The Roommate Series: Risanator

Up to bat: Risa

Backstory:

When I was going through the motions of being a candidate for the ‘bowling alley’ room, Gumphood said I needed approval from all roommates. I knew Ready and I knew Kerbang, so I thought it would be easy to get their approval. Gumphood, however, said I needed Risa’s approval. How am I supposed to get her approval if she didn’t know me?

It turns out, she approves (I suppose from Gumphood chatting me up somehow). In, uh, online celebration, Gumphood gives me a link to Risa’s page so I may look at pictures of the apartment. I find that Risa has a livejournal (I also had a livejournal, which is old crap from 2001 to 2002…when I was still having sex pretty frequently. SIGH). I look up her profile and find that she has an aol screenname.

I decide to IM her so in a pseudo-effort to get to each other. Via online, she is very friendly and very upbeat. I decide that I like her.

We talk online extensively and in turn, I make frequent appearances in her journal (which I LOVE) and she talks about how excited she is that another girl is moving in the apartment. Thus far, all I know, before this trip, is she really like the group the Deftones, Journey and taking self-photography (which she is really good at, I might add).

Oh, and Risa is HOT.

This makes me sort of uneasy to be living with a hot girl roommate. Not that I would want to bed her in a lesbian type way, but rather, that when we have parties, all the boys will fawn over her thus making me insecure. BAH. So I imagined that I would have to win over the east coast peeps with my seemingly charming personality (HA!) And Risa, with her looks and upbeat personality. This was not looking good for me (literally and metaphorically) and I don’t like competing. However, I shouldn’t blame her because she is hot.

When I arrive to Long Island, I call Risa. She is the only who, she tells me, is going to be home when I arrive in Malden. She talks very fast, very loud and has a lovely voice. She has the voice that I want. I can’t really describe it, other than, I wish I had her voice instead of my manly voice (I’ve been told, though, several times, my voice sounds like Janeane Garafalo’s or Daria’s. I don’t think that’s true though). She says she will be there to greet me. I am nervous yet excited.

I really do hope we get along. Especially since she’s the one whom I’ve never met before.

Day Thursday:

Commentary: As I’m leaving the orange line, my phone goes off. I have a message. It is Risa. She says that she has to leave for work and that she will not be around to greet me. She says that she will leave the backdoor open so I can get in. I am slightly sad because I wanted to chat with her before she leaves for work.

When I leave the train station, I look for the directions that Gump gives me. Uh-oh.

I can’t find them.

Christine (my traveling partner) and I look around. We see a gas station, a Dunkin’ Donuts, a school football field and a Hair Salon.

Christine: Didn’t he say something about a hair salon?

Yeah, he did, but I couldn’t remember WHAT. AHHH.

I call Risa. Risa gives me directions and I try to memorize what she’s saying (because I have nowhere to write it…do I write it on my suitcase?) She says to go past the Hair Salon and turn on a one way intersection. She says to call if we need more help, but we have to do it quick because she has to get into work.

We follow her directions but I am unsure if I am remembering them correctly. I don’t feel like we are going the right way and we turn back. We go in front of the Hair Salon where hairstylists are smoking. We ask where a particular street is and they point us in the right direction.

It turns out, we take a very elaborate route to the house, which KILL my feet because I’m wearing high boots things and I am lugging a duffel bag, my computer bag and a rolling suitcase. It is all my winter clothes, so I’m carrying, it feels like, 50 pounds of crap. Christine offers to help carry stuff, but I am afraid she will die from the weight.

Christine is TINY. Like 90 pounds and 5 feet tall. She would die.

At one point, I stop in the middle of the sidewalk. Christine turns around and says “What’s wrong?”

I say “I’m not going to make it. Go on and save yourself. Tell them it would’ve been nice to be roommates but I’m going to wither away on this damned sidewalk”

But…she points, “The house is right there”. So, only one more block to go. I am nervous. I wish Risa was there to greet us. We enter the house and into a creepy hallway which is decorated with rugs in hopes to make it less creepy. I am not sure if this presents the desired effect.

