Minimal Effort

enter witty beginning sentence here: this is not about my qualms about buying a prom dress:

Everyone at my job has a film degree. Understandably, everyone also got their degree from a college/university in MA. Except me, I went to NYU.

Now what does that mean?

For a long time, it didn’t really much to me. Whenever people ask me where I went, instead of saying the Tisch School of the Arts [which is actually pretty prestigious to the art kids of world], I say NYU. When I say NYU, I think of liquor stores, tiny dorms, creaky 9th-floor floors and the mean lady at the film developing place. I never think about the accomplishment of graduating college or actually getting into NYU. I think of the students loans and I curse that after college, i had to get a ton of jobs that I don’t need a degree in.

Until i got my current job.

i suppose i bring up the subject of college because of a phone call i got today. A woman, we’ll call her Tina, called up and she was having trouble with her NLE [non-linear editing machine]. She was really nice-apparently she is working on the next Steve Buschemi film [called “november’] where he does his directorial debut. She then mentions “indigent”

and I say “indigent?…” it sounds so familiar and then i remember– “is the CEO Gary Winick?” and tina says “YEAH! How…did you know that?” and i tell her: “He was one of my professors at NYU.” It turns out Tina also graduated NYU and we shared a brief NYU connection.

I went home tonight, thinking about my Prof [who was HOT by the way] and my degree. I then googled my old prof–and holyshit– he directed a film that is coming out called “13 going on 30” which, I think, has jennifer garner.

wow, he’s now directing mainstream film. he kind of made it. no, he did make it.

so i went back to the nyu homepage and looked up my school to see if he still taught there. nope, but I saw a lot of my old profs — mollie, my comedy writing teacher [who wrote a whole bunch of scripts for a bunch of shows in nickelodeon] and sam, my counselor the whole time I was at NYU. He is spike lee’s editor and he just executive produced some sort of film at sundance. sam also ran into me on the street all the time and i always hooked him up at starbucks.

Anyway, after reading all this and getting refamiliar with college documents, it occurred to me.

i should really be proud that i went to a pretty kickass school.

I feel that people don’t give themselves enough credit. i’m always thinking how awful of a writer i am, or how fat i am or how i’m such a loser with guys. i never really think — you know what? i fucking graduated college. i fucking graduated from a pretty awesome school. how many people can say that? and…how the hell did that happen?! especially since i’m a dumbass and have minimal talent in comparison to the talent i was exposed to in college.

i mean, if i really think about it, i went to one of the top film schools in the country. you really forget that mindset though, when you’re in college or when you’re paying the student loans. [and i worked my ASS off to get accepted, but when i got accepted i thought–this school must not be really good if they accepted ME]. because of this school thing–about 3 years later, i will have moved across the country to work in something that would hold merit to my degree. i could have very well given up the film shit, stayed in california and became a paralegal, bought a house and gotten a dog [i’m allergic to cats].

honestly, sometimes i feel guilty that i got accepted to film school. i sometimes feel that there might of been someone who might’ve wanted it more than I did or had more talent.

and the only reason i got in was because i am a girl or asian…or both.

i don’t know what i’m trying to say here. i guess, i’m trying to figure out what to do. i love film. i love being on sets. i love writing in the eleventh hour. i love film kids. i love editing and i love the creative process of anything.

but am i really doing anything about it?

i think there’s a fear. i am so afraid to write a script, then i would have to actually follow through and do something. but there’s another part of me that makes me do stupid things like move across the country to a state with bad weather. and now i work in a company where i have access to free equipment –so i can’t use the excuse that i don’t have equipment.

i also don’t have the excuse that i don’t have a crew, because now i know fellow film kids in MA and in NY. i really don’t have an excuse not to write–i have a fellow roommate who gave me Final Draft and who also writes scripts and other than his somewhat lazy nature, does the gall to do film shit–location managing, editing, writing…whatever.

i think i don’t want to succeed but i also think that every year, there’s some insane part of me that does something risky that makes my excuses to not succeed grow slimmer and slimmer every year.

i wish i could just purge out a script and be done with it.

i wish i wanted something else.

i kind of wish i didn’t have film dreams. it depresses me.

and i don’t really know what the hell i’m doing or have the motivation to fix that mentality.

