Month: January 2005

my roommates have been teasing me about how i’m never home any more…and how i am either:

a. dead.
b. moved out.
c. have a boyfriend.

neither are really true…yet. heh. The fact of the matter is that there are many events coming up and/or have passed. One of these many events is a semi-fancy dinner and breakfast I had to go to.

The dinner, was business casual. So i wore a business casual dress [i’ve worn it to dinners with lawyers. i was suing mcdonald’s for having temptuous fries]. However, a girl friend of mine thought of me as a blank palette and decided to do my hair and makeup.

Truth of the matter, is that I do like being fussed about because, lord knows I know how to look good. I also like feeling that i have any potential to looking good anyway. So hair is made, makeup is done. Three boys were waiting for me [cute boy and our standard married couple] as I was taking forever.

one of them even barged into the bathroom and said “SHARON you look beautiful, LET’S GO!”

so, out I went to be ushered into the car as cute boy offered to drive me as I knew I would kill myself driving with heels. As I walked out to his car, I felt really awkward.

You see, I looked in the mirror, and i did not look like myself and it sort of scared me. Not that I thought I looked good. Not at all. I did not look LIKE ME. I did recognize myself. Hence, i could not tell if I was more unattractive or attractive…it just wasn’t me..y’know?

So, I walk to the car [yeah, this is a long walk] and cute boy says “WOOOO. Look at you all gussied up.” and I say “Shut up.” and he says “Feeling awkward?” and I said “yes, i don’t feel like myself.” [I felt like one of those girls in those bad makeover romantic comedies].

I got into the car and he looks at me and says “You know what?” “what?” “You look really beautiful tonight.”

He could’ve said pretty or nice. He said beautiful. Me, beautiful? WHAT?

Of course, I blushed uncontrollably and I changed the subject to something else.

But here’s the deal, no boy has ever dubbed me beautiful, so now I’m recording it in my diary so when somebody says i’m ugly or fat, i can say..”Oh yeah, on January 27, 2005, a cute boy called me beautiful, so NYAH”

Only took 26 years.

I FUCKING HATE SNOW.

I FUCKING HATE SNOW.

one more time.

I FUCKING HATE SNOW.

i was shoveling my car out of the driveway, because of course, i’m stuck. and i was yelling [keep in mind, the mayor lives next door] ‘STOP FUCKING SNOWING! SNOW COME BACK FROM WHENCE YOU CAME FROM!’

and then i came into work two hours late, swearing up and down that i was moving back to california because i CANNOT TAKE THIS SHIT.

that and being drenched with snow, then changing in my pajamas to shovel more snow [with lots of help from datchery, THANK YOU DATCH!] and once we got my car out of there, i was like “FUCK IT! I’M GOING TO WORK!”

and then remembering that, i am in my pajamas.

oh well.

i can’t stop watching the world series. have i gone insane? i’ve only been in boston for about a year and watching it makes me cry sometimes because, i’m so touched by it. wow, i’m a wuss.

a friend blew up on me because i was slow on the updates. it’s been awhile since someone’s blown up at me, so i guess it was due time.

it is also a full moon, so everyone is officially insane. cats and dogs are holding hands, the snow is being vomited on my soul, and my dream to be a panda eating a bamboo stick is becoming less and less of a reality.

you know what’s actually funny? i was reading The Boy’s [i’m thinking of a good alias] friends diary…if that makes sense, and i think..i think, i figured out who all of them are. they all sound like they write and i think the pictures are a dead give-away. i shyly left a comment to one of the boy’s roommates. i always think that’s sort of odd, to communicate with someone through lj…that you know through someone else, and yet that makes up a quarter of my own friends list. hmmm.

okay, i’m listening to hall and oates. it really is a full moon.

this day fucking sucked.

addendum: well, cute boy [I need to find an appropriate alias for him, methinks] took me out for ‘happy food’ for lunch, so that was nice. although, my true happy food is arroz caldo. figure out to make that dish, and i’ll be on you like flies on shit.

