Minimal Effort

What a weekend.

Friday night I was going to go to the Spike and Mike film festival [it’s a festival for animation shorts] and nobody was interested in going with me and although I have no qualms about going by myself, I’m sick of getting lost in Boston–so i ended up getting drunk with my roommates [they had beer and I had strong amaretto sours] till about 3 in the morning.

i was slightly annoyed though. i wanted to make dinner and there were all these dishes that weren’t mine. I washed the dishes and then I got tired—so I bought KFC instead. blah.

Saturday, dishes were piled AGAIN. Blah. I washed some of them in the morning and later in the afternoon, there were more. It’s like, no matter what I do, it doesn’t even matter. It also seems like nobody is doing work around here. And as much as I want to establish and follow my dream of being a mother and/or a maid, sometimes I just don’t feel like doing it.

I went to work later on to do—some work, and afterwards, I met up with my friends Kevin and Jeff up in Nashua. Unfortunately, somebody forgot their ID, so Kevin came up with the idea with beer pong.

I lost, of course, but the boys kept making a mess. Usually, I clean the beer pong room the next morning but I’ve cleaned it the last 3 times we’ve had beer pong–regardless if I played or not–but I told kevin that night—“I am NOT cleaning this tomorrow morning” as he started throwing cans into the outside hallway.

Lo and behold, the next morning, the remants of last night’s beer pong fest laid before my eyes. I wanted to clean it–but then I decided, fuck that. Nobody cares when I clean or even notices. Or even if they do–it’s gets messy again in about an hour.

Two weekends ago, I was doing some cleaning in the kitchen and I was about to mop the floor when Kevin came downstairs and started to eat. Left his shit there. didn’t get to mop and I am NOT HIS MOTHER. So, I left it there.

And it stayed there for a couple of days until, I suspect Lisa, cleaned up Kevin’s mess.

I can’t entirely blame Kevin [even though, i believe he is the purveyor of messiness] since laziness seems to prevalent with all of us at one time or the other. However, when we are all lazy, it usually takes one of the girls [me or Lisa] to get sick of seeing the mess before one of us cleans it up.

I was sick of seeing the mess last night [Jeff went up to me and said “Are you okay?” [he thought i was mad] and I said “I’m fine” but what I was thinking was—i’m going to have to clean this tomorrow.

but, it’s not right nor fair that we would have to clean up after other people’s messes.

I was hoping to get a roommate meeting. we have a bizarre situation because we pretty much live with people’s habits. I’m pretty laid back with other people’s crap but I also have a thing with fairness as well.

In other living situations, we had a board where we would take turns doing certain chores and check ’em off. Or we would make a verbal agreement ‘i’ll clean the porch and the living room and you do the bathroom’…i’m always down.

I think when there is no sort of organization, things get out of control.

i’m in a semi bad mood as well, so cleaning is the last thing on my mind.

and lisa, i’m sorry you think i’m lazy but i had intentions to clean it up after i slept off my headache.

otherwise, it was an okay weekend. i love futurama and i hate boys.

I have conceived of a plan. My awesome mean work crush was so mean to me today that the answer is so simple.

I just have to kidnap his dog.

I don’t know why i didn’t see it before. You know that expression, “The fastest way to a man’s heart is through his dog.” This will, of course, take some planning and research. I know his dog is small, but it’s not a lap dog, so it might be hard to catch. I’m not sure exactly where he lives, but I was already planning on following him home later this week, so there’s synergy there.

Anyway, i see there as being three [3] key elements to this plan:
1) steal the dog
2) write a good ransom note (this could be the hard part)
3) my mean work crush realizes his love for me when he is left alone and dogless.

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Did you know that horticulture is the practice of culturing whores? I found that out today. I’ll tell you how in another entry.

I wear overalls because, secretly, I want to be live on a farm. I’ve always had an affinity for pigs and chickens and sometimes, I enjoy conversation with cows. Their mooing can be very seductive. I’ll tell you how in another entry.

Since this is my diary, I will tell you all a secret. I’m a horribly violent person. I like punching. Doesn’t matter what. Pillows, windshields, street signs, grandmas, you name i’ve punched it. Punching can be very seductive. I’ll tell you how in another entry.

My friend Angela is probably the coolest person I know. I’ll tell you why in another entry.

Ok I’ve got to go buy a dildo. Bye my friends. Adieu.

Things that have happened the past week:

had dinner a coworkers house, actually had chlorphyl [i believe they were green beans. i ate them because i didn’t want to be rude—actually ended up liking them.

got high as kite for the first time in about 2 years

had a ‘fight’ with gump, we made amends and now we talk about times of when significant others fuck up.

got incredibly trashed on saturday

as a result of said trashiness, i shamelessly flirted and taunted the guy i am currently infatuated with

chatted on AIM with said infatuation for about four hours

went to work today and was taunted and teased for being so trashed on saturday

guy i am infatuated it indicated that i abused him mercilessly. i told him he deserved it.

*possible after-work party on thursday, i’m stoked.

all in all, a good and eventful week. i feel the more exciting my week, the less i have to write about minutiae.

I think the guy i am infatuated with might like me as well. i mean, he gave me a wet willy [wet finger to my ear] where i squealed wildly and vowed to hate him forever.

now that i think i have his attention…i don’t know what to do–ask him on a date? get him to ask me on a date? how do i go about that? how do i get this guy?

oh the mind games of trying to date a coworker.

a coworker in his 30s. that’s hot.

it’s even hotter that he wears glasses. [he usually wears contacts but he wore glasses on saturday].

i’m going to watch LOTR.

Well, the weekend went about without a hitch.

Gump apologized to me yesterday for overreacting and I apologized for not keeping him in the loop. He indicated because my email was so short and I didn’t respond right away, he thought I was mad at him whereas, I was actually in class and was checking my email quickly and then I went back into class.

go figure.