IN OTHER NEWS:

Usher is coming out with a new album and so is NERD. I normally wouldn’t care except that YEAH song is so goddamned catchy and Ludacris is fucking hizot!!!

that’s hot yo.

am i the only one who thinks that?

Everyone at my job has a film degree. Understandably, everyone also got their degree from a college/university in MA. Except me, I went to NYU.

Now what does that mean?

For a long time, it didn’t really much to me. Whenever people ask me where I went, instead of saying the Tisch School of the Arts [which is actually pretty prestigious to the art kids of world], I say NYU. When I say NYU, I think of liquor stores, tiny dorms, creaky 9th-floor floors and the mean lady at the film developing place. I never think about the accomplishment of graduating college or actually getting into NYU. I think of the students loans and I curse that I risked so much to get a ton of jobs that I don’t need a degree in.

Except now.

i suppose i bring up the subject of college because of a phone call i got today. A woman, we’ll call her Tina, called up and she was having trouble with her NLE [non-linear editing machine]. She was really nice-apparently she is working on the next Steve Buschemi film [called “november’] where he does his directorial debut. She then mentions “indigent”

and I say “indigent?…” it sounds so familiar and then i remember– ‘is the CEO Gary Winick?” and tina says “YEAH! How…did you know that?” and i tell her “He was one of my professors at NYU.” It turns out Tina also graduated NYU and we shared a brief NYU connection.

I went home tonight, thinking about my Prof [who was HOT by the way] and my degree. I then googled my old prof–and holyshit– he directed a film that is coming out called “13 going on 30” which, I think, has jennifer garner.

wow, he’s now directing mainstream film.

so i went back to the nyu homepage and looked up my school to see if he still taught there. nope, but I saw a lot of my old profs — mollie, my comedy writing teacher [who wrote a whole bunch of scripts for a bunch of shows in nickelodeon] and sam, my counselor the whole time I was at NYU. He is spike lee’s editor and he just executive produced some sort of film at sundance. sam also ran into me on the street all the time and i always hooked it up at starbucks with him.

Anyway, after reading all this and getting refamiliar with college documents, it occurred to me.

i should really be proud that i went to a pretty kickass school.

I feel that people don’t give themselves enough credit. i’m always thinking how awful of a writer i am, or how fat i am or how i’m such a loser with guys. i never really think — you know what? i’m kickass.

i mean, if i really think about it, i went to one of the top film schools in the country. you really forget that mindset though, when you’re in college or when you’re paying the student loans. [and i worked my ASS off to get accepted, but when i got accepted i thought–this school must not be really good if they accepted ME]. i moved across the country to work in something that would hold merit to my degree. i could have very well given up the film shit and became a paralegal, bought a house and gotten a dog [i’m allergic to cats].

i don’t know what i’m trying to say here. i guess, i’m trying to figure out what to do. i love film. i love being on sets. i love writing in the eleventh hour. i love film kids. i love editing and i love the creative process of anything.

but am i really doing anything about it?

i think there’s a fear. i am so afraid to write a script, then i would have to actually follow through and do something. but there’s another part of me that makes me do stupid things like move across the country to a state with bad weather. and now i work in a company where i have access to free equipment –so i can’t use the excuse that i don’t have equipment.

i also don’t have the excuse that i don’t have a crew, because now i know fellow film kids in MA and in NY. i really don’t have an excuse not to write–i have a fellow roommate who gave me Final Cut Pro and who also writes scripts and other than his somewhat lazy nature, does the gall to do film shit–location managing, editing, writing…whatever.

i think i don’t want to succeed but i also think that every year, there’s some insane part of me that does something risky that makes my excuses to not succeed grow slimmer and slimmer every year.

i wish i could just purge out a script and be done with it.

i wish i wanted something else.

i kind of wish i didn’t have film dreams. it depresses me.

and i don’t really know what the hell i’m doing or have the motivation to fix that mentality.

I am at work and my bladder is going to explode but i decided to update anyway.

Yesterday and today marks:

a) the first time I have driven through a snowstorm and

b) having the shovel snow the next day.