i remember a long time ago, when i was younger and i would watch these movies, like “Home Alone” or “Uncle Buck” or even of “When harry met sally” where they would show snow scenes, like snowballs, forts, snow angels, snow men and anything of the like. I watched those movies and I thought “why not me?? why not us??” I always wanted to go tubing and sledding.

after this blizzard, now i think “how the fuck can they have this shit every year?” I officially hate snow. anything that will disallow my freedom to murk upon the universe or the town, is now something i hate.

hencethereforeto, i hate snow.

i really do.

in other news, i think this cute boy with blue eyes likes me. he duct taped my glasses together.

does he want me or what? hehe.

im going to bed now.

that’s what they yell around here when there is a fart to be made and executed. i think i’m loosening up and am actually farting [granted, it’s only air] in places other than my room.

I did absolutely NOTHING today. watched a marathon on comedy central which was quite delicious and gave me a whole new appreciation for dave attell. now i wish i saw him and lewis black when they were in town in san diego but i had to save up for boston.

i am still a broke ass and will find out, soon, when i start my new job. starting as in training hard core for the new position. it’s all right though, i’m getting my ass trained.

but i hate being a broke ass and having to stay home all the time. my friend kay saw my picture [from the drunken night of many nights ago] and said i was turning white! she couldn’t believe how pale i am now.

oh well. i’m going to watch sneakers now and have gas. doesn’t taht sound grand? boring entry, boring entry. i just like the way my keys sound when i type fast.

makes me feel important.

Let me tell you a story. When I was in the 8th grade, I had two best friends–Angela and Melissa. And we hung out all the time and we went to movies, shared secrets, things of that nature. We were a threesome.

Then Regina moved into the neighborhood, and, knowing she was out of the state and all, I went over and introduced myself and said if she needed any friends, she could come over and we could hang out.

Angela and Melissa did not like this AT ALL. And started ignoring me. I, on the other hand, didn’t understand why they were so mad. They started excluding me from outings and would hang outside the house and give me looks of disdain. I was so unhappy and it just pushed me to hang out with Regina even more.

So, one day, I went up to them and said “what’s up?” and we had a good long talk and such and how they really didn’t like Regina and didn’t like i was giving her my attention.

Ok. So, now we’re good. Or are we?

I went to Angela’s house at one time and while she was in the bathroom and Melissa was on her way over, I saw a piece of paper on the floor. It had my name on it.

The piece of paper was titled “Why we hate Sharon.” and it listed all these reasons why i was an awful person.

If I remember correctly:
-She never has money. [my parents didn’t give me allowance. We were 14. They, on the other hand had parents who would give them money whenever they wanted. Sigh]
-She laughs too loud.
-She can never spend the night [again, due to my parents]

I think it was mentioned i was ugly and fat or something or other. I have never felt so awful in my life. Aren’t friends supposed to love you inside and out for all your faults? Isn’t that what friendship was about? I am ALWAYS willing to help people out…i drive to buttfuck and back so people can have fun, i bring people food, i lend you money if i have it and even if i’m broke, I put in a lot of time, effort and thought to my presents I give people.

And suffice to say, that’s not the only time it’s happened.

I bring up this story because a friend from back home was telling me something similar and asking me if i really hated her and all this good stuff. OF COURSE NOT.

So, I never told Angela nor Melissa about that note and I acted as if everything was the same. I did eventually dropped them but I gave other excuses for it.

Because I’m not malicious and because I know when to grow up.

Thank god for my friends today.

Just a general update where I’ll be jumping around:.

Tomorrow is the Pats versus Colts game. Which I very much want to see…but i do not want to watch it by myself. However, since I do not belong to a boy’s club, I am not going to watch it [albeit, I watched it last year with my friend Jeff and HIS friends but he’s out of state right now]. So I broke down and called one of my girlfriends, samantha, and asked her to watch sex and the city with me tomorrow..

football versus sex and the city? OR
being alone and depressed about not having any guy friends to watch the game with versus watching a show that a girl will watch with me..

next year, i’m going to find a group of cool guys who’ll invite me to all their stupid football games thingers and then i can complain about not having girlfriends again or something..

sigh. i guess i’ll get text updates from somebody or something..

