Minimal Effort

Fuck you guys, i’m going to California.

I bought my tickets today and I am leaving this upcoming friday. Unfortunately, this means I can no longer spend money on anything and I spent a lot of money last night at some bar that I went with some roommates.

As per usual, I got really trashed. I don’t remember much after the 2nd long island iced tea [that shit be GOOD!]. We were driving home from the bar and there was a white truck next to us and I was yelling at the boys in it because they were looking at me [probably because my breasts were spilling out of my shirt] but did I care? Nope, i was drunk…plus I’m never going to see them again, right?

Turns out, we get to a red light and they stop right next to us:

guy: hey
me: hey baby!
john: oh my god.
guy: you’re pretty smashed aren’t you?
me: yeah, you gotta problem with that?
guy: no, that’s good…
me: yeah, that’s good for me too.
guy: So how’s your body?
[i look at john..what do i say?]
me: I plead the fifth.
guy: you’ve got some nice tits.
me: thanks!
guy: why are you out?
me: what do you think?
guy: we’re out because our boy here [points to kid in the backseat] just broke up with his girlfriend.
me: oh okay
john: man, you are on your own on this one
kevin: i can’t believe this

the light turns green, we speed off as I say ‘BYE SUCKAS! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!’

getting drunk is so much fun. why am i ever sober?

The cool thing about boys is that if you make plans with them, they usually don’t break them because of a girl. But I get dissed so many times because a boyfriend of one of my girlfriend will want to see her last minute and then I’m left doing nothing and it’s too late to make new plans. ALL of my girlfriends do this to me and i’ve gotten so accustomed to it, i don’t fucking care anymore. well, i guess i do because i just wrote about it. it’s even worse when they break up with the boy and then they’re your best friend again.

i just feel so used.

i can’t wait till i get a boyfriend so i can do that shit to all my girlfriends…suckas! oh except for stacy. she hasn’t dissed me yet. YAY STACY! I’m hanging out with her tomorrow. she just moved here from San Diego.

I wish it was cool to be single again. damn significant others.

yo.

when i was younger, i played a good amount of video games. I started with atari, then sega genesis, then nintendo, super nintendo and then nintendo 64 [i really liked the mario guys]

games i was good at:

dr. mario

tetris

marble madness

mario kart [misspelled according to the game]

street fighter 2

yoshi’s cookie

any super mario game where you had to save someone.

and when i say good, i mean GOOD. we’re talking, nobody could beat me and it was sweet being on top all the time.

oh, not anymore.

now, i can’t figure out if its one of the following:

I’m getting old and my eye-hand coordination is rusty

my roommates are geekier than i am with video games hence adapt to the rules and the button pushing a lot faster than I [i think it’s this one]

*the people i played back at home just sucked major ass and my field of comparision is skewed.

well, we got mario kart for game cube. i think i’m ok, but i’m still warming up.

that’s sad that the only thing i’m good at is tetris.

and wearing glasses.

and even sometimes, my glasses fall off.

I am the most boring human on Earth.

I absolutely did nothing this weekend which saddened me because it resorted me to begin thinking about my life and its stagnant nature.

Things I did this weekend:

1. Bought four dvds. Damn you Best Buy. I originally went to get the Old School dvd and check out two Soderbergh dvds I’ve been meaning to check out and to see if the price was sufficient ( Schizopholis and Full Frontal). They had neither of the dvds. However, they had a sale: buy 2 dvds for 20 bucks. Holy shit…I’m in line buying Old School, A Clockwork Orange, Ocean’s 11 and American Psycho. I was sad yet happy. Sad that I shouldn’t have spent that much money and happy I would have something to do when I got home.

2. I bought two cds…each $9.99 at Tower Records. I bought an old MEST cd and an old Joe Jackson cd.

I told Mike (computer guy) that my favorite band/singer…(whatever) was Ben Folds and he said “Oh, he is the Joe Jackson of our time” and I was like..”Who?” so I decided to purchase it and I could see what he meant.

Joe Jackson is seemingly Australian or British. He plays the piano (not as rocking as ben though) and although the song my have happy lyrics, there is a bittersweet melody backing up those lyrics.