However, due to my lazy nature and my want of getting to work on time, I only shoveled a bit and I screwed it. As in, I said out loud “screw it” and left.

I was such a wuss last night as well. After watching the snow fall like out of control pinata candy, I was scared to drive. I was afraid to die.

However, thankfully, two of my coworkers, Mike and Steve calmed my fears and agreed to caravan with me down to Malden–Steve in front of me and Mike behind me.

So for nearly an hour [which is usualy a 20 minute drive], I was squinting, clutching my steering wheel so tight that my knuckles were white.

Okay, maybe a light beige.

Anyway, I thankfully survived and now I have to go and

So I wrote an entry and it was swallowed up by some internet gnomes. So I’m going to cheat and plagiarize myself from another diary i write on [sigh. having multiple diaries for my multiple personalities is getting hard on the fingers]:

There’s a security leak in my room.

Apparently, the night before [or that’s the alleged time], some bird was on crack and flew smack dab into my window and broke it. Now cold air can come rushing through in here.

I suppose it’s not too bad until I started thinking about ambitious rats.

What if, there was an ambitious rat who decides to climb on my side of the hizouse [pad] and decides to chew out my orifices or decides to nest in my armpit or something?

That sort of thing scares me.

In other news: Gumphood and Kevin are leaving/have left today. This makes me sad because Kevin and Gumphood have made attempts to include me on things. I found out Kev’s SN at work and IM him from time to time and whenever Gump is on a new planet, he always calls me in [i got to see Naboo, which was sort of cool] to check it out.

Further, i went on a dvd binge this past weekend and Gump was more than happy to watch these movies with me.

In other words, I’m afraid the other two roommates hate me.

Lisa is going through a lot of shit as of late and has been quiet and sort of withdrawn from me. This may or may not have anything to do with me. I suppose, it’s might be me because I haven’t been overly friendly or overly open with her. I feel that she needs some time to herself and to figure things out.

Well, that, am I’m a wimp. I can’t comfort people very well. I feel uncomfortable and my defense mechanism is to make them laugh. Also, if something bothers me, I’ll go on as if nothing has happened until asked or provoked. Otherwise, if nobody asks, nobody knows.

I sort of adopted this practice with clinton’s “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. I think it’s a good one.

Rumor has it that John is PISSED at me. Basically, one of the other roommates said “Oh great, when John comes back, him and Sharon are going to fight again….He is PISSED at her.”

Great.

So now, I’m going to be going home to two people potentially pissed at me [which ironically are the ones who were closest to me in the house]. This really sucks further because cute-guy came to my cube today and lent me his EVIL DEAD II tape. I really want to watch it.

but i am also scared and would like somebody else to watch it with me.

however, if both of the remaining roommates potentially hate me, then fuck, i’m fucked i guess.

in other news: I dyed my hair yesterday. something called “sangria” I didn’t tell anyone [because most of the people I correspond with are guys, and guys really don’t notice anything] but surprise surprise.

somebody did notice.

and that made me feel grand.

I am officially a FATASS.

that is so awful awful awful. I tried on a pair of pants that fit quite comfortably and now they don’t fit quite so comfortably.

AHHH!!!!

So i’m going on–you guessed it–a diet.

This diet will consist of a daily regime of Trimspa 34x, crystal meth and maybe some crack cocaine.

Sure, I’ll imagine some bugs trying to eat me alive, but goddamnit, won’t I look hot whilst going insane?

I am a loser btw. I spoke to this guy vis a vis IM [a guy from work]. He’s really nice to me on IM but mean to me at work. Further, he’s a lot more open to me online but at work, he like pushes me and doesn’t pay too much attention to me.

Now, what’s THAT about?

I figure, maybe he’s ashamed that he talks to me online or something. aw well. fuck that. I still think he’s cute.

I HAVE A CRUSH ON EVERY BOY!

ummm. what else? I broke up with the futon two nights ago. My bed was extremely jealous and to get back at me–refused for me to sleep well and gave me nightmares about driving and my roommates.

it’s sort of like an abusive husband…it’s bad for me and I know I could sleep on the couch–but I just keep coming back for more because that bed owns me and my room.

sigh.

i’ve gotten so pathetic lately.

so i finally did it. I changed my cell phone to reflect a MA number instead of a CA number and I edited my user info to indicate that I am now in Malden instead of San Diego.