Later, I end up going out with Gumphood and later, Kerbang to go out drinking. Kerbang and I arrive at the apartment around 2 or 3 in the morning. I pass by Risa’s bedroom but see no lights. I assume that she is sleeping. I am sad, I want to meet Risa. I figure, I still have tomorrow.

Miscellaneous: When Gump shows me everyone’s rooms (to take a peek), I note that Risa has a Kermit the Frog hanging over her bed. This gives her 2 points in my book because I have the same exact Kermit hanging over my bedpost. I’m sure that we will get along. I am scared though, that her outstanding beauty will make me tremble with fear and awe. I am also scared that she will be beautiful like a plastic bag flying in the wind and I will begin to cry. Hopefully, Thora Birch will be next to me, to hold my hand.

Day Friday:


Commentary: After watching Sesame Street in the morning, I sit in the common room. I am super super bored. Gump, Kerbang and Ready are at work. I look at the clock. It is about 2:00 p.m. Risa should be awake, right?

However, I do not want to intrude if she is sleeping. So I call her from downstairs.

Risa answers and she says she will come down after she takes a shower. She comes down in slow motion and yes, she is hot. However, she does not flaunt her hotness and even, seems unaware of her hotness. I like her more because of this.

We decide to go out to eat at some Thai restaurant place. We are eating and we chat about “getting to know you” type of stuff. While I finish my water, Risa doesn’t touch her water. She drinks the tea. The waiter, for who knows what, TAKES Risa’s full glass of water. She gives me a shocked look.

“What? What happened?”

The waiter, looks back cautiously and full of embarrassment, apologizes and gives Risa back her water. He is not sure why he did what he did. Risa and the waiter start to talk.

It becomes increasingly clear that this waiter has a crush on Risa! So, my theory is, that he took her water because he wanted to serve her somehow and did the water thing as an excuse. Risa seems unaffected by the crush and in fact, chats with him like she’s a humble movie star and the waiter is a drooling fan. It is very cute.

Me, on the other hand, start to blend in with the woodwork. Risa graciously invites the waiter to visit her at her work tonight. I wonder if he did…hmmm…

We then decide to look at beds. Risa has the lame ass blow up bed (which she hates) from Ralph Lauren or J.Crew or some fancy smancy brand name. She wants a bed. We go to the Mattress Superstore.

We must of looked strange because we kept lying on beds and hopping on other beds. “This feels firm…but this is firmer, but this is softer.” I feign that I know what she is talking about but all the beds feel the same to me. We are about to leave (and I think, the salesperson) sees an opportunity..he could totally get both of us to buy beds if he strikes up a deal.

And he does.

Risa and I buy beds. It is very exciting. Furthermore, we buy the same EXACT bed. I thought it would be funny if we decorated our beds the same exact way. Kerbang calls while we are purchasing the bed. We all decide to go to Target to get some stuff for the apartment.

Gump would be proud, getting the other roomies to get stuff for the apartment and motivating Risa to get a bed. I may have even motivated Kerbang to get a rug…but who knows. I think people tend to buy more stuff when a person is in from out of town

We get back to the apartment for a “meeting” among the roomies. Gump says we are going to meet later and unfortunately, Risa has work that night. While Gump is doing something (who knows what), Kerbang and Ready are playing SoulCaliber II. But wait, aren’t we supposed to heading over to Target?

I end up playing SCII with Kerbang. I end up really liking the game and getting addicted. Risa comes breezing in and wants to play. Risa and I play SCII and are a pretty good match, but because I had a little practice with Kerbang, I kick Risa’s ass.

Risa decides to drive and we get to Target. We buy a heater (which is Gump’s assignment for me…which I found out later, Ready doesn’t like. The bastard), a rug that will tie the room together, a black sweater for Risa’s work and SoulCaliber II for a Game Cube that Risa has. And here’s the thing, there is no way I would’ve bought that game if I didn’t play it with Risa. I figured it would give us a sense of unity, so I bought it.

I’m all about a sense of unity within a household.

Anyway, so with this big ass rug and a cabinet or some sort that Kerbang buys, we go to the checkout counter.

