Category: Categorize Me!

I wake up this morning and have to use the bathroom and I open the toilet seat and there’s this big turd, apparently has been there for a while, just chilling in the toilet bowl.

I just can’t use the bathroom when there are remants of somebody’s else’s food in there, i just have a thing against it.

So I flushed it, so I could pee, and brushed my teeth in the process. After brushing my teeth, I open the bowl and lo and behold, it’s still fucking there!

Okay, fine, maybe i didn’t flush it hard enough [?] So I flush it AGAIN, go and get some food, come back and IT’S STILL FUCKING THERE! Jesus fucking christ. I gave up, and i had to go pee, so i went pee upstairs. However, now it’s lingering in my mind that there is a turd that just REFUSES to flush downstairs.

So I got this new stereo system that I was super excited to set up after my jiu jitsu class..and while I was driving home, steve calls me and says “the posse is going out. come get me” and I said “Okay.”

Now he thinks I’m his bitch. yeah right sucka, you’re my bitch….bitch.

We went to the burren over in Davis Square and lo and behold, while we were waiting for more people to arrive, cute boy comes in with like 3 or 4 girls. WHAAAT?!

Well, I shouldn’t saying that shit, since I was sitting with 3 guys. A match made in heaven? heh heh heh. Anyway, he came to hang with us and it was nice to see work people out of work. We dubbed it Super Friday because it was really thursday. Dear lord, this was a very boring paragraph. I should erase it but that would entail me backspacing a lot and i don’t want to do that.

I have a fucking 4 day weekend, man, what is that about? What am I going to do?

Okay, I need to take a shower, but that turd that just won’t flush is haunting me. bastardo.

This just has to be one of the longest days at work. I’m practically dying.

I don’t know what to tell you, dear reader of live journal, other than I GOT A NEW SPEAKER SYSTEM! Whoo-hooooooo. I bought Drumline to commemorate the occasion.

I was talking to a guy who I sorta like today and it was pretty nerve-wracking. What do I say? How do I come off as clever? and more importantly, why am I nervous?

Why do I talk about boys so much? Because it gives me something to do. What would you rather hear? How about, um…I got my period at a wedding. Yeah, didn’t think so.

I caught the bouquet at the wedding. GREAT. I think what was more funner [funner!] was that a cute kid put the garter on me. The groom, who is the kid’s cousin, was saying “James was really excited to put the garter because “she’s so cute!”” Awww…i love ego boosts such as being compared to a bunny rabbit.

I don’t know what else to tell you other than, hm…don’t you think it sucks when a friend of yours has a new significant other and they just ignore you? Yeah, that really sucks. I’m going to go watch a movie goddamnit.

I love saying that.

God fucking damnit.

Dear diary,

The next couple of weeks are going to be pretty awesome I think.

To Jeff and Steve: If you guys keep making fun of me and this diary, why do you read it so much. Bastards.

I’m working on a project with one of the boys here. It’s going to be great AND I’ll get to be at his place for extensive amounts of time…so roommates, don’t expect me to be home much…bwahahahaha.

I told my roommate Philip about my project [we’re dropping a new product in the next coming weeks here, so I need to overhaul some mad overtime] and I told him who I was working with and he said “Dude, I need to buy you a box of condoms”…am I mixing work with pleasure? Is that “bad”?

Philip has also made a declaration: “My personal goal is to get your laid by August 31. And by god, if you don’t get laid, i’ll just have to do it myself.”

Needless to say, I love Philip. He indicated to me last night that I was the one he got along with the most.

Man, I rock.

In other news, I just came back from a wedding in california and got my nails done. These nails are going to be the end of me goddamnit! The END OF ME. I can’t open soda cans and have to be sort of weak and ask my coworkers or Philip to open them for me. Godfucking damnit. I need to get these thingys off.

oh cute guy is a-calling. I’ll be home late tonight guys.

WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Since there are new people in the house and a number of you read all our diaries [I guess], here is a quick overview of people who NOW live in the house.

FIRST FLOOR:

GUMPHOOD aka Ortiz.

How to spot Gump:

1. The guy with the angry face when losing a video game.

2. The guy that ends all his sentences with “Oh, and rent’s due.”

3. The guy holding his pencil like he’s trying to do lobotomy surgery on his head.

4. The guy who utilizes sweat as hair gel.

5. The guy who wants a beer pong competition for his parking spot when he knows he is the best beer pong player in the house.

Top five Gump quotes:

1. “We were abortions” –in reference to how he and his friends looked in high school

2. “Yeah, I would be number one and John would be number 2” –in reference to Starcraft game playing

3. “I took a lot of heat.” –in reference to making ‘rules’ in the house.

4. “Shinski, I think you popped my eye out.” – in reference to me choking him…in jiu jitsu class.

5. “I love Philip.” – Gump referring to his undying love for Philip.

PHILIP

How to spot Philip:

1. The guy who is wearing cargo shorts, flip flops, a bracelet and an AE shirt with cap to boot.

2. The tall guy

3. The guy who is constantly staring at your breasts

4. The guy who can cook

5. The guy who can turn a grandfather clock into a dvd holder and television stand.

Top five Philip quotes:

1. “Yeah, I would like to bang that pootnanny” –any woman who is walking

2. “There was this guy and he had chicken samples and he kept chasing people saying SAMPOL!! SAMPOL!!! SAMPOL!!” –in reference to the SAMPOL guy at the mall.

3. “Man, who feets smell? Is it me?” –Philip trying to hint to the people in the room that somebody’s feet smeel.

4. “WHY CAN’T I BEAT YOU?! I can beat everyone in the house except for you” –in reference to his inability to defeat me in Soul Caliber.

5. “Why didn’t you tell me she’s a white girl? You know I’m been looking to get with a white girl. I need my white girl fix.” –in reference to my friend Stacy.

SHARON

How to spot Sharon:

1. The asian girl.

2. The asian girl with glasses.

3. The girl drinking diet coke and eating chicken.

4. The drunk asian girl calling you a “fucking cunt”

5. The girl who is microwaving her food

Top five Sharon quotes:

1. “AHHHHHH!!!! You scared me” to any person in the house who is standing.

2. “Just because I’m Asian doesn’t mean I’m any good at math.” –to anybody in the house asking me a math problem.

3. “Are you masturbating?” –whenever I knock on any of the roommate’s doors

4. “I HATE YOU ALL!” –what I say when I’m drunk

5. “Godfuckingdamnityoumuthafuckingcuntwhore…holy mary mother of god” –in response to anything

THE SECOND FLOOR

KERBANGaka John

How to spot John:

1. The guy who wears the same red shirt in every picture ever made.

2. The guy leaves his pot of water burning until the fire alarm goes off.

3. The guy who ends his diaryland entries with ‘that is all.’

4. The guy who gets sassy with you when either a) playing soul caliber or b) drunk or c) both

5. The guy who turns his head to the side when taking a picture

Top five John quotes:

1. “I am so underwhelmed.” –when John opened his package of special brads for his script

2. “You got SERVED” –when John seems to think he has ‘served’ me.

3. “Indeed” –when John tries to annoy the people around him.

4. “…I said ‘This ship is in danger of sinking if SOMEBODY doesn’t do something about it’ indicating that that somebody had to be me because everyone else is an idiot…”—John telling me about Casa de Malden falling apart.

5. “…I mean….” –[this can only be done with John’s waving his hands in the air] –whenever John starts a sentence or trying to be self righteous.

GOVINDA

How to spot Govinda:

1. Find an internet connection that works. Follow the cable into her room.

2. Find our house in Malden, she’s everywhere BUT there.

3. The girl who hides in the corner when she does come home to sleep.

4. The girl who says nothing in the kitchen

5. I think she uses the bathroom as well, you might want to check there.

Top five Govinda quotes:

“ ” –when Govinda is eating.

