Minimal Effort

i am sad.

well, i am slightly happy because the red sox fought a hard night tonight and eventually won the game after the bottom of the 14th inning.

regardless, i have a bunch of crap riding on my shoulders…

1. i might have to quit jiu jitsu which upsets me because i really like jiu jitsu…but i don’t think i can afford it.

2. i have applied to two different places for a second job. goodbye social life [even though i really didn’t have one] and goodbye weekends

3. i feel like i suck at my job. i’m a failure actually.

4. actually i feel like i’m a failure at everything…

5. i have gas right now.

6. this gas hurts my stomach.

7. boys. i am a failure with boys. boys get tired of me. i feel like all boys who may be interested in me either get bored or find out how much of a trainwreck i really am.

the thing is, the more intimate i am with a guy, the more i clam up and distrust. i wait for things to fall apart by the wayside…and of course, as a self fulfilling prophecy, that is exactly what happens.

i feel like boys settle for me. i don’t want to be settled for. i want to be swept away.

i want to be called attractive.

i want to be appreciated.

i want a boy to fight for me.

alas, no boy will fight for me because i’m so laid back. boys do try to appreciate me but i see these ugly couples who die and live for each other. i wonder if i ever will feel that.

i wonder if i will find a guy who will wake up and say “i cannot believe i’m waking up next to you. i cannot believe how lucky i am.”

i don’t think i’m just meant to be happy.

sometimes i wish i didn’t exist.

sometimes, i wish i can just let go.

sometimes i wish someone felt the same way for me the way i felt for them.

i need to stop wishing.
and realize reality.

oh, and i want to move out of the country and start over.

man, i’m in a bad mood.

About last night’s game…

Me: I’m sorry that this prompted an email from me, but i had to know….

WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED LAST NIGHT?

Why are you guys so bent on me loving the red sox (which, now I’m addicted to since September’s game where Mueller (sp?) hit the game winning homerun against the Yankees) if all i hear is “we have a curse” and “part of being a fan is getting your heart broken” I don’t know about you guys, but that is the most whacked out reasoning/logic/psychology i have ever heard of.

When i was in the west coast, my three favorite baseball teams were/are the padres, the diamondbacks (i primarily started watching them for steve finley who went from the padres to the diamondbacks…and now he’s with the dodgers) and the mets (sorry). Schilling and Randy Johnson on the diamondbacks were unbelievable.

Now, I have NEVER EVER EVER seen Schilling give up so many runs?

Tell me, is there any faith? Is there a chance for a happy ending? Should I even watch anymore?

I nearly cried last night and that’s way too emotional for ANY sort of sports activity. What have you guys done to me?

And lastly, is this part of the “Curse” I’ve heard over and over again?

Devin:

I don’t necessarily believe in curses, but last night while watching Schilling throw one of the worst games of his career I have to admit that it did cross my mind. Why did Schilling go 21-6 through the regular season and somehow last night when it mattered most give up 6 runs in 3 innings…

Seems like a matter for Scully and Mulder…..

Devin

Jeff:
People…it’s game 1 of a LOOOOOOOONG 7-game series.

When does Schilling pitch next? Game 5? Let’s hold off on these emails until then.

Me:Okay, last question…promise. Who’s slated to pitch for the next couple of games?
Are we going to be swept?
Are we even going to make it to game 7?

I think the roster is as follows…i would just like to know…

game two: pedro ramirez
game three: bronson arroyo?
game four: derek lowe?
game five:…rotation starts again?

i hear a rumor on espn that schilling might not even come back and derek is taking his place. I don’t trust derek. he had the longest 2nd inning with the yankees the last time i saw him pitch. i’m just saying…

you can just reply to me instead of this email…thanks. 😦

Ryan:There will be no game 7, the Sox will win the next 4 in a row and win the series in Fenway on Sunday.

Leiber
Brown
Vasquez/El Duque/Loiza

need I say more?!

Jeff:Good point Ryan….we CAN’T beat Mussina….period.

Mark:Who’s Pedro Ramirez? (see below) [or in this case…above]

Patrick:drink

Gumphood:
There are two things you need to know about the Red Sox. And since you are
from Cali, three.

