Month: February 2004

So, before I enter the wonderful world of The Sims [I’m installing the House Party, Livin’ Large and Hot Date expansion packs] I decided to update with meaningless words and sentences.

I suppose, I’ll do one of my list entries of what thoughts have been wandering aimlessly in my mind since I’m suffering from a mild case of ADHD and unable to write about one topic at hand.

Bush wants to promote marriage by spending an unholy amount of money on it. DUDE, STOP SPENDING MY MONEY! AUGH.

I am turning into the biggest, fattest woman on earth because of my lack of exercise. I am seriously going to join Weight Watchers and a gym after I catch up on my finances.

Can I just say how stoked I am that I’m going to work this week? [I start Wednesday] I wish I didn’t just start playing the Sims, otherwise, I would’ve played that shit the whole time I was unemployed.

I can’t wait to buy furniture.

This weekend, everyone was completely useless. More specifically, last night, on sunday. Every one of my roommates [with the possible exception of Ready] were in their respective rooms playing video games ALL DAY LONG. Risa and I were playing the Sims, Gump and Kerbang were playing Star Wars Galaxies. Now, I imagine, if Lisa and I were playing Sims online, we would never see the light of day [not like we see it anyway]

I had a dream about the Sims last night. Talk about obsessed. but the background music was “Solid. Solid as a rock.” by that one girl and that one guy. it came out in the 80s.

That’s what I call completely random. I mean, where the hell did that song come from?

I really like to eat chicken.

okay, since I said that, I’m going to make chicken.

I suppose I’ll have more interesting news later. God, this was boring.

Sorry.

must…stop…computer.

I downloaded the Sims Unleashed on my computer today.

And i played it for NINE HOURS. Well, I did eat a little bit and looked up at the Grammy’s for a second or two.

But I played this game for NINE GODDAMNED HOURS.

If I never update again, you know why.

the sims have taken over my soul. I cannot stop playing it.

save yourselves!

So the inevitable “I hate singles” day is coming up– Valentine’s Day.

I suppose I could give you the cynical, bitter entry of how much a Hallmark consumerist holiday I think valentine’s day is.

But no! I will not do that. It’s cliche and it’s overdone.

Instead, to cheer up the single-people, I will give you Sharon’s Top Ten Things to Do if You are Single on Valentine’s Day:

10. Get a bunch of girlfriends [or guyfriends] at somebody’s spiffy apartment. Girls, buy some ice cream, some Cosmo and KFC. Then pig out, put your hair in pigtails and run outside screaming [with chicken in fist] “Look, how much fun I’m having without a guy telling me I’m that I’m a fatass!” It’s fun, I tell you fun [I did this in New York, 1999] Boys: Go play a video game.

Writer’s sidenote: All of these things have been tried and tested by yours truly, so success is guaranteed

9. Put on your nicest dress [or a prom dress] and go bowling with a girlfriend. That shit is awesome.

8. Send your sexiest underwear to an ex-boyfriend with some crazy sexy perfume on it. And say “HA!” to his new live-in girlfriend

7. Have a television show marathon of either Friends, 24 or Sex in the City. I mean, television show dvds are made for losers for that kind of time [time single people would probably be using if they had a significant other].

6. Go watch a movie in the theater by yourself. I suggest something awful like “You’ve Got Served” or something. Last year, I watched Daredevil and I felt better about my life. [watching action movies help too– like Predator or Terminator 3]

5. Go drive to the beach [or in my case, Cape Cod] and play Ben Folds last song, “Evaporated”, on repeat and then drive yourself over a cliff.

4. DON’T WATCH THE LITTLE MERMAID. Tears will ensue and you will get angry at the Octopus woman and why she refused Eric and Ariel to have true love. [Damn her].

3. Write a story about you and a dream guy–then make a montage-collage of all the fake and wonderful things you did together. [Make sure you include the picture where the laughing girl in overalls is being carried by her handsome boyfriend, piggy back style.]

2. Duh, masturbate.

1. Go out with a single guy friend to a nice fancy restaurant where you both look spiffy. Then, after several glasses of wine and lots of laughter, stand up and slap him and say “Well, I’m SICK of being your cancellation prize!” and try to storm out. When he tries to say in fact, you are not a cancellation prize, look deeply into his eyes and think “loins, loins, loins” as a psychic way to get into his head. Hopefully, he’ll kiss you passionately, pick you up and take you home for some angry cancellation-prize sex.

You can worry about the next morning on February 12.

My computer is still on California time, so it is actually 5:35 a.m. and not 2:35 a.m. as this entry indicates.

Wow, I never thought there would be a day I would stay up this late, like, all the time.

I just watched Memento with Risa and John and then I went upstairs to watch the Two Towers and read diaries.

When did I become such a loser?

I mean, I think I hit a low point of loserdom. You know what I did last night?

I tried to download porn because I am that bored with life. Well, not life per se, but I just wanted to see what midgets fucking or what a “dirty sanchez” was. Maybe I could take notes. I was wondering if sex was still the same.

