Month: October 2003

My feet are killing me. Just did a 8 1/2 hour shift at Starbucks. You coffee-addicts need to slow it down. There’s enough heroin for everyone.

I decide to start up a review site. I’m calling it “Sharon’s reviews” where people named Sharon review other people named Sharon.

The requirements to get a review:

1. you must be named Sharon
2. you must have glasses and/or contacts.
3. your last name must be named after a condiment.

Introducing my first review! This spiffy girl named anniewaits18:

navigation: 10/10 (interesting yet surprising)

spank your knee hilarity: 10/10

is it a make-out template?: yes 10/10

you want to read more content?: yes 100/70…you write some good shit bitch.

Overall score: 130/100

Sharon, you have the best diary ever. Good job. I will read you forever, love, sharon.

---

Operation Hotness update:

got the contacts. Everyone thinks I look GREAT but I think my face has too much surface area. It’s like, woah, people, stop looking at my eyes. However, the comments I’ve gotten:

stacey: oh my god! you have cheekbones! and you have perfect skin! oh my god! you’re hot! screw the glasses!

cari (co-worker): you can see your pretty eyes now

okay, yuck I’m tired of compliments. so here’s a negative one:

jasmine’s (my sister) friend: you look fine but I prefer the glasses. I’m just a glasses guy.

so SEE there!

as in with the diet. I lost 10 pounds but holy mounds of meat, there are only so much meat you can eat before your teeth says “sheet, why so much meat?” so I think I’m going to go off of atkins for a while and stare, I mean, watch what I eat (for about 5 mintues) and then eat.

I am getting my hair dyed my natural hair color tonight (gasp!)

I quit smoking (gasp gasp gasp)

and I’m have a dentist appointment to fix my teeth (i have a cavity. damnit) and a pap smear and a flu shot and and and…I forget what else.

I no longer work out though cause I’m always working with my full time and part time job. Dude, I better have cash coming out my ears this coming december.

speaking of december, my old roommate, nyc/nyu best friend emailed me and asked to move with her in brooklyn for 500 a month. AHHHHH! Why do people want me so? (i kid, people, I kid)

Oh, I went out drinking with my girl Gina. She’s a quarter of a century old. I was pretty drunk and she took some pictures.

You wanna see?

Too bad.

Dude, I drank 2 beers that night (that’s how long I HAVEN’T had alcohol,my tolerance becomes virtually nothing) and i paid 18.00. That’s 9 bucks a beer.

This beer better provide me some sex or wash my dishes for being some damned expensive.

Okay, I’m going now.

Oh, I saw Runaway Jury last night. Good flick. A touch predictable but John Cusack will look 25 forever and that’s hella hot. Hackman and Hoffman? How could you go wrong? Hoffman’s and Ritter’s son went to my college.

their names were ben and jason. but they were on the 3rd floor. damn drama students.

I’ve done it again.

I have made the BEST SURVEY EVER You know how GREAT this is? It’s just so FUCKING GOOD

And I’m going to be a hardass and not update until TEN people fill out this survey. Ten people don’t read this diary, but regardless, I don’t care.

So take IT and I will be on hiatus until it’s been filled out by ten people.

Oh, does anyone know what a fluffer is? Am I the only one who does?

I wanted to get this shirt SO BAD that said “fluffer” at Virgin Megastore but I was a broke ass (this was in New York)

I also used to joke that I was a fluffer on the set. It was great. It was a great way to get guys to talk to me.

Okay, bye now people.

My last day of freedom.

Tomorrow I start my SECOND job. Yeah, you heard me. So I will be working from 8:30 am to midnight about 5 times a week.

I am again serving the masses your modern day heroin–coffee. Hooray. I’m a drug dealer!

I need the money though. I need to buy clothes. I’ve been wearing the same sweater vest/stirrup pants combo since 1987. I’m starting to get weird looks.

I was merely hoping that my clothing would go so out of style that it would go back INTO style…goddamn, stirrup pants, big blue sweaters and ponytails to the side are going to come back in style!

But I’m tired of people throwing stuff at me.

In other news: I’m a broke ass (oh, wait I think I said that)

Since it was my last weekend of freedom, people were freaking out as if they will never see me again. So on Friday I went out with …somebody (god, I forgot!!) oh wait. whew. I saw Kill Bill with my friend’s sister (not that she’s my friend, but I hang out with the friend more). and had ice cream.

Saturday, I ran mad errands, had dinner with some old friends (Jender, John and Mycah), chatted online with Lobsterchick and Datchery for a bit and went to a party at midnight.