The First is just because they are latin, this doesn’t mean you can start saying
Ramiro Arroyo, or Manny Martinez play for our team. Tim McCarver Called
Bronson Arroyo “Brandon” Arroyo last night twice and had the nerve to actually
say “Stay tuned for Pedro Martinez vs Brandon Arroyo in Game 2.”

To that he gets a “Hey ducebag, buy a fucking program because I think it’s time
you either shut up or get AIDS and die” I hate Tim Mccarver. He’s a yankee
fan and knows for a fact its not even worth learning the names of the Red Sox
players because HE THINKS that they all have the same name. “loser”

On that note

The first REAL two things you have to know about the Red Sox are

1) We Hate the Yankees. We hate the Yankees not because of the reasons
everyone else hates them, but for better reasons. You are going to watch a
seven game series where that shitty ass squad of dipshits get the luckiest
breaks on earth, and then torch us with their talent. But wait, because they
are going to lose games to us as well, just to make sure we have glimpses of
hope.

In the last 7 game series the starter with the lower ERA always LOST. That’s
right. They lost. The better man never won the game. It’s unbelievable.
Nothing makes sense in Red Sox/Yankees series except the following two things.

We will lose when you think we are going to win. The Yankees will make it
hurt.

Look at what we have

Pedro/Lieber — Lieber is a P.O.S. journeyman going against a guy who threw 95
mph last weekend for the first time in 3 years on 7 days rest. A guy who has
nothing to lose and everything to prove. A guy whose only goal is to shut down
the Bombers. Pedro was the goat last year, I think this year he should win.
The Red Sox should win.

Arroyo/Brown — Arroyo three hit the Angels and we won every start against the
Yankees when he was pitching. Brown punched a wall, lost to Arroyo twice, and
has had only ONE 1-2-3 inning in three starts and ONE strikeout. Brown’s
playing with a hurt back in Fenway. We should toast him.

Wakefield/El Duque — We’re fucked. This loss will hurt. This will be pure
pain.

Shilling-Lowe/Moose — In fenway, expect Shilling to make a similar start to
this one, except with more drugs in his foot. I think that Moose will toast us
again sending us back to the Bronx having to win two games.

Pedro/Lieber — Pedro’s turn to be the hero. We win a tough one.

Arroyo Game 7 in the Bronx — I don’t even need to tell you what is happening
in this game. You know the answer. Consider these facts.

A) The Yankees have never lost to the Red Sox
B) The Yankees have never lost back to back games at home in the postseason
C) The Yankees have never lost a game seven at home

Answer is — Yankees win.

Why this matters and why you should watch we turn to the second fact about the
Red Sox

2) Someday we will win. It’s been 87 years and something always goes wrong.
Shilling hurting himself right before the Yankees series? Come on. You could
never imagine a worse scenario. But the fact remains we have to win someday.

The team you are watching has one thing going for it. It has never won. That
means when it does win it is the jackpot of all World Series wins. It’s the
most amazing sports moment in history. I dare say it’s a bigger F’ing miracle
than the USA vs Russia on ice.

The Dream Team lost, The Russians lost, and someday the Yankees will lose to
us.

But you have to be there and hope every minute of every game. Because we have
never done it, and our heart has been broken so many times. We aren’t the
Padres, a sorry ass no-history franchise that hopes someday to win maybe 85
games. (for the three fans who own season tickets) We aren’t the Diamondbacks,
who will win it once and then go in the tank. We are the goddamn Red Sox.

We are there every year and we die. The Yankees take out the stake and drive it
through our hearts.

Someday, we will beat them. But it is going to be hell. If you aren’t ready
to suffer, then go be a Padres fan again. No one will care if they win. NO
ONE. There isn’t any pressure and their isn’t any reward. Red Sox baseball
isn’t for the weak of spirit. We are the pressure cooker of the baseball
world. If you win here in Boston, we will name buildings, bridges, and
children after you. You will become a legend. You will be in the Hall of
Fame 100% chance. You’re name and memory will never die.

Name the cleanup hitter for the Padres in 86. Or last year. Or this year.
How about the Starting rotation? Or the top three starters?

The point of being a Red Sox fan in understanding that you hope for the
impossible, and you are going to be disappointed. But people care. The whole
freaking city cares. Shilling was practically crying in the dugout last
night.

All I am saying is once you are a Red Sox fan for the rest of your life wherever
you travel you will be sucked back into it this time of year. You will start
to believe again. And until we win it, that’s our story.