My room is Stankonia—so so cold. so so cold.

I actually bought Stationary to write Snail Mail. I’m reverting back to 1989 times since that seems to be the trend. Can I reallyl wear an off the shoulder horizontal top thingy with a peace clip? I like style as much as the next person outside of MA but c’mon, let’s get back to vertical stripes where I can look skinny. Horizontal stripes make me look like a watermelon.

I am in dire need of a haircut

and in something compelling to say

but I have nothing

nothing
nothing
NOTHING!

if i don’t have you…

you…….

okay, enough.

I had a dream last night that one of my roommates [i have four] wanted to have sex with me. How sad is that? And in the whole dream, I kept hemming and hawing. Then I was in a car where the freeways did loop de loops and corkscrews and they had no protection guards–so it scared the sheezy out of me. I knew I could drive but my vision was blocked with a ton of shit–so I kept throwing it out the window [and the only thing I could use is my left side view mirror]…however, if I got to the top of the loop de loop, I could put my car into neutral and I would warp with a super mario green tunnel thing [it even made the noise and everything]

I broke up with the futon last night and slept in my own bed. My own bed was mad and jealous and mean—so of COURSE, to wreak havoc on me, it gave me nightmares and wouldn’t let me sleep the whole way through the night. My bed is jealous of the futon.

oh my god, it just occurred to me what I wrote. What the fuck is wrong with me?

time to kill a chicken family and consume the appropriate family members.

well, I ran out of gold fuckers. I have other things to take care of that are much more important than gold memberships– like food and gas and stuff.

oh all right, i redo my gold thingy probably on Monday depending how feisty I am feeling.

Anyway, I am on my lunch break right now at work and I don’t feel like venturing out. Well, maybe I will.

I imed with number one last night and we were talking about movies [our forte it seems] and he told me about a wacky movie called “The Specials”. It looks mighty funny and since I really have no plans nor the loose change to go out and party, I will probably watch it tonight.

Ah, tonight I’m breaking up with the futon. We had such special times– me sleeping on it, me waking up on it, me sleeping on it, me watching Robin Williams stand up comedy special on it, me bundled up in the covers in it. I don’t think I’ve slept so well since the Cold War.

But I figure, enough is enough before I get too addicted and kick Kerbang out of his own room [ha ha ha]

well, that and his room is a mess. It sort of drives me pseudo-crazy and I’m tempted to clean it but then I’m afraid I’ll find some sort of illicit material and run out of the room screaming.

Overall, this has been a good week. I ended up not going out last night because i didn’t have a ton of money. Then another guy said “me neither” and another guy was like “I can only afford one drink” and so on and so forth.

I think that is sort of amusing only because we are all on the same payroll, so it seems that we are all running are on our last twenties and might need it for an emergency.

Gump and Kevin are leaving next week whilst John is coming back. It’s going to be a lonely house methinks because John will play SWG all day and or talk in an Irish accent and Lisa and I will be working.

Well, the kids at home and the kids at work are pretty different from each other. When I mentioned in conversation that my roommates played SWG [Star Wars Galaxies], my coworkers were like “Woah, that’s extreme video game playing”

I don’t know what the hell is going on anymore.

Approximately two years ago (april 2002), I wrote my very first entry in my very first online journal on livejournal.com.—I had just moved to California and wanted to document the experience.

In this entry, I’m going to post the first entry regarding my move from New York to California and after said entry, I’m going to write the same entry but it will be regarding my move from California to Massachusetts.

Yeah, I’m to lazy to come up with anything with original thought, other than this:

I FUCKING HATE POPUUPS.

That being said—why are all the pop-ups I get about getting rid of pop-ups? I mean, HELLO!! Talk about a Catch-22. Well, it’s either getting rid of pop-ups, Smiley Central [emoticons are the bane of my existence and I refuse to use emoticons or the phrase ‘lol’] or Debt Consolidation.

Wait a minute, debt consolidation DOES sound like a good idea—

–before I ramble too long, here is my very first entry EVER

EVER

EVER

Ever….

