Month: January 2004

You know, that is probably the best song of 2003. Nobody hates it and whenever I say “lend me some sugar” someone ALWAYS says “I am your neighbour!” I mean, outkast, its a shame that you have so much talent and so little time.

John and Lisa are gassy. I am jealous of Lisa sometimes because John hits her and tickles her on the gassy couch and I have to sit on the stinky couch (not stinky per se, but SOMEONE had bad breath on my side). I have too many diaries. It’s driving me crazy a little.

I need to work ASAP. I am going insane.

Lisa got mario cart and I can’t wait to play it. You know, it’s funny to see the 16 bit game and marvel how advanced it was when I was younger and now it looks outdated. No matter, I still got love for the SNES.

What else? I need to work. I need money. I hope I don’t kicked out. I hope I make money soon. I hope I haven’t gained 8000 pounds.

Somebody read Nelson’s journal and said that lisa and I were hot and it must be hard to live with us.

Self esteem boost of the day.

Kevin, my lord, is actually starting to annoy me…believe it or not. It’s a bunch of little things and not necessarily one big thing. I think it’s “Why are you telling me these stories? What is the point?”

but I’m trying to live a low stress life.

I love Lisa.

The End.

First off, dear reader, please note that John (aka Kerbang…who are we kidding? We all know his name by now) and I drove for nearly 55 hours straight, so everything, seriously is a blur.

That, and I couldn’t find my wallet, so yup, I drove across the country without a license.

The States:

California: The Golden State :

Dude, it took us FOREVER to get out of here. John and I just pretty much rocked out to cds and we raced trains on the great plains.

Arizona: The Grand Canyon State :

This was a pretty boring state. I just remember seeing some sort of national monument and John pointed that it was on the other side of the road. I did not get any Grand Canyon Action. Damnit! (As in, I didn’t get to see it you bastards)

New Mexico: Land of Enchantment:

I was not enchanted either. It was pretty dark by this time. Events I remember happening:

I put on the bug wash from my windshield wipers and it FROZE on contact with the window. I freaked out and woke up John, who told me just to keep the windshield wipers wiping.

John and I actually started taking at this point (I think we were musicked out at this time) and he asked me this: “If you had to choose to a fight between a pack of wolves or a shark, what would you pick?” I, of course, picked the shark. We talked about my choice for nearly an hour (it seems).

* At one point, the markings on the (dark) road began to fade and I accidentally drove over this bumps on the side of the road (like the crazy close together bumps that sounds like your tires are going to explode) and it woke up John and he said “You FAILED!” The bastard.

Texas; The Lone Star State :

We were not here very long. I was asleep so John could’ve masturbated for all I care while we were here. The ladies were rather attractive with their burnt out perms so it might driven John crazy. However, what do I know about style and furthermore, who am I to judge John? (hee hee hee).

Oklahoma: The Panhandle State (?)

Dude, I totally forgot what the license plate on this state said. However, John loved this state SOOO much, I just had to take a picture of it.

I think this picture reflects more of “I hate Sharon” rather than “I love Oklahoma”. I wanted some chicken and when to like, Bob’s Chicken Shack or something.

And then I saw it:

Chicken liver and gizzards.

I just HAD to get it. So I did and it lasted me up until Tennessee. It grossed John out, which seemed to be my inadvertent goal of the trip. However, his goal seemed to be to scare the shit out of me. He was turning into some scary mountain man, i.e. he would go to sleep clean shaven and wake up with all this hair on his face. Here’s the freaky part—he didn’t GO anywhere, it just like…appeared, magically! AHHH!!!

What I remember about Oklahoma (other than it was boring and as John called it “a useless state” [we are so mean]) John sang some songs from my Dr. Demento cd which won him some points with me because he knew the songs. However, he lost points for his bathroom skills, which I will reveal later.

Tennessee: The Volunteer State

Yeah, worse state motto ever man. The beginning part of it (Nashville and I forgot the other one) was pretty cool. At this point, I felt that I was doing most of the driving work (I drove us through California, Arizona, New Mexico, and more than half of Oklahoma) . I believe back in some state (New Mexico?) I said “John, if we were ever in a “Great Race” Challenge, we would not win” (I was talking about his lack of endurance) and he said “What because I have to take so many dumps?”

Which, dude, I did not want to hear about. However, it make me laugh hysterically—in my head. I didn’t want my only other driver to leave me in the middle of nowhere, so I stifled my hysterics.

Anyway, so the second biggest thing I remember about Tennessee is that we had to switch off 3 times because it was so long. Another thing was I had to pee in the worst way possible. Like, HORRENDOUSLY pee. Like, I was counting backwards and biting my lip pee.

The biggest thing is the blizzard.

Oh, the blizzard.

But I will have to finish this in another entry (I just noticed this is taking way too long to type)