Because the streak is this – We lose in the most heartbreaking way possible. We
aren’t BAD, we just lose.

Listen, this rivalry with the Yankees isn’t a real fight. If it was the Ref
would have called it by now.

But if we ever do win, you will never have a sweeter real sports excitement in
your life for the rest of your life. No sports game, sports moment, or general
achievement will ever compare to that first win of the Red Sox.

That’s why it’s the Holy Grail. That why we steel ourselves and watch.

But it can’t be sweet unless we suffer. And its 87 years of suffering.

87 years and 6 more games.

Greg
Nice job. Could not have explained it better if I had a month to try.

***
I have to say, Red Sox have won me over BIG TIME. I can’t believe I almost cried last night because of Schilling’s poor performance. Yes, to some people it’s just a game, but to me, the red sox in boston are not only a religion but a way of life and somehow I got sucked into the cult.

There’s something interesting about my time here thus far. You come into work or you go home, and people like AND will talk about sports with you. I never had that before and I think it’s awesome that people are passionate about the same thing as you are. There is a communal love and a spirit that goes with Boston that I very much respect.

I couldn’t understand the logic for awhile, because I never watched the American League until I moved here. And even more, I never thought I would be into baseball or a team for that matter, as I am today and the previous months.

When my I talk to my favorite person in the world about baseball, his eyes light up and he is very excited to tell me about pitches, strategery [that’s a real word now right?] and why Olerud wears a helmut on the outfield instead of a hat. I like that this is one of the things we share. Isn’t that corny?

So, with gritted teeth, I will listen to the bosox game on my radio as i drive to new york to meet my best friend. I will probably cry if the sox don’t get into the world series but it will be a good cry.

because in california, it’s like ‘oh well, we lost…let’s go surf.’

but in boston, it’s like ‘we lost. i can barely breathe.’ and if that’s not living, then i don’t know what is.

i am ready to die a little for this team.

damn you boston!!!

so here’s what’s happening:

went mountain biking, got my ass kicked.
got my car towed because i parked in an illegal spot [which thanks to steve and phillip, it was untowed]
started going to the gym in the mornings…which isn’t too shabby
celebrated my third year of celibacy. hurrah! or was it second. what year are we in again?
going to new york on october 14 and 15 [new yorkers, mark your calendar]
my best friends [also a couple] are moving in together…congratulations!
*i’m going to a bar tonight to watch red sox versus yankees and see opie and anthony some radio show personalities.

i also survived the week without any diaherria. i still have gas in the morning but the lawnmower pretty much masks the sound [it’s more of a sound of fury than a smell of pain]

and work…i don’t know how tech support does it, but i’m still sane.

and alive.

more later.

I’m going to fix this template, I swear.

I got paid yesterday (which explains the poker game) and I bought 4 books:

1. Where the Wild Things Are (My favorite children’s book of all time)

2. The English Roses (by Madonna. Or something about English chicks)

3. Slander by Anne Coulter

4. Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them (or something like that) by Al Franken.

Personally, I’m a little biased because I LOVE Al Franken and was a big fan of his SNL writing days.

However, I read Coulter first, since her book came out first.

I’ve only read one chapter.

HOLY SHIT.

This woman has a LOT of balls and is highly highly opinionated. Her first chapter doesn’t state fact but rather opinions.

And thus far, Democrats are liars, liars, liars, liars.

There’s a few things I don’t agree with, par example:

“…liberals have become more bitter and angry. The Soviet threat has been vaporized, women are not prevented from doing even things they should be, and the gravest danger facing most black Americans today is the risk of being patronized to death”

Wow.

Women are not prevented from doing…what? (She didn’t say) As for Black Americans. She later says (essentially) that the spirit of the first Amendment of the Constitution has been repealed because thoughts are thought of as thought crimes. She basically was saying, we can’t say “nigger” or “spic” anymore but cutting off your wife’s head gets less time in jail (I think she made reference for Fuhrman…the police dude in the O.J. Simpson trial)

However, Ms. Coulter, we don’t say “Fuck” around little kids either.

so in essence, Black Americans are being patronized….to death.

Interesting.

I can’t wait to finish it.

