Month: February 2004

Dude, kerbang, datchery and I watched 24 all weekend.

Six things from watching 24 hours of 24.

1. where is the bomb. WHERE IS THE BOMB?!

2. Jack Bauer shooting the only material witness to a criminal and chopping off his head is pretty badass.

3. where is the microchip? WHERE IS THE MICROCHIP?!!

4. I want Alex Hewitt. I WANT ALEX HEWITT!!!

5. David Palmer is a badass president.

6. I did not cook all weekend. Friday was hooters wings, saturday datchery ordered pizza and today [or actually monday] we had a kfc family meal.

Yo, 24-Season 2-Crew foe life. WHUT WHUT!!

and I would never choose chicken over sex. NEVER!!

p.s. Roomies and I are going to Hooter to celebrate my first paycheck.

I went to Newbury Comics today with a coworker to get some cds and then I saw its face…

…now i’m a believer! [sorry, random Monkees lyrics.]

but in all its glory, was Battle Royale. One of my top ten movies of all time. The thing about Battle Royale is that it is only available in Asian markets and needs to be imported to the US. It is not available for US retailers.

So, of course, I thought, it was now since Newbury had it and the register dude said “Uh, it’s still not available…” but THEY HAVE IT.

My name is so smeared on that dvd this friday when I get my first badass paycheck.

In other work news: We need a theme for our team. We are all in teams and each of us have a name with each of the teams. So, the last team before us were the “Strongbad” team..so there was, of course, Strongbad, The Cheat, Fwhagads, Brianretta I think..etc. The team before them had “The Usual Suspects” characters…

..so I came up with the idea of us being named from a character from The Big Lebowski.

I mean, how badass would that be? Our supervisor could be the dude. My trainer [steve] could be “Jesus” [don’t fuck with the Jesus] and I would SO wanna be Bunny La Joya [if you forget, she starred with Karl Hungus in “Logjammin'”]

What a turnaround in our household. First, unemployed alcoholics. Now boring, I-have-to-get-to-bed-early-because-i-have-work-tomorrow.

But then again, it’ll be soon to be let’s-go-out-tonight-because-we-have-money roommates.

and that would be so money.

i’m like a big bear with claws and i’m just patting the bunny..i have these big claws and i don’t know how to kill the bunny…

ugh.

so, i am stuck in this stupid apartment right now. i wish i didn’t quit smoking because I would so smoke a pack right now or something. ugh.

ugh.

the boys are all playing video games. i got the inclination that it was an ‘all-boys’ club so i’m in the common room wishing i was back in san diego hanging out with MY boys. Lisa is gone too. she and josh went to a romantic getaway together out in NH which rock the house.

but now i’m stuck with these boys. these boys who don’t give two shits about me. and maybe that is what putting me in a bad mood. I don’t mean to compare [and i really shouldn’t because the boys in california are pretty different than the boys i know in MA] but i mean, wilbur would’ve been ‘get off of your ass and play video games with us’ or tyler would’ve been like ‘you are so dramatic. we are going out’. whatever. but with me, i just get a blank stare or two from them.

I would drive away but my car is blocked in and i don’t want to go through the “kevin, move your car so I can nowhere”. because I have nowhere to go.

and i have no friends.

i wish i was at work.

i am so sad.

Here’s another entry within a five minute span.

I was googling, “sharon is bored” and got a whole movie about me!

a whole movie where I am married to David Duchovny.

Coincidence? I think not. Here is a brief synopsis of ‘my movie’:

Mimi Rogers stars as Sharon, a cynical young Los Angeles woman who finds new direction in her life through fundamentalist belief.

Sharon is bored out of her mind working as a telephone service operator. So, to put a little excitement in her life, she and her boyfriend Vic (Patrick Bauchau) regularly indulge in group sex with strange couples. During one of these wild evenings, Sharon meets Randy (David Duchovny) [OH HELLS YEAH], whom she later goes out with.

On their second date, Randy confesses he once killed a man for money. The following day, two Young Republican types come to Sharon’s apartment, preaching the gospel. They warn her that she’d better get saved soon, as these are the “last days.” Sharon dismisses them as over-zealous bible-wavers. But that night, while out with Vic on another sexual escapade, something odd happens. The woman from the other couple has a giant tattoo of a pearl on her back, which fascinates Sharon. She subsequently discusses the pearl with her co-workers, who interpret it as a message from God.

Sharon is now very confused. She gets in her car and starts driving with no specific destination in mind. She picks up a weird hitchhiker named Tommy (James LeGros) and they go to a hotel. Suddenly disgusted with herself, she kicks Tommy out, gets drunk and almost kills herself with his gun.

