I am hella tired.
I have to pack and do my resume and clean my room and pay my bills and eat.
Why do I always do this??? GAH. I always pack last minute.
Damn, I wish there were 30 hours in a day.
I’m going to get popeye’s chicken
I’m not going to sleep tonight.
OH SHIT! I have to call one of my roommmates for directions!
this boring was entry (ha ha ha)
I wrote this long ass entry about Massachusetts and Boston and THE BIG DIG and my friend John and his friend Nelly (short for Nelson) and it was witty and clever and exciting and and and…
and I CLOSED IT ON ACCIDENT!!! Goddamnit. Forget it. I took this freaking roadtrip in August and it’s November and I’m still writing about it. I’ll continue on it sporadically but in the meantime…
First off, I was watching television the other day (like I do every day..uh…) and there was a freaking commercial for the ULTIMATE 4-DISK SET of LORD OF THE RINGS.
I KNEW IT! I KNEW IT!
I knew if I waited patiently that shit would come out. So, here’s the question, should I get the ULTIMATE COLLECTOR’S EDITION (EDITION… EDITION… EDITION… [that is my echo there]) or wait until the box set comes out for the ULTIMATE ULTIMATE SUPER DUPER UNBELIEVABLY EXPENSIVE EVERY HOBBIT’S COMMENTARY AND THEIR SON’S LIMITED COLLECTOR’S EDITION or just buy this one? Hmm. Nevermind, I’ll just get the damn thing cause it’ll be like 3 more years till that comes out. But I knew it. ewwww. I knew it.
I’ve been burned by this damn dvd business before. Anytime a ordinary edition comes out I say to myself “self, there is going to be a better edition coming out” and so I wait and wait. The problem is, if it’s not that problem, most film companies (or their conglomerates) will not invest in special collector’s editions. And I’m a terrible addict. I listen to all the commentaries, I watch all the documentary and behind-the-scenes crap, and peruse through the pictures and I read the talent resumes thingys and see what movies they “forgot” to put on. Anyway, so I pretty much get the collector’s edition.
When the Usual Suspects came out, it had a chockload of features, director and writer commentary and talent stuff and such. Two months AFTER I bought the damn dvd, they come out with a stupid collector’s edition. bastards.
then when I bought Memento. It had a chockload of features and I didn’t think it was THAT popular in the box office (I saw it at the Angelika in nyc) but a YEAR LATER they came out with the stupid super ultra collector’s edition. I don’t want my lame no-feature disk..I want the super ultra.
Here’s the worst one. Swingers. I waited FOR-EV-ER for it to come out in collector’s edition. It’s an underground classic and such and it came out in 1998 or something. Then I said fuck it, I’m getting it. LAST MONTH they came out with not one but two different ones. A special collector’s edition (they are wearing tuxes on the cover instead of Vince Vaughn holding out a martini glass) AND a double disk feature with MADE and SWINGERS on it. I know a plethora of guys who would want that disk set (I bet you they bought both anyway so it sucks)
Speaking of which. If you didn’t know
I got my heart broken.
It blows.
I didn’t really talk about it because I wasn’t ready. But I suppose I am.
Of course I could ramble and ramble about the ramifications and have the reader either feel a) sorry for me or b)anger for making you read my heart’s woes or c)pity for my existence being so pathetic.
But in a nutshell, basically, I’ve had my heart broken before but I’ve been pretty good about springing back to life or making myself busy. Not so this time.
What a bastard (I’ll say this phrase periodically)
We barely see each other now even though the sentiment (as with every dissolution of an intimate relationship) was like I was foreseen as one of his best friends yada yada yada. I knew in my deepest deepest hearts that it was not true. But I decided to wait and see this time.
Well, he never calls me and if we were to hang out, I would have to call him and make an effort. It’s sort of a wound to my ego to be so desperate for me to always make the effort to see him.
In retrospect, I see how it worked…I would (usually) call him and we would talk and he would make a reference or an invitation to come over and eat and watch a movie or hang out or whatever. I even think sometimes I said “aren’t you tired of me yet? Don’t you need some alone time?” and he would say “Just a couple of hours” and I would say “Oh, okay. I’ll give you your alone time” and he would say “I didn’t say all night, I just said a couple of hours. I don’t want to be alone all night” Now when I look back, was that because he wanted some booty or he truly liked my company? I guess I will not know because I have not been to his place since september.
Anyway, on a deeper note (?), I get stuff from my friends like, “I bet you’re being deprived, I bet you miss the sex” And it’s weird but I don’t. I think, in retrospect (when I was picking myself up again), it drove me crazy that he didn’t want to have sex..but he doesn’t want to have sex with ME anymore. And that makes you feel like crap.