An outline of what to expect in this entry:

A. Cooking.

B. New Roommates

C. Talking about Boys with both sexes

D. Previous Rejections

A. Cooking:

I just cooked some clams for breakfast..yeah, i was just craving clams when i got up this morning and I burned some of them…and i think that is DELISH.

Then I started to recognize, I really like stuff that is burnt. What is that? i really like the browned out fries [especially those gross McDonald’s fries.], I like those burnt potato chips and I like burnt clams. I think it’s because I can’t cook and all those burning all those years have mutated my taste buds to enjoy burnt crap.

summary: Sharon likes burnt food because that is all she ate [eated] when she was younger.

B. New Roommates:

So, I think we have completed the rest of the house for the rest of the year. Welcome Datchery and Vomiting Cod. So essentially, I am sharing my floor with a vegetarian couple.

i like the cod and his woman thus far but i’m afraid to offend them with my awful carniverous habits [don’t even get started with philip and his carniverous habits] and my obsession with watching movies all day long and not getting off of my fatass. However, I think cod and aluminum [my name for his woman] will have some great ideas of what to do with the living room downstairs. risa and I are always wary about other girls moving in but Aluminum:

a) doesn’t wear much makeup [hence, she is not high maintenance, a huge plus]

b) she was in flip flops and her hair in ponytails [hence, she is not vain and very laid-back]

c) She’s dating a dork–she HAS to be cool.

So welcome Aluminum, Cod and Datchery to the reckless world that is Team Malden.

speaking of which, we are in the process of developing WOAH-man town. yes, we are developing a man town in our basement. I mean, excuse me, WOAH-Man Town.

Our house is essentially an extended version, I feel, of Real World Chelmsford, since everyone in our house is from there except for me, Risa and Philip..oh and Aluminum. Oh, and I am no longer the only single person in the house. Yay for datchery!

[I wanna make over that guy like in Queer Eye. I think it would be fun. I think Philip wold do it with me as well]

C. TALKING ABOUT BOYS WITH BOTH SEXES.

Kevin: Did you do the hug-turn?

Me: No

Kevin: SHARON!!

Philip: Did you get laid yet?

Me: No

Philip: SHARON!! If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me. Remember that.

Jeff: i don’t wanna hear about it until something happens.

Me: Well, he gave me this..

Jeff: No, I wanna hear about makeout sessions or how he tried to feel you up.

Samantha: So how was your weekend?

Me: He touched my knee

Samantha: Are you serious?

Me: Yeah, I know…does it mean anything?

Samantha: Totally. What was he wearing?

Me: A nice sweater with some khaki pants

Samantha: THAT IS SO CUTE!

Me: I KNOW! And he wanted to take me out for DINNER.

Samantha: No way

Me: Way

Samantha: Did you guys hold hands?

Me: No, should I have?

Samantha: No, wait it out. When are you going to make out with him/

Me: Um, never.

Samantha: SHARON!!

I hope it’s obvious what the difference is guys.

D. PREVIOUS REJECTIONS [from least recent to most recent]

Kiss of death scale: 1-eh, 10-Kill me now

Never let it be known that i don’t have the guts to risk getting with a guy because I’ll do it if I have nothing else to do.

1. “You’re my best friend. I don’t see you like that” (kod:7)

2. “I still want to date you, but I don’t want a serious relationship” (kod:2)

3. “I didn’t call you because every girl who started out as my friend and I dated, we ended up never talking to each other again. but seriously, I would date you because you’re so goddamned fun but I want you in my life and I don’t think we like each other enough to date” [I felt the same way, so kod:0 )

4. “I’ll call you back later” never called back. kod: 5

5. “I can never see you again” kod:10

6. “I’m back with my girlfriend” kod:8

[I retaliated “well, good, because you know what? I FAKED IT!”–that pissed him off. i’m an evil bitch. hehehe. we ended up being friends later on though. go figure.

7. “I can’t do this right now. you’re graduating, you work 30 hours a week and on film shoots; i work 30 hours a week and on film shoots…and it’s too much. when do we get to see each other? from midnight to 6am and then we have to go to class. we’re just too busy for each other…but i still want to hang out because there’s nobody I know who gets my sense of humor like you do.” kod: 1

8. “Love is like a rose, it starts out beautiful and new and then he wilters and dies after awhile.'[uh…WHAT?!] kod: 7

9. “I don’t think I could ever be in love with you. I don’t think it’s meant to be” ouch kod:10

10. “Ok. because you’re straightforward, i’ll be straightforward:

1. very flattering to hear

2. i don’t want our relationship to change

3. sorry, i don’t feel the same. end of story.” kod: 2 [it wasn’t too bad because it was mostly curiosity on my part rather than me really liking him]

okay, i’m going to stop now. i just realized that i dated a LOT more guys than i thought. hmmm. damn.

next up: how i rejected guys.

go rejection!

