Minimal Effort

I am addicted to the lamest game ever. Free Cell.

I keep trying to beat my coworker’s record of 61 straight wins. The most I can get is 12 straight wins. Why do I even bother with this stupid game?

Is it sad that I have a soft spot for 70s soft rock? I’m listening to “I’d Love to See you tonight” by England Dan and John Ford Copley [some dude]. Who the HELL is England Dan anyway? Why do I like such pussy ass music? Why am I imagining myself running in the forest, laughing in the rain, with a paramour? The warm is wind and the stars are out.

Gah, I’ve been totally sucked in to those “walks by the beach” commercials where they show a bunch of soft rock in a scrolling manner and you see a silhouette of people walking. I HATE walking on the beach! I hate scrolling credits and yet, I like this stupid music…and i’m like “I NEED that compilation! AHHHH”

Has anyone read or seen that new Kurt Vonnegut book? It’s called “Man without a country”…i’ve been looking for it. Has Vonnegut lost his touch or is he just as snazzy as “Breakfast of Champions”

Do people read anymore?

not only was it a rough day at work and any sort of ‘i’m going to quit smoking’ notions went out the window today..i did not get PAID! That screws you up royally, especially when you have your car insurance due and you were planning to get that shit in time.

especially, especially if you get your bills taken out on payday so you don’t suffer from money remorse [i want that shit out of there asap so i don’t even touch it or think of touching it]

man, thank GOD i only work monday through thursday…

in other news..i might be getting an ipod. i am currently doing a lifestyle change [yeah, lifestyle change, i don’t want to say ‘diet’] wherein every 5 pounds, i reward myself with something. well, i’ve lost 11 thus far [i started about 5 weeks ago…so don’t be thinking i lost it overnight or anything] and i was going to treat myself to a mac makeup spree. samantha was asking what my rewards were…and i said when i would get to 30 pounds lost, i would get an ipod for easier gym purposes.

keith happen to overhear me [he was doing some sort of test] and said ‘why don’t you just get the ipod now? i’m selling mine’. not sure how i feel about bowing down to steve jobs and his evil mac ways, however, i’m starting to fall in love with the ipod.

i’m giving it a test drive this week and will decide accordingly at the end of the week. i do like how it’s tiny and i must look cool sihouette style with the white ear buds [they’re called ear buds people, not earphones anymore. whatevs]. not sure how i feel about mp3 quality nor the expensive accessories nor that i don’t have a firewire connection or a usb 2.0 connection [geek talk here]. so i have to buy a firewire card, essentially.

ANYWAY, most of my friends [read coworkers] are ALL about ipods are strongly suggesting to get it rather than the mac makeup. granted, they’re all boys but maybe they are thinking of my scratched up cds.

oh yeah, i’m going to see the Dresden dolls on halloween. dude, i have NEVER been to a concert [excuse me, “show”] in Massachusetts yet. i’m curious about the music venue around here.

OH, and i’m seeing colin quinn at the comedy connection with my best friend. yeah, you know you guys are jealous.

i’m going to eat scallops now and watch xfiles. ahhhh…geekdom.

oh yeah, i forgot. finally finished The Da Vinci Code..which my sister and my friend Wilbur highly recommended [wilbur: “i canNOT believe you haven’t read it yet. it has your name all over it.”].

now i am sad. i read a few chapters every night [since each chapter is like a page long] and i had become buddies with robert langdon and his cryptographer lady-friend. sigh. damn you good books for ending on me.

anyway, so i decided to take a gander on the trailer…and HOLY SHIT. can we say DREAM CAST ?!?!

i’m super excited about the movie now. I mean, fucking ian mckellan is in it…and so is that guy from “the professional” [or the french guy in mission impossible 2] AND fucking Alfred Molina!! i love that guy [read: doc ock in spiderman 2, the love interest of frida koehlo [i sooo spelled that wrong] in Frida, William H. Macy’s boss in Magnolia] sigh. The lead parts are going to Tom Hanks [not sure how I feel about him as the lead character just yet] and Audrey Tautou–miss excellent woman in Amelie. She apparently beat out a bunch of other people in the auditions.

