Month: September 2004

so here’s what’s happening:

went mountain biking, got my ass kicked.
got my car towed because i parked in an illegal spot [which thanks to steve and phillip, it was untowed]
started going to the gym in the mornings…which isn’t too shabby
celebrated my third year of celibacy. hurrah! or was it second. what year are we in again?
going to new york on october 14 and 15 [new yorkers, mark your calendar]
my best friends [also a couple] are moving in together…congratulations!
*i’m going to a bar tonight to watch red sox versus yankees and see opie and anthony some radio show personalities.

i also survived the week without any diaherria. i still have gas in the morning but the lawnmower pretty much masks the sound [it’s more of a sound of fury than a smell of pain]

and work…i don’t know how tech support does it, but i’m still sane.

and alive.

more later.

I’m going to fix this template, I swear.

I got paid yesterday (which explains the poker game) and I bought 4 books:

1. Where the Wild Things Are (My favorite children’s book of all time)

2. The English Roses (by Madonna. Or something about English chicks)

3. Slander by Anne Coulter

4. Lies and the Lying Liars Who Tell Them (or something like that) by Al Franken.

Personally, I’m a little biased because I LOVE Al Franken and was a big fan of his SNL writing days.

However, I read Coulter first, since her book came out first.

I’ve only read one chapter.

HOLY SHIT.

This woman has a LOT of balls and is highly highly opinionated. Her first chapter doesn’t state fact but rather opinions.

And thus far, Democrats are liars, liars, liars, liars.

There’s a few things I don’t agree with, par example:

“…liberals have become more bitter and angry. The Soviet threat has been vaporized, women are not prevented from doing even things they should be, and the gravest danger facing most black Americans today is the risk of being patronized to death”

Wow.

Women are not prevented from doing…what? (She didn’t say) As for Black Americans. She later says (essentially) that the spirit of the first Amendment of the Constitution has been repealed because thoughts are thought of as thought crimes. She basically was saying, we can’t say “nigger” or “spic” anymore but cutting off your wife’s head gets less time in jail (I think she made reference for Fuhrman…the police dude in the O.J. Simpson trial)

However, Ms. Coulter, we don’t say “Fuck” around little kids either.

so in essence, Black Americans are being patronized….to death.

Interesting.

I can’t wait to finish it.

An outline of what to expect in this entry:

A. Cooking.

B. New Roommates

C. Talking about Boys with both sexes

D. Previous Rejections

A. Cooking:

I just cooked some clams for breakfast..yeah, i was just craving clams when i got up this morning and I burned some of them…and i think that is DELISH.

Then I started to recognize, I really like stuff that is burnt. What is that? i really like the browned out fries [especially those gross McDonald’s fries.], I like those burnt potato chips and I like burnt clams. I think it’s because I can’t cook and all those burning all those years have mutated my taste buds to enjoy burnt crap.

summary: Sharon likes burnt food because that is all she ate [eated] when she was younger.

B. New Roommates:

So, I think we have completed the rest of the house for the rest of the year. Welcome Datchery and Vomiting Cod. So essentially, I am sharing my floor with a vegetarian couple.

i like the cod and his woman thus far but i’m afraid to offend them with my awful carniverous habits [don’t even get started with philip and his carniverous habits] and my obsession with watching movies all day long and not getting off of my fatass. However, I think cod and aluminum [my name for his woman] will have some great ideas of what to do with the living room downstairs. risa and I are always wary about other girls moving in but Aluminum:

a) doesn’t wear much makeup [hence, she is not high maintenance, a huge plus]

b) she was in flip flops and her hair in ponytails [hence, she is not vain and very laid-back]

c) She’s dating a dork–she HAS to be cool.

So welcome Aluminum, Cod and Datchery to the reckless world that is Team Malden.

speaking of which, we are in the process of developing WOAH-man town. yes, we are developing a man town in our basement. I mean, excuse me, WOAH-Man Town.

Our house is essentially an extended version, I feel, of Real World Chelmsford, since everyone in our house is from there except for me, Risa and Philip..oh and Aluminum. Oh, and I am no longer the only single person in the house. Yay for datchery!

[I wanna make over that guy like in Queer Eye. I think it would be fun. I think Philip wold do it with me as well]

C. TALKING ABOUT BOYS WITH BOTH SEXES.

Kevin: Did you do the hug-turn?

Me: No

Kevin: SHARON!!

Philip: Did you get laid yet?

Me: No

Philip: SHARON!! If it’s meant to be, it’s up to me. Remember that.

Jeff: i don’t wanna hear about it until something happens.

Me: Well, he gave me this..

Jeff: No, I wanna hear about makeout sessions or how he tried to feel you up.

Samantha: So how was your weekend?

Me: He touched my knee

Samantha: Are you serious?

Me: Yeah, I know…does it mean anything?

Samantha: Totally. What was he wearing?

Me: A nice sweater with some khaki pants

Samantha: THAT IS SO CUTE!

Me: I KNOW! And he wanted to take me out for DINNER.

Samantha: No way

Me: Way

Samantha: Did you guys hold hands?

Me: No, should I have?