So I’ve declared a new commitment to myself.

Operation Hotness 2004.

You might’ve heard of this already. I’ve called it Operation Crop Top, Operation Halter Top, even Operation Set Sharon Free from Blah-ville.

But, I decided upon Operation Hotness 2004.

What does this mission entail?

new wardrobe
badass haircut
badass body
new contacts.

Whatever. I suppose I will be one of those people who go through a cheesy montage of “improving thyself” to a much more aesthetic person.

Shallow, I know.

I don’t know how it came about. I think Operation Hotness came about when I talked to my friend Cooper.

Me: Cooper, do you think I’m hot?
Cooper: You are hot…
Me: But…
Cooper:..But…
Me: Gah. What? I won’t be offended.
Cooper: It’s like you have this potential to be unbelievably hot but you don’t know how to utilize it to your advantage. It’s like, you have this hotness and you don’t know what to do with it.
Me: Really?
Cooper: Really. In the name of Swingers: You’re money and you don’t even know it. I think you are really attractive. I would fuck you.
Me: …okay, thanks!

So, in line of my “potential” hotness, I want to see what could happen if I could make guys fall at their feet at my exquisite hotness. I’m not worried about conversation (I could pull one out of my ass) However, I sort of….flirt the wrong way because I don’t think of myself as necessary a sex object but a great friend.

The great friend thing has to stop (for boys anyway)

So, watch out world, I’m going to kick some ass and boys will be dying at my feet.

Well, at least some free drinks in a club.

I will give progress reports. The goal of Operation Hotness is to last for 6 months.

Wish me luck (yo)

I am so goddamned bored at home right now. I sort of hate 3 day weekends because on the third day, I end up being stir crazy.

However, in my stir craziness, i have done the following productive chores:

cleaned the kitchen

vaccummed and cleaned my new-old couch

cleaned the stove

did my laundry

set up my bill pay thinger on the internet

called a california friend to see what is going on [she just got engaged!]

now, it’s 430 and i’m fucking bored. I started watching this dvd on color correction but i got bored.

so i’m telling you how bored i am. i called steve to see if he wanted to do something but he has not called back.

SIGH

okay, somebody, anybody ENTERTAIN ME!

There are too many boys in my life. I am going to play dumb (now do I have to REALLY play dumb? c’mon people).

My coworker, Samantha, was talking about her contacts. This led me to a little story I am going to tell you.

I was once driving, in San Diego, and BAM, at 8pm at night, my contact falls out. Since I was driving (stick shift, mind you) there was NO way I was going to look for it. On top of that, I felt my bladder was going to explode.

I was about 20 miles away from home and having one contact popped out, half the world is blurry. So I shut my one blurry eye and looked at the world with my one good eye.

After about five minutes, my eye started to get tired. But I couldn’t open it because of the blurry factor. I had some tape in my glove compartment.

And I taped my eye shut.

But one piece of clear tape wasn’t doing it. So I put five pieces of tape over it.

I should’ve colored it black and made it an eye patch.

I think my eye learned it’s lesson and a contact has never popped out of my eye since.

I’m bored. What are you guys doing?

Top Five Favorite Other Diaries to Read:
–Kerbang
–Lobsterchick
–Gumphood
–VomitingCod
–Concreteslip

Top Five Favorite notes left:

–from concreteslip :
you managed to tape your eye while driving stick, dang. that’s some mad crazy pirate skills.

–from kerbang :
do NOT give computer guy your diary address. that would be like me giving…uh…giving…fuck. i need a woman.

–from kerbang :
I am rolling my eyes as we speak. This makes it very hard to type. And we are not actually speaking. So this is both difficult and fallacious.

–from dinguspie :
great entry, man. about the porn. I have this friend–gump and kerbang too–who went to the air force academy. he suffered through boot camp all summer, and he hadn’t played with grandma even once all summer. So when he got home (he dropped out, as we expected) he was like…’hmm…hey…this is gonna be awesome!’ Indeed, it was: he shot himself in the eye, just like your pal. Moral? You gotta take care of business with greater frequency.

