Month: April 2004

So I am missing a key from my keyboard. This is ghetto because whenever I need to press that key, i need to grab a pen and press it with the pen tip pen…and my desk has two keys on it.

Ooooooh, and the culprit of the matter feigns innocence. I don’t know how he knew that I wrote him a “message” on his keyboard since the message was destroyed by another person, however, war has begun.

War was the card game I won 20 bucks over in Vegas. Go *igure.

I am slightly sick.

I bought the new NERD cd. Although Bee* argues that it sucks, I think it’s catchy as hell (although, I LOVE the 1st cd a whole lot more).

I’m thinking o* dating again, but I don’t know…do I want to deal with a bunch o* dumb guys again?

I went on a dating spree around this time last year and all the guys liked me but I didn’t like them. Is it me? Am I a dumbass? Am I being too picky? Or are the bulk o* guys I agree to go out with just really what’s le*t on the *ood chain?

That would kind o* suck because a lot o* my coworkers (a *ew who read this now) are pretty decent guys and THEIR single.

Is it because were tech geeks? Dude, these people know how to party.

And the assholes get the girl. I know, I’ve dated a couple o* them. But there is something endearing about the asshole. Girls don’t want a gentlemen–okay, I know I don’t . I want a challenge. Someone who doesn’t let me get away with SHIT. Someone who keeps me on my toes.

However, when I did date [it’s not too hard to get a date, I think, but maybe i’m just being stuck-up or “caliornian” i you will.] it was so aw*ul, I said “THAT’S IT! I AM SO MUCH HAPPIER ALONE!” Which is true. The stress *actor decreased signi*icantly.

Okay, this key is bugging me. I’m stealing a co-worker’s keyboard. uck this shit.

oh springtime, all i think about are boys. Who am I kidding, I think that all the time.

In the last episode of “The Sharon Show”

*Sharon goes to Vegas!
*Drunken Debauchery!
*Sharon is in third place on fantasy football!
*Sharon gets contacts and her hair cut!
*Sharon reads Cosmo!
*Sharon drinks Diet Coke!

In this episode of “The Sharon Show”…

*Sharon is sent home from work!
*Sharon is afraid that she is going to get fired!
*Sharon is being searched on the web!
*Sharon is FUCKING FREAKED OUT ABOUT THIS!!
*Sharon goes to work this morning, 3 minutes late for an IMPORTANT MEETING and is trying to stifle her coughing so nobody notices her lateness!
*After the meeting, Sharon goes to her keyboard to find that it has been fucked with by a co-worker!

In the next episode of “The Sharon Show”…
*Sharon will wreak revenge on fellow coworker!
*Sharon is falling asleep as she types this because of Nyquil!*Sharon is still afraid of getting fired!
*Sharon has gas!
*Sharon eats chicken!
*Sharon has diet coke!
*Sharon will write another entry!

As we speak, I am in San Diego and I am sick.

I have lost hearing in my left ear.

I am coughing up the darkest, greenist phelgm I have ever seen

I am loud by nature–my talking has risen up to 10 decibels because I really can’t hear myself talk

I am afraid to pop my eardrum on the plane.

Even though I am sick, (I have not been sick for a long time. My mother seems to think it is the drastic change in weather…I tend to agree. It’s fucking hot as hell over here. How did I live with this before?) Vegas, vegas, vegas.

Vegas was FUCKING AWESOME.

There’s something about bonding with your co-workers that makes Vegas awesome.

There’s also something about being drunk in Vegas with your coworkers. And we are talking DRUNK like you have never been drunk before.

Two words:

OPEN BAR

My company sure knows how to take care of their workers. The party started around 9pm. I came in around 1230 or 1am…so, I’m about 4 hours late. (I’m coming STRAIGHT from the airport as directed by my roommate Kevin [Kevin was also out in Vegas]) Kevin and Jeff are fucking DRUNK out of their minds. They were both slurring and Kevin kept insisting that he and I take pictures. So we took like 10. Me–obviously sober. Him—completely drunk.

THEN, they wanted me to catch up and ordered my 3 long island iced teas (like I’m really going to drink that in 5 minutes) a shot of sex on the beach and a shot of something else. They wanted me drunk and they wanted me drunk FAST.

Other than that, WHIV SIV is all I’m going to say. Let’s just say, one of my new coworkers nicknames is “Tripod” and I was not sleeping in the room that people thought I would be sleeping in.

No, I did not get laid.

But I could’ve. heh heh heh.

WHIV SIV!!!!