Samantha: No, wait it out. When are you going to make out with him/

Me: Um, never.

Samantha: SHARON!!

I hope it’s obvious what the difference is guys.

D. PREVIOUS REJECTIONS [from least recent to most recent]

Kiss of death scale: 1-eh, 10-Kill me now

Never let it be known that i don’t have the guts to risk getting with a guy because I’ll do it if I have nothing else to do.

1. “You’re my best friend. I don’t see you like that” (kod:7)

2. “I still want to date you, but I don’t want a serious relationship” (kod:2)

3. “I didn’t call you because every girl who started out as my friend and I dated, we ended up never talking to each other again. but seriously, I would date you because you’re so goddamned fun but I want you in my life and I don’t think we like each other enough to date” [I felt the same way, so kod:0 )

4. “I’ll call you back later” never called back. kod: 5

5. “I can never see you again” kod:10

6. “I’m back with my girlfriend” kod:8

[I retaliated “well, good, because you know what? I FAKED IT!”–that pissed him off. i’m an evil bitch. hehehe. we ended up being friends later on though. go figure.

7. “I can’t do this right now. you’re graduating, you work 30 hours a week and on film shoots; i work 30 hours a week and on film shoots…and it’s too much. when do we get to see each other? from midnight to 6am and then we have to go to class. we’re just too busy for each other…but i still want to hang out because there’s nobody I know who gets my sense of humor like you do.” kod: 1

8. “Love is like a rose, it starts out beautiful and new and then he wilters and dies after awhile.'[uh…WHAT?!] kod: 7

9. “I don’t think I could ever be in love with you. I don’t think it’s meant to be” ouch kod:10

10. “Ok. because you’re straightforward, i’ll be straightforward:

1. very flattering to hear

2. i don’t want our relationship to change

3. sorry, i don’t feel the same. end of story.” kod: 2 [it wasn’t too bad because it was mostly curiosity on my part rather than me really liking him]

okay, i’m going to stop now. i just realized that i dated a LOT more guys than i thought. hmmm. damn.

next up: how i rejected guys.

go rejection!

So I’ve declared a new commitment to myself.

Operation Hotness 2004.

You might’ve heard of this already. I’ve called it Operation Crop Top, Operation Halter Top, even Operation Set Sharon Free from Blah-ville.

But, I decided upon Operation Hotness 2004.

What does this mission entail?

new wardrobe
badass haircut
badass body
new contacts.

Whatever. I suppose I will be one of those people who go through a cheesy montage of “improving thyself” to a much more aesthetic person.

Shallow, I know.

I don’t know how it came about. I think Operation Hotness came about when I talked to my friend Cooper.

Me: Cooper, do you think I’m hot?
Cooper: You are hot…
Me: But…
Cooper:..But…
Me: Gah. What? I won’t be offended.
Cooper: It’s like you have this potential to be unbelievably hot but you don’t know how to utilize it to your advantage. It’s like, you have this hotness and you don’t know what to do with it.
Me: Really?
Cooper: Really. In the name of Swingers: You’re money and you don’t even know it. I think you are really attractive. I would fuck you.
Me: …okay, thanks!

So, in line of my “potential” hotness, I want to see what could happen if I could make guys fall at their feet at my exquisite hotness. I’m not worried about conversation (I could pull one out of my ass) However, I sort of….flirt the wrong way because I don’t think of myself as necessary a sex object but a great friend.

The great friend thing has to stop (for boys anyway)

So, watch out world, I’m going to kick some ass and boys will be dying at my feet.

Well, at least some free drinks in a club.

I will give progress reports. The goal of Operation Hotness is to last for 6 months.

Wish me luck (yo)

I am so goddamned bored at home right now. I sort of hate 3 day weekends because on the third day, I end up being stir crazy.

However, in my stir craziness, i have done the following productive chores:

cleaned the kitchen

vaccummed and cleaned my new-old couch

cleaned the stove

did my laundry

set up my bill pay thinger on the internet

called a california friend to see what is going on [she just got engaged!]

now, it’s 430 and i’m fucking bored. I started watching this dvd on color correction but i got bored.

so i’m telling you how bored i am. i called steve to see if he wanted to do something but he has not called back.

SIGH

okay, somebody, anybody ENTERTAIN ME!

There are too many boys in my life. I am going to play dumb (now do I have to REALLY play dumb? c’mon people).

My coworker, Samantha, was talking about her contacts. This led me to a little story I am going to tell you.

I was once driving, in San Diego, and BAM, at 8pm at night, my contact falls out. Since I was driving (stick shift, mind you) there was NO way I was going to look for it. On top of that, I felt my bladder was going to explode.

I was about 20 miles away from home and having one contact popped out, half the world is blurry. So I shut my one blurry eye and looked at the world with my one good eye.

After about five minutes, my eye started to get tired. But I couldn’t open it because of the blurry factor. I had some tape in my glove compartment.

And I taped my eye shut.

But one piece of clear tape wasn’t doing it. So I put five pieces of tape over it.

I should’ve colored it black and made it an eye patch.

I think my eye learned it’s lesson and a contact has never popped out of my eye since.

I’m bored. What are you guys doing?