Joe Jackson made me sad for two reasons: 1. A song called “Breaking us up in two” which is a song of a couple wherein they need some time apart to discover new and different things that would not normally do together. I think the lyric that made me cry (inside, of course) was “Why are you crying? Why are you hurt by what I said. I am not saying we are through. I am just saying that we should break up in two” Or something to that effect.

This song also made me wish I had a boyfriend so I wouldn’t be such a loser on weekends. This is crappy.

3. I bought two books: The Catcher in the Rye (p.s. I bought all these things on different days during the weekend) and the Matrix and Philosophy.

How I spent my Sunday.

Woke up at 9:30 a.m. and watched Ocean’s 11 about 3 or 4 times. The first time to watch it. The second time to listen to the cast commentary, the third time to watch the director and cast commentary and the fourth time to listen to the cast commentary again.

I decide to take a nap (it is about 3p.m. now) while watching American Psycho.

I then watch Old School twice…once all the way through and a second time to listen to the cast commentary.

I then read the Matrix and Philosophy and got depressed that my life literally has no meaning and according to Descartes, there is no certainty to anything or our life experiences.

I get further depressed reading the Catcher in the Rye…because it is a depressing story.

I then decide to stuff myself with Popeye’s chicken and see how long it takes for me to drive to Mexico (about 20 minutes) and listen to Joe Jackson.

I am now bearing with the residualness of my depression and thought how I really don’t have much to go for nowadays and I am in no way going to make it in the film industry and my failure with men.

Needless to say, I need to stop reading philsophy and get laid.

But who cares anyway?

I hope this depression dissipates soon. I don’t like feeling this way. This puts a damper on any sort of humour I thought I possessed. I will write again when I am in better spirits.

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sorry about that, i dropped something on my keyboard and i was trying to wipe it off.

I have insomnia usually when I am upset about things and too ashamed to tell anyone why I am upset.

Well, on Saturday night, I am home with Lisa and Kevin and we spent some quality bonding time–i.e. impromptu bbq in the backyard. They played some frisbee [i am the only casulty] and then we went to get some stuff from walgreens. We get home, mind you, I’m in my pajamas, and I have 3 or 4 messages on my phone…what the heezy?

Oh, there’s a party.

So I get dressed and go over to said party because a cute guy is going to be there. I am so sad.

But it ended up being mucho fun and I partied pretty hard until about 6 in the morning.

Sunday afternoon…went on like this:

6am to 1130am ..sleep

1130am to 1230am..eat

1230am to 5pm..sleep

5pm to 830pm..eat and watch Gumphood play Starcraft and watching Curb Your Enthusiasm.

830pm to 900pm..talk to Samantha about the party.

9pm to 8am…sleep.

obviously, i caught up with my insomniac tendencies. I should party super hard every weekend so i’m completely useless on sunday.

i wish i had something more interesting to say…HERE.

end with witty comment or sarcastic comment…HERE.

oh, and you know what sucks? Gas prices are killing me–i will not be able to go to my jiu jitsu class tonight because i have no gas and this time, i really wanted to go. BLAH.

my three new goals:

1. find the brown note.
2. find out why cute guy lost interest in me [hmmm…]
3. to cut down on chicken.

well, the brown note, i’m just going to have to google. With cute guy, apparently he’s in a bad mood with EVERYONE. [moody bastard]…so cutting down on chicken is going to be a hard task to swallow especially since i like swallowing chicken.

man, that sounded dirty.

I’m in a weird point in my life, i think. sort of in limbo between something shoddy and something great about to happen.

and i’ve been overdue for the something greatness.

Hi everyone.

Just wanted to fuck the following things:

*People who think I’m fat–FUCK YOU
*People who are needy—FUCK YOU
*People who don’t give me enough credit–FUCK YOU
*Boys–FUCK YOU IN THE EAR
*People who always want their way–FUCK YOU TWICE
*People who try to manipulate others so they get on top–I fucking hate you.
*Diaryland not letting me update–FUCK FUCK FUCK
*People who DON’T PULL THEIR WEIGHT AT WORK AND I HAVE TO FUCKING WORK TWICE AS MUCH AS THEM–I hope they fire your ass.
*People who think they are better than you and tell you so then ask for your stupid help—WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU ASKING ME FOR HELP IF YOU KNOW IT ALL?
*The inability to have the luxury of sleep–Fuck you hypothalamus!

