Month: March 2004

Things that have happened the past week:

had dinner a coworkers house, actually had chlorphyl [i believe they were green beans. i ate them because i didn’t want to be rude—actually ended up liking them.

got high as kite for the first time in about 2 years

had a ‘fight’ with gump, we made amends and now we talk about times of when significant others fuck up.

got incredibly trashed on saturday

as a result of said trashiness, i shamelessly flirted and taunted the guy i am currently infatuated with

chatted on AIM with said infatuation for about four hours

went to work today and was taunted and teased for being so trashed on saturday

guy i am infatuated it indicated that i abused him mercilessly. i told him he deserved it.

*possible after-work party on thursday, i’m stoked.

all in all, a good and eventful week. i feel the more exciting my week, the less i have to write about minutiae.

I think the guy i am infatuated with might like me as well. i mean, he gave me a wet willy [wet finger to my ear] where i squealed wildly and vowed to hate him forever.

now that i think i have his attention…i don’t know what to do–ask him on a date? get him to ask me on a date? how do i go about that? how do i get this guy?

oh the mind games of trying to date a coworker.

a coworker in his 30s. that’s hot.

it’s even hotter that he wears glasses. [he usually wears contacts but he wore glasses on saturday].

i’m going to watch LOTR.

Well, the weekend went about without a hitch.

Gump apologized to me yesterday for overreacting and I apologized for not keeping him in the loop. He indicated because my email was so short and I didn’t respond right away, he thought I was mad at him whereas, I was actually in class and was checking my email quickly and then I went back into class.

go figure.

Regardless, my friends seemed to have a good time and Gump’s friends seemed to have a good time. They never did get to meet each other since we were basically going in and out of the house.

Now, I’m hungover a little bit. Hungover and/or tired. I wish I had something entertaining to say here.

However, my coworkers have given me the nickname of “bonzo” or something after the drummer of def leopard [who i think only had one arm]–well, he was so trashed that he died from asphixiation/his own vomit. wait, is that def leopard or led zeppelin?

I unmercilessly was hitting on one of my coworkers all night–oh god, i’m dying of embarrassment.

and oh god, my coworkers are making fun of me for it.

more on the beer pong thingy when I am not so useless.

this was so goddamned boring. UGH. I loathe me.

I woke up this morning and I couldn’t find my glasses, so I went through a good part of the day blind and putting my nose next to the screen to see what was going on. It ended up being in John’s room, on his futon [how did it get there?].

I had some coworkers over last night. I hope they weren’t expecting a party..but I think that was the mentality. I felt like a bad hostess, no music, chips for food and I was drunk.

God was I drunk.

Cast of characters:

John: My roommate. He was the only other roommate around to meet my coworkers/friends. I think it is safe to say “friends” –ffrrriiiends. hehe [Steve and I say that all the time]

Me: Since I told everyone 8ish, i figured that was 10ish [and I was right!] and I didn’t care. However, John and I were restless so we play about 3 games of beer pong. Hence, I was so fucking drunk by the time my first guest…

[K]:…arrived. I felt bad that he was first, I suppose because I don’t know him as well I as I wish I did. However, he brought good tidings, trash talking [to yours truly] and beer–and he was wearing glasses….

[J]: Actually Jeff was the first one to show up, at 8pm. But he didn’t want to start for fear of getting too drunk. However, he brought a 30 pack and I had a 30 pack so we were good to go. Jeff is the reigning champion of the house and we were essentially waiting for him to show up…

[JM]: was next. He said he had been drinking since noon. He’s fucking awesome and reminds me of someone…but I don’t know who it is. He sort of reminds me of someone from California—in a good way. Laid back, Snowboarder, smart as hell.

next was the pair of the night

[M&M]: who, just by LOOKING at them were trashed already. That was actually pretty funny. They had never played beer pong before and i have to say for Mike’s first time, he was pretty good.