It’s that thought that drives me crazy because after a dissolution, I never really miss sex too much because my heart wasn’t in it THAT much. It was but I was more into hanging out and doing stuff (like eating food). Even more, as I write in this journal, he is out having the time of his life, meeting new girls and having fun with friends and such and I sit at home typing this sort of stupid entry but yet cathartic entry because I’ve been internalizing this for a while now and I’m sort of tired of it.
And I suppose in the Swingers mentality I could go out and meet new people and do fun and WHOO-HOO! things but I don’t feel very social lately, I don’t feel like being close to anyone for a while and I know, logically, that is the way things go.
I suppose what made me sad and such (Yes, I cried over this stupid stupid guy) is that he never really needed me. He doesn’t need me now. But through the course of this year and through the course of his actions, he made me believe that I was important to him and I was special. but in the end, I suppose that I was either a very long rebound or hmmm.. I forgot the other option. Everyday it gets a little better and I care about him little less where one day I just won’t care what he does or how he is doing anymore. I’m sure in his big social life, he doesn’t think of me either because he never calls. I refuse to date anyone or get to know anyone new until I am officially in peace with this crap. I wonder when that day will be? (i’m like 90% right now)
god, when did I get this pathetic? I was fine it was just a fling….
Don’t worry people, I won’t be this pathetic forever. Just for a short while until I figure out my head and my heart and put it straight. Getting hurt is good because it builds character (I type this as I roll my eyes though) but sheesh, will people just stop hurting me or is this how the rest of my life will be? eh. I need to figure out how to shorten the hurt. shorten the hurt.
okay, okay, enough of this bullshit. I”m going to learn tai chi.
and I”m really okay people, it’s just some internalizing externalizing
Drama to my mama. Okay, I’m stopping really. really.
really.
p.s. I went on this diet and it sucked so I’m eating like food again.
p.p.s. my eyeball itches. but at least it isn’t my nose.
p.p.p.s. I bought this HUGE crossword book. it’s like 50 gazillion pages. It will take me FOREVER to finish it.
next time, a much more light-hearted subject. promise.
p.p.p.p.p.s. I picked “recumbent” as my mood but I don’t know what that means.
Hey,I’m finding the frequent flounces in flight for feople in fairyland. That was my failed attempt at alliteration.
To the point–> So I read on my sister’s best friend’s diary, the movie soundtrack of YOUR movie.
MY movie, would be an action-packed, NC-17, with some Julie Andrews musical numbers, hilarious (think Old School) romantic comedy, with some Sneakers hacker jargon (probably near the end, when I become a CIA/FBI dual agent, after my sexy sex scene)
Cast of characters:
*ME—Laura Linney (with dark hair of course)
*My love interest—Graham Coxon (lead guitar of Blur. He’s art school scruffy. I’m loving it)
*My other love interest (like, I would really have only ONE?)—Paul Walker (Timeline/Fast and the Furious/Joyride)
*My best friend(s): Miranda from Sex and the City and/or Janeane Garafalo , maybe Catherine Zeta-Jones
*My older brother—Edward Norton
*My father—Will Smith
*Cameos: Ryan Stiles and Chris Rock. Maybe Bernie Mac.
Produced by: Freddie Fields (Glory)
Directed by: David Fincher (Fight Club, Seven)
Score by: James Horner (Sneakers, Glory)
OPENING CREDITS
*** Politik–Coldplay
WAKING UP SCENE
***Hey Ya–Outkast
CAR DRIVING SCENE
***Paint by Numbers–Self
SCHOOL FLASHBACK SCENE
***Valley Winter Song—Fountains of Wayne
NOSTALGIC SCENE
*** Troubled Times by Fountains of Wayne
LOVE SCENE
*** heh heh heh, Closer by Nine Inch Nails
BITTER, ANGRY SCENE
*** Bullet with Butterfly Wings—Smashing Pumpkins
BREAK-UP SCENE
*** Evaporate—Ben Folds Five
Hmmm…Song for the Dumped—Ben Folds Five (I’m breaking up with two guys remember? Only momentarily. We would have the best ex-sex. Or maybe a threesome. Hells yeah!)