I would want to reveal more but I sure really go to bed. I have to drive back to Vegas tomorrow to catch a flight into Boston. 😦

However, I imagine, when I get back to work, everyone will still be going through detox and an awkwardness will be present.

Don’t you just love that shit?

What a weekend.

Friday night I was going to go to the Spike and Mike film festival [it’s a festival for animation shorts] and nobody was interested in going with me and although I have no qualms about going by myself, I’m sick of getting lost in Boston–so i ended up getting drunk with my roommates [they had beer and I had strong amaretto sours] till about 3 in the morning.

i was slightly annoyed though. i wanted to make dinner and there were all these dishes that weren’t mine. I washed the dishes and then I got tired—so I bought KFC instead. blah.

Saturday, dishes were piled AGAIN. Blah. I washed some of them in the morning and later in the afternoon, there were more. It’s like, no matter what I do, it doesn’t even matter. It also seems like nobody is doing work around here. And as much as I want to establish and follow my dream of being a mother and/or a maid, sometimes I just don’t feel like doing it.

I went to work later on to do—some work, and afterwards, I met up with my friends Kevin and Jeff up in Nashua. Unfortunately, somebody forgot their ID, so Kevin came up with the idea with beer pong.

I lost, of course, but the boys kept making a mess. Usually, I clean the beer pong room the next morning but I’ve cleaned it the last 3 times we’ve had beer pong–regardless if I played or not–but I told kevin that night—“I am NOT cleaning this tomorrow morning” as he started throwing cans into the outside hallway.

Lo and behold, the next morning, the remants of last night’s beer pong fest laid before my eyes. I wanted to clean it–but then I decided, fuck that. Nobody cares when I clean or even notices. Or even if they do–it’s gets messy again in about an hour.

Two weekends ago, I was doing some cleaning in the kitchen and I was about to mop the floor when Kevin came downstairs and started to eat. Left his shit there. didn’t get to mop and I am NOT HIS MOTHER. So, I left it there.

And it stayed there for a couple of days until, I suspect Lisa, cleaned up Kevin’s mess.

I can’t entirely blame Kevin [even though, i believe he is the purveyor of messiness] since laziness seems to prevalent with all of us at one time or the other. However, when we are all lazy, it usually takes one of the girls [me or Lisa] to get sick of seeing the mess before one of us cleans it up.

I was sick of seeing the mess last night [Jeff went up to me and said “Are you okay?” [he thought i was mad] and I said “I’m fine” but what I was thinking was—i’m going to have to clean this tomorrow.

but, it’s not right nor fair that we would have to clean up after other people’s messes.

I was hoping to get a roommate meeting. we have a bizarre situation because we pretty much live with people’s habits. I’m pretty laid back with other people’s crap but I also have a thing with fairness as well.

In other living situations, we had a board where we would take turns doing certain chores and check ’em off. Or we would make a verbal agreement ‘i’ll clean the porch and the living room and you do the bathroom’…i’m always down.

I think when there is no sort of organization, things get out of control.

i’m in a semi bad mood as well, so cleaning is the last thing on my mind.

and lisa, i’m sorry you think i’m lazy but i had intentions to clean it up after i slept off my headache.

otherwise, it was an okay weekend. i love futurama and i hate boys.

I have conceived of a plan. My awesome mean work crush was so mean to me today that the answer is so simple.

I just have to kidnap his dog.

I don’t know why i didn’t see it before. You know that expression, “The fastest way to a man’s heart is through his dog.” This will, of course, take some planning and research. I know his dog is small, but it’s not a lap dog, so it might be hard to catch. I’m not sure exactly where he lives, but I was already planning on following him home later this week, so there’s synergy there.

Anyway, i see there as being three [3] key elements to this plan:
1) steal the dog
2) write a good ransom note (this could be the hard part)
3) my mean work crush realizes his love for me when he is left alone and dogless.

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Did you know that horticulture is the practice of culturing whores? I found that out today. I’ll tell you how in another entry.

I wear overalls because, secretly, I want to be live on a farm. I’ve always had an affinity for pigs and chickens and sometimes, I enjoy conversation with cows. Their mooing can be very seductive. I’ll tell you how in another entry.

Since this is my diary, I will tell you all a secret. I’m a horribly violent person. I like punching. Doesn’t matter what. Pillows, windshields, street signs, grandmas, you name i’ve punched it. Punching can be very seductive. I’ll tell you how in another entry.

My friend Angela is probably the coolest person I know. I’ll tell you why in another entry.

Ok I’ve got to go buy a dildo. Bye my friends. Adieu.