After reading the hotel bible, she drifts off to sleep and dreams about the pearl. When she returns home, she announces to Vic that she’s found God.

At work, she starts asking callers if they, too, have found the Lord. When this gets her into trouble with her supervisor, it transpires that he, too, shares her belief. Sharon joins a fundamentalist church group and converts Randy to the cause, warning him that “the rapture”–the apocalyptic second coming of Christ–is coming soon.

Six years later, we find Sharon and Randy married, with a young daughter named Mary (Kimberly Cullum) [DOUBLY HELLS YEAH].

In a tragic incident, Randy is shot and killed by an employee he recently fired. [NOOOOOOO!!!!!!] After Randy’s death, Sharon has a vision, and believes she has been called to go to the desert and meet God.

Sharon and Mary pick up and leave, but then sit around in the desert for days, waiting for a sign that never comes. Mary becomes increasingly impatient, asking why she can’t rejoin her father in Heaven now, by simply dying. Sharon finally gives into her daughter’s demands and shoots her dead; she then points the gun at her own head, but can’t pull the trigger.

Hysterical over what she’s done, the panic-stricken Sharon speeds away, to be pulled over by a local sheriff (Will Patton) whom she had met earlier in the desert.

She lands up in jail in a cell next to the woman with the pearl tattoo, who is now acting just as Sharon had done when she first found God.

Devastated that she has killed her own daughter in the name of religion, Sharon reverts to her former cynicism, asking “How can I love a God who let me kill my baby?”

The film’s climactic scene sees the coming of the apocalypse, complete with four horsemen. The jail is destroyed by an earthquake and the sheriff takes Sharon back out to the desert.

He, though formerly not a believer, is accepted into the kingdom of Heaven. Sharon, unable to reconcile herself with God, refuses to profess her love for Him and is shut out of Heaven, separated forever from Randy and Mary.

(Violence, profanity, sexual situations, nudity.)

now if my life was like that, I don’t know what I would do with myself.

I’m going to buy this movie now.

It is 5 in the morning.

I woke up at 4 in the morning.

I went to sleep at 9 p.m. today.

Explains a lot? Maybe.

When I was [I LOVE how that is past tense] unemployed, I usually stayed up till 4, 5 or 6 in the morning. Sometimes loitering on the computer, sometimes watching a movie with John and Lisa, sometimes getting wasted.

Well, imagine doing that for weeks on end and dramatically changing that.

The night before my first day of work, I was so nervous and excited, I kept waking up every so often because I have this nightmare where I forgot to set my clock or I set it to PM instead of AM [which has happened to me before], so I kept checking it obsessively. So, of course, I didn’t get much sleep there.

Then I went home, tired as a mofo but I was afraid if I took a nap, I would wake up at 3am and screw up my sleeping schedule.

It turns out, I got my second wind around 11pm and didn’t go to bed until 1 or 2am. So TODAY at work, I was okay and all but I was exhausted when I drove home.

I was exhausted when I had to move my car. I was exhausted watching the first half of “Extreme Makeover”. And I sort of felt bad that I couldn’t share in my roommate’s [risa] cheerful spirits [she was in a cheerful mood today]. Whenever she tried to talk to me, I would answer with some listless shrug or two worded answer.

I was just so tired.

So I went to bed and lo and behold, I wake up at 4am and now it’s 5am.

Believe it or not, caffeine helps me fall asleep but i drank the last of my Diet Coke.

So I did the unthinkable.

I took one of Gumphood’s mini-cokes.

Now, this is not a man to be messed with his mini-cokes. Like, Dinguspie once came over and drank two of them or something and Gump came in and said “Dude, Dinguspie drank two of my mini-cokes”…in an semi-insolent tone.

I suppose it’s because the mini-cokes are hard to find?

But, that can’t possibly be it because Kerbang gave him 72 mini-cokes for Christmas.

Now, that was hilarious.

Actually, I also bought him a 6 pack, so I believe it is 78 mini-cokes.

So, I didn’t feel TOO bad stealing ONE mini-coke because, he still has a buttload to go through.

Regardless, it isn’t fair I stole one, so I’ll buy him another 6-pack this weekend or something.

Isn’t it great to drink cokes through a Twizzler straw?

I am SOOO going to make pancakes this morning.

I am SOOO going to have sushi tonight.

I fucking rock so hard sometimes.

My feet really do smell and I need to buy some odor eaters. I think this primarily has to do with the fact that I wore high shoes without socks.

What? They look sexier that way. Oh well, hello stockings.