NIGHTCLUB/BAR SCENE
*** You Don’t Have to Call by Usher
ACTION/FIGHT SCENE (with that Yuen-Ping choreography)
*** OH god, That Mortal Kombat theme. That shit rocks.
SAD, BREAKDOWN SCENE
*** Flower by The Eels
MELLOW SCENE
*** Coffee and TV by Blur
DREAMING ABOUT SOMEONE
*** Island in the Sun—by Weezer
CONTEMPLATION SCENE
*** Hey Nineteen –Steely Dan (hah hah hah)
CHASE SCENE
*** Skills to Pay the Bills—Beastie Boys
REALIZATION SCENE
*** Don’t Change Your Plans For Me—Ben Folds Five
SAD LOVE SCENE
***Any Sarah McLaughlin song
HAPPY FRIEND SCENE
*** Someday by Sugar Ray
HAPPY LOVE SCENE
*** Hey Leonardo (She Loves Me For Me)—Blessid Union of Souls
WEDDING SCENE
***The Way You Look Tonight – that one guy
DEATH/FUNERAL SCENE
*** Close to You by the Carpenters (I don’t want people to be sad)
CLOSING CREDITS
*** There She Goes by the Boo Radleys (Or the LA’s)
***Rainbow Connection by Kermit the Frog
This movie would make a total of 18 gabillion dollars. I mean, who wouldn’t want to watch something with Kermit the Frog and The Eels in the same movie?
I wanted to add in “Root Down” by the Beastie Boys (‘oh my god, that’s the funky shit!’) but I couldn’t change Skills to Pay the Bills.
Because I got Skillz.
Skills even.
My friend Cooper announced to me, yesterday, that his penis was going to fall off. Actually, he said:
“as I have not fucked in over 8 months!!!!! That is more than twice my last longest period of gamelessness. And did I ever mention that I love fucking more than…. oh God I need to FUCK! What am I supposed to do? All I meet are women I know I’ll dump. Hot women – hot Asian women in particular (why are you all so materialistic and shallow!?!? (you’re an exception of course)) – wont touch me with a ten foot pole: “Me? I’m a filmmaker. Pleased to meet you.” Hah, just tatoo GAMELESS TROUBLE across my fucking face. I’m branded now Sharon. You know what this means: I have to wait for true love. “Fuck,” my penis screams out in pain. “Fuck!!!!!!!!”
That’s pretty much the gist of it all. You know, I nearly died laughing because of this email. Cooper never fails to entertain me. Well, that and…
EIGHT MONTHS?!?! Well, then…I, uh,…well fuck.
I, on the other hand, am losing any sort of entertainment value in my emails. I “used” to be able to be pretty consistent in my email writing and try to spice it up with some creative banter, but alas, I think diaryland is sucking me dry.
Damn you diaryland.
In other news:
Two things occurred last night:
a) I was shopping at Tar-jay (read: Target) last night [btw, I don’t think ANYONE ever calls it Target anymore] for earmuffs and anything of the like.
b) whilst shopping, I got a phone call from one of my future roommates,Gumpness. I got to talk to him and Banger. I’ve decided that Kerbang does not deserve to be called kerbang because he has not lived to up his name but rather, I imagine, is a banger (ha ha ha).
Regardless, many interesting things that I found out: (I note that this is heavy on the colon, brackets and parenthesis entry)
* I have an unusually large head. And it’s square.
I tried on these earmuff things (which, btw, was only $2.49. Things are hella cheap winter-wise in San Diego because probably nobody buys winter things) and I CANNOT rock the earmuffs. My head looks too big, it doesn’t do any justice for my scraggly hair AND do I put is on top of the glasses or below the glasses ear pieces? I just feel like jogging with these earmuffs.
* Massachusetts apparently has the most holidays out of every state.
Now, this I don’t get. Thus far, every person I’ve talked to from MA seems rather intelligent. Come to California, dear lord, we’re dumb as bricks. So, it would seem to me, since they have so many holidays, wouldn’t THEY be dumb as bricks because they are missing all that school? Furthermore, since we celebrate NOTHING here (Columbus Day? Yeah, forget about it, he raped and pillaged. We’re against that shit). Further, we either celebrate Veterans or Labor Day (usually Labor Day) but certainly NOT BOTH! But anyway, because of our lack of holidays, you’d THINK we wouldn’t be dumbasses.
But I think I found out why.
MA has holidays such as “Bunker Hill Day”…which, to me, sounds like a military thing. (I think it has something to do with a battle). So, if they have Bunker Hill Day or say, Treaty of Versailles Day, well OF COURSE, you’re going to know more shit about anything because you have DAYS about them! Are we REALLY going to have Louisiana Purchase Day or we kicked Mexico’s ass with the Mexican Annexation thingy-ma-jiggy (I know nothing)
And this is sad: I was helping my friend Gina study for a test. We were studying out of a 4th to 6th grade book in HISTORY. And I KNOW NOTHING! I was like…who’s that guy? Okay, I’m vaguely familiar.. but I couldn’t remember the 4th president on Mt. Rushmore.
I blame Canada.
