Minimal Effort

Ten things I’ve done that at least almost all of you haven’t:

1. Driven on in the freeway in California where the clouds were black and ashes were falling from the sky.
2. Edited a biography about Tony Danza , got britney’s spears contact information and talked to a known mafia dude and was asked to do a short piece on Victoria Gotti from a literary agent I worked for in New York City.
3. Ask M. Night Shymalan the meaning of the color “red” in his movie “The Sixth Sense.”
4. Woke up, looked outside my window to see one WTC tower down and the other one still standing…then see a plane crash right into it.
5. Driven across country three times [been to every state except for 10]
6. Fallen asleep on a subway train until 4am and ended up in an island [i know, what?]
7. Bumped into Bjork at Virgin Megastore. [and then served her family coffee and one caramel.]
8. Dropped 3 years of pre-med to go to film school.
9. Was driven to the emergency room to drink coal water and was subsequently committed for two weeks for being a “danger to myself”…and had to have “mandatory fun” every monday.
10. Hmmm. Didn’t have my first kiss until I was 22. Didn’t hold hands with a guy until i was 21 [i’m a late bloomer]

Huh. Didn’t realize my life was interesting until this exercise. Not too shabby.

I used to think that my expectations were too high for the kind of guy that i want and got used to the fact that i would probably a successful woman, just alone.

I used to think, if i had a job that i’d love, my life would be worth it and complete.

now i think, why the fuck can’t i have both?

i don’t know where this comes from, but there’s an impression that society gives…i guess through media and whatnot, that, in order to be a successful career woman, you have to give up domesticity. it’s either, you’re a mom or a lawyer/doctor…you can’t be both.

i don’t even know where i’m going with this entry. i suppose i was thinking of great boyfriend material. i’ve met tons of guys who make great boyfriend material…those who will cook you dinner, let them meet your friends and parents, and those who will spoon with you all night at his apartment.

then there’s the other one. the guy who makes you feel alive and great and you laugh. but he’s an awful boyfriend. he wouldn’t do any of the above. i dated this guy in new york city and we would laugh and laugh and laugh…but..i hated everything else about him. and i thought…’i will never find a guy with the same sense of humor as i, or who will make me laugh as hard as he does’ and we had a strained one month relationship before we called it quits.

humor could not save us.

why can’t you have passion for the funny great boyfriend material together? why is it one or the other? should you just settle for one?

meh.

i need a new hobby…like knitting.

I was thinking about something today.

I was thinking about how in order to know yourself, you have to get away from the self that everyone knew you by and see what’s left.

so…what’s left?

there’s a part of me that’s thinking i’ve made a big mistake about my life. i’ve made a big mistake about this.

i feel so lost sometimes.

i don’t know what i want anymore.

talked to boy last night, had a good long talk and so on and so forth. i guess we’ll be okay. the whole “we’ll see what happens” type of deal.

in other news, i’m like one of those Sex in the City girls…averaging one boy a month. i was driving on 93 today and i burst out laughing like a madman because of the absurdity of it all. meh. what happens happens and at this point, it seems that a relationship is way overrated. might as well mess around for a bit until i figure out what i want.

found this in another journal that i was passing through on today.

1. What is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you?

wow. i’ve never been anything long enough for it to be romantic. i’ve never had anyone do anything grand, but that really doesn’t matter since it’s the tiny shit that fucking KILLS me. i suppose i can think of the top three almost romantic bits: 1. boy A calls me up and wants to do something…but we have no money. so he said, “let’s take a walk into the city.” and we walked all night through the city and took me to this place, at 3am, where you could see the world trade center, the empire state building, the chrysler building and some crazy triangle building. i remember the spot being right next to a big lion in front of the new york library [you can see said lion in ghostbusters]. he wanted to kiss me but i was too nervous, so he just held me in his arms. 2. i called up boy B wanting to smoke. thought was going to go to his place and do such activities. instead, he took me on top of this mountain thing around 10pm to overlook the city. he also did not kiss me because he did not know how i felt, but it was pretty romantic and we talked about my life in massachusetts thus far. 3. boy C…he once asked me what my “happy food” is and i said that he could never find it because there is no filipino restaurant facility in massachusetts. well, two days later, my friend samantha calls me up and says “hey, do you know a chicken and rice porridge recipe or something? I’m trying to find it” and I say “Wha…? Why?” and she said “Oh, boy C called me thi afternoon looking for the recipe.” That KILLED me. Alas, we broke up 2 days later due to unforeseeable circumstances. Wow, this made me sad. i have no romance.