*People who think I’m in a bad mood.–No, fuck you in ass and I’m not in a bad mood nor am I “off”…I’m just starting to figure out that there is nothing more to life than this.

What is going to make me happier? Sex? A boyfriend? More money? Fame? Fortune? Friends?

FUCK ALL OF YOU. It doesn’t fucking matter.

I fucking hate everything right now.

Oh yeah, and I hate everyone.

In response to my roommate’s Honest Blogger addendum:

1. Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog? That is insanity. Anyone who knows my blog in MA fucking lives with me and they see me toe-up all the time. Poor bastards.

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered? Now, that is sad. I don’t know how to use Photoshop but if I look horrendous, I don’t post it. Simple enough people. Stupid bastards.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you? Sort of. I’ve had a few inquiries to my boyfriend application but I say “Fill it out and we’ll see if I will continue to correspond to you”. I’m not down meeting dates through the internet. That’s what masturbation is for.

4. Do you lie in your blog? No, but there are things I keep out of my blog on purpose.

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog? I don’t think so. I like to use the word fuck. I like blasphemy. I was passive aggressive once when I locked my diary because I pissed at Gump…but all it said was “I’m pissed”. Kerbang thought that was unbelievably passive aggressive [he was the only one who saw that entry]

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop? I threaten because i have nothing to say. Is that really threatening though? I will always have livejournal anyway where they don’t put much emphasis on content.

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? Was in therapy. It’s like being bulimic..you have all this garbage and you throw it up to some stranger and although you’ll go through pains and tears, you kind of feel better. Is that bulimia or is that the stomach flu? I quit because I moved to New York and I cannot afford therapy in New york. That shit be expensive.

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones? Nah, but I copy and paste all the nice ones over and over again so it looks like i have 8 billion comments.

9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog? How about after? Dude, you need to get out more. you gotta do that shit live with a webcam.

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less? I know I would probably not like them as much. I don’t know. They would probably not like me at first, because i would make fun of them and I’m the “mean roommate” but if I make fun of you, you’re in the club.

11. Do you have a job? I won’t soon if somebody accepts my requests for death.

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it? I think I would just come up with writer’s block. Hmm…never thought of it. I would probably do it and come up with CRAP.

13. Which blogger do you want to meet in real life? Lobsterchick or Orlandoninja. Probably because the former is a lot like me and the latter is a weirdo.

14. How many bloggers have you made out with? Um. None. I think.

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have? less money i think. but then i go on these spurts where I’m like “it’s on me!!!”

16. Does your family read your blog? My sister does. She has one herself. She started this whole mess actually. One love to Jasmine..what what.

17. How old is your blog? This one is about a year old. My livejournal one is about 2 or 3 years old?

18. Do you get more than 1000 pageviews per day? Do you care? Nope. I do care if somebody from the secret society reads this piece of shit or the NSA. getting more than 1000 pageviews is ridiculous. I’m surprised i have people who list me as favorites. Fuck you all [i love you]

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar? Doesn’t everyone?

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing? I actually have been offered. Can you believe that shit? You guys need lives. Man, I’m in a bitchy mood today.

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes? Goddamned Democrats. I’m constantly being taxed to death. Taxed when I get a car. Taxed with registration, taxed at the gas pump. Tax me on the street, tax me for having feet. Man George Harrison really knew what he was talking about.

22. Is blogging narcissistic? Oh hells yeah. you narcissistics dorks.

23. Do you feel guilty when you don’t post for a long time? Sort of. Especially when it’s a lame update post.

24. Do you like John Mayer? I would like my future boyfriend to emulate his skills when trying to get me into bed [i.e. sing me that wonderland song…oh god, that’s an aphrodisiac]

25. Do you have enemies? My friends are my enemies.

26. Are you lonely? No. but i hate everyone and I feel left out a lot..but i don’t think that’s lonely, i think that’s just feeling left out.

