul caliber geeks [all two of you] out there]. She has 18 wins, John has 14. It’s pretty rad.

Let’s see, what else in my boring dumbass life? There are some pictures from the pool hall but I am too lazy to upload them. maybe next time, kids.

Dude, I want some chicken now. Should I go downstairs and eat some? How much of a pig would I be? Oh well, I’m too lazy.

Take three on Sharon’s attempt to sleep. It’s now 6 a.m.

I went to see “The Butterfly Effect” with all the roommates sans Ready. Was that mean of us?

I have to say, it was a lot better than I thought it would be. However, it was a subject matter that I’ve been obsessed with when I was younger, so it was quite a disturbing film to watch.

I don’t know what I’m watching right now because I”‘m distracted with Office Space and the two Bobs.

Okay, it’s now a commercial. Focus, Sharon, focus.

Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah. So there was actually one part of the film that I found pretty upsetting that I had to leave the theater for a bit and come back after the Eric Stoltz bit because it was a little too close to home for me, if you know what I mean.

It got to the point that when we left the theater, I couldn’t think clearly. I kept thinking over and over, what if I stood up to people in my past? How much different would I be? I mean, just one person or event and BAM. I mean, because of one person, I gained a bunch of weight which led to a downward spiral of hell and back.

And it sure was fun!!

Anyway, other than it being a little hard to watch and even though I’m sick of Ashton Kutcher, I was rather impressed.

This was such a melodramatic and boring entry.

I will try to redeem myself later on yo.

The equation of the weekend: John + Sharon + third roommate = alcohol

In the past three days, John and I have successfully:

Night one: Taken Ready out to two bars and gotten drunk at Lisa’s bar from 5 or so amaretto sours.

Night two: Taken Risa out to Jillian’s [read: bar code], gotten our collective asses BEAT at pool by Risa. Drank 3 beers or so. Got drunk, went home, played video games.

Got my ass BEAT by John and his god-awful cocky self. At one point, [with the alcohol and such being a factor], he said “Here, I’ll let you have this battle” and I said “NO! YOU ASSHOLE!” Then he kept running at me with his character, trying to envoke [?] hostility to me. Of course, he upped the ante by yelling “yeah, come on, you wanna kiss me, you wanna kiss me” practically throwing Yunsung [his character] into my fragile wind character [Talim]. I hated him SOOOOO much. I think I still hate him now, I still have residual anger.

Night three: [yes, three nights in a row]: Gump, John and I went to Vikram’s and had beer upon beer upon beer. Luckily, I have the football great [Gump] and my square button prowess, Gump and I kicked Vikram’s and John’s ass on NFL Street Football stuff. We [as the Panthers and as the Colts] beat THEM [as the Patriots]. Luckily, that fate was not repeated in the Superbowl.

At this point, from John and mine’s excessive drinking this week, we were NOT drunk. Apparently, our tolerances have gone up significantly and getting drunk is a harder task to take on—which sucks because now I can’t be a cheap date. DAMNIT! Anyway, we have agreed, that we are in a dead heat for drinking the other under the table at this point. I think beer is useless and it will have to be hard liquor.

Best event of the Superbowl night:: Gump took an ice cube from his Sangria cup and threw it at Vikram while Vik was going to the bathroom.

Hit a girl in a blue sweater instead. She came up to Gump and admonished him.

Bwahahahaha.

Speaking of tests:

Lisa: Ultimate Soul Caliber II Survival Champion

Lisa: Ultimate Pool Champion

John: Ultimate Soul Caliber II head-to-head Champion

John: Ultimate cocky asshole on Soul Caliber II Champion

Me: Nothing, I am nothing! Nothing! Nothing! If I don’t have youuuuuuuuuu.

Not only do Kerbang and I have a traveling handicap, apparently, we have an inability to do things right the first time. Hence, the ‘take two’ syndrome.

I was awoken rather early this morning by Ready’s inability to walk in silence. I went online, and oddly enough, kerbang was loitering the messenger premises. He talked me into doing some errands [read ONE errand] with him.

So, we drove to the post office [which is 2 minutes away from our apartment]…and kerbang forgot the letter. Went back home, went back to the post office, mailed the letter, went back home.

Then we decided to go to the movie theater so we could use his movie theater gift certificates. We get to the theater, with the intention of watching “Paycheck”. Of course, when we get to our destination, Kerbang forgot the tickets at home. We went back home and went back to the theater, tickets in hand but instead we watched a romantic comedy that is “Win a Date with Tad Hamilton”

Okay, who names their kid Tad?