Anyway, today was my first day of work which totally rocked. Describing the experience wouldn’t do any justice so I’m just not going to do it.

I have too many diaries. I don’t know why I pick the topics I do for certain diaries. Like, my previous post, I don’t think I would put it up on diaryland.

I think, on diaryland, there’s a bit of pressure to write an article of humor whereas in this diary, it’s sort of streamofconsioiusness.

Speaking of streaming, I watched “Deep Side of the Ocean” starring Michelle Pfeiffer tonight on Lifetime [television for women]. Why does lifetime have to be so lame and Spike tv is hilarious?

It’s like comparing Cosmo and Maxim. Maxim is OBVIOUSLY the superior magazine. It’s funny and it doesn’t constantly tell you simulateneously how to lose those pesky pounds and love your body at the same time. Maxim is about sex and gadgets.

That fucking rocks.

Anyway, I guess, I’ll give you a snippet of what I wrote in my diaryland diary:

Dear Diary,

It seems that something is in the air that is/are affecting peoples’ hypothalamuses. [quick science lesson: the gland that controls dreams]. I’ve been perusing many a diary and people are having weird dreams, including but not limited to Gump, Risa and Gabby. I am no exception.

Have you ever had those dreams where you thought you woke up but you really didn’t? In my dream, I woke up because someone was knocking at my door. “Come in,” I croaked. It was Kerbang aka John, wearing a black shirt and his green cargo pants. He was also carrying pillows.

“I just wanted to return these to you. I don’t need them anymore.” And he set them on the floor.

“Are those the ones I sent you?” I asked.

“Yeah. You’re half-awake. I’ll see you when you wake up.” And just when he was about to leave, Risa was coming in. Risa asked me what I was doing at 6 o’clock. I said “Nothing” and she said “Let’s watch a movie. Here.” She holds up a piece of paper with the movie advertisement. “It’s at 6 o’clock. I’m going to tape this on your door, so you don’t forget or think this is a dream when you really wake up.” And then she left.

Then I closed my eyes, just to sleep a little bit longer.

Then I woke up. Like, for real.

I woke up confused because it was one of those instances where it felt like it happened but I wasn’t sure. I have had it happen when somebody calls me to make plans or something and I’m half-awake and will just say anything to get them off of the phone. I later, really wake up and call the person who I THINK called me and ask “Did you call me?” Usually–they have, and tell me that I sounded dead on the phone.

So, this was no exception. I woke up and saw no pillows. I opened my door and saw no page of the magazine torn out and taped on my door.

Two things:

1. I was sort of disappointed that I didn’t have plans because I really did want to watch a movie. I think Risa and I ended up going to Target though.

2. I felt hurt and rejected by John aka Kerbang. A little backstory: about two years ago, I went on a road trip across the country with my best friend Kay. We stopped by Boston to visit Kerbang and Gump [who I met for the very first time]. However, Kay and I notice that—FUCK! We left our pillows at a hotel in Baltimore. This means we have to sleep straight up with no pillows. [I had so much crap in the backseat—I was picking up my stuff from nyc—that we had to sleep with our backs straight. It was a good character building experience]. Anyway, Kerbang felt bad about our situation and ran upstairs and gave us two pillows to utilize for the rest of the trip. Awww, how sweet.

So, to thank him for his generosity, I mailed him the best pillows I could find and some chocolate covered pretzels for Christmas. I mean, I put so much care and effort to make sure he got those damn pillows.

And he was returning them to me.

That bastard.

Now, here’s the funny thing. He REALLY didn’t return the pillows. It really didn’t happen but it seemed so real that I was kind of mad at him. Isn’t that bizarre? How can you be so mad or sad or whatever at a person for something they did in your damn subconscious.

Me: “I hate you! You rejected my pillows”

John: “Actually, I didn’t.”

Me: “You rejected it in my dreams. This means you probably rejected it subconsciously to me hence, my subconscious picked it up and rejected it for you. It’s all your fault”

John: doesn’t know what to say because he’s arguing with a hypothetical situation that was concocted by my hypothalamus.

And it’s funny. Once, I didn’t speak to my dad all day because he yelled at me in my dream. Or, I once had a dream that I made out with one of my roommates in Brooklyn and I couldn’t look at him the whole day because I was embarrassed that I could possibly be attracted to him [and he had a girlfriend!].

It’s one of those qualities about me that confirms, that yeah, I’m a girl.

I apologize. that was like, almost the whole entry. This apology is especially for all the people [like 3 of you] who read both.

Well, me being a working girl has to go to sleep now. I’m shooting before 1 a.m. I have 14 more minutes.

