Minimal Effort

You should take it. It asks you questions about…animals??

Like, what animal would you like to be for 5 minutes…and these are the results I get.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You’d like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future… one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You’ll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

When it says “Do you know you can easily add a photo?” and I try to and it’s not that easy.

Those liars.

Anyway, what was I going to say? Oh, so I am trying this low carbohydrate/high protein diet. I don’t think it’s going well. Not that I’m craving carbs like a mofo but I’m bored. If I don’t like it by the end of this week or it the suckage factor is high, then I”m going back to counting calories [what I was doing before] instead of counting carbs. At least when I was counting calories, I could technically eat whatever I wanted but just had to watch the portion amount.

Enough of that girly stuff.

I wanted to do an ode to my roommate. I have to tell you guys, my roommate is pretty awesome. Quite possibly the best roommate I’ve had and I’ve had a LOT of roommates.

Ode to my roommate [let’s see if i can make this rhyme]

I’m your private dancer
dancer for money, any old musi….

oops

wrong ode. [no, seriously, i just downloaded that song because I had it in my head. damn, it’s so catchy]

ok, let me retry

Ode to my roommate

roommate, oh, roommate
you don’t mind that i come home late
you don’t let the trash overflow
you don’t have a 24/7 mate

dear roommate, you are so neat
and i mean in a ‘neato’ type of way
you also don’t mind that i eat a lot of meat
we have the same goals in life, which makes me say ‘yay!’

roommate, oh, roommate,
what i like best is that you don’t judge
you have a great work ethic that i admire
but you also help me out when i fudge

roommate, i just want to say
i have never seen an empty toilet roll
a nice added bonus is that you are my friend
and understand when life takes it’s toll
on me.

ok, that last line was lame. But this is to my roommate. Thanks dude. You absolutely rock and I hope this shows how much I appreciate you. Yay for clean, respectable, responsible yet fun roommates!

and I am so addicted to that private dancer song. You know when you’re getting old when you’re listening to old 80s tina turner tunes instead of checking the new ashley olsen or simpson [who is it?] song.

I bought this new car freshener thing and it is called “white sand” or something. Something supposedly reminiscent of the ocean or beach.

but in all honesty, it just smells like a man’s cologne. So when I go in my car, it smells man-like. Is that good or bad? Does that give the impression that I just have hot men in my car all the time or that I’m a manly person?

hmmmm.

so i never got the crepes [in case you were wondering from my last entry of 8 bazillion years ago].

my mind is scattered all over the abyss of life. yeah, that made NO sense. i guess my dreams of being an author have been smashed.

well, my mind is scattered and it’s affecting my social life, as in, i have been disappointment central to a bunch of people. part of me feels bad but another part of me feels, goddammit, i got other things to do and i try as i may but things and annoyances and doctors come up.

I was to have read 2 scripts. Yeah, i STARTED both of them but finished neither. Unfinished emails. Unreturned calls. I was coaxed into coming to New York city in a particular time frame and then persuaded to do some video projects and lose weight and move all in the same breath. the lose weight thing is more of my thing though. my sister is in town. my best friend’s birthday. a holiday. work raises and “stepping up” and such. the disappointment of not going to a conference. trying to make it in rhode island and a museum. bills to be paid. dvrs to be set. [thank GOD for the fucking dvr] a house-warming party that took ALL freaking day to prepare and emptied my bank account.

obviously, all stream of consciousness right now, as i speak. my head is spinning. my good nature is still there but the distraction factor is high.

basically, to all you people out there. i apologize for my distractedness, my broken promises and my unreturned emails and phone calls. i need a freaking secretary.

so, here’s my life in a nutshell:

–new apartment, new awesome roommate [i will write an ode to him in a future entry]
–i still love boys but am crush proof
–my favorite sister came into town for half a week. she came up with a top five list which will be in a locked entry to protect the guilty.
–new couches
–my friend and future bridesmaid Gina and her husband Ariel was in New York. Unfortunately with the party, the sister and the preparation and lack of sleep, i missed her in the short time frame. GODDAMMIT!
–my best friend’s birthday extravaganze [oh yes, it will be an extravaganze]
–beer pub crawling and ego defeat of citgo and friend
–oooh, new haircut and dye from the recommendation of termofart [i forgot to tell you. i’m looking pretty fucking hot]
–anger at work and management over ….STUFF!! [in a future entry as well]
–maid of honor duties for upcoming wedding
–asked to oversee a marketing video to be shown at the biggest conference my company attends
–and asked to teach 4 classes this year about film.
–finishing of an olympics event [and being the capn’ of said team]
–wedding in london. jesus people. i’m broke here.
–wedding in hawaii. please see above.
–my new love, the dvr, to watch the following shows:
–the daily show
–celebrity fit club
–project runway
–24
–Lost

oh, and from my sister’s visit, i gots me a digital camera and a guitar. i will learn “puff the magic dragon” as my friend Jeff will sing said song and we will perform the worse concert ever. you know you want to go.

so yeah, spinning and spinning and spinning. i need some me time, seriously. i don’t know which i like better…too busy or not busy enough. hmmmm.

in my next entry….

ode to my roommate.