Sunday: I had lunch with Gina, Ryan and Vicki, had coffee with Stacy, had dinner (hooters!) with Spencer (well, failed dinner attempt) and a late movie with Jennifer, John and Jaymee (oh my god! I’m the only un-J!)

Now I’m going to two birthday parties. EGAD. I”m having water. I’m THAT broke. I can’t even afford to drive over there…alfred is taking me.

***
I saw Bubba-Hotep last night.

I think I’m going to end up being a campy B-director because I love campy B-movies..well, if they’re smartly written.

In this movie, this mummy, dressed in cowboy boots, is trying to suck the souls out the residents of a old people’s home. The way he sucks your soul out is out of your asshole.

So during this movie, you’re always thinking…DUDE WATCH YOUR ASSHOLE! And you get scared when the mummy is starting to suck on the old people’s asshole.

Anyway, so the two heroes of the movie are Elvis and JFK (Except in a political conspiracy, the part of his brain which was shot off is replaced with a bag of sand…and he’s black. BRILLIANT).

Now, this movie would be over in 5 minutes if it were like a healthy abled young lad.

But these are old people…Elvis with a bad hip and JFK in a motorized wheelchair. So, the fight scenes are them hobbling away from the mummy or hobbling (or wheeling) towards the mummy to try to light him on fire.

I wish more movies were like this. It had Bruce Campbell so now I have to watch Evil Dead II…because apparently, I would LOVE it.

If Starbucks doesn’t kill me first.

Oh, in adultery, remember, BJs don’t count.

started my first day of work last night at the corporate conglomerate that is Starbucks.

I think making coffee is like riding a bike: you never really forget.

I had a great time actually, than I did in a long time because there’s a difference in sitting in an office doing legal work for 40 days a week and to cleaning a store and making coffee drinks for the rich kid in Coronado (Coronado is the one of the rich parts in town). I think that’s the best part of this job: Coronado.

As in, hot Coronado boys.

Oh man, my co-worker was HOT. Like, super hot. We got along right away and whilst we were talking, I found out his age.

He’s NOT EVEN LEGAL!

That just makes him all the more tempting (I am a bad bad girl).

Anyway, oh my lord, I am going to have so much cash it’s pretty ridiculous…I am now working 60 hours a week and I get tips.

And I work in Coronado (remember?)

Now, what to do with this cash. Sort of Catch-22 I think because I was invited to 4 different trips THIS MONTH ALONE. I already cancelled them saying “I need my money”..which is a camping trip with Wilbur and Pals (I think I will always refer to him as Wilbur and Pals..like a Saturday Morning Cartoon) and to Las Vegas for my sister’s 21st birthday..I told her I needed the money.

Egad. I went to Gordon Biersch the other night and my friends are going to New York for my friend, Gina’s, 25th birthday and they were egging me to come with them “Come on Sharon! You can show us around, maybe you can get back with an ex for a fling, we can see Central Park at your favorite time of the season..you’ll see your film friends again”

AHHHHH!!!!! They’re going on October 28 to November 2..so I have to decide quickly. They say the plane tickets (vis a vis Jet Blue) is only $211.00..however, there is the cost of food and transportation..so what, like $500.00? Maybe. I am the queen of cheap travel.

Anyway, I suppose it depends when I’m moving to the East Coast whether or not I go to New York. Those bastards. Tempting me with this shit! AHHHHH!!!

I got drunk the other night and as a celebration, I wore lipstick.

I never wear lipstick.

But hot damn, if you have a Gordon Biersch in your district, get the Oktoberfest beer. That’s some good shit.

DISCLAIMER: The above entry is copywrited. The above entry may not be duplicated or replicated in any shape, form or manner without expressed written consent by the author.

Like anyone would like to copy this crap. Heigh ho silver.

Dude

I am hella cold right now. Oh my god, I just said hella.

That’s hella cool (AGH!)

I just wore a shirt and jeans and some flip flops. I could at LEAST threw on a sweatshirt. Ah, such is the life of a Californian.

I am totally getting a web cam. My friend Ryan accessed his web cam thingy whilst we were talking online and he did some funny tricks (he did one, where he was upside down and it feigned falling from the sky)…so now I totally want one. Goddamnit.

Sports news:

I suppose most of you don’t care for baseball but I sort of do (I started to watch baseball in 1997 where we had Ken Caminiti and he took us to the World Series…where we were swept off of our asses by the Yankees)

Fucking Yankees.

