As much as I would like to avoid the pettiness of life, there is something that you, dear reader, have to remember.
I AM a girl.
And one of the characteristics of a girl is to have useless crushes and stalker tendencies.
However, to deviate from the norm, I am, what you would call the anti-stalker stalker.
To elaborate:
1. When the guy-I-like (hereinafter to be referred as “guy”) calls me, I tend to not pick up until AFTER 3 rings. Sometimes, I’ll will ignore the call and move them to my voicemail. Usually because I don’t want to seem desperate and to have this boy’s voice recorded for future reference (for those lonely nights. ha ha ha ha)
2. When the guy has a messenger service of some sort I usually put up an Away message and/or “look” offline. Every now and then I will take off the offline or the Away message but under no circumstances do I message them.
3. In conversation, I usually tell the guy that they are “not my type” or have no way in hell of a chance in dating me. Or, I might mention some guy I like who is so much hotter than them
I don’t know why I do this. Games?
Probably.
I loathe myself.
Anyway, I bring this up as an entry because my friend Mike came down from Berkely a couple of days ago. Mike, Jenn and I are a triumverate (yee-ha! vocabulary word utilized) and have a tradition of talking from 9 or 10pm till sunrise.
I am always the one who wants to go home but they say “No, we have to uphold the tradition”. It is rare when we are all in the same city and every year, we come together and have our marathon fest.
Anyway, the subject of my love life (or lack thereof) came up. For not being in my life consistently, I have to say Jenn and Mike are pretty observant and know me quite well (Jenn I’ve known since 5th grade and Mike I’ve known since junior year in high school)
Observations they made:
1. All the relationships I have been in, it seems that I settle for these relationships.
This is true. Most of the time, I start an intimate relationship because the guy has a crush on me and my mentality is “Why the hell not?” of course, these relationships are always short-lived but at least I have SOME sort of experience under the belt.
2. I have crushes on the unattainable.
Or actually:
Jenn: No, I think they are attainable
Mike: She seems (they are talking about me in third person even though I am in the room) to have crushes on guys who SEEM unattainable to her, wherein they are NOT unattainable but since they are unattainable in her head, they are unattainable in reality.
Jenn: Well, look what she does when she has a crush, she avoids them at all costs or does the buddy-buddy thing.
Me: I can’t help it!
Mike: Do you think you do this because of some sort of compensation?
Jenn: I think she does it because if she actually pursued a crush that she really liked and got in a relationship, she would be afraid of the “giving up a part of herself” aspect or the lack of independence.
Me: I actually pursued crushes!
Mike: You pursue crushes you really don’t give a shit about.
Jenn: You pursue crushes where there’s no risk involved.
Me: I pursue the non-riskables because there is nobody worth risking.
Jenn: There are guys worth risking but you’ve already set it in your head that they are unattainable.
EGAD. What a roundabout conversation.
I have to say though, after hearing it out loud, I guess it is true.
On another note, I was buying my lunch today and I tried to flip this guy off
And my newly lit cigarette fell on the street.
What a waste of a good cigarette.
love by default
Minimal Effort 