Well, I failed at that too. I couldn’t even download porn.

I mean, I don’t get it. Like, it shouldn’t be that hard, right? I know guys who have a kajillion pornos downloaded. I’m talking, a book of cds full of porno downloads, a harddrive dedicated to porn, tons of folders under secret names.

And I couldn’t even download one. Well, it probably would’ve been disappointing anyway, as they usually are.

Regardless, I’m reading a book called “An Exalatation of Larks” and I was falling asleep until I read one of the main female characters was giving aggressive head. No WONDER John thought this book was good! [it’s his book]. However, it’s a non-cliche time travel story which I like.

Speaking of movies, i so want to see “You Got Served”…like on a platter. I just want to see the dance moves.

I tried to teach John and Gump the “snake”..you know that dance move, where you lead with your head a la Rudy Huxtable on the Cosby Show.

Oh god, it was awesome.

I’m going to teach them the roger rabbit, the running man, the kid n’ play and maybe the Reebok for starters.

It’ll be like dance hall crashers all over again.

Ooh, i should teach them kick ball change, down, up knee, and the walk through with a sashay, the box and for good measure, jazz hands.

Lisa kicked John’s ass today on Soul Caliber [for you soul caliber geeks [all two of you] out there]. She has 18 wins, John has 14. It’s pretty rad.

Let’s see, what else in my boring dumbass life? There are some pictures from the pool hall but I am too lazy to upload them. maybe next time, kids.

Dude, I want some chicken now. Should I go downstairs and eat some? How much of a pig would I be? Oh well, I’m too lazy.

Take three on Sharon’s attempt to sleep. It’s now 6 a.m.

I went to see “The Butterfly Effect” with all the roommates sans Ready. Was that mean of us?

I have to say, it was a lot better than I thought it would be. However, it was a subject matter that I’ve been obsessed with when I was younger, so it was quite a disturbing film to watch.

I don’t know what I’m watching right now because I”‘m distracted with Office Space and the two Bobs.

Okay, it’s now a commercial. Focus, Sharon, focus.

Now, what was I saying? Oh yeah. So there was actually one part of the film that I found pretty upsetting that I had to leave the theater for a bit and come back after the Eric Stoltz bit because it was a little too close to home for me, if you know what I mean.

It got to the point that when we left the theater, I couldn’t think clearly. I kept thinking over and over, what if I stood up to people in my past? How much different would I be? I mean, just one person or event and BAM. I mean, because of one person, I gained a bunch of weight which led to a downward spiral of hell and back.

And it sure was fun!!

Anyway, other than it being a little hard to watch and even though I’m sick of Ashton Kutcher, I was rather impressed.

This was such a melodramatic and boring entry.

I will try to redeem myself later on yo.

The equation of the weekend: John + Sharon + third roommate = alcohol

In the past three days, John and I have successfully:

Night one: Taken Ready out to two bars and gotten drunk at Lisa’s bar from 5 or so amaretto sours.

Night two: Taken Risa out to Jillian’s [read: bar code], gotten our collective asses BEAT at pool by Risa. Drank 3 beers or so. Got drunk, went home, played video games.

Got my ass BEAT by John and his god-awful cocky self. At one point, [with the alcohol and such being a factor], he said “Here, I’ll let you have this battle” and I said “NO! YOU ASSHOLE!” Then he kept running at me with his character, trying to envoke [?] hostility to me. Of course, he upped the ante by yelling “yeah, come on, you wanna kiss me, you wanna kiss me” practically throwing Yunsung [his character] into my fragile wind character [Talim]. I hated him SOOOOO much. I think I still hate him now, I still have residual anger.

Night three: [yes, three nights in a row]: Gump, John and I went to Vikram’s and had beer upon beer upon beer. Luckily, I have the football great [Gump] and my square button prowess, Gump and I kicked Vikram’s and John’s ass on NFL Street Football stuff. We [as the Panthers and as the Colts] beat THEM [as the Patriots]. Luckily, that fate was not repeated in the Superbowl.

At this point, from John and mine’s excessive drinking this week, we were NOT drunk. Apparently, our tolerances have gone up significantly and getting drunk is a harder task to take on—which sucks because now I can’t be a cheap date. DAMNIT! Anyway, we have agreed, that we are in a dead heat for drinking the other under the table at this point. I think beer is useless and it will have to be hard liquor.

Best event of the Superbowl night:: Gump took an ice cube from his Sangria cup and threw it at Vikram while Vik was going to the bathroom.

Hit a girl in a blue sweater instead. She came up to Gump and admonished him.

Bwahahahaha.

Speaking of tests:

Lisa: Ultimate Soul Caliber II Survival Champion

Lisa: Ultimate Pool Champion

John: Ultimate Soul Caliber II head-to-head Champion

John: Ultimate cocky asshole on Soul Caliber II Champion

Me: Nothing, I am nothing! Nothing! Nothing! If I don’t have youuuuuuuuuu.