2. Who was your first love?
   Nobody. Haven’t fallen in love yet. Does that make me a sad sad woman?
3. Chocolates, flowers, or something else?

I’m not a big fan of chocolate. I always dreamed of getting flowers at work so the woman across from me would be furious at such a gesture [heh]. However, what would kill me would be…hmmm…i don’t know. i guess it’s flowers, i can’t think of anything actually. i’m that boring.

4. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no way. i have never been attracted to uber good looking guys or whatnot. however, really funny sarcastic gys kill me but that’s not love, it’s adoration and being smitten.

5. What do you have planned for this Valentine’s Day?
   i plead the fifth. actually, I have nothing planned but maybe the new boy will take care of that. otherwise, i’m watching sex in the city.

wow, this survey just showed how short-lived all my “relationships” have been. granted, i really haven’t had one but that is just my luck rather than me not being awesome.

my roommates have been teasing me about how i’m never home any more…and how i am either:

a. dead.
b. moved out.
c. have a boyfriend.

neither are really true…yet. heh. The fact of the matter is that there are many events coming up and/or have passed. One of these many events is a semi-fancy dinner and breakfast I had to go to.

The dinner, was business casual. So i wore a business casual dress [i’ve worn it to dinners with lawyers. i was suing mcdonald’s for having temptuous fries]. However, a girl friend of mine thought of me as a blank palette and decided to do my hair and makeup.

Truth of the matter, is that I do like being fussed about because, lord knows I know how to look good. I also like feeling that i have any potential to looking good anyway. So hair is made, makeup is done. Three boys were waiting for me [cute boy and our standard married couple] as I was taking forever.

one of them even barged into the bathroom and said “SHARON you look beautiful, LET’S GO!”

so, out I went to be ushered into the car as cute boy offered to drive me as I knew I would kill myself driving with heels. As I walked out to his car, I felt really awkward.

You see, I looked in the mirror, and i did not look like myself and it sort of scared me. Not that I thought I looked good. Not at all. I did not look LIKE ME. I did recognize myself. Hence, i could not tell if I was more unattractive or attractive…it just wasn’t me..y’know?

So, I walk to the car [yeah, this is a long walk] and cute boy says “WOOOO. Look at you all gussied up.” and I say “Shut up.” and he says “Feeling awkward?” and I said “yes, i don’t feel like myself.” [I felt like one of those girls in those bad makeover romantic comedies].

I got into the car and he looks at me and says “You know what?” “what?” “You look really beautiful tonight.”

He could’ve said pretty or nice. He said beautiful. Me, beautiful? WHAT?

Of course, I blushed uncontrollably and I changed the subject to something else.

But here’s the deal, no boy has ever dubbed me beautiful, so now I’m recording it in my diary so when somebody says i’m ugly or fat, i can say..”Oh yeah, on January 27, 2005, a cute boy called me beautiful, so NYAH”

Only took 26 years.

I FUCKING HATE SNOW.

I FUCKING HATE SNOW.

one more time.

I FUCKING HATE SNOW.

i was shoveling my car out of the driveway, because of course, i’m stuck. and i was yelling [keep in mind, the mayor lives next door] ‘STOP FUCKING SNOWING! SNOW COME BACK FROM WHENCE YOU CAME FROM!’

and then i came into work two hours late, swearing up and down that i was moving back to california because i CANNOT TAKE THIS SHIT.

that and being drenched with snow, then changing in my pajamas to shovel more snow [with lots of help from datchery, THANK YOU DATCH!] and once we got my car out of there, i was like “FUCK IT! I’M GOING TO WORK!”

and then remembering that, i am in my pajamas.

oh well.

i can’t stop watching the world series. have i gone insane? i’ve only been in boston for about a year and watching it makes me cry sometimes because, i’m so touched by it. wow, i’m a wuss.

a friend blew up on me because i was slow on the updates. it’s been awhile since someone’s blown up at me, so i guess it was due time.

it is also a full moon, so everyone is officially insane. cats and dogs are holding hands, the snow is being vomited on my soul, and my dream to be a panda eating a bamboo stick is becoming less and less of a reality.