April 20, 2002

So.. I just moved out here in California. I sort of have the love hate thing going on.

I absolutely love:

–the weather

–the beach

–driving on the freeway with music blasting

–the time

–working out (a la running around the Eastlake uh..Lake)

–everything is cheaper

–getting to see my bestest friends almost everyday

–no long distance phone bills

I absolutely abhor:

–the boredom

–the lack of activities

–some peoples’ mentality there is nothing outside of SD

–missing my friends on the East Coast

–Starbucks (I’m was okay with it in NYC because those peeps were like my second family)

–living at home

Of course the aforementioned could be easily rectified if I put my mind to it. So I’m trying my best to change stuff without being too negative blah blah blah.

Love life: nonexistent as of now. I think I have a love/hate relationship with having a relationship as well. As Chris Rock would say (please excuse my abundance of quotes in my journal entries) “relationships, easy to get into, hard to maintain”. I think I would be really good at it. but that’s my opinion. I guess I won’t know just yet. But, as many of you know, I have made my top ten list for the ideal mate. (Any of you may fill the application if you think you are worthy…HA HA HA..heh…okay. As Jennifer Lopez says ENOUGH! That movie looks like a watered down SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY. Been there, done that. I guess this movie would be a more aggressive version. But I digress)

Top Ten Qualities in an Ideal Mate. (in random order)

1. Must be ambitious

2. Must understand passion* and/or be passionate

3. Must be capable of understanding my insanity or at least give attempts to understand

4. Have a quench for knowledge and be able to talk on my level of intelligence (no matter how low or high it may be at the time) but know that having a great capacity of learning and gaining knowledge does not necessarily make you a wise man.

5. Must try to amend things within 24 hours, if a conflict arises

6. I want a minimum of 4 times a week. (Plenty of time!)

7. Likes to kiss me, but not a huge amount of PDA.

8. Must look good in a suit or a tuxedo

9. Must have the same bizarre sense of humor as I do. Must be okay with my random off the wall rants.

10. WANTS to love me unconditionally.

Of course the next 10 are qualities I prefer but that will be in the next exciting episode of Sharona’s life. Usually there are 4 main points that are hard to fulfill on this list. Can you guess which four? ahhh..

toodles for now. (toodles?)

* Passion, is a double edged sword for me. Many people (many is a subjective term) are very attracted to my passion for many things but forget to realize that because I’m a passionate person I tend to overreact. Watch Father of the Bride.

FILMS FOR THIS WEEK:

1. Artificial Intelligence (suggested by Chad)

2. Training Day (suggested by Tyler)

Reviews next week! 🙂

end of entry

a few notes:

Wow, I sounded young, naïve and…naïve. I also utilized a lot of phrases [talking about myself in third person, using the dreaded EMOTICON at the end of my entry, making a lame top ten list about an ideal mate…etc.]

Furthermore, I knew a guy I was screwing around with was reading my journal, so I wrote that list hoping he would adjust accordingly…which I don’t remember if he did [he never did wear a tux in front of me].

A moment to reflect: TUXES

Sigh. That shit is sexy.

Okay, now my list for Massachusetts:

Things I love:

-People are smart here

-The Passion for Sports

-The lack of materialism

-The Seafood

-My roommates

-People aren’t afraid to talk about religion or politics

-The history of the city

-You don’t have to be 100 pounds and blonde to get a guy’s attention

-Guys actually like girls who wear glasses?

-Beer Pong

-Actually the increased consumption of alcohol since living here is badass

-The indication that I’m the roommate with “style” [ahahahahaha]

-The abundance of comedy clubs [which I still have to go to]

-Scarves and Toe Socks

-John’s Futon

-New York and Canada are close by

-My rent

-My Job

-My coworkers

-Christmas was pretty badass

-Gump SWG character’s outfit.

-Gas prices [Wilbur says it is $2.50 a gallon in California. WTF?!]

-I’m going to have so much scratch by the end of the year!