Anyway, I felt sort of bad talking to gump and banger because I was partially distracted by trying on galoshes (which, they said, NOT to get. Damn) and unsightly earmuffs (I got them anyway..Hello, $2.49. Oh god, I sound like Courtney Cox-Arquette), so I didn’t get to have a in-depth conversation as much as I would like. Alas, such is the life of David Gale.
After talking with Gump (which, btw ladies, he has a HOT voice, as my friend Gina pointed out. She said he sounded like Luke Wilson. Wait, Owen? No, Luke). However, I think he sounds like Banger or Banger sounds like Gump. Something or other.
I was chatting with Banger about the “wild man” roommate and he was saying how he (the wildman rooommate) was pretty “wild” in comparison to him and Gump. He didn’t seem THAT wild to me (I’ve met him once before and well, he seemed tamer than Wilbur, that’s for sure)…so if HE’S wild, how boring could Gump and Banger be? I pointed this out and he said, in passionate retaliation “We are so NOT boring”
Okay, prove it.
Lastly (this is a longer entry than I thought), I signed up to go to this Howard Dean Meetup tonight. I’m not so sure if I am going to go only because I will know nobody (like that ever stopped me before). I’m primarily doing this out of sheer curiosity. I asked my sister, Jasmine, to accompany me, and she said “no! You’re trying to convert me!” [she doesn’t affiliate with any party and believes politicians are all scum..apolitical stance if you will] and I said “No, just check it out” and she said
and she has a good point here
“You sound like you’re trying to convert me to a religion”
and oh my god, she was right.
Those religious types come up to us and say “hey, we’re not asking you to convert, just check out the church”
Yeah right I’m going to check out the church.
So, I was half-deciding if I should go when, lo and behold, my friend Spencer announced he had bought me a ticket to see Matrix Revolutions tonight.
Matrix or politics…Matrix or politics?
We should find out tomorrow
(Don’t bother–Matrix)
“Can I help you?”
“I don’t know what I want yet”
“Okay, I’ll just stand here and look pretty”
“You’re doing a VERY good job”
“Yeah, I know.” wink
“What’s your name?”
“Sharon” [smile]
I am a terrible flirt when it comes to working at Starbucks. I tend to do it inadvertently. I figure, tips and good customer service.
Well, today I actually fell in love with one of my customers.
I don’t really pay attention to customers but this guy has been coming in a LOT and I commented on it.
“Dude, you come in here a LOT”
“Actually, I’ve only been here like three or four times”
“Oh…I—“
“But I recognize you too. You work EVERY single time I come in”
“That’s odd, because I don’t work here all that much. I only work nights and only a couple times a week”
“I only come at nights and I come every so often but you are always working when you are here”
so, this conversation ended up being a lot longer then usual. He ended up telling me he was a grad student at UCSD, he worked at another coffee shop (but came to starbucks to get his after work coffee), he was studying physics and he had a lot of sweaters. I actually teased him that the reason he looked so familiar was because he wore the same damn sweater all the time. heh heh. His name is Paul, like 5’10 or 5’11, Curly strawberry blonde hair (which is ADORABLEE) AND…in grad school??
what a catch.
I told him that I wouldn’t be working at Starbucks for very long and he asked why and I explained and then he said “Well, that sucks, I won’t get to see you”
awwww.
Knowing my luck, he’ll probably keep coming in to see me, ask me on a date, we’ll fall madly in love and we’re soul mates and then,
I’ll have to move.
I already made my montage of us dating in my head:
–we’re sitting at a cafe and he tells me a joke and I laugh and laugh and smile at him
–we’re at an amusement park and we’re on the ferris wheel and he kisses me. I’m holding cotton candy and he wins me a stuffed animal
–we’re in the car and I’m talking, waving my hands around, and he grabs it and we start fighting (adorably) [dude, I totally stole that scene from Singles]
–we’re reading together in bed
–we’re having a picnic at a park and he embarrsingly serenades me with a Chicago song or something.
–oh god, what if he plays piano? He plays piano to me, while I am lying on top of the piano, propped up on my hands.
and the best one:
–we’re at the beach and he runs after me (in his khaki pants and like, rustic type j=crew shirt thing) and splashes water on me and I squeal. Hmm..the he picks me up and carries me, threatens to throw me in the water and I say I hate him.
Then we make out.[I think making out on the beach is pushing it a bit] and then he carries me by piggy back as we go back to the car.
and maybe a horse starts running in the background.
man, that is so pathetic.
Here’s the thing though, I go through these montages (I had computer guy montages as well) and the guy is NEVER anything like the montage. He ends up being like, ghetto or anal or crazy boring.
My REAL montage ends up being:
–we watch tv in silence.
–we are at a party and I’m on the other side of the room
–he’s peeing and I’m brushing my teeth
I think that’s about it.
Damn you montages! Damn you!
Minimal Effort 