you know what’s actually funny? i was reading The Boy’s [i’m thinking of a good alias] friends diary…if that makes sense, and i think..i think, i figured out who all of them are. they all sound like they write and i think the pictures are a dead give-away. i shyly left a comment to one of the boy’s roommates. i always think that’s sort of odd, to communicate with someone through lj…that you know through someone else, and yet that makes up a quarter of my own friends list. hmmm.

okay, i’m listening to hall and oates. it really is a full moon.

this day fucking sucked.

addendum: well, cute boy [I need to find an appropriate alias for him, methinks] took me out for ‘happy food’ for lunch, so that was nice. although, my true happy food is arroz caldo. figure out to make that dish, and i’ll be on you like flies on shit.

i remember a long time ago, when i was younger and i would watch these movies, like “Home Alone” or “Uncle Buck” or even of “When harry met sally” where they would show snow scenes, like snowballs, forts, snow angels, snow men and anything of the like. I watched those movies and I thought “why not me?? why not us??” I always wanted to go tubing and sledding.

after this blizzard, now i think “how the fuck can they have this shit every year?” I officially hate snow. anything that will disallow my freedom to murk upon the universe or the town, is now something i hate.

hencethereforeto, i hate snow.

i really do.

in other news, i think this cute boy with blue eyes likes me. he duct taped my glasses together.

does he want me or what? hehe.

im going to bed now.

that’s what they yell around here when there is a fart to be made and executed. i think i’m loosening up and am actually farting [granted, it’s only air] in places other than my room.

I did absolutely NOTHING today. watched a marathon on comedy central which was quite delicious and gave me a whole new appreciation for dave attell. now i wish i saw him and lewis black when they were in town in san diego but i had to save up for boston.

i am still a broke ass and will find out, soon, when i start my new job. starting as in training hard core for the new position. it’s all right though, i’m getting my ass trained.

but i hate being a broke ass and having to stay home all the time. my friend kay saw my picture [from the drunken night of many nights ago] and said i was turning white! she couldn’t believe how pale i am now.

oh well. i’m going to watch sneakers now and have gas. doesn’t taht sound grand? boring entry, boring entry. i just like the way my keys sound when i type fast.

makes me feel important.

Let me tell you a story. When I was in the 8th grade, I had two best friends–Angela and Melissa. And we hung out all the time and we went to movies, shared secrets, things of that nature. We were a threesome.

Then Regina moved into the neighborhood, and, knowing she was out of the state and all, I went over and introduced myself and said if she needed any friends, she could come over and we could hang out.

Angela and Melissa did not like this AT ALL. And started ignoring me. I, on the other hand, didn’t understand why they were so mad. They started excluding me from outings and would hang outside the house and give me looks of disdain. I was so unhappy and it just pushed me to hang out with Regina even more.

So, one day, I went up to them and said “what’s up?” and we had a good long talk and such and how they really didn’t like Regina and didn’t like i was giving her my attention.

Ok. So, now we’re good. Or are we?

I went to Angela’s house at one time and while she was in the bathroom and Melissa was on her way over, I saw a piece of paper on the floor. It had my name on it.

The piece of paper was titled “Why we hate Sharon.” and it listed all these reasons why i was an awful person.

If I remember correctly:
-She never has money. [my parents didn’t give me allowance. We were 14. They, on the other hand had parents who would give them money whenever they wanted. Sigh]
-She laughs too loud.
-She can never spend the night [again, due to my parents]

I think it was mentioned i was ugly and fat or something or other. I have never felt so awful in my life. Aren’t friends supposed to love you inside and out for all your faults? Isn’t that what friendship was about? I am ALWAYS willing to help people out…i drive to buttfuck and back so people can have fun, i bring people food, i lend you money if i have it and even if i’m broke, I put in a lot of time, effort and thought to my presents I give people.

And suffice to say, that’s not the only time it’s happened.

I bring up this story because a friend from back home was telling me something similar and asking me if i really hated her and all this good stuff. OF COURSE NOT.

So, I never told Angela nor Melissa about that note and I acted as if everything was the same. I did eventually dropped them but I gave other excuses for it.

Because I’m not malicious and because I know when to grow up.

Thank god for my friends today.