Anyway, so the Boston Red Sox and the Yankees have a couple games to determine who will be the American League Champion guys. I not so much a fan for the Red Sox as I am a hater of the Yankees.

I actually had the privilege (priviledge? I’m totally spelling this wrong) to be in town for three World Series: 1. Padres v. Yankees 2. Mets v. Yankees 3. Diamondbacks v. Yankees…

do we see a pattern here?

of COURSE the Yankees would compete with ALL of my favorite teams.

My favorite teams are as follows:

1. Padres (I’m from San Diego and will be forever loyal. May Tony Gwynn go to heaven)

2. Mets (I lived in Queens and was heavily influenced…plus Valentine (the manager guy) is hella (AH! I did it again!) is hella funny. He gets kicked out of games a lot and he’ll try to sneak back in with glasses, fake mustache and hat. You gotta love that shit)

3. Diamondbacks (Not necessarily for the Unit (the pitcher) but for Steve Finley. I think he is hella HOT. He was with the Padres for awhile and joined the Diamondbacks approximately in 1999..and I swore wherever he went, I would follow. Even though he isn’t as great in the Diamondbacks as he was for the Padres…but anyway, I always had a thing for centerfielders anyway)

Runner-up team: Seattle Mariners: Suzuki Ichiro…enough said (he’s RAD!)

And the only team I hate: The Yankees.

The Yankees…my hate for them in unparallel. It is almost as huge as my hate for the Oakland Raiders (fucking Raiders) or the Dallas Cowboys or even the Pittsburgh Steelers..but that’s football which I will get into at a later date.

Did I mention I like to watch sports?

It sort of started when I was rather young and I was all into basketball. I was really into the Boston Celtics v. L.A. Lakers rivalry. Since then, I feel basketball is all about passing it to the one superstar team member rather than a TEAM playing (Magic Johnson ALWAYS passed the ball)…I think my interest for basketball began to dissipate with the Chicago Bulls reigned basketball.

But I digress.

Anyway, so I went to Gordon Biersch last night to watch the game with my friend Gina (She’s a Yankees fan) and apparently, I was the only one rooting for Boston in the bar.

Bastards.

Anyway, I watching Andy Pettite and I said “Dude, I know that guy!” and I had no idea where I knew that guy.

Then I remembered:

I used to work at a dispatching place and I used to dispatch the Yankees their pages to their..uh..pagers. Anyway, one of the guys I talked to at length with was Andy Pettite. He was really nice. I didn’t know who he was at the time (This was in 1997 when I was only into the Padres)

I have also talked to Bernie Williams (I think) and he was nice but I hate him anyway…always hitting the damn ball.

And he’s too tall!

but the ONE phone call I remember explicitly is my conversation with Steinbrenner.

Me: “Is your name spelled Steinbrenner, sir?”

Him: “Why are you asking me this question?”

Me: “I just want it to be correct, sir”

(My heart is palpitating at this point. On our screen, it says DO NOT ASK STEINBRENNER HOW TO SPELL HIS NAME!!!! (like 9000 exclamation marks) and so I thought, I might as well confirm his damn name”

Him: “What is your name?”

Me: “Sharon, sir”

Him: “Sharon?”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Him: “You doing a fantastic job. In fact, I am giving you a raise. Keep up the good work”

Of course Steinbrenner has no authority to give me raises (I think he thought he could) but regardless,

that was my phone call with Steinbrenner.

I received an email which bore good, no, great news. I read it and reread it about five times before I could believe it. Wow. I won’t divulge exactly what the hell is going on until everything is finalized and neatly ironed out.

I will respond to him with a beautiful letter simultaneously poignant and awesome…or at least grateful. I think I will read it a couple more time to make sure.

In other news, I am an idiot. I was in a restaurant last week and I heard this song I absolutely loved but couldn’t remember what the hell the title was and who sang it.

So I called two of my musically saavy friends and had to, EMBARRASSINGLY, sing to them parts of the song I could remember. I pretty much had to hum the song (which always sounds like SHIT, because, it sounds good in your head, or in this case, in my head) and was answered with a ‘Huh?’ Fortunately, Jennifer knew exactly what I was talking about and started to sing/hum it with me…and then she said “Doh, I don’t know.” She proceeded to call her friends and they KNEW what she was talking about, but also did not know who sang it or the title of the song.

Regardless, I called another saavy music person who was familiar with 80s New Wave (that’s what is was) and had NO clue what the hell I was talking about.

Me: “It goes something like…have a conversation on the telephone…la la la la la …to be a star…..la la la la la la la..I was a short fuse, burning all the time…”

She suggested I google the damn thing.

