Month: August 2003

I was SOOOO pissed off yesterday

I got the damn sandlov virus. oooooh. That just chaps my hide. And I paid Best Buy $25.00 to optimize my computer but it didn’t matter because I had to do that restore-delete-everything-on-hard-drive and put my computer back to default status…everything..gone.

damnit.

But I’m not going to talk about how I was on the phone from 11pm to 1230 am at night to fix this virus (I ultimately hang up and went to bed) and the next day—BOOM ALL OVER THE NEWS OF THE DAMN VIRUS I HAVE

Anyway, I’m not going to relive the grief because it will just piss me off (My brother had never seen me so mad. I slammed my cup of water on the counter and fumed loudly)

So, instead, (I am in great spirits now because Alfred fixed my computer and gave me ADAPTATION for my birthday. YAY ALFRED!)

and I will fillout this survey:


i n f o r m a t i o n

1. name: sharon
2. single or taken: isn’t it obvious?
3. sex: it was good while it lasted
4. birthday:

Okay, I’m bored with this survey already so I’m going to do the 118 things about myself which I’ve seen loitering on the internet.

118. I love film
117. I love dvd commentaries
116. I can’t sleep in silence and so I have the computer on 90 minute sleep timer and I usually pop in Seven, LOTR, or an episode of Futurama.
115. If the television is on all night, I wake up. If the television turns off too quickly, (like in 30 minutes) I wake up.
114. My favorite deoderant scent has anything to do with mountain scent or shower/rain scent.
113. I usually go to bed around 1pm
112. I have the cutest dog on earth.
111. Her name is Sally which I’ve named from When Harry Met Sally.
110. That film is my favorite romantic comedy.
109. I’ve never had a relationship last longer than a few months.
108. 2/3 the guys I’ve been with, I’ve slept with on the second date.
107. 3/3 of the guys I’ve been with, I’ve hooked up with because I was under some sort of influence.
106. I work in a law firm.
105. I get lots of free legal advice.
104. I give legal advice only to friends.
103. I am known amongst my friends to be a comedy writer.
102. I once did a drama in college but it was still a comedy.
101. I tend to say “Mother of lord” when frustrated with my work computer.
100. I am obsessed with checking my email.
99. I read Harry Potter books for days straight until I finish.
98. I wear glasses.
97. I wear trendy glasses.
96. I wear glasses that people call “new yorky”
95. I adore New York.
94. I was living in New York when the September 11, 2001 fiasco happened.
93. I was sequestered in my apartment in Brooklyn for a week.
92. I did not get paid for a week because both of my jobs were within a 10 block radius of the world trade center.
91. I once temped at a law firm at the world trade.
90. I threw away my id card because I looked really fat on it.
89. I regret throwing it away.
88. I have a bad habit of drinking water at night and leaving half full glasses of water in my room until the next night.
87. This has driven an “ex-lover” crazy.
86. I say ex-lover because he did not want to be my boyfriend.
85. However, I was majorly confused because he took me out to dinners, slept with me majority of the week (about 4 to 5 times a week) and he would call me everyday.
84. I feel if I lived in San Diego when we met (I was living in New York) we would probably haved worked out.
83. I love stand up comedy
82. I watch a lot of stand up comedy
81. I am a big fan of improv comedy shows.
80. I want to make a movie with improv comedy actors with characters and a rough story but the actors would come up with their lines according to their character.
79. I once wrote a spec script for South Park.
78. It is the one script I am proud of as of this date.
77. Because of this script, Kerbang has called me a “comedic genius”
76. Because of this ego boost, I have designated him a friend.
75. when I was 20, I was in an insane asylum for two weeks.
74. I learned how to play pool at this clinic.
73. All I did (other than therapy and group therapy) was put 5000 piece puzzles together.
72. When my parents came to visit me for the first time, it was the first time I saw my father cry.
71. My mother gave me a cd player and gave me a book about God when I was at this hospital.
70. when I checked into the hospital, they made me give them my contact solution, the string out of my sweat pants and my shoelaces. they were afraid I would hang myself.
69. I am not religious
68. My mother is extremley religious
67. I believe in the death penalty
66. I am pro-choice
65. My father looks young
64. When we went to vote for president, the people there thought we were married. (GROSS!)
63. I am affliated with the Green Party
62. I have not had my natural hair colour since high school.
61. I wish I was Gwen Stefani.
60. When my brother graduates from high school, I will be 30 years old.
59. The first movie I ever saw was Ghostbusters
58. I have tried three drugs in my life: Ecstasy, Marijuana and ‘shrooms.
57. 2/3 of them, I’ve only tried once.
56. I tend to be a loner
55. I used to be extremely social
54. I am in my high school yearbook about 13 times
53. I was the Vice President of a club
52. My speech was one line: Vote for me because I have no life.
51. I was in an Airband Competition. I was one of the three girls who sang in “Little Shop of Horrors”
50. The year before, I was Jan from the singing Brady Bunch
49. I can’t sing to save my life.
48. I have an impeccable ability to memorize song lyrics (usually after the second listen)
47. I have a weakness for The Carpenters
46. My favorite book is A Wrinkle in Time.
45. I want to do a movie on it but am afraid I will ruin the story
44. I want to be the first female director to win an Academy Award
43. Ang Lee spoke on my graduation
42. The song the choir sang on my graduation was “Passion of the Matador” or some shit like that (I know, what?)
41. I was 21 when I received my first kiss
40. I am quoted in my yearbook, after asked the question “What do you think of the OJ case?” and I said “I don’t care, I want to watch TV again.”
39. I love Queer Eye for the Straight Gay and Whose Line is it Anyway?
38. I’m talking about the British version although Wayne Brady is really good at it.
37. I think Drew Carey just messes up the American Version
36. I can play the clarinet and the piano
35. I played the clarinet for 6 years and was the top chair and concert “mistress” (concert master if you are a boy) for the school band.
34. I did not go to band camp
33. I did not wear lame ass uniforms
32. I tried out for girl’s lacrosse team.
31. I messed up my knee and had to drop out of the tryouts.
30. I was on my high school Drill Team
29. I secretly wanted to be on the flag team but didn’t try out for that team because all my friends were trying out for the Drill Team
28. My favorite actress is Laura Linney.
27. My favorite stand up comedian is Chris Rock.
26. I have peed in the parking lot of the Pentagon
25. I have been caught in a riptide at the beach and had to have a lifeguard rescue me.
24. I was in a dancing team in high school
23. They took off my glasses the last minute
22. I went the wrong way and was laughed off the stage.
21. I have made birthday videos for my high school best friends.
20. I have put my south park jigsaw puzzle together about 8 times and have taken them apart.
19. I am a pack rat
18. I save majority of my emails (not including forwards)
17. I hope Howard Dean will be the presidential candidate
16. I am argumentative
15. It has gotten me in trouble with significant others and have been told I am pretentious
14. This is only because I am right and it upsets them.
13. I eat chicken every week.
12. I want to sky-dive
11. I have a list I wrote when i was 18 named “50 things to do before I turn 50”
10. A lot of them I can’t do right now because I have no money (i.e. go to a World Series game)
9. I watched the movie Adaptation while typing this
8. Daisies and tulips are my favorite flowers
7. I love step aerobics
6. I think I am fat
5. Majority of my friends think I’m crazy.
4. My mother, my brother and my grandmother think I could stand to lose 40 to 50 pounds.
3. I have impeccable spelling skills.
2. My name means “exotic beauty” or “princess”
1. I have never had braces and wished I did I was younger.