ANYWAY, it’s being directed by Ron Howard, whom, is rather talented, not one of my favorite directors but i know i’ll have a good time with him.

by the way…i saw flight plan. dude, i wanted to slit my wrists, i hated that movie. the pothead kid from Garden State was in it though, which was interesting.

somebody asked me how i keep remembering editors, producers, directors and actors and their work.

well…i don’t know. i pay attention to the credits people and i DID study film, y’know. and I DO have the longest shift to man. but also….what else do i have to do? I can’t remember authors for the life of me or the capital of cities or presidents.

we all have our weak points and strong points. mine is memorizing credits. could be worse, i could’ve memorized the elements of the periodic table

[ok, i did memorize the elements of the periodic table…but only up to Tin. I don’t remember what’s after that except for molybdum but that’s because i like the way it sounds]

Da Vinci Code! Finally!! a movie to look forward too

[i’m so buying angels and demons this weekend]

serenity, stitches and sushi…oh my. [my attempt at alliteration prevails again].

friday:

i got my new glasses as i have broken my other ones. i only tell you this because when you see my new glasses, i am going to look so smart and you are going to wish you were as smart as me. thank god for glasses.

afterwards, i went to see Serenity with brendan. I was sorta wary about it but since he was paying, how could i complain? i took him to this badass sushi place in andover which was introduced to me by my friend kevin. we dined, went to my place to drink some wine and then…we went to a theater that had some swine [aha! i rhymed!]. Serenity, i must say, was a lot better than i thought it would be. now, i’m quite curious about that firefly series. i know i planned to go with conlielpanic and chad…and i must say, i wouldn’t mind watching it again.

sidenote: what is up with joss whedon always having a mousy intelligent girl who has a crush on some unsuspecting guy? i mean, willow in buffy and that girl with the glasses in angel. we need to kill that storyline. i mean, yeah, mousy intelligent girls unite but still…he always likes the mousy girl [the mousy girl in serenity bugged me though and so did her love interest.

anyway, afterwards, we sneaked into watch flight plan and dude…one of the worst movies ever. i am SO glad i did not pay for that shiz. i was like, for the LOVE OF GOD, find the fucking kid, i am so about to kill jodie foster myself. yeah, yeah, yeah, she’s missing but man, why do i want to watch that?

after watching that movie, i felt dirty, so promptly afterwards i took brendan home, as i’m sure, he felt he had been raped by that movie…and without lubricant.

the strange part of the weekend comes in the next day…saturday.

risa is in baltimore so i pretty much had the house to myself. i’m pretty broke, so it’s not like i can go gallavanating or anything. brendan had wanted to hang out again [because, essentially, i am his only friend at this point]. he calls me up and says “hmmm. i could either go to the hospital or go drinking with you.”

me: “hospital? for what?”
him: “I cut my finger and it won’t stop bleeding. well, it’s stop bleeding but it was bleeding a lot. i think i cut it very deep. maybe i should just dip it in alcohol cause i really want to go drinking.”
me: “do you want me to take a look at it? i’ve gotten stitches before. i don’t want your thumb falling off or turning green because you decided to go drinking.”
him: “good idea.”

so i show up at his apartment and as i take off the bandage, i was half expecting a scratch…because boys are such pussies sometimes. “oh god, i nearly cut my finger off” and it’s a fucking paper cut. OR maybe it’s because i’m surrounded by a lot of guys who like to use hyperbole in their stories. either way, i expected something minor and we could go out drinking.

when i take of the bandage, it looks pretty deep. it looks like he needs to get some stitches or something. as i examined it, it started gushing again and brendan started to…not yelp but a sarcastic ow. i guess he was in pain? i say “i think we should go to the hospital”

so we head off to the hospital and the nurse looks at it and is like “yeah, you need stitches, you need to go to the emergency room” and brendan is saying “hmm…do you think we’ll still have time for drinking?” [the man is on a MISSION! DAMN!]. we go to the emergency room and while i’m reading about bragelina and lindsay lohan and trying to figure out if the red sox are going to the postseason [if indians win and red sox lose…if yankees win and indians wait…that’s the same as if indians win and red sox lose…goddammit], bredan comes out about 2 hours later with the biggest, gauziest, hitchhiking thumb i have ever seen. then i burst out laughing, because, it’s pretty funny.