I’m watching my daily show dvr [as i have it recorded daily] and there is this french author.

and now after watching this french man [who is not familiar with american humor], i am totally craving crepes. i haven’t had crepes since 2001.

are there crepes in massachusetts? god, what i would do for a crepe right now.

i have this interesting habit of watching workout videos once before i do the actual workout. Sometimes i do this eating. Right now, i’m watching fit-tv to see, i guess how hard it is…cause what i used to do is go into a workout blindly and then i end up saying ‘holy fucking shit, this workout is long.’ obviously, i hate when something conquers me in such way, so i end up doing the goddamned workout for weeks until i think “i thought THIS was hard? what was i thinking?” anyway, after i finish this entry, i’ll start working out.

i feel like i don’t have many pet peeves but the few i do, drive me CRAZY beyond belief and i don’t even bother arguing or making a big fuss, i just let things go. i think a lot of people need to learn to just let things go, the less you let things bother you, the happier i think you will be.

well, that’s how i feel about my life anyway. i used to be a pretty intense person. i guess, i still am but just in the dark crevices of my tell-tale heart [ok, i tried to fit a lame edgar allan poe reference but i couldn’t remember what i was trying to refer to. i think it was a monkey]

Just so pretty people know not to piss me off in the future, here are my top 5 pet peeves..from least annoying to most annoying.

My top five pet peeves:

5. Not changing the toilet paper roll. How fucking hard is that to do? Especially if a fresh roll is ON TOP OF THE SINK. I’ve lived in many many apartments with many many roommates, and i cannot fathom how people can be THAT lazy.
6. Changing plans cause you didn’t have the balls to say you didn’t like the original plan So say you want to watch a movie with me and i pick so and so movie…but you hate the director or comedies or whatever..SAY SOMETHING. As most people know, i’m pretty fucking easy going, I’m not picky [except for food] and i also respect people with opinions and the gall to say something. As a lot of people find, I find myself attracted to boys [well, i guess people in general] who will put up a fight with me or have strong beliefs in something. I’m not talking a screaming debate, I’m talking about people who are not pushovers.
7. Calling me obsessively 18 times a day to tell me that ‘you’re bored’ Read a fucking book. Watch a dvd. Go smoke some pot. Leave me alone. This is one of the reasons I don’t have a boyfriend. I can’t stand clingyness.
8. People who sit around and whine and think ‘woe is me’ but are so egocentric they don’t care if you have a bad day I still fight with particular friends about this one. I’m one to drop my plans if you are going through a rough time or I’ll listen to you patiently till 3am if you got something eating away at you. But kills me, is because I’m expected to be the all-knowing sounding board, I automatically don’t have things i want to whine about as well…so say, i’m depressed or upset about something…yeah, they’re nowhere to be around. I ESPECIALLY hate people who sit and whine about something that they’ll do NOTHING about or focus their energies to something seemingly positive. Yeah, you’re just doing this for attention. Leave me out of it. Actually, I can’t stand people who desperately want attention…i’ll just ignore you.
9. If you don’t know this by now [and all my close friends should know this by now] but my number one annoying pet peeve of all time is making plans with me and flaking on me last minute . This reason comes three-fold:

a) When I lived in California, what used to drive me crazy was punctunality. I got up early, I got dressed at this time, I was considerate enough to show up…and you have me fucking waiting because YOU weren’t fucking considerate enough to show me the same courtesy? Fuck you. But here’s the thing that made me let of that….people always showed up. being 10-20 minutes late is part of the culture and i just had to learn to accept it. So pretty much, i started being 10-20 minutes late…and everyone would show up on time.