[Beef]: was next. He was super sickly the day before and henceforth, only drank one beer and took off after an hour or so. Next to Jeff, he’s one of the guys i’m closest with at work–so I think he knew that i was sort of nervous that I was having people over outside of work–being a newbie and all–so he came to support. That and Beef and K have …beef. K totally fucked his cubicle up at work. heh heh heh

[KS]: was the last to show up. He played a couple rounds, told his stories and left when everyone left for he had a snowboarding trip the next day.

Jeff and Ready, the reigning champions finally came in around 2am and by that time, I was passed out, trashed and drooling [and apparently misplaced my glasses at that point]. They dragged me out of bed to play MORE beer pong but at this time, i’ve already had like 10 billion beers and i was useless.

Man, too bad i was pretty fucking drunk when everyone came over. I felt like a bad hostess…with tetris fired up on the game cube.

Dude, which, i forgot to put away and i was slightly nervous that the boys would make fun of me–but NO! they were all into it. that fucking rocks.

have you ever seen that music video called “No rain” by blind melon? the bee girl finds her bee friends in a field? I sort of feel like that. I mean, i’ve known these people for a little over a month, and already, they’ve invited and welcomed me into their lives.

man, that fucking rocks.

the smell of bacon permeates the room as your protagonist, me, thinks of something to say. then she thinks, well, the smell of bacon is permeating the room, maybe i can start with that.

then, the protagonist thought, that’s a lame beginning.

anyway, how was your week people? Well, you couldn’t respond anyway since i’m out of gold and the comments section is albeit, temporarily, closed down. so actually that question means shit.

last week i was on the phones by myself and was fine and dandy until about thursday at 4 o’clock where i got the assholiest asshole on earth [actually, he was from spain]. it got so bad, that i actually started crying.

it is not worth repeating, so i won’t. but now, because of that bad experience, i hate people from spain. i know that’s not politically correct but you know what? i’m a quarter spanish, so i can. [my grandfather was from spain. he was an asshole too..i think. i forgot. oh well]

other than that, my roommate kevin thinks i have a secret boyfriend–i wish i had a secret boyfriend. however, if i hypothetically had a secret boyfriend, do you think i would really write about it?

however, i am the queen of secret boyfriends so hmmm….

but i really don’t have one.

this was a useless entry. discard and recycle.

i work in a technical support job. i give technical support to editors all across the country.

of course, you get your angry editor, you get your calm editor, you get the i-know-everything editor [then why are you calling us?]. whatever editor you get, when you help fix their problem, they are ever so grateful.

i’ve been offered flowers, been called a goddess and given other accolades but steve, my coworker, takes the cake.

he got this call and he fixed the guy [who, was of course, ever so frustrated] and the guy said “Man, if loving you is wrong, i don’t want to be right.” bwahahahaha. man, no matter WHO says that, i always crack up.

in other news, if love film at all, you will go see eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. can i say, it is the awesomest awesomest movie? I absolutely loved it and it’s going to go on my top ten list…sorry Shawshank Redemption, you’re number 11 now.

goddamnit, i can’t wait till it goes out on dvd.

on my list of things to see:

1. secret window
2. dawn of the dead
3. taking lives

on my list of dvds to buy

1. drumline [dude, i love this movie. i don’t know why]
2. the sound of music
3. the ice storm [?]…i saw it on sale for 5.99 and that’s a deal!

okay, the end.

enter witty beginning sentence here: this is not about my qualms about buying a prom dress:

Everyone at my job has a film degree. Understandably, everyone also got their degree from a college/university in MA. Except me, I went to NYU.

Now what does that mean?

For a long time, it didn’t really much to me. Whenever people ask me where I went, instead of saying the Tisch School of the Arts [which is actually pretty prestigious to the art kids of world], I say NYU. When I say NYU, I think of liquor stores, tiny dorms, creaky 9th-floor floors and the mean lady at the film developing place. I never think about the accomplishment of graduating college or actually getting into NYU. I think of the students loans and I curse that after college, i had to get a ton of jobs that I don’t need a degree in.