This was a stupid list. I wish I had more passion and more drama (okay, I hate drama, so nix that)

But it was stupid nonetheless.

I talked to my friend Cooper the other day and he had the FUNNIEST masturbation story EVER. I asked him permission for me to retell it on my online diary thing but he refused because he was afraid that somebody was going to use his masturbation story in a film (He has had other people steal his ideas in school…which, unfortunately, I bear witness to) so I will tell a different masturbation story:

well, maybe I should start with a backstory.

I watch porn.

Not an excessive amount, just enough to get me by.

I was not always this way. How did it start?

well, TECHNICALLY, it started when I was about 12 years old. One of my best friends (who shall remain nameless) and I were having a sleepover. We were just cruising through the channels and we clicked on channel 99, which, if you don’t know, is the pay-per-view channel for porn. All we saw was a scrambled breast and some moaning. My friend and I looked at each other. And we made out.

Just kidding. Just keeping you on your toes.

Anyway, so we were like “what the heck?” (because we were so sweet and innocent then) and we watched it for awhile and were insanely curious. We watched about an hour of it and then turned it off.

So, after the sleepover, I admittedly watched it about 3 to 5 more times. It made me feel a little funny, like when you climb the rope in gym class. However, I got bored because I really couldn’t see anything but breasts and all I heard was girls moaning. After a while it gets boring. I thought I would never watch porn again.