Oh, and Risa and I saw this dramatic commercial about pregnancy tests. The woman had a god voice. But I can’t explain it.

I think for Single Awareness Day [SAD], I’m going to watch “When Harry Met Sally” and cry my eyes out.

Hooray for being single!!

I suppose ther are several things for me to report since it is the end of the day and all, but i guess I’ll go with the most embarrassing story.

Long story short, my trainer [steve] and I were browsing the internet since we weren’t getting any calls.

and then i made a fatal mistake.

I asked if steve would like to see my diary. Oh, god. before i knew it, i regretted showing it to him.

Was it the sex entry? yeah, maybe. Was it the battle royale entry confirming my undying dorkiness to the world? Or how about that a big red-headed kid had a picture of a “sun-kissed” couple accentuated by the girly colors? Yeah.

but most of all because of a previous entry wherein i state the four hot guys at work.

he started reading previous entries and then…he saw it. The entry titled “the ugliest badge in history”. I promptly [and embarrassingly] covered the screen with my hands. we kept fighting over it and then, luckily, another co-worker called for steve’s assistance.

I hastily deleted the offending entry and sat satisfied. I then went on my 15 minute break with Mike and Brian [you’ll learn, people, you’ll learn]. I came back and Steve had a grin on his face.

“I read the entry”

“you lie”

“Nope. There are four guys and…here comes one of them.” and I turn my head and there is the number one guy on my list. Sigh…with his dark hair and green eyes. His green shirt and cargo pants. what a hottie..oh god. maybe i should stop typing right now.

but, alas, i will continue and see what happens.

anyway, so number one goes to tech a computer and I peek outside steve’s cube and then sit and face steve.

“you asshole. i hate you, i hate you so much”

steve begins to laugh.

THEN, number one comes into the cube.

“Hey, you got some scissors?”

and I [stupidly because of his dark haired green eyed soul] say “what do you want scissors for?”

“uh..to cut stuff”

[oh god, he thinks i’m the biggest idiot ever]

“oh, you never know..” [this is me trying to think of something clever] “..some people shave with scissors”

“SHAVE…with scissors?”

“yeah.. it’s a cool thing to do in California…”

DOH!!

“Uh…okay” gives me a weird look.

and no scissors were to be found.

i am a loser.

i mean, that is because i was so paranoid. the first day i met him, we had great laughs. i gave him trident, he told me a story of why it was ‘ass gum’ [he said “ooh! ass gum!”]. I played an Avid customer, he played the tech guy.

He is sharp sharp kid. And i was being sharp right back at him, which i think he liked. He showed me his cube and I said “uh, wow.” in a tone that said ‘you swear’. he picked up on that tone and said “Hey, don’t think too highly of yourself” and I said “Too late.” and he said “It already feels you’ve been here for months. you fit right in.” and he smiled.

dude, i got way off track. the fact of the matter is, now, there is vital blackmail information that can circle the workplace.

i am so fucked.

p.s. the work people are going to the brewery this thursday [or next thursday?]. i really want to go. however..

a. i do not want to drink

b. i will get to flirt with number one

c. however, if i get drunk and flirt with number one, i might pull a move.

oh god, i am so fucked.

I feel, like the more I have to do, the more productive I become. Excuse me. I meant, the busier I am [i.e. have a job, have a social life] the more productive I become. I have my first day of work tomorrow so naturally, I feel pseudo-productive. This means nothing to you. So I will stop on this thought.

I’ve been watching MTV for the past hour or so. Dude, what is up with the big ass titles? CHINGY PRESENTS WHERE DA HOOK GON’ BE. or MISSY ELLIOTT AND BRYAN BARBER PRESENTS I’M REALLY REALLY HOT…and then, I’m suspecting a short of some kind but it a series of images or dance moves that look good but mean nothing story-wise.

Furthermore, they have the artist and the who directed it in the corner. Do we need to have the credits reiterated? Now, what would be cool is if they had the credits at the end of each video.

I also noticed, if your rock or grunge or ‘alternative’, it’s you and your band and you are screaming into a microphone and some girl [some hot girl at that] is sad and crying and lost.

Then you have the usual rap video with the hot girls and you and your friends are in some room with these lights in rows and rows behind you. Do you understand what I’m saying. Oh well.

I have to say, my favorites of the rotation are as follows: Outkast [I love the way you move and Hey Ya] and The Darkness.

I mean, anyone whose ship gets destroyed by a giant squid should get some reward.

and the lead singer for the yeah yeah yeahs [wow, that took me a long time to type] sounds like the lead singer for the Pretenders.