Regardless, my friends seemed to have a good time and Gump’s friends seemed to have a good time. They never did get to meet each other since we were basically going in and out of the house.

Now, I’m hungover a little bit. Hungover and/or tired. I wish I had something entertaining to say here.

However, my coworkers have given me the nickname of “bonzo” or something after the drummer of def leopard [who i think only had one arm]–well, he was so trashed that he died from asphixiation/his own vomit. wait, is that def leopard or led zeppelin?

I unmercilessly was hitting on one of my coworkers all night–oh god, i’m dying of embarrassment.

and oh god, my coworkers are making fun of me for it.

more on the beer pong thingy when I am not so useless.

this was so goddamned boring. UGH. I loathe me.

I woke up this morning and I couldn’t find my glasses, so I went through a good part of the day blind and putting my nose next to the screen to see what was going on. It ended up being in John’s room, on his futon [how did it get there?].

I had some coworkers over last night. I hope they weren’t expecting a party..but I think that was the mentality. I felt like a bad hostess, no music, chips for food and I was drunk.

God was I drunk.

Cast of characters:

John: My roommate. He was the only other roommate around to meet my coworkers/friends. I think it is safe to say “friends” –ffrrriiiends. hehe [Steve and I say that all the time]

Me: Since I told everyone 8ish, i figured that was 10ish [and I was right!] and I didn’t care. However, John and I were restless so we play about 3 games of beer pong. Hence, I was so fucking drunk by the time my first guest…

[K]:…arrived. I felt bad that he was first, I suppose because I don’t know him as well I as I wish I did. However, he brought good tidings, trash talking [to yours truly] and beer–and he was wearing glasses….

[J]: Actually Jeff was the first one to show up, at 8pm. But he didn’t want to start for fear of getting too drunk. However, he brought a 30 pack and I had a 30 pack so we were good to go. Jeff is the reigning champion of the house and we were essentially waiting for him to show up…

[JM]: was next. He said he had been drinking since noon. He’s fucking awesome and reminds me of someone…but I don’t know who it is. He sort of reminds me of someone from California—in a good way. Laid back, Snowboarder, smart as hell.

next was the pair of the night

[M&M]: who, just by LOOKING at them were trashed already. That was actually pretty funny. They had never played beer pong before and i have to say for Mike’s first time, he was pretty good.

[Beef]: was next. He was super sickly the day before and henceforth, only drank one beer and took off after an hour or so. Next to Jeff, he’s one of the guys i’m closest with at work–so I think he knew that i was sort of nervous that I was having people over outside of work–being a newbie and all–so he came to support. That and Beef and K have …beef. K totally fucked his cubicle up at work. heh heh heh

[KS]: was the last to show up. He played a couple rounds, told his stories and left when everyone left for he had a snowboarding trip the next day.

Jeff and Ready, the reigning champions finally came in around 2am and by that time, I was passed out, trashed and drooling [and apparently misplaced my glasses at that point]. They dragged me out of bed to play MORE beer pong but at this time, i’ve already had like 10 billion beers and i was useless.

Man, too bad i was pretty fucking drunk when everyone came over. I felt like a bad hostess…with tetris fired up on the game cube.

Dude, which, i forgot to put away and i was slightly nervous that the boys would make fun of me–but NO! they were all into it. that fucking rocks.

have you ever seen that music video called “No rain” by blind melon? the bee girl finds her bee friends in a field? I sort of feel like that. I mean, i’ve known these people for a little over a month, and already, they’ve invited and welcomed me into their lives.

man, that fucking rocks.

the smell of bacon permeates the room as your protagonist, me, thinks of something to say. then she thinks, well, the smell of bacon is permeating the room, maybe i can start with that.

then, the protagonist thought, that’s a lame beginning.

anyway, how was your week people? Well, you couldn’t respond anyway since i’m out of gold and the comments section is albeit, temporarily, closed down. so actually that question means shit.

last week i was on the phones by myself and was fine and dandy until about thursday at 4 o’clock where i got the assholiest asshole on earth [actually, he was from spain]. it got so bad, that i actually started crying.

it is not worth repeating, so i won’t. but now, because of that bad experience, i hate people from spain. i know that’s not politically correct but you know what? i’m a quarter spanish, so i can. [my grandfather was from spain. he was an asshole too..i think. i forgot. oh well]

other than that, my roommate kevin thinks i have a secret boyfriend–i wish i had a secret boyfriend. however, if i hypothetically had a secret boyfriend, do you think i would really write about it?

however, i am the queen of secret boyfriends so hmmm….

but i really don’t have one.

this was a useless entry. discard and recycle.

i work in a technical support job. i give technical support to editors all across the country.

of course, you get your angry editor, you get your calm editor, you get the i-know-everything editor [then why are you calling us?]. whatever editor you get, when you help fix their problem, they are ever so grateful.

i’ve been offered flowers, been called a goddess and given other accolades but steve, my coworker, takes the cake.

he got this call and he fixed the guy [who, was of course, ever so frustrated] and the guy said “Man, if loving you is wrong, i don’t want to be right.” bwahahahaha. man, no matter WHO says that, i always crack up.

in other news, if love film at all, you will go see eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. can i say, it is the awesomest awesomest movie? I absolutely loved it and it’s going to go on my top ten list…sorry Shawshank Redemption, you’re number 11 now.

goddamnit, i can’t wait till it goes out on dvd.

on my list of things to see:

1. secret window
2. dawn of the dead
3. taking lives

on my list of dvds to buy

1. drumline [dude, i love this movie. i don’t know why]
2. the sound of music
3. the ice storm [?]…i saw it on sale for 5.99 and that’s a deal!

okay, the end.