Conversely, I absolutely abhor:

-The weather

-The roads

-That the names spelled [i.e. Worcester and Peabody] are not spelled the way they are supposed to be spelled

-No hookah bars

-Getting paler and paler and paler

-The lack of going outside

-If my roommates play Star Wars Galaxies, I will never see them ever again

-I’m pretty dumb in comparison to these people [hence, Californians look pretty bad]

-gaining 800 pounds because I never get any outdoor exercise [I walked everyday for a while but it just got too goddamned cold]

-Dude, where are the fish tacos and the carne asada chips?

So essentially, I abhor the restrictions of the weather [If you really think about it]

I would rearrange the top 10 ideal qualities in a mate, but I’m too lazy, and when I wrote that list, I was having sex. Now that I’m not, the list has changed significantly.

I’m thinking of going to Vegas this April with some co-workers but that would postpone me buying furniture for my room for another month or so. But on the other hand, my friends from the west could drive out to vegas for the weekend.

And I am feeling a bit homesick.

I talked to my friend Ben online and he told me to move back home.

I would be lying if the thought hasn’t crossed my mind…

…it’s just been less frequent.

Especially with all the alcohol I had this weekend but that,

My friend

Is

Another story.

I am totally stoked.

A friend of mine is flying into Boston this Friday! A good depiction of our friendship is basically me laughing and he’s doing something to make me laugh. Actually, that’s usually the MO for all my guy friends.

His name is Wilbur and we have known each other since, essentially, birth. His mother used to babysit me, him and this other kid, Mark.

We had an interesting relationship. We saw each other at parties and I was deathly shy, so I would always wait for him [or his brothers] to approach me. So I would sit and sit and sit, while listening to the boring adults talk about whatever in a different language. Finally, someone, Wilbur, Wilmer or Wilson [those are, obviously, his brothers] would wisen up and come and talk to me and my sister and we would play video games.

That’s how we would bond. Video games. More often, the game of the moment was usually Street Fighter Two. That was HUGE.

As we got older, the same pattern [in our family parties] would emerge–bond over some game. First it would be a computer game when we were like 7. Then when we were around 15, Super Nintendo. When we were around 17, card games. Older than that, we would just eat and actually talk.

We had lived very different lives but always invited each other, since we are family friends, to our main event–birthdays, weddings [Mark’s sister got married], christenings, house warmings–etc.

I’m glad we got really close at an older age, because there’s a real comfort in reacquainting with someone you have seen grown up but didn’t get to know until he or she knows herself/himself.

does that make sense?

Anyway, I’m just super excited he’s coming to stay at the apartment over the weekend.

**In other news….I was planning to go to bed rather early today but the boys were in storytelling mode and I was more than willing to listen.

It went from an “ass explosion” to “shitting in a lake at boy scout camp” to “staking out a house to super soak people”.

While listening to these stories, it just showed how great difference in culture and growing up. That would probably not happen in California for fear of drive-bys and thieves [they sneaked in each other’s CARS and drenched each other at work and after hanging out with their significant others! that is CRAZY].

I really had to think what we did. I guess the only comparable thing is that we mooned people from our cars [i can’t believe we did that], lit matches from our mouths, drench ourselves at Disneyland, the occassional food fight and most probably racing. I was notorious in high school for driving up to random guys and hitting on them.

I’m talking like, going up to a guy in a backpack walking home, and I would pull over in my car, raise an eyebrow and say “are those bugle boys you’re wearing?”..or we would go to the highest building in the city and try to walk to the top, just to say we made it to the top.

But we weren’t big on pranks. We were bigger on stupid things to impress– jumping over bonfire pits, doing one handed push-ups in the middle of a bowling alley, drinking a vat of sour cream [i said i would do it for five dollars], ditch class to play Taboo and constant constant videos [Mission Improbable, Improv Comedy [which we were TERRIBLE at], mentos commercials..etc]

A part of me wished I got to witness this supersoaking summer madness because the boys [gump, john and kevin] tell the stories so well, so i could actually see it in my head.

but a part of me is happy that I had my own experiences.

Hmmm…maybe if we combined said experiences, we could come up with something pretty rad this summer.

but for now, I am SO going to have fun this week! Wilbur is staying till next Thursday.

And I will see ‘the cute guy’ this thursday at the brewery.

can we say, awesome week thus far?