–from concreteslip :
wait. you “blow”..?

Top Five Notes from Gumphood [he’s a frequent visitor]:

–from gumphood :
Needless to say, I need to stop reading philsophy and get laid. —-Sam’s life story…hehehe

–from gumphood :
you are going to date a co-worker.

–from gumphood :
Well put a crown on me cause I am the only one to NOT puke in Casa De Malden. That’s right folks, Champion again. This includes tons of others as well, like Sam tossed, and Broken Face, and Kevins Girl, and all those other bitches who can’t hold in the liquer. Gump ~smooth since 1979

–from gumphood :
Cheating on John again. I think that you will be in love with some of the new charecters that are going to be getting unlocked. I mean…assasin. Beserker. Sofatia, Sung Mina…the list goes on and on and on….(dork note)

–from gumphood :
What’s that on your belt? Let me get it off for you.

Top Five Favorite SNL Cast Members:

–Tim Meadows
–Mike Myers
–Phil Hartman
–Horatio Sanz
–Bill Murray

Favorite time I faked that I was somebody else on diaryland:

August 10, 2003

dinguspie – 2003-08-05 16:37:26
here’s an idea how about you go fuck yourself
——————————-
Gumphood’s answer – 2003-08-05 16:46:54
The door shut. 23 years of partnership and that’s the last thing that was ever said.
He made it clear that he didn’t want any more shit from me. He made it clear that my thoughts meant nothing to him. That our love meant nothing to him. It was all over. My drug habit had finally ended the only happiness I had left.
The only thing left for me now was the street and death.
——————————-
dinguspie – 2003-08-05 16:51:24
hey that wasn’t me!
——————————-
dinguspie – 2003-08-05 16:58:38
hmm. there has been massive confusion. I didn’t pen the comment that says: “Hey that wasn’t me!” which is weird, because the entry that THAT entry disowns was, in fact, written by me. To wit: here’s an idea. how about you go fuck yourself?
——————————-
dinguspie – 2003-08-05 17:27:59
maybe insanity has taken over my hands. Down, hands, down!
——————————-
dinguspie – 2003-08-05 17:28:56
ok…that wasn’t me either
——————————-
dinguspie – 2003-08-05 17:36:58
ok…I don’t know which is me anymore.
——————————-
Paige – 2003-08-05 20:56:47
It’s dinguspie theater
——————————-
dinguspie – 2003-08-05 21:11:25
ahhhh! someone is signing comments with my name! other than me!
——————————-
dinguspie – 2003-08-05 21:53:39
ahhhh! why am I doing this to myself? who am I trying to fool?
*

Top Three Entries that people like to read

–boyfriend application..http://anniewaits18.diaryland.com/application.html
–roommate series/Gumphood
–three holes…http://anniewaits18.diaryland.com/sanfran.html

Favorite Cons List [about moving to Mass]

Cons:
It is hella hella hella hella hella hella hella cold
It is hella hella hella hella hella hella hella cold
The freeways only have two lanes.
* I know like four people.
* “It’s a shithole” says Vikram
* Free editing means I have to actually show it on Public Access. I do not want to die by people I offend.
* I could easily see me saying “Dude, I’m going to Concord (or Conquered however it is spelled)
* Do people have sex in Chelmsford?
* Boredom ? (that could be a neutral factor because it might force me to write shit)

Favorite Conversation that I recounted in an entry

June 11, 2003

3. Convo with Wilbur
Me: Talk to me until Computer guy calls back.
Wilbur: What, you’re over me?
Me: Yes. This train has sailed.
Wilbur: I don’t know about this. I might be jealous now.
Me: Oh, will you shut up.
Wilbur: So, that’s it? You’re over me?
Me: Dude, I like people fast, I fall out of like with people fast. Deal with it.
Wilbur: Don’t deny it never happened!!
Me: What happened?
Wilbur: Whatever.
Convo with Wilbur 2
Wilbur: So what happened on the date?
Me: We had dinner. We talked all night. He put his hand on my leg.
Wilbur: Sounds good.
Me: I was like…ooh, his hand is on my leg. I don’t know what he said because I just kept thinking “his hand is on my leg, his hand on my leg” Needless to say, it was exciting.
Wilbur: Oh, you have a new guy. Yes! Finally got rid of her!
Me: What?
Wilbur: Nothing.
Me; You are such an asshole.
Wilbur: Excuse you, who wanted to see who for lunch today?
Me: You’re still a bastard. So tell me about YOUR date.
Wilbur: well…(enter ellipsis here)