It occurs to me, how is this going to fit in Risa’s car? I wonder if I should say something to Kerbang but refrain because I wanted him to get his shit. I wonder if Risa notices this discrepancy in space. She doesn’t.

So it was just me. Oh well, they will know soon enough.

We get to the car and as we open it, it occurs to Kerbang and Risa, that oops, we have no room. I say there is but I would have to be in a compromised position. This meaning, the cabinet across the car and me sort of straddling the rug. Needless to say, it was the most comfortable ride home. (I’m being facetious people)

Miscellaneous:

At Target:

Cashier: May I see ID?
I show my ID.
Cashier: Oh, you’re from California.
Me: Yup.
Kerbang: She’s moving here in about a month.
Cashier: Oh, I hope you like it here. But watch out for the black people.
Risa: (whispers to me) What, she thinks there are no black people in California?

Day: Saturday

Commentary: When I wake up, playing Free Cell (of course!), Risa comes downstairs to keep me company. Then the other roomies start trickling in, Gump with his fabulous hair and Kerbang with his boring hair (it looks exactly the same). We all chat about what we are going to do with the common room and Gump mentions that he is selling the couches. Risa and I give interest in having said couches but decide against it.

Gump goes out with his girlfriend, Risa goes upstairs to get ready for something and Kerbang goes home to help his mom with something.

After awhile, I am alone again and call Risa to see if she wants to go out to eat. We decide to eat at Bar 99 (or something with a 99 in it) and go do Risa’s laundry.

Risa and I sit down and we are served with POPCORN (?!) As an appetizer. Risa and I chat about ourselves again–and I even got her to admit who she thinks the hottest roommate is (and it’s not Ready) and I said I would use that information for blackmail in the future.

Risa tells me her backstory about her boyfriend and I tell my backstory on my lack of boyfriends. It turns out we have a lot more in common than I thought. While she talks, I see her tongue ring (which I used to have) and later, that night, she shows me her tattoos (I have one as well). Risa reminds me a LOT of myself when I was her age (I’m about 3 years older than she is). I find myself telling Risa a lot of things that I don’t usually tell people on a second date (which is what we are sort of on. tee hee).

Afterwards, we go to the laundromat across the street where Risa has to do her laundry because one of the roommates put his shoes in the dryer and broke it momentarily. While we are there, this short Italian guy who looks preggers and in a blue jumpsuit, starts to talk to Risa. Again, I sort of blend in with the washing machine as he tells her about her niece or something. This guy HAS to be at least 40 and it seems that he is picking her up.

I tell Risa “Damn, what is IT about you?” and she shrugs the guy off. I tell her that he has a crush on her (and he’s preggers, hahahahaha) and she sort of rolls her eyes like I”m crazy. However, I have a high sensitivity meter when it comes to people having crushes on other people (however, this power does not work on myself as I am always clueless about people having crushes on me, but that’s for a later entry). Risa can’t find a big enough bag to fit her laundry in, and there’s Preggers, giving her a big Gap bag.

As we are leaving, Risa thanks Preggers again and he said “No, thank you. I hope to see you again” Risa laughs and says “Not likely. We’ll have our dryer fixed by the next time.” and he says “Not if I take you out…” We are at the door by the time he finishes what ever he was saying. Risa is grossed out by Preggers and right slow. I mean, he’s Preggers.

We head off to Target and I find that Risa has Michael Jackson’s OFF THE WALL. I urge her to put it in. We put it in and put the music on FULL BLAST and sing our lungs out whilst doing the robot and the snake. People in other cars start to stare at us at stoplights. One guy points and laughs— Risa and I just smile and start doing more dancing. We having a grand time. And inadvertently, I somehow do a Michael Jackson impression that puts Risa in stitches. She has me do it again and again, but I make her start over the cd in order for me to do it.

We get to Target (it seems, our place of enjoyment) and hastily get some sheets and crap for Risa’s bed (which I helped her move in earlier in the day). However, Risa has to go to work.

Risa goes to work and I call Kerbang to see if where the movie theaters are. He says to wait for him. We all go out to see the movie.