Until i got my current job.

i suppose i bring up the subject of college because of a phone call i got today. A woman, we’ll call her Tina, called up and she was having trouble with her NLE [non-linear editing machine]. She was really nice-apparently she is working on the next Steve Buschemi film [called “november’] where he does his directorial debut. She then mentions “indigent”

and I say “indigent?…” it sounds so familiar and then i remember– “is the CEO Gary Winick?” and tina says “YEAH! How…did you know that?” and i tell her: “He was one of my professors at NYU.” It turns out Tina also graduated NYU and we shared a brief NYU connection.

I went home tonight, thinking about my Prof [who was HOT by the way] and my degree. I then googled my old prof–and holyshit– he directed a film that is coming out called “13 going on 30” which, I think, has jennifer garner.

wow, he’s now directing mainstream film. he kind of made it. no, he did make it.

so i went back to the nyu homepage and looked up my school to see if he still taught there. nope, but I saw a lot of my old profs — mollie, my comedy writing teacher [who wrote a whole bunch of scripts for a bunch of shows in nickelodeon] and sam, my counselor the whole time I was at NYU. He is spike lee’s editor and he just executive produced some sort of film at sundance. sam also ran into me on the street all the time and i always hooked him up at starbucks.

Anyway, after reading all this and getting refamiliar with college documents, it occurred to me.

i should really be proud that i went to a pretty kickass school.

I feel that people don’t give themselves enough credit. i’m always thinking how awful of a writer i am, or how fat i am or how i’m such a loser with guys. i never really think — you know what? i fucking graduated college. i fucking graduated from a pretty awesome school. how many people can say that? and…how the hell did that happen?! especially since i’m a dumbass and have minimal talent in comparison to the talent i was exposed to in college.

i mean, if i really think about it, i went to one of the top film schools in the country. you really forget that mindset though, when you’re in college or when you’re paying the student loans. [and i worked my ASS off to get accepted, but when i got accepted i thought–this school must not be really good if they accepted ME]. because of this school thing–about 3 years later, i will have moved across the country to work in something that would hold merit to my degree. i could have very well given up the film shit, stayed in california and became a paralegal, bought a house and gotten a dog [i’m allergic to cats].

honestly, sometimes i feel guilty that i got accepted to film school. i sometimes feel that there might of been someone who might’ve wanted it more than I did or had more talent.

and the only reason i got in was because i am a girl or asian…or both.

i don’t know what i’m trying to say here. i guess, i’m trying to figure out what to do. i love film. i love being on sets. i love writing in the eleventh hour. i love film kids. i love editing and i love the creative process of anything.

but am i really doing anything about it?

i think there’s a fear. i am so afraid to write a script, then i would have to actually follow through and do something. but there’s another part of me that makes me do stupid things like move across the country to a state with bad weather. and now i work in a company where i have access to free equipment –so i can’t use the excuse that i don’t have equipment.

i also don’t have the excuse that i don’t have a crew, because now i know fellow film kids in MA and in NY. i really don’t have an excuse not to write–i have a fellow roommate who gave me Final Draft and who also writes scripts and other than his somewhat lazy nature, does the gall to do film shit–location managing, editing, writing…whatever.

i think i don’t want to succeed but i also think that every year, there’s some insane part of me that does something risky that makes my excuses to not succeed grow slimmer and slimmer every year.

i wish i could just purge out a script and be done with it.

i wish i wanted something else.

i kind of wish i didn’t have film dreams. it depresses me.

and i don’t really know what the hell i’m doing or have the motivation to fix that mentality.

IN OTHER NEWS:

Usher is coming out with a new album and so is NERD. I normally wouldn’t care except that YEAH song is so goddamned catchy and Ludacris is fucking hizot!!!

that’s hot yo.

am i the only one who thinks that?

Everyone at my job has a film degree. Understandably, everyone also got their degree from a college/university in MA. Except me, I went to NYU.

Now what does that mean?