27. Why bother? because all my other favorites live in the same house and we IM each other in the same house. For godsakes, we have to blog in the same house as well. We are lame.

If you take this let me know.–okay.

Things I did this weekend:

lost my computer OS. Had to wipe everything and reinstall.

went to Cape Cod

went to The Burren and partied to a cover band doing 80s songs.

had lasagna and garlic bread with some friends

did not hang out with the roommates [oh, except last night, when we were locked out]

went to Jillian’s to play pool.

had some Thai food over in Tewksbury

went to work

called a cute boy and asked him to call me back.

he did, but he was at a telethon so we couldn’t hang out. However, the girl I was with, was like “Wow, he called you back, he never calls me back.”…yeah, he called me back and was DRUNK.

cleaned my room.

watched movies in a theater.

all in all, a pretty good weekend. with the exception of getting drunk and high all weekend…that is simultaneously good and bad.

but it feels so good when you’re being bad.

bad doesn’t exist actually so this point is moot.

now i’m gearing for the next weekend. hurrah!

Omoshiroi is Japanese for interesting. Last night was interesting. [The entry I wrote before this was indicating I was excited about tonight– thursday night]

Anyway, what went on was kind of bizarre.

I had a hard day at work, obviously some people are slackers around here and I was PISSED off about it. John and I were talking about watching a movie last night (Mean Girls) after I was done with work.

Seems like the boys bonded yesterday, which is good, I guess.

Anyway, so after my hard long day at work, I go home and nobody is home. Oh, wait, Lisa and Govinda were home. I didnt’ want to bitch about my loud day at work, so I ate some food and played some Tetris. I called John to see if he wanted to still watch the movie, and he wasn’t around, so I was planning on going by myself because I did not want to stay home and stress about the rest of my work week.

So the boys come home [Kevin, Philip, Jeff [philip’s friend] and John] from playing frisbee in the park. John still wants to watch the movie..but Kevin and Philip want to play beer pong. I shrug at John and John’s says “let’s go watch the movie”–so we go to see the last showing while we left Philip and Kevin watching some sort of dvd.

Needless to say, I was surprised when we got home and the kitchen had tons of alcohol and I go into the beer pong room and Nelson, Wong, Joe and Amy (?) are playing a game and there are TONS of beer. It’s Kevin weekend on Saturday. They ask me if I want to play and I say “Oh, I have work tomorrow”. John comes in and is slightly surprised that it’s a party atmosphere but sits quietly by the doorway.

I drink a beer and John gets this weird message on his phone..like really weird. So he tells me to listen to it and I go down the stairs to listen to it. As soon as I come back to tell John how weird I thought the message was, Lisa and Paulette come downstairs and they are PISSED. Woah. Apparently the boys were loud and this was like their 6th game or something. I just kind of came in and didn’t know what to say [since John and I came back from the movie] and they stomped upstairs.

I was wondering, should I have gone after them and apologized even though John and I just walked in as well? I didn’t feel it was my place to give an explanation or an excuse for something I didn’t know was going on…when Kevin said something about beer pong, I didn’t think he actually meant it!

Well, Lisa wrote a journal entry that says how pissed she was last night and how inconsiderate we all were…and rightfully so. I think she keeps too much inside sometimes and needs to let people know what is going on before too much resentment builds up. I know how she feels, I’m the same way. I am afraid to go home though because of any drama that might arise.

Paulette and Lisa get along which I think is great. I don’t think I’m a very good girlfriend to any girls because I’m not very emotional and girls like that. I like it when girls are emotional for me. But I always feel when I talk to Lisa that I’m not showing I care enough [and I do] but I’m glad she has Paulette up there…plus Paulette and Lisa both have boyfriends and I’m sure they relate at that level where I can’t relate with relationships at all.

They’re giving me a lot more responsibility at work which concurrently frightens me and flatters me. They’re taking me off the phones in order to install some software for the lab here. Later on, I’m taking Keith to my jiu jitsu class — he has interest in joining it– so i’m a bit nervous for that as well.

Anyway, this week was so the antithesis of last week. So much going on and not enough time to envelope it all.

I hope I get a boyfriend sooner than later, so there will be one less roommate in the house to worry about.