Whatever happened to the Pretenders? I really liked Brass in Pocket and Back in the Chain Gang.

Wow, I sure did eat a lot of chicken the past 24 hours. You see, I bought a big ass pack of chicken from my grocer’s freezer and unlike my mom [who separates them in dinner packs or something], I just throw it in the freezer.

So, it comes time for me to eat said chicken…but it’s a fucking truckload of chicken and there is no way I can eat them all in one sitting. So what I did was separate them and cooked them all at the same time and then freeze ‘em. To make it interesting though, I cooked/prepared them in different ways:

fried

barbecue

baked

[and I just ate it right now] teriyaki.

Well, fortunately for me, I ate all my chicken in different shifts so it didn’t look like I ate a bunch of chicken. I ate my fried chicken and my baked chicken in front of John and Ready respectively. Then I ate my barbecue chicken for dinner in front of Gump [while I laughed my ass off when he showed me his different hairdos on his character—long story] and I just finished eating my teriyaki chicken in front of myself.

Speaking of which, as Gump may have indicated, he and Kerbang, I mean, John are addicted to Star Wars Galaxies which is this online game. However, Gump lets me watch him scour the planet and sometimes lets me feign that he is him—which I LOVE doing because it’s hilarious.

Case in point [or is it case and point? Hmm]: Last night, Gump had to do laundry and said “Distract Kerbang so he doesn’t leave me”…I was like, GREAT, so I began to sing “Lovin’ You” [which goes, Loving youuuu..is easy cause your beautiful, do da do da do….[high F] AHHHHHHHHH ….la la la la la–la la la la la–la la.. you get the gist {I had to sing it out loud to be able to type it out and then count it on the screen. Imagine if someone came home seeing me do this activity}] so Kerbang, I mean, John arrives on his biker thingy and sees me chilling on the campsite and says “You are intolerable” and he kept saying he was going to leave me. So I yelled at him “PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME! PLEASE!!” The bastard left me and I said “you are SO rude”. When Gump came in, he said “I would never say that”. Oh well, I hope he lets me pretend he’s him a lot more often. It’s ‘hella’ fun.

I’ve been watching MTV for the past hour. What the hell is the deal with the crazy big ass titles? I.E. BRYAN BARBER AND MISSY ELLIOTT PRESENTS I’M REALLY HOT or CHINGY PRESENTS ‘WAT DA HUK GON B?” and here’s the captain obvious part—they already give all that information in the corner of the screen. Did the music video directors think we were going to forget?

You read the corner and it’s like, “Hmm…Missy Elliott and I’m really hot..okay” and then, “Fuck, I forgot who is singing this even though only 2 seconds of the video started..oh fuck me! What am I going to do?! Oh shit…wait, it’s…Missy Elliott…bryan barber….what was the song again? Oh, it’s I’m really really hot’” Ridiculous.

Then you have the alterna-rocker video. Formula? Some angry guy who needs a haircut singing angrily in front of a microphone. Woah, that’s exciting. Maybe they throw in the hot girl whose sad and lost. Usually, the hot girl is wearing jeans to differentiate from the hot girl in a r&b video [they’re wearing leather pants] or in a rap video [are they wearing anything?]. I mean, matchbox 20 can sing to the camera…dudes, you can too.

Further, they’re not REALLY playing the instruments, it’s all playback. Whatevs man, whatevs.

Anyway, that’s what happens when you get distracted with music videos. I have to say I have to give it to Outkast—they always have great videos [my personal favorite other than the obvious “hey ya” is the one where it’s raining in their house and they are trying to capture the water. Or how about when they’re in a circus? I hope they come up with a dvd] and I really like The Darkness “I believe in a thing called love” which seems to be an unintentional homage to Freddie Mercury [whom I love! Queen was the third record I had when I was young—my parents were really into music] and anything that has a ship being eaten or whatever from a giant squid gets a thumbs up in my book.

God, Outkast, so much talent and creativity…can you siphon some of to me so I can make a bitch ass script? I really should’ve of listened to Shirley Manson [of Garbage] when I was 16 [I read that she thought that one of the best albums was Aquemini and favorite bands was Outkast] and bought Aquemini instead of Deep Blue Something [‘and I said, what about, Breakfast at Tiffany’s?]

Sorry, I’m a music geek that I try to keep under wraps. I’m much better now. But I was all up into that shit.

Gideon Yago…what the hell happened to you? You were so much cooler with glasses.

Oh, and my boyfriend is Chad of NERD [or the Neptunes].

The only Filipino guy who would EVER have a chance with me. Well, it helps that he’s a musical genius and all.

Okay, I need to stop watching MTV now.