Damn.

THEN, in a moment of clarity, I remembered a specific lyric “It’s nothing I regret”…and looked up ‘Regret Lyrics’

Lo and behold, the song I was looking for.

I figured that those British pop band/New Wave people always had one key lyric that was the title…because they want to be cool. In this song, he only says regret once and for some reason, I KNEW that was the song.

So, it turns out to be Regret by New Order. I downloaded that shiznit like nobody’s business.

AND THEN, here comes the idiotic part:

I am in my car and I look through my cd booklet (which I sift through every now and then since I primarily pay the cds behind the driver visor thingy) and DOH!

There it is:

The Best of New Order

and Regret was song number 12.

All that work for naught.

I also found my Fishheads cd which is radical awesome or whatever.

In other news….

I am SO digging Friendster right now. I had a request from my friend, Zack, a guy who I went to film school. He always thought I was a hilarious attractive type of girl (we always joked that we would be fuck buddies) and we vowed one day to make the most hilarious scandalous film to print.

Anyway, imagine my surprise that Zack would contact me! I mean, how the hell did he find me? I clicked on his profile and HOLY SHIT.

A gaggle of my friends from NYU all connected through the Friendster circle. I clicked on all of them and added them on.

In the span of FOUR hours, I had 5 new friends and 4 new testimonials to approve. They all asked what the HELL was I doing in California?

Apparently, they are all in Brooklyn and on different film shoots (one of them just finished a documentary)

I am so out of the film loop. I have to get into that shit.

Things that happened today

• earthquake (3.9 on the Richter scale)
• got another job
• I voted
• Arnold Swartzenegger was voted governor of California
• talked to Datchery online

My world has just gotten so weird.

My boss’s dog died a couple of days ago. He screamed at the veterinarian and came out of his office, tears streaming down his face. He yelled “FUCK!!!” and ran out of the office and yelled Fuck some more.

My co-worker’s daughter is a heroin addict. She has been trying to get her to get into CRASH which is a detox/rehab place. She lied and said there was no more space (they called and said that SHE said she needed more time). So, my co-worker, in an attempt of tough love, refused to give her any help unless she came back and asked for it..(her daughter has no job and no food and no place to live)…so that she could convince her to get help. She also asked other family members not to interfere.

no dice.

my co-worker’s sister (the daugher’s aunt of course) gave the daughter money. For more heroin? Maybe. Anyway, my co-worker called her sister and YELLED at her on the phone. I dropped my file because I was so taken aback

Today, we had a huge political debate about what the hell is going on with California and the country. I pretty much convinced my co-workers (lawyers and secretaries alike) that I would be the best candidate for governor. heh heh. I have to give it to Datchery, Kerbang and Gumphood for piquing my interest in politics and actually caring about what the hell is going on.

thanks guys.

Tyler won the semi-finals and is now going to the finals in the wade robson project. I feel so evil. I sent out a mass email for people to vote for him.

But I don’t actually know him. I just made it SEEM like I know him (one of my best friend is named tyler as well, and utilized that connection to my advantage) so I feel very manipulative and evil.

but tyler won.

I just think he’s supertalented and super hot and want him to be my love slave…because have you SEEN him dance? imagine him in bed!

Unfortuantely, Ryan thought I really knew the dancing prodigy and told all his friends and now they think I am the coolest girl ever with the coolest friends.

aw man, I am in trouble…. but he won, so my tactics have worked again. (I’m telling you, I would be a kickass film director)

Anyway, I was talking to Datchery today and I told him if I were to be in his town, that he would have to hang out with me out of obligation. I said (sort of) that the dealbreaker would be if he had bad taste in film.

and he didn’t know if he had any taste.

so I tried to give a quick quiz and he logged off! the bastard.

Anyway, so I start my new-old job tomorrow. Yes, I am now working nights and weekends at Starbucks again. I want money. lots of it. and i want a widescreen television.

oh, and Gray Davis’ wife name is Sharon.

just like me.

gah. maybe I’ll stick around in California to see what happens.

maybe not.

Sometimes I am just plain weird.

I suppose I was just in a Julie Andrews mood this weekend. I watched two of her movies: Mary Poppins and The Sound of Music.

There’s this scene in Mary Poppins where all the nannies are flying from the line and all of a sudden, Jane says “Michael Look!” and Mary Poppins is floating down from a distance. For some reason, I began to cry.

I think it was because I couldn’t figure out how they got all those nannies to fly and I couldn’t see strings and CGI wasn’t used yet. I was just so amazed.