that’s what you get with guys who try to cook.

regardless, we ended up drinking, i passed out on his couch and then i got a ticket for parking overnight EVEN THOUGH the parking meter said “sundays excluded.” I feel like i should fight the ticket but then again, i’m fucking lazy.

well, that was my weekend..AND i figured out how to get an internet connection in my apartment. TEAM AMERICA, FUCK YEAH!

to bring you this useless survey!!!!!!!!!! [superfluous exclamation marks were typed by ben n.]

1. Of all the bands/artists in your cd/record collection, which one do you own the most albums by?: The Beatles.
2. What was the last song you listened to?: Head Over Heels by Tears For Fears
3. What’s in your CD player right now?: Ben Folds –Songs for Silverman
4. What song would you say sums you up?: Don’t Change Your Plans for Me by Ben Folds Five
5. What’s your favorite local band?: local? The only one i know locally is those Red Sox guys…I already forgot their names. They’re always singing that “Tessie” song.
6. What was the last show you attended?: Street Scene in San Diego [I heart Shirely Manson…ok, i heart Butch Vig too…and the guitarists. Goddammit, I heart the whole Garbage]
7. What was the greatest show you’ve ever been to?: Hmmm. Kids In the Hall in New York [it didn’t say what KIND of show] although Upright Citizen’s Brigade was pretty goddamned awesome.
8. What’s the worst band you’ve ever seen in concert?: Louis the ViV or something. I forgot. They were pretty boring.
9. What band do you love musically but hate the members of?: Probably Smashing Pumpkins…
10. What is the most musically involved you have ever been?: I don’t get this question. Like, if I was in a band or when I was obsessed with music? Probably college I guess?
11. What show are you looking forward to?: Dave Attell
12. What is your favorite band shirt?: Ah. My High Point shirt [the bassist of Ben Folds wore this shirt a bunch]
13. What musician would you like to hang out with for a day?: Freddie Mercury.
14. What musician would you like to be in love with for a day?: God, I”m tempted to say Rivers Cuomo but I’m going to say Dave Grohl. God, he’s dreamy.
15. Metal question-Jeans and Leather vs. Cracker Jack clothes?: Huh? [what the hell are cracker jack clothes? can i just say jeans?]
16. Sabbath or solo Ozzy?: solo Ozzy…especially after he performed at the Superbowl. He cracks me up. hehe.
17. Commodores or solo Lionel Ritchie?: tough one. I’ll say Lionel Ritchie because of that blind girl.
18. Punk rock, hip hop or heavy metal?: tough decison between punk rock and hip hop. I’ll say….punk rock.
19. Doesn’t Primus suck?: if my only frame of reference is South Park, I’m gonna say no.

20 name 4 flawless albums:

1. Rubber Soul by the Beatles
2. Godd new for People who Love Bad News by Modest Mouse
3. In Search of… by NERD
4. Beautiful Freak by eels
5. Did you know that filling out this survey makes you a music geek?: did you know that you’re an idiot?
6. What was the greatest decade for music?: 70s
7. How many music-related videos/dvds do you own? like 4? [bjork, ben folds [duh], beastie boys is round here somewhere and blur…hey! they all start with B!]
8. Do you like Journey?: I like the fact that they were in the 25 lamest videos. [dream team commentators: jon stewart, denis leary, chris kattan, janeane garafalo]
9. Don’t try to pretend you don’t!: i like the journey cover by Nerf Herder. yummy.
10. What is your favorite movie soundtrack?: Probably Magnolia. It would probably be Rushmore if it weren’t for that annoying french song. The Virgin Suicides is pretty good too.
11. What was your last musical “phase” before you wisened up?: Probably the musical era of RENT and such.
12. What’s the crappiest CD/record/etc. you’ve ever bought?:
    Britney Spears, Ooops I did it again. I can’t help it. It was so goddamned catchy.
13. Do you prefer vinyl or CDs?: vinyl
14. All totalled, how much do you spend on music a month?: about 30 bucks. [it used to be about 75 to 100 but then, i had no car. sigh]