I went to a bar last night where with BWAM (boy who adores me) and some of his friends. Near the end of the night, one of them pulls me away and says “You know, boy is really into you…but i think he is too shy. you should make the first move.”

um…..right

In other lame news…It’s about time I’ve seen a good movie. I went into Boston tonight to watch “Sideways” [the new Alexander Payne movie…Alexander Payne is of “Election”, “About Schmidt” and “Citizen Ruth” fame] with my roommates over in Kendall Square and it was awesome.

I’m not sure if it was awesome because the past couple of movies I’ve seen have been crap [don’t see White Noise. sigh so disappointed], so this movie looks REALLY good in comparison or because i really liked the movie. The best way to describe it, is that it is like Swingers but when they are getting married. Something like that. It was a good depiction of guy best friends. GO see it! it’s awesome-o

In other non-extravagant news, I went to a Japanese Steak House last night! Not what I expected. The guy I was with was craving sushi like a mofo and so I expected a sushi type of buffet. Not so. Some chef dude cooks in front of you and serve your food to you and entertains you while you eat. Afterwards, we got TRASHED and went to some bars in lowell. I was so trashed, that whoever was talking to me [this guy Kevin, was fucking hilarious], I would forget what they were talking about. At one point, i had forgotten i was at a bar and this girl, Sarah, had said “Why aren’t you drinking?” [as in alcohol] and I said “I’m not thirsty” thinking that she was thinking why wasn’t i drinking ANYTHING [rather than alcohol].

wow, i wish that paragraph was funnier on paper than it is in my head.

after the bar, i found that my friend from work had called me to ask me why my car was still at work [me and the boy decided to take one car instead] and warned me that this other dude, this creepy dude, would be working the overnight shift and may try to accost me.

great.

i was fortunately [or unfortunately maybe?] not accosted and made it safely home.

one last thing…I LOVE that show 24.

more updates to follow i suppose. I figure I appease the public with SOMETHING but you are probably disappointed with me.

oh yes, one last thing. my sister and the boy i have been hanging out with have chatted online about me [WHAT?!] and she joked with him about her being his sister-in-law…which he relayed to me in the restaurant.

embarrassed much? she did it to test his nerves and he apparently thought it was funny.

right. i’m still embarrassed. thanks sister.

remember that saying, when you close a door, a window opens or some shit like that? yeah man, totally happened to me.

there’s this boy i met whose so awesome to me, i can barely believe it. and then it hits me…it’s good now, only to be soured later. i can’t truly enjoy anything because i’m always worried when it’s falling apart. “i can’t figure if i do it to myself or if life does it for me.” me and the boy hung out pretty much the majority of the weekend. it was crazy. he was giving all these hints and i’m like “yo, what’s the fucking deal? do you like me or what the fuck?” and he said “yes, something like that.” apparently he’s been crushing over me for several MONTHS. like, WOAH.

what makes me so special? why would you have a crush on me? that’s so bizarre. nevertheless, for months even.

we’ve just been hanging out and my roommates [who LOVE him] are like “have you kissed yet? have you done anything yet?” Nope. this is the SLOWEST i have ever gone with anyone because i have massive abandonment issues.

it won’t be too long till he is tired of me. i want to be happy but the past speaks for itself. boys get bored of me. i’m fascinating for like a month then i’ve magically transformed into boring and psycho.

in other news, i was totally irate with everyone and everything. my nose was killing me [i was having an allergy attack throughout the first 4 hours or work], i was on this call for 2 fucking hours and i was irate of the past events of the weekend [which did not include boy] where i am excluded because i possess the following:

a. an extra x chromosome
b. tits
c. lack of a penis

i suppose it’s an MA thing? I never had to go through this shit in NYC or California. These boys here exclude from watching sports events with them, poker nights with them, game playing with them.

back in california, we had a poker night every thursday. i’m not an expert, but it was HARDCORE. It was called boys night because it was primarily boys but i was always invited because a) i’m not a prissy girl. b)i’m fun and i can hold my own with the boys c) i’m not half bad at poker. regardless, i liked that they recognized that fact and the fact that d) not a lot of girls have the same interests that i have.