“ ” – [with a slight nod] when Govinda acknowledges your presence

“ ” – when Govinda silently comes in to watch beer pong

“ This is Bob.” –When Govinda is introducing us to her friend Bob.

“hahahaha” –when I do an impression of John.

THE THIRD FLOOR

PAULETTE

How to spot Paulette:

1. The girl with her hair tied back, wearing a sweatshirt and runner shorts

2. The tiniest girl in the house.

3. The girl with the seemingly Italian guy, named Tony.

4. The girl with the highest octave voice [the rest of us Is pretty low]

5. The girl who is with Lisa eating ice cream.

[ed. Note: I don’t see her often, so this list kind of sucks]

Top five Paulette quotes:

1. “Hey, I live here too.” –telling Kevin that he cannot make all the rules at the roommate meeting.

2. “He DOES sound like that!” –when I do an impression of John.

3. “I’m going to ask John about the horses in his room and then ask him to demonstrate the Nordic chair just to see what he says.” –when Paulette saw the horses in John’s room.

4. “And there is he was, sitting like 3 pounds of pasta and I thought, I guess there’s no lunch tomorrow.” –Paulette telling us that a house guest ate 3 pounds of her pasta.

5. “Oh, that’s cause I work with retarded children all day” –indicating she understands what Philip is saying with his mouth full.

KEVINaka Ready

How to spot Kevin:

1. Find the guy who you think is talking to you but is not—he’s talking on the phone, he has a headset on.

2. The guy wearing a silk blue button down shirt and slacks and nice shoes.

3. The guy singing cowboy music karaoke.

4. The guy trying to show you what a kagayshi [sp?] is and how he’s doing it right and how you are doing it wrong.

5. The guy checking out the blonde skinny chicks at a eurotrash bar.

Top five Kevin quotes:

1. “I have a Volvo S60 T5. It’s so fast but I need a spoiler to make it faster.” –Kevin talking about…what do you think?

2. “This isn’t fair. I could break Sharon’s arm and she wouldn’t feel it.” Kevin talking to our black belt about arm bars

3. “Everytime I talk to [Gumphood] , rent is due. It’s like, ‘yeah…kevin, you need to quiet down. …oh and rent is due.” –Kevin’s impression of Gumphood

4. “That girl is HOT!” –in reference to Hellboy’s lead female character who burst into flames

5. “THE SQUIRE!!!” –everytime we pass the Squire, Kevin scratches at the window.

AND I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST…

LISAaka Risa

How to spot Lisa:

1. The girl who is trying to tell a story but you can’t understand her because she interrupts herself with “BWAHAHAHAHAHA”

2. Anywhere that lead deftone guy is, she’s probably there

3. The girl with red and/or black and that spiked belt

4. The girl who is straightening her hair while iming a person online

5. The girl who is cleaning the bathroom and yelling “FUUUUUUCK!”

Top five Lisa quotes:

1. “I’M A DJ! I’M A DJ!!” –Lisa announcing that she is about to masturbate.

2. “GLEN! GLEN, GLEN, GLEN, GLEN…”—Lisa singing the starbucks commercial

3. “I’m fat, you’re fat, I’ll meet you in the kitchen” –Lisa indicating what her favorite card is.

4. “FUUUUUCK!” –anytime Lisa is upset

5. “DUDE, I DON’T CARE.” –anytime Lisa talks to Kevin. hehe

that just happened to be the last lyric I was listening, this song called “They’ll Need a Crane.” I just burned a TMBG cd with like 45 billion songs and it’s less than an hour. Damn you TMBG!