I return home and because Risa says it is okay for me to use her computer, I go upstairs to browse the internet and check email. I turn on her computer screen.

Risa has left a NOTE for me!! I go do my internet stuff and leave a note, in return, for Risa.

Miscellaneous:

After grody guy picks up Risa:
Risa: Ugh. I hate doing laundry and having to deal with schencky men.
Me: Uh, what happened again?
Risa: Kerbang stuck his shoes in the dryer. (Raises fist to the air) Damn you Kerbang! DAMN YOU! I’m gonna kick his ass.

Day Sunday:

Commentary:

Kerbang is at work and Gump has stayed in Chelmsford overnight. I am bored.

Again.

I look at the clock, it is about 1 or 2p.m. I call Risa (as to not to wake her). She says she is in her new warm bed watching t.v., She tells me to go upstairs.

We end up watching Britney Spears doing something and Nelly’s search for Miss Apple Bottom (WHAT?!) when Kerbang calls me from downstairs and we proceed to play video games. Risa goes to sleep.

Kerbang leaves with his friend Joe to a football game and Gump arrives home.

At some point in time, Gump and I go upstairs to chat with Risa. I show them the REAL usage of the big blue ball that Risa has and we chat about Kevin. Gump goes downstairs. I ask if Risa wants to eat. We decide to get mushroom pizza. Mmmmm… pizza.

We order the pizza. Sadly, Risa has to go to work and I go with Gump to watch a football game.

Miscellaneous:

Risa: My friend from San Diego said you had something in San Diego. Mennerschnizzel, Winanitzel, Waitasnizzle.
Me: What?
Risa: I don’t remember..we don’t have it here.
Me: You mean Weinerschniztel?
Risa: YEAH! THAT ONE!
Me: You don’t have Weinerschniztel?
Risa: We don’t have Jack in the Box either.
Me: Dear Lord, how am I going to live here?

Day Monday:

Commentary: Josh is coming over to go to a Deftones concert with Risa. Josh is Risa’s boyfriend and she is ECSTATIC. When he arrives, Josh (who, strangely, reminds me of my friend Ben) Risa and I chat a little bit about who knows what. From my chatting with them, though, I find that I like Josh and I can see why Risa adores him so. They make a good match. They go to the concert.

After returning from the concert, Josh and Risa join Gump and I in Gump’s room. Gump is playing Super Smash Brothers, trying to finish the goddamned Donkey Kong level and Risa and Josh tell us about the concert. Risa volunteers to take me to the train station.

Miscellaneous:

Risa: Come on Sharon, DO IT. DO IT. You make me wanna, you make me wanna…
Me: I am NOT going to do it.
Risa: COME ON!
Me: I can’t just do it upon command. I’ll do it when I move here.
Risa: You need to move in here RIGHT NOW.

Addendum: The next day, Josh, Risa and I go to the train station. As I am leaving, she gives me a hug and says “You’re excited to be moving here, right? You’re going to want to move here, right?”

And move I shall, in exactly a week from today.


10 Things I learned:

10. Risa has a great sense of humor. (I.e. She thinks I’m funny). The way your relationship will work is you will say something funny and she will laugh.
9. She has an accent, that I’m not aware where its exactly from, that I absolutely ADORE.
8. I find myself swearing more often when I am around her.
7. Dude, she is addicted to her computer.
6. She likes mushrooms and chicken marsala (just like me!). We will get along food wise.
5. When she bitches about stuff, its never whiny, its more of like an angry comic type of connotation.
4. She takes rad self-photography
3. When you do something funny, she’ll want you to repeat it over and over again AND try to get you to do it in front of other people (i.e. “Sharon, do Michael Jackson for Gump PUH-LEESE. PUH-LEESE)
2. Our level of video game prowess is about the same (This will be good, so I feel like the competition is worthwhile whereas Gump, Kerbang and Ready are seasoned pros)
1. She really adores her boyfriend, her mother, her brother (although they fight A LOT) and her friends. She doesn’t have many friends, but I can see the quality makes up for quantity. (I think I’m the opposite)

WHEW! I’m done. Now to start on the California Cast List…