I like how it says HOT in caps. YESSSS…. if you guys want me to give you your birth month, leave me a comment. yee-ha

JULY:
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood. Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people’s feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. spazzy at times. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets. dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying. Loves to be alone. Always broods about the past and the old friends. HOT. Waits for friends. Never looks for friends. Not aggressive unless provoked. Loves to be loved. Easily hurt but takes long to recover.

I love meeting new people, especially when they have an abnormal amount in common with you.

I hate being poor though. I JUST got paid and already, i have no money. Rent, bills, car..you get the idea. What’s the point, I wonder, sometimes?

I had a friend over Saturday night and we killed all of the wine. We were craving for more and left my apartment around 11pm to get more alcohol.

Oh, i fucking forgot…Massachusetts doesn’t sell liquor after 11pm. So after we went to store after store [neither of us is originally from MA], getting more and more disappointed with MA. I think this is the stupidest law EVER. We were staring at the wine that was teasing us behind a window. At one point, my friend said “Should we just some Robitussin and see if we can drunk off of that?”..I don’t know which is funnier…the fact that he asked that or the fact that I said “Hmmmm….”.

After our failed adventure, we came back to my apartment to watch the rest of the “Real Time with Bill Maher”. I told my friend to help himself to the kitchen and if we magically had alcohol, to do something with it. I went to the bathroom and when I came back, he had concocted a diet coke/vodka/apple schnapps type drink. We were desperate to get drunk [maybe desperate is not the word, but it WAS saturday night no less]. I still got pretty toasty, so much, I gave him the rest of my drink.

There’s nothing more relaxing then watching Kurt Vonnegut and Bill Maher drinking wine with a fun person. Well, maybe a massage from a massage parlour is more relaxing…but you get what i mean.

I NEED WINE! [i’m out]

i have an old man crush on Kurt Vonnegut. I saw him on my two favorite shows: The Daily Show and Real Time with Bill Maher. He’s so fucking sassy! and sharp.

This weekend is pretty much NYU weekend:

Tomorrow I have lunch with my friend’s [chinar] girlfriend. I knew Chinar from film school and we got along grandly. He’s back in Bollywood [read: India] during some AD work, I believe. His girlfriend moved to boston to go to school. We’re going to the Prudential Center.

Saturday, I have some sort of meal with Brendan. As I recall, he was a quiet shy guy in film class…we didn’t talk much but I always appreciated his shorts. Turns out he gave up film! Now he’s going to law school. How crazy. He has indicated he was going to try to ride on my coattails in Boston.

Too bad I have no coattails.

Maybe I should start over too. Hmmm. Medical School anyone?

me and flat tires. man, i have the best luck.

so on like, saturday or friday night, like nearly 2am..i went out to run a quick errand [we are nearby some 24 hour places] and to smoke some cigarettes. I have given myself a new rule…no cigarettes in the house and none on the porch…so i have to REALLY fucking want one in order to go for a drive and with those goddamned gas prices.

Sidenote…does anybody watch REAL TIME with Bill Maher? That show is my new favorite show. it’s so fucking funny and i LOVE the things he says. It hits the heart so much that like, Chris Rock cringed once..and he was like “woah” ] Anyway, Chris Rock was a panel host and he was like “I have to go on the fucking surreal life so i can pay for my fucking gas. what the fuck is up with gas prices?” i laughed so HARD at that. Good ol’ chris rock.. back to the story

anyway, so i was totally feening for one in the middle of the night as i had a lot of things on my mind. So, there’s this corner that has like nearly no lights. I totally miscalculated my turn and ran into a curb that blew out my tire.

GREAT.