Going on the punctuality thing, I moved to New York. Here’s what “spoiled” me. In New York, especially if you lived in Manhattan, you are at the mercy of the subway and your own two feet. So say I had to meet somebody at 3pm at a coffee shop in 14th ave and I lived in brooklyn. I would have to prepare about 2 hours before, get to the train station 45 minutes before [to compensate for waiting time…cause you don’t know when it’ll come] compensate for which train you were going on and if you had to transfer etc etc. This is especially crucial if you have to run errands and you need to hit particular stores before they close and know how much crap you have to carry back. You gotta go to the stores with the least amount of baggage and work your way up…and work your way to a fast getaway train.

that being said, EVERYONE in New York was on time at the place…because time is short and rescheduling is a fucking BITCH. But it’s etiquette, it’s expected, and apparently, too high of a standard for people to keep.

If you had to bail in New York, you would be contacting the person several hours beforehand and even so, you feel guilty because that means the day the person just planned has to be replanned.

So I guess reason a is my background of people making plans. I never had this peeve until i moved back to california.

b. backing out last minute, not only means you have no respect for the person who prepped but shows how much you care for only yourself. There have been times i have been sick, haven’t slept, stressed out…but i respect my friends enough to show the fuck up or call an hour ahead if i am already running behind.

I once had a friend who I invited to go out with and he said “uhh…I don’t know.” and I said “i would rather hear an I don’t know than an affirmative if you’re not showing up…however, haven’t everything that you have ever invited me to…haven’t i ALWAYS SHOWED UP?” and in the end, he said “oh yeah, you’re fucking right. that’s it, i’m going” and he had a good time.

Think to the last time I said “Yeah, I’m not going to go.” last minute. Can’t remember? yeah, cause it fucking annoys me.

OR if i have done that to you, it means you are flaky and since it’s ok for you to do me, why the hell not should i not do it to you? you obviously can’t remember we made plans or that i am of any importance, so you are an afterthought to me as well.

c. Lastly, this pet peeve bothers me SO much that if you do this to me more often than not, yeah, don’t expect me to be jumping to have plans with you or actually, don’t expect me to make plans with you EVER. That’s different than just calling up and i’m not doing anything and you’re not doing anything and so let’s do something…this is me actually putting any effort in our friendship. You might as well kiss our friendship goodbye.

Yeah, it seems kind of harsh to put a friendship in such a black and white situation but i usually give get out of free jail cards. ALSO, if you are a close friend to me, you KNOW this is my pet peeve, so WHY DO IT?! My best friend knows better and says “I’m not committing now but i will commit on…so and so a day” that’s fine…then I can make contingency plans or something. My best friend in California always tells me 24 hours ahead of time.

Not many things bother me, so if you know what is the ONE thing that bothers me [the other 4 i can put up with, i just don’t like putting up with it] WHY DO IT?!

Flaking out on plans is not just cancelling something it shows me how you feel about me, our friendship and if you have any respect.

Wow, I didn’t expect this entry to be that long. This is what happens when you have convos with roommates about pet peeves [my roommate has 100 little pet peeves, i have 5 major ones]

fucking fin.

From me to B: “Hope all is well. I sorta missed you while you gone. But i said SORTA
so don’t let it get to your head or anything.”

From B to me: “So I’m back. I’ve missed you, too, and I’m not even going to add in
sorta and instead am just going to be honest.”

so i am so NOT a girly girl and i’m sarcastic and cynical and all that shit…but when i read that, i literally melted in my cubicle. literally melted.

wow, i wonder if girly girls feel like this in a daily basis. maybe i should start signing my name dotting my i’s with hearts or something.

don’t tell my guy friends i melted, i will never hear the end of it.

so for the new year’s, my friend jeff is trying to get me in the 21st century [yes, i still develop pictures] so he sent me a flickr account [so cool, you don’t need more than one vowel i guess].

and i think flickr is annoying cause i keep putting little descriptions and it won’t save that shit. and why am i putting this online? wha?

other than that, here are my new year’s resolutions:

1. reach goal weight [i have a whole year!]
2. get an MA license so i have two licenses
3. pay my excise tax
4. get my hair cut
5. pay off one credit card bill.

i figure i make this year easier and give myself some self confidence to conquer harder resolutions…so NEXT year, i will look at my list and say “dude, i totally did all of them, maybe my resolution should be go to australia” or something.

oh yeah. got 3 weddings this year and my TEN YEAR REUNION!! holy shit, has it been 10 years? hmmm. i need to start dating mark ruffalo STAT…oh wait, he’s married. FUCK!

anyway, as soon as i figure out this blasted flickr thingy, maybe if you show interest i will link you or whatever people do to show pictures on flickr. I still kinda don’t get it [go figure]

So, I was thinking what I was going to do this year for resolutions and looked back on what I wrote I would do last year. Yeah, I didn’t do any of them. Wow. I suck.

Here is my resolutions for 2005. In parenthenticals, why i failed.