in new york, same deal. this was probably due to i was in a predominantly male field, but i was always invited to guys night because of the aforementioned and b) i really don’t have any girlfriends.

i don’t have many girlfriends here as well, so it’s difficult to find some girls to watch the chargers v. jets game [DAMN YOU CHARGERS FOR GIVINE ME HOPE!] or to find a girl to watch a movie with me that is NOT a romantic comedy. i really wish that i was more prissy and i cared about the pants sale over at american eagle outfitters, but the truth of the matter is, i don’t.

unfortunately, i mostly like what “guys” like to do. more unfortunately, unlike the cosmopolitan states of new york and california, girls like me are left out in the desert…not manly enough to be part of the boys club but not girly enough to have a clique of sex and the city girl club.

THIS PISSES ME OFF TO NO END.

i’m tired of being excluded. i want my old friends here.

I have this love-hate relationship thing with cosmo. i abhor it because of it’s shallowness but then…bedside astrologer calls to me and i love learning new sex tricks [even though they are recycled]. but i could care less about what season of makeup tone goes with my skin.

DAMN YOU COSMO!!

can you believe it? I have had an online journal since 2002. my first entry was made in April of 2002 when i first moved to california from new york.

in light of my laziness and another entry of reflection…let us go back and read what i wrote in my very first entry [enter wayne and garth’s “doodaloo,ddodaloo, doodaloo,adoiwekenrea,aaideidoao…]

[April 2, 2002…

So.. I just moved out here in California. I sort of have the love hate thing going on.

I absolutely love:
–the weather
–the beach
–driving on the freeway with music blasting
–the time
–working out (a la running around the Eastlake uh..Lake)
–everything is cheaper
–getting to see my bestest friends almost everyday
–no long distance phone bills

I absolutely abhor:
–the boredom
–the lack of activities
–some peoples’ mentality there is nothing outside of SD
–missing my friends on the East Coast
–Starbucks (I’m was okay with it in NYC because those peeps were like my second family)
–living at home

Of course the aforementioned could be easily rectified if I put my mind to it. So I’m trying my best to change stuff without being too negative blah blah blah.

Love life: nonexistent as of now. I think I have a love/hate relationshipo with having a relationship as well. As Chris Rock would say (please excuse my abundance of quotes in my journal entries) “relationships, easy to get into, hard to maintain”. I think I would be really good at it. but that’s my opinion. I guess I won’t know just yet. But, as many of you know, I have made my top ten list for the ideal mate. (Any of you may fill the application if you think you are worthy…HA HA HA..heh…okay. As Jennifer Lopez says ENOUGH! That movie looks like a watered down SLEEPING WITH THE ENEMY. Been there, done that. I guess this movie would be a more agressive version. But I digress)

Top Ten Qualities in an Ideal Mate. (in random order)

1. Must be ambitious
2. Must understand passion* and/or be passionate
3. Must be capable of understanding my insanity or at least give attempts to understand
4. Have a quench for knowledge and be able to talk on my level of intellegence (no matter how low or high it may be at the time) but know that having a great capacity of learning and gaining knowledge does not necessarily make you a wise man.
5. Must try to amend things within 24 hours, if a conflict arises
6. I want a minimum of 4 times a week. (Plenty of time!)
7. Likes to kiss me, but not a huge amount of PDA.
8. Must look good in a suit or a tuxedo
9. Must have the same bizarre sense of humor as I do. Must be okay with my random off the wall rants.
10. WANTS to love me unconditionally.

end entry].

ah, it was like yesterday. i read a few more and i can’t believe how much i’ve changed..from bitching to not having insurance and not having a car to bitching about snow. i still like to bitch.

and wouldn’t you know it? I found a guy who is interested in filling out the aforementioned position. however, he is still going under stringent investigation and rorsach tests. the eager applicant awaits until i give the offer letter. it’s quite flattering really. and it’s been a while since i’ve had someone so eager to please me.

oh, 2005, how you tease me.

now to read my worthless horoscope of career, love, and mon cherie, life.

have a great weekend everyone.