Tad Hamilton was a hot kid but Topher Grace, even if he is scrawny and his eyes are bit wide apart [Kerbang had complaints about his hair], is fucking adorable.

Warning: spoiler ahead:***

There is one scene, that he does awesomely where Topher [alias Pete], is trying to tell his best friend [ a la Dawson’s Creek but not as dramatic] that he’s in love with her. It went like this:

Pete: So, I have something to tell you

Rosy: [innocent enough] What is it?

Pete: No, no, it’s nothing.

Rosy: uh, okay.

Pete: It’s just..okay…no, it’s nothing, nothing important.

Rosy: Okay Pete.

Pete: It’s just, I just have to tell you—

And he grabs her and kisses her! AHHHHHHH!!! And I felt what I haven’t felt in a long time. I felt, like, hope for myself in the future. Which is super cheesy to say the least. But I felt that Pete aka Topher was kissing me.
******

It got me thinking to my own love story. I mean, will I have one? Will it be boring or will it be as dramatic or exciting as it was in that romantic comedy?

Every one of my friends, I feel, have fantastic love stories. I see one of three stories:

The “Love at first sight” story, The “I’ve loved you all this time, but I was scared to tell you” story or the “I have had this crush on you, but I needed to get you drunk and get myself drunk to do anything about it.”

Top 10 Love Stories I have been witnessed to:

10. Josh and Risa—long story short: it took them 3 years to get together. They are ADORABLE.

9. Jenn and Alfred— Jenn was dating Kevin all throughout high school, Alfred dated like one girl intermittently. They were friends all throughout high school though [a lot mainly due to me, since I was super close to both of them], AFTER graduating the same high school and the same college, they secretly get together and caused a big ruckus amongst the high school friends when people found out.

8. Gump and his woman— His woman found gump, got him drunk, got him to be her man.

7. Nick and Jessica—okay, I’m a sucker for that newlyweds show.

6. Carmen and Dave—sucker for that as well. Dave makes all the jokes, Carmen laughs at all of them.

5. My parents—My father’s best friend was my mother’s roommate. My father called for his best friend, Susan,– my mother picked up the phone. My father met my mother [although she had a boyfriend] fell in love, took him several months to win her over and to break up with her boyfriend. After three months of dating, he proposed. They married in London [where my aunt Susan was the Maid of Honor] after a year of dating. They have been married for 27 years.

4. T and K—I have known Tyler for 6 years and I have known Kay my whole life. On the occasion they were both single at the same time, I thought they would be a good couple. Basically, to get them together, we hung out as a threesome to get them comfortable around each other until they started hanging out by themselves. About 5 months of that, they get together. Now, I can’t imagine them without each other.

3. Greatchen and Efren—oh God. These two met each other through me [I used to give them carpool rides]. They started hanging out on their own and would ALWAYS fight. Like, always. When Greatchen started driving, I would sit in the backseat, whilst she and Efren would banter. Then I would put my hands over my ears and yell “Mommy, Daddy! Please don’t get a divorce!” …Efren pulled a Topher Grace and admitted his feelings for Greatchen after a year of this banter type friendship. They’ve been together about 7 years.

2. Demi and Brendan— Demi and Brendan both met at NYU. Demi had a crush on Brendan and about after a couple months of hanging out with him, admitted her crush on him and he said he was “damaged goods” but admired her moxy to admit that. They become best friends. THREE years later, Demi [who has a boyfriend] had moved back to Florida to pursue screenwriting. Brendan’s 25th birthday was in New York. She shows up to surprise him. He gets drunk, admits he’s in love with her and kisses her. She breaks up with boyfriend and gets with her best friend.

And the number 1 love story…

Has to be mine. When it happen people, I’ll tell you. If it’s boring, I’ll make it exciting anyway.

Okay, I’m going to watch “Head of State” and pretend it’s about Al Sharpton, heh heh heh. I’m going to try to ride this love optimism as long as it will last me [I’m thinking, two more hours]

As you may or may not know, 4 out of the 5 people in our apartment have online diaries/blogs. There’s Gumphood [who has a diaryland diary and puts phone posts of us drunk on his live journal], Risa [aka elitedefness on livejournal, but hers is locked, so too bad for you!] and John.

Goodness gracious. So I read John’s diary this morning and he has declared himself as the temporary Boggle Champion of the house.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

First off, he barely beat me– he beat me by 3 points. 3 fucking points. If anyone knows anything [like a primary in NH] 3 points is like, nothing.

He will be dethroned and when he is dethroned, I want him to scream, after he takes a dump, “I renounce my throne! I renounce my throne!”

THREE POINTS.

Jesus.

I’m hungry now.