“as per usual, my new year’s resolutions:

1. finish a script. (well, i didn’t start one)
2. lose 50 pounds…i will gift myself something every 5 pounds i lose. i lost 20, and i did gift myself something every 10 pounds…so that sorta counts
3. be bikini ready for vegas. yeah, didn’t happen
4. quit smoking.yeah, didn’t happen
5. go back into step aerobics…even if i have to do it at home goddamanit.well, i’m doing cardio again, so that’s something

and now five new ones:

1. learn how to say “I said there are no egos here fucko!” in three different languages. hmmmm. i still have time to do this one…
2. go to one sporting event..baseball, football, fucking hockey even.this is SO SAD. NOT ONE.
3. try to eat a salad once a week. [yuck]i ate salad once this year….
4. have one boy spend the night in my bed and sadly enough, it was just one boy. maybe i should shoot for 2 next year
5. spend a night in canada.still haven’t been to canada
6. make my social calendar as it was in california.it’s getting there….

ok. secretly i want to watch my Monk dvds tonight but the pressure to be social on new year’s eve is overwhelming. i am off to become drunk and obnoxious.

happy 2005 yo. “

well, that was last year. I will think of new ones this year. man, you’d think i would’ve done more…my next entry will be about christmas and my new year’s resolutions for 2006.

so i’m importing music into my ipod like a madman. i have a bunch of mixed cds made by exboyfriends which i haven’t heard in a long time. back in my dating days, i was a sucker [sucka] for mixed cds and luckily, i’ve dated guys who know how to concoct pretty good mixes.

i’m listening to these cds while import and several problems arise:

1. dude, i don’t know all the artists and name of songs. i’ve googled a good number of them but that’s because i know the title of the song and not the artist..or i know the artist and not the song. if i don’t know either, i’m SOL.
2. many of these songs were romantic and although most of all the romanticism is pretty much extracted from my soul, the 2% left felt a tinge of nostalgia and wondered…i wonder if they’re married now? hmmm.
3. these made me think about couplets. damn couplets.

i really don’t have anything against pairs for the exception that i lose my friends for a good year and then it’s back to good ol’ sharon when something goes awry. man, i’ll accept hanging out for an hour or two in a biweekly standpoint but i’ve just been hanging out by myself watching tv shows on dvd.

and don’t get me wrong, i like being by myself and single. getting wrapped up in another human is exhausting and overwhelming a lot of times. after breakups, i actually feel very relieved that my mind can think of something else than worrying about another human.

however

it’s tough during the holiday season. like, REAL tough. not only are everyone celebrating with loved ones, significant others and family [which is cool] but when you have none of that to go to, you get pretty sad.

i will be spending christmas and probably new year’s by myself. yeah, i might be pity-invited to a party because poor sharon, nobody is there. my sister tried to make it out for the season but alas, it’s not happening.

and the thing is, as soon as march hits, i’ll forget about all this until holiday season hits. holiday season is cruel to people who have no place to go. but, i don’t want anybody feeling sorry for me or poor sharon

because i choose this life.

i think i am a solo artist by nature.

and i have a huge commitment phobia.

i have never committed to a job for more than 2 years
i have never committed to a state for more than 3 years
i have never committed to an apartment for more than a year [i’m a subletting whore]
i have never committed to a boyfriend for more than half a year

and to tell you the truth, i’m not really looking forward to it. i get restless. i get bored. i want something more than life has to offer me. i want to see what’s out there.

this is kind of cool in your early 20s but as you get older, the pressure of family and basic societal standards gets to you once in a while. as more people commit to the aforementioned, the more you are pretty much on your own.

which beckons the question

is life about committing to something? i like the idea of stability. i hate the idea of routine.

thus far, living in MA, the most i have committed to is my car and my job. which doesn’t say much cause i’ve only had the car since 2002 and am probably going to sell it soon. i actually wanted to move to london last year but went against it because i hadn’t finished paying off my car.

i rarely do have the fantasy of having a committed husband, a house full of furniture [i move so much, that i pretty much have NO furniture. if i do buy furniture, i end up selling it. do you know i’ve bought 4 beds in the past 4 years?]

i wonder if i’m this way because i’m fated to be this way or because i really chose this life. i like the idea of commitment but i haven’t seem to have found something really worth committing to. i mean, when you go to the insane asylum, they say you are COMMITTED…seems like the equivalent to me. i wonder about fate versus choice only because, say i found an awesome guy that i want to spend the rest of my life with, would the others surely follow? would i not question my life?

wow. i had no idea that this is where this journal entry was heading.

so with that, i’m going to bed.