I’m going through some sort of weird phase I think.
In the past two weeks, I have:
cut my hair
dyed my hair black
gotten contacts
painted my room
gone to the beach twice [to drive by myself]
refused to take off an arm band that I got from Good Times
bought new accessories
bought new sunglasses
I go through this every now and then when I’m bored with my life. Why should I be bored?
A lot of it, is because I feel, I don’t know what I really want. The problem is not getting what I want but actually knowing what I want.
Par example: [this is hypothetical]. Say I like this one guy. I will try to get his attention and possibly get him on a date with me. After that, then what? I have his attention, I got him on a date…maybe a kiss…and then…what? Boyfriend central? I don’t really want that right now.
Or do I?
The problem with boyfriends, as I perceive it, is the end of my freedom as I know it. I can’t go out on a moment’s whim. I have to answer to someone.
That scares the bejesus out of me.
A lot of people who are in relationships LIKE having to answer to somebody, like having the stability of having someone there for them all the time. They need that stability and that security to function.
I am stable and secure with myself. If you threw me in a situation where I was by myself and nobody else around, I would be fine. I wouldn’t be completely happy, but I would be fine.
Issues with commitment? Maybe. Commitment is such a big word and has so much magnitude. What about us free spirits? Is there a possible way to be free and still be in a relationship?
Some people find it weird that I like to go on long drives by myself or hang out by the beach by myself or watch a movie in a movie theater by myself.
I like it. It gives me a sense of myself and a sense of privacy and that I don’t have to nice or social or answer to any expectations.
I get so bored with my life sometimes…does that make me a boring person? To constantly want to change? Don’t get me wrong, I love stability and knowing I have friends I can depend on and so on and so forth.
But I HATE routine. Stability and routine…does that go hand in hand?
I’m going to go backpacking in Europe and think about what I want in life.
I’m not sure if I want to be happy because I don’t want to be complacent with what I have. I always want more.
Is wanting more “bad”?
Is not knowing what I want “bad”?
Is Will Smith’s “Getting Jiggy With it” bad?
Is wanting to date a guy but not being committed to him bad?
Is bad even bad?
Minimal Effort 