So, I tried online dating last month. I tried two apps — Coffee Meets Bagel and Bumble. Bumble lets the woman make the first move and Coffee Meets Bagel asks for patience or something. I don’t know.
I lasted a week.
I tried to make a funny, entertaining and somewhat realistic (I hope) profile. (I’ve deleted my profiles since). I don’t think anybody read that shit. Dang. That’s how I was choosing my matches — I would read their profile first and if it sounded like a human, I would look at the pictures. If the pictures aren’t just pictures of his yearbook photo, then I would decide to like him if his profile made me think he had a sense of humor of some kind. The funny guys are not online dating methinks. They must be at bars and clubs, making people actually laugh — you know, like the old days.
In Bumble, I kept attracting guys looking for cougars. Like, how do you know if you’re a cougar? Could I be another cat? Does it have to be a cat? I asked one guy what he liked about my profile and he said “You’re over 40, you’re attractive and you’re nearby” like…none of these adjectives are actually something very specific to me. I mean, I could be a very attractive quilt for all he knows. Sigh.
In Coffee Meets Bagel, I could barely get a conversation going. I got one, that seemed pretty interesting — into music, went to the same college, in his 40s, pictures looked fine. He kept telling me about all this indie music he was into and apparently, I was too mainstream for him. I mean, seriously, how can I tell anything is indie anymore? The radio barely exists. Does indie really mean alternative at this point? And alternative really means soft-rock for the grunge era, in my sad opinion. When I gave him my succinct reason for why I didn’t like ‘Joker’, he left the chat. Geez…
Minimal Effort 