I cried two more times: When she is taking stuff out of her carpet bag (I still don’t know how she does it) and when Dick Van Dyke was dancing with the penguins– his talent is unsurpassed and now I will never be able to witness it again in another movie.

Further, Mary Poppins was when I thought Disney movies were cool. I was all over “Return to Witch Mountain” and “Bedknobs and Broomstocks”..now my brother’s generation is subjected to “What a Girl Wants”..I mean c’mon.

On Sunday, I watched The Sound of Music and AGAIN, I began to cry.

Now let me explain something: I NEVER CRY. It’s extremely rare. I think the last time I cried was about a year ago when I guy told me “I am not supposed to experience love with you” and “You are not the one” …I mean, ouch, man. However, before that, I cried like 2 years ago when I had a really bad day at work and a customer had her wallet stolen and a cop yelled at me in the span of an hour. I think before that I cried because I might not graduate college because I had no health insurance.

Basically, I cry in very extreme circumstances. And I NEVER cry because of MOVIES!

So, this was such an anomaly for me. I began to cry when they sang and danced to “I am sixteen going on seventeen”; I cried again when the father was singing Edelweiss; I cried when I saw this BEAUTIFUL shot; I cried when they were doing the do re me montage; and I finally cried when the father got the telegram saying he had to join the Third Reich (and he decide to escape)

What I think made me so emotional about that movie was the fact it is SOOO good when I saw it when I was younger (and I didn’t understand the political ramifications) and it’s even better now that I am older. I mean, I guess because a lot of films that I liked when I was younger, (i.e. Ghost) I don’t like now–but The Sound of Music, it gets better each time I see it and after my film training, I see how brilliant it really is.

On the movie note, I saw Drumline today..which I have to say impressed me more than I thought.

It totally made me feel better about being in band (I played clarinet for 5 years and was on the high school Drill Team for a year) and it made it look cool.

My friends want me to make a movie to glorify and make engineers look cool.

it’s a challenge…

But there is only so much magic I can create.

Congratulations Florida, you are no longer the nat ational embarrassment. The national embarrassment crown now belongs to California.

I took my friend Tyler out to an improv comedy show tonight (he has never been) for his birthday. Man, I just totally fell in love with one of the improvers.

I have a thing with improvers.

Anyway, I’m thinking of joining such a troupe (as in, taking a class) at this point, I sort of want to take it so I can see this deliciious man or to have a cool hobby. I think I’ll try for the cool hobby.

I once dated a guy who did improv comedy (he trained at Upright Citizen’s Brigade) but he turned out to be a freak– that might be the catch.

Guys are fun. I can’t wait to date more of ’em in my future and to manipulate them to be my love slaves.

Random sidenote: When Tyler and I were talking tonight, I asked him who he hung out with now since his girlfriend moved to Santa Cruz for college (and I talked to her the other day, “Dude, Santa Cruz is LIBERAL. LIKE WAAAAY LIBERAL. It’s a little hard to deal”) and two of his best friends (other than yours truly) have moved to San Francisco and Maryland. Like, me and this guy Archie are the only ones left.

I asked Ty if Archie knew who I was and Ty said “totally”.

Really?

Tyler told me a story that Archie told him….a long time ago when Archie was dating a classmate of mine, we went to a picnic/party of some sort.

The guys were playing football. Me, being the one to prove I’m just as good as any guy, volunteered to play football with the guys.

I was receiver. Archie was on my team. I was getting a long long pass. I was running, screaming “I got it! I got it!” And so I did.

In the face.

And of course, I got the biggest laugh out of the picnic party. But I don’t mind because I am willing to embarrass myself at the expense of a good laugh.

I totally forgot about this story till Tyler retold it to me. And ever since then, Archie has never forgotten to me. Great, I will be the girl who got hit with a football in the face.

In 7th grade, I once had a soccer ball hit my face and break my glasses (oh and yes, I had the taped glasses for three days. It was miserable). Tennis balls hitting me? Forget about it.

I guess I’m just a person who attracts balls to her face.

All I know is that:

1. I need to move away from Caifornia. I did my job (To get my friends together) and experience good ol’ fashioned heartbreak and resentment. Go me! Go life experiences!
2. I need to stop working at a law firm and start doing some film work..I’m scared to be in a dead end job.
3. I need to dye my hair

well, maybe not.

Anyway, it is just weird when a series of life events take you to a particular moment.

Like updating your journal about your series of events taking you to a particular moment.

I want to eat lobster.