For a long time, it didn’t really much to me. Whenever people ask me where I went, instead of saying the Tisch School of the Arts [which is actually pretty prestigious to the art kids of world], I say NYU. When I say NYU, I think of liquor stores, tiny dorms, creaky 9th-floor floors and the mean lady at the film developing place. I never think about the accomplishment of graduating college or actually getting into NYU. I think of the students loans and I curse that I risked so much to get a ton of jobs that I don’t need a degree in.

Except now.

i suppose i bring up the subject of college because of a phone call i got today. A woman, we’ll call her Tina, called up and she was having trouble with her NLE [non-linear editing machine]. She was really nice-apparently she is working on the next Steve Buschemi film [called “november’] where he does his directorial debut. She then mentions “indigent”

and I say “indigent?…” it sounds so familiar and then i remember– ‘is the CEO Gary Winick?” and tina says “YEAH! How…did you know that?” and i tell her “He was one of my professors at NYU.” It turns out Tina also graduated NYU and we shared a brief NYU connection.

I went home tonight, thinking about my Prof [who was HOT by the way] and my degree. I then googled my old prof–and holyshit– he directed a film that is coming out called “13 going on 30” which, I think, has jennifer garner.

wow, he’s now directing mainstream film.

so i went back to the nyu homepage and looked up my school to see if he still taught there. nope, but I saw a lot of my old profs — mollie, my comedy writing teacher [who wrote a whole bunch of scripts for a bunch of shows in nickelodeon] and sam, my counselor the whole time I was at NYU. He is spike lee’s editor and he just executive produced some sort of film at sundance. sam also ran into me on the street all the time and i always hooked it up at starbucks with him.

Anyway, after reading all this and getting refamiliar with college documents, it occurred to me.

i should really be proud that i went to a pretty kickass school.

I feel that people don’t give themselves enough credit. i’m always thinking how awful of a writer i am, or how fat i am or how i’m such a loser with guys. i never really think — you know what? i’m kickass.

i mean, if i really think about it, i went to one of the top film schools in the country. you really forget that mindset though, when you’re in college or when you’re paying the student loans. [and i worked my ASS off to get accepted, but when i got accepted i thought–this school must not be really good if they accepted ME]. i moved across the country to work in something that would hold merit to my degree. i could have very well given up the film shit and became a paralegal, bought a house and gotten a dog [i’m allergic to cats].

i don’t know what i’m trying to say here. i guess, i’m trying to figure out what to do. i love film. i love being on sets. i love writing in the eleventh hour. i love film kids. i love editing and i love the creative process of anything.

but am i really doing anything about it?

i think there’s a fear. i am so afraid to write a script, then i would have to actually follow through and do something. but there’s another part of me that makes me do stupid things like move across the country to a state with bad weather. and now i work in a company where i have access to free equipment –so i can’t use the excuse that i don’t have equipment.

i also don’t have the excuse that i don’t have a crew, because now i know fellow film kids in MA and in NY. i really don’t have an excuse not to write–i have a fellow roommate who gave me Final Cut Pro and who also writes scripts and other than his somewhat lazy nature, does the gall to do film shit–location managing, editing, writing…whatever.

i think i don’t want to succeed but i also think that every year, there’s some insane part of me that does something risky that makes my excuses to not succeed grow slimmer and slimmer every year.

i wish i could just purge out a script and be done with it.

i wish i wanted something else.

i kind of wish i didn’t have film dreams. it depresses me.

and i don’t really know what the hell i’m doing or have the motivation to fix that mentality.

I am at work and my bladder is going to explode but i decided to update anyway.

Yesterday and today marks:

a) the first time I have driven through a snowstorm and

b) having the shovel snow the next day.

However, due to my lazy nature and my want of getting to work on time, I only shoveled a bit and I screwed it. As in, I said out loud “screw it” and left.

I was such a wuss last night as well. After watching the snow fall like out of control pinata candy, I was scared to drive. I was afraid to die.