So, i’m in my pajamas [as i did not think i would be out more than 15 minutes tops] and i did not bring my cell phone [who the hell am i going to call at 3am? who the hell is going to call me? I’m going to be gone for 15 minutes]. I drove my flat tired ass to the nearest gas station..which was thankfully open 24 hours a day [across from the Revere theater]. So, i looked at my tire and it was like “Hmmm. I vaguely remember how to change a tire.”

This old guy sees me crouching in my holey pajama pants and my dishelved hair and was like “oh my goodness..do you need any help?” short of buying me a new tire? Hmmm. But I said “Um…i’m trying to decide what to do.” Then I looked into his eyes. Not a creep. A father. Looked at his hand, married. Looked at his car, looked normal. Then I said, “Could you give me a ride home?” and he’s like “sure.”…yeah, it was a risky gesture but i figure, it would be days till i would be noticed missing anyway. well not until monday at 3pm….at my job. sheesh. that kind of sucks.

anyway, so we’re in his car and he tells me that he has a daughter about my age and he would freak out if she was stuck in the same jam and it was kind of like helping her out, since she works late as well. He took me to my apartment and i thanked him profusely and he said, with his thich revere accent “anything i can do for yah” [i can’t write it out]

I woke the shit out of my roommate, feeling like an idiot and explained it to her. She knows I have insomnia sometimes though, so she wasn’t TOO terribly surprised that i was up driving around but nevertheless, i was the asshole waking her up. We drove to my car and i took out the appropriate tools and it took me FOREVER to turn that jack to lift. for the love of god, how do people have the patience or the knees for this?

This guy, Mike, comes in a truck and asks if we need help. I’m a little wary but he looks at it and says “i can take care of that.” and he takes the sprocket thinger and the turning thinger and turns into this crazy rotation thinger that moves the jack twice as fast! OOOH, that’s why those pole things have holes…to turn into a super tool.

So he changes my tire for me and i again, thank him profusely and he’s like “well, i knew we guys were useful for something” [ok, he didn’t really say that, he said something like that though]

anyway, so i’m driving around in a donut until wednesday when i can afford for a new tire. thankfully, this is a whole NEW tire that i haven’t damaged just yet.

and don’t worry, i’m going to get a new set with my next pager pay.

the end.

A – Age of your first kiss-
22…yeah, i’m a late bloomer.

B – Band you are listening to right now-
ben folds

C – Color (hair)-
reddish with blonde and black streaks [lovin’ it]

D – Dad’s name-
Arnie

E – Easiest person to talk to-
Christine

F – Favorite ice cream-
mint cookies and cream.

G – Gummy worms or bears?-
Gummy worms.

H – Hometown-
San Diego, CA

I – Injuries-
gash on my left elbow [i fell out of a sofa bed and skin hit a metal corner…ow]

J – Job-
Technical Support…we’re not all assholes, people are just stupid and lazy.

K – Kids-
If I had a hot husband, one..possibly two. I don’t want no ugly kids.

L – Longest car ride-
San Diego to Massachusetts

M – Mom’s name-
Josephine

N – Nicknames-
Share [not many people use it though]

O – One wish-
awesome film career or awesome significant other [if i can’t have both, i’ll take one of ’em]

P – Phobias-
commitment

Q – Quotes-
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a
substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?”

“If you throw at someone’s head, it’s very dangerous, because in the head is the brain.”
— Pudge Rodriguez to AM 1270 WXYT in Detroit.

R – Reason to smile-
I don’t have gas anymore

S – Song you sang last-
Landed by Ben Folds

T – Time you woke up today-
6:33 a.m. [looooooong story]

U – Unknown fact about me-
I can read music.

V – Vegetable-
Corn. mmmmm.

W – Worst habit-
Smoking

X – X-Rays you most recently had-
On my knee. Basketball accident in January of 2000 [i only remember because it was the same day as the Superbowl…Jets versus Ravens]

Y – Years since you’ve been to Church-
less than a year…actually last month. went to a wedding.

Z – Zodiac sign-
cancer

“real” entry next time yo.