Top Five Favorite Queen Songs
–You’re My Best Friend
–Good Old Fashioned Lover Boy
–Bicycle Race
–I wanna be free [ok, i TOTALLY forgot the title of the song]
–Killer Queen

Top Five Things I Wrote About
–boys
–relationships
–television
–random shit
–favorite lists

Top Five Reasons Why I’m doing my last entry as a list entry

–I wrote a sappy entry..deleted it
–I wrote a funny entry…not funny enough..deleted it
–I have gas [shouldn’t had mac and cheese tonight…and you said let’s go mexi…nevermind]
–I said “fuck it”
–I like typing in hyphens

Top Five Things that changed about me since starting this diary

–not as sarcastic as i used to be [damn!]
–i was always in crushes, i am officially crush proof
–finally had broke my sex drought [woohoo…now on drought number 2..doubly woohoo!]
–learned how to play Soul Caliber
–I drink way too much

Top Five Things I hate

–being lactose intolerant
–not having a dvd player
–the massachusetts weather
–people who break their promises
–guilt trips

Top Five Chicken Dishes

–chicken picatta
–chicken madori
–teriyaki chicken
–pan fried chicken
–salt and pepper chicken from Chopsticks

Top Five Reasons Why I am Leaving Diaryland

–keeping up two diaries is hard work. my livejournal is the more older and more read diary
–I can’t afford to be “gold”…hence my missing picture for the diary
–I like how ANYBODY can comment on my livejournal entries whereas diaryland, you need a membership
–Most of the people I read don’t update here anyway
–You can’t google my entries in Diaryland [damn straight]

Top Five People who read both diaries anyway
–Jasmine
–Jaymee
–Kevin
–Gumphood
–John [depending on which John is up to you]

Top Five Secrets

–Nate Boxley is Gumphood. I figured it out. Sorry.
–Kerbang played a prank on him by iming him with the Nate Boxley handle
–Everyone knew about the Nate Boxley prank [vomitingcod, dinguspie, the other guy, vikram]
–I pluck my eyebrows
–I’m in love with lobsterchick. sorry.

I have so much to say but not enough patience nor bravery to type it out, so instead, i will talk about hair and scorecards.

Example of a scorecard:

[scale of 1 to 5]

Breath-4

Hair-2

Intelligence-4.5

Humor-4.5

Sense of humor-4

Height and Weight-3.5

Hands-4.85

Car-11 [heh heh heh]

Thoughtfulness-5

well, you get the idea. I still need to work on the logistics of this card.

but future suitors, make sure you get at least a 3 in all categories. you get to have 2 categories to fail. I think all girls should have scorecards.

I think i need more categories like choice of moisturizer or if he owns a Ben folds cd. I think I will begin dating again and give you guys scorecards, heh heh heh. i’m such a bitch.

Hair–maybe this is a massachusetts thing, but guys are mad concerned about their hair! I must not pay attention or whatever, but at least 10 guys [can you believe i know that many guys here? well, i do work in tech support…computer geeks] have told me concerns about their hair. I mean, do they watch the propecia or hair club for men commercials and think about joining? Are they doing preventitive [i KNOW that’s spelled wrong] hair…stuff? Girls are obsessed about their weight…guys, their hair.

it’s sort of comforting. some ammunition you can place in your back pocket for that BIG fight where all the big guns are up.

I had a great weekend this past weekend and that’s all i can say. it was pretty awesome. I went to a casino, hampton beach and saw dave attell do standup.

he’s was totally ripping on filipinos [which i am]…which I LOVE. good work dave.

i bought this new lip gloss. i’m hoping that will encourage guys to just gently bend over and wonder it tastes like. or should I say, “this taste like berry, but i’m not sure, can you check?” lame, i know.

…does anyone out there have any good pickup lines i can try? I’ll post the results up here.

and i said GOOD pick up lines not lame ones that get you slapped or where you get the eye roll.

this is all i have for now.