However, thankfully, two of my coworkers, Mike and Steve calmed my fears and agreed to caravan with me down to Malden–Steve in front of me and Mike behind me.

So for nearly an hour [which is usualy a 20 minute drive], I was squinting, clutching my steering wheel so tight that my knuckles were white.

Okay, maybe a light beige.

Anyway, I thankfully survived and now I have to go and

So I wrote an entry and it was swallowed up by some internet gnomes. So I’m going to cheat and plagiarize myself from another diary i write on [sigh. having multiple diaries for my multiple personalities is getting hard on the fingers]:

There’s a security leak in my room.

Apparently, the night before [or that’s the alleged time], some bird was on crack and flew smack dab into my window and broke it. Now cold air can come rushing through in here.

I suppose it’s not too bad until I started thinking about ambitious rats.

What if, there was an ambitious rat who decides to climb on my side of the hizouse [pad] and decides to chew out my orifices or decides to nest in my armpit or something?

That sort of thing scares me.

In other news: Gumphood and Kevin are leaving/have left today. This makes me sad because Kevin and Gumphood have made attempts to include me on things. I found out Kev’s SN at work and IM him from time to time and whenever Gump is on a new planet, he always calls me in [i got to see Naboo, which was sort of cool] to check it out.

Further, i went on a dvd binge this past weekend and Gump was more than happy to watch these movies with me.

In other words, I’m afraid the other two roommates hate me.

Lisa is going through a lot of shit as of late and has been quiet and sort of withdrawn from me. This may or may not have anything to do with me. I suppose, it’s might be me because I haven’t been overly friendly or overly open with her. I feel that she needs some time to herself and to figure things out.

Well, that, am I’m a wimp. I can’t comfort people very well. I feel uncomfortable and my defense mechanism is to make them laugh. Also, if something bothers me, I’ll go on as if nothing has happened until asked or provoked. Otherwise, if nobody asks, nobody knows.

I sort of adopted this practice with clinton’s “Don’t ask, don’t tell” policy. I think it’s a good one.

Rumor has it that John is PISSED at me. Basically, one of the other roommates said “Oh great, when John comes back, him and Sharon are going to fight again….He is PISSED at her.”

Great.

So now, I’m going to be going home to two people potentially pissed at me [which ironically are the ones who were closest to me in the house]. This really sucks further because cute-guy came to my cube today and lent me his EVIL DEAD II tape. I really want to watch it.

but i am also scared and would like somebody else to watch it with me.

however, if both of the remaining roommates potentially hate me, then fuck, i’m fucked i guess.

in other news: I dyed my hair yesterday. something called “sangria” I didn’t tell anyone [because most of the people I correspond with are guys, and guys really don’t notice anything] but surprise surprise.

somebody did notice.

and that made me feel grand.

I am officially a FATASS.

that is so awful awful awful. I tried on a pair of pants that fit quite comfortably and now they don’t fit quite so comfortably.

AHHH!!!!

So i’m going on–you guessed it–a diet.

This diet will consist of a daily regime of Trimspa 34x, crystal meth and maybe some crack cocaine.

Sure, I’ll imagine some bugs trying to eat me alive, but goddamnit, won’t I look hot whilst going insane?

I am a loser btw. I spoke to this guy vis a vis IM [a guy from work]. He’s really nice to me on IM but mean to me at work. Further, he’s a lot more open to me online but at work, he like pushes me and doesn’t pay too much attention to me.

Now, what’s THAT about?

I figure, maybe he’s ashamed that he talks to me online or something. aw well. fuck that. I still think he’s cute.

I HAVE A CRUSH ON EVERY BOY!

ummm. what else? I broke up with the futon two nights ago. My bed was extremely jealous and to get back at me–refused for me to sleep well and gave me nightmares about driving and my roommates.

it’s sort of like an abusive husband…it’s bad for me and I know I could sleep on the couch–but I just keep coming back for more because that bed owns me and my room.

sigh.

i’ve gotten so pathetic lately.