I’m alone in the house right now on father’s day because I don’t have a father. just kidding, i do and he’s pretty cool but he’s across the country and i think we usually just eat at Hometown Buffet. I’m sure when I’m older and I say things like ‘Yeah buffy, that was a great opera’ and wearing sweaters tied around my shoulders, i’ll be able to afford to fly a jet to california and give my dad the state of the art razor to use. He’ll give me a confused look since he only has a mustache–but I’ll say “Daddy-kins, it cost me over a grand and it’s a GILLETTE-A-MATIC 8000”.

I’m thinking of watching a movie either in Lowell or Revere depending if I get a callback from a girlfriend of mine in Lowell. [ahem, samantha]. Things in MA are looking pretty cool, I’m making friends and they’re pretty stable and/or not super needy. I’ve had friends who need my attention all the time and dude, i barely pay attention to my hair, let alone to make sure that i’m there for you all the time.

i hate songs like that, “I’ll always be there for you no matter what” and all that bullshit. that’s bullshit because there is no way you can be there for a person all the time when they need you, it’s unreasonable. And I used to be a person who used to believe in that but then it got to a point that I wasn’t there for myself all the time and you need to make sure your stable before you allow anybody else’s instability to take over your life. I tell you what, I’ll be there for you when I can but I can’t promise No Matter What because that shit is ridiculous.

I’m trying hard not to get bored of Massachusetts but there are so many places to discover out there and I don’t want to be stuck. yikes. I do have an internal conflict of having a place to call “home”. I think though, home becomes the place where all the people you care about lives and I do have people I care about here, so it’s slowly turning into that.

my friend steve took me out to harvard square and we had a few beers and he gave me a tour and we talked about work stuff [which is what always happens with any coworker i hang out with] and he says “I hope you had a good time, I don’t want you leaving MA.” and I said “Who said I was leaving?” and he said “I’m just saying, since you like to move and stuff.” I think i give that impression that I like to move when the wind changes a la Mary Poppins but I’m going to stick to this place for awhile…

…because honestly, I move to run away and I need to stop doing that.

Fuck you guys, i’m going to California.

I bought my tickets today and I am leaving this upcoming friday. Unfortunately, this means I can no longer spend money on anything and I spent a lot of money last night at some bar that I went with some roommates.

As per usual, I got really trashed. I don’t remember much after the 2nd long island iced tea [that shit be GOOD!]. We were driving home from the bar and there was a white truck next to us and I was yelling at the boys in it because they were looking at me [probably because my breasts were spilling out of my shirt] but did I care? Nope, i was drunk…plus I’m never going to see them again, right?

Turns out, we get to a red light and they stop right next to us:

guy: hey
me: hey baby!
john: oh my god.
guy: you’re pretty smashed aren’t you?
me: yeah, you gotta problem with that?
guy: no, that’s good…
me: yeah, that’s good for me too.
guy: So how’s your body?
[i look at john..what do i say?]
me: I plead the fifth.
guy: you’ve got some nice tits.
me: thanks!
guy: why are you out?
me: what do you think?
guy: we’re out because our boy here [points to kid in the backseat] just broke up with his girlfriend.
me: oh okay
john: man, you are on your own on this one
kevin: i can’t believe this

the light turns green, we speed off as I say ‘BYE SUCKAS! WHOOOOOOOOO!!!’

getting drunk is so much fun. why am i ever sober?

The cool thing about boys is that if you make plans with them, they usually don’t break them because of a girl. But I get dissed so many times because a boyfriend of one of my girlfriend will want to see her last minute and then I’m left doing nothing and it’s too late to make new plans. ALL of my girlfriends do this to me and i’ve gotten so accustomed to it, i don’t fucking care anymore. well, i guess i do because i just wrote about it. it’s even worse when they break up with the boy and then they’re your best friend again.

i just feel so used.

i can’t wait till i get a boyfriend so i can do that shit to all my girlfriends…suckas! oh except for stacy. she hasn’t dissed me yet. YAY STACY! I’m hanging out with her tomorrow. she just moved here from San Diego.

I wish it was cool to be single again. damn significant others.