Approximately 10 years later….

so I’m in New York. I am in a major that is predominantly male so OF COURSE, the subject of porn in bound to come up and so it did. I sort of didn’t care and the guys thought I would be offended. I hardly get offended though and hence, they started telling me about the best porn, what to watch, showing me websites …etc etc. I thought it was sort of fascinating but nothing I would spend too much time on. I just tried to keep up with the porn stars so I would be able to play beer games and not be shut out of conversation in case the porn talk would come up. You just have to do these things. I think, to this day, that is why most of my friends are guys.

So I move back to California and started dating William. William, nice California body boarding guy. But, dig a little deeper, and he was known amongst his friends as MR. PORN. He had downloaded about 8 jillion pornos. I am not even kidding. He even had an album full of porn cds and porn tower (they looked like blank cds) . I’m not sure if I found it or if it was because I asked him about it, but ashamedly admitted he really liked porn and watched it practically every night.

“And…?”
“And..you don’t care?”
“Not really unless we stop sleeping with each other because you’re too busy with porn. Otherwise, if it makes you or me more creative in the bedroom, well, by all means, watch porn!”

And he thought I was the coolest girl ever. We even started watching porn together, however, i don’t think we ever got to finish one. So I officially started watching porn because of this guy.

When we broke up, I started watching porn by myself. You see, I had two guy roommates so they had porn up the wazoo. They knew I didn’t care (one of my roommates had a girlfriend who often watched porn as well) and we would actually leave the porn (I never actually OWNED any porn. Actually, I lie, I have two disks worth but they were given to me by a co-worker as a going away gift so I would “never forget” him. He labeled it Indiana Jones though. hee hee hee) anyway, where was I? Oh, we would leave our porn in our respective dvd players….and then we get home, ready for porn, and EGAD it’s gone! Then we would go into each other’s room and find the porn in THEIR respective dvds. It was sort of funny, because one of the roommates would yell “Where’s my PORN?? SHARON?” and I would say “I don’t have it!” (sometimes I did though)

My roommates were very generous. They would come home and say “Sharon, you gotta check this out..”and give me the dvd and then he would say “Ooh, Chapter 11, scene 9…it’s a good one” …..I remember at one time, my roommate came into my room and he wanted to show me the, for lack of a better term, uh, horniest (?) girl ever. Let’s just say she (I’m trying to be tasteful here) the guy was pretty much drowning. Yeah, I think that’s a good way to describe it. It was a bizarre experience, to actually WATCH porn with a guy and just sort of study it. I was afraid he might put a move on me, but he didn’t. I sometimes wonder to this day if he ever had a thing for me but we will never know. I think a lot of people thought we dug each other because we were extremely sarcastic to each other, but I’m pretty much like that to anyone. Actually, I’ve been told I’m completely confusing because I act the same way when I like a guy versus when i don’t like a guy. (But that’s another entry)

Oh, those were good times.

Some of you who read this might think I’m disgusting but I’m just putting it out there. I don’t think girls should be ashamed of their sexuality nor be ashamed of their sex drive. I don’t think it is right/fair/just that guys can talk about porn and be the man and if girls talk or watch or like porn, they are a dirty slut. You probably wouldn’t think I watch porn because I wear glasses.

Actually, I don’t watch porn anymore… hmm. I wish I did. I just don’t have access.

My roommate took his porn with him to Oklahoma and my other roommate and I suffered withdrawal for the first month. We actually went to, what was that place? The Larry Flynt place over in downtown San Diego. I was tempted to buy my roommate’s old porn (Best of Asia Carrera. Dude, she’s GOOD) but I ended up buying something else instead. hee hee hee. (I will not reveal that)

Anyway, I bring this subject up because again, Cooper told me the best masturbation story ever (if ONLY I could write it here!)..I was laughing so hard, I was practically crying.

so here’s a replacement masturbation story of my old roommate in Oklahoma. We will call him, uh, Darin

So, Darin has terminal illness called cystic fibrosis. He often stayed at home watching sports (all the TIME) or porn. He would periodically get sick and go to the hospital when his immune system was down and when his lungs were not functioning they way they were. Sidenote: Darin masturbates pretty much everyday. He used to tell me that when I was at work and when our other roommate, James, was at work, he would put the porn super loud and totally go at it. He even admitted that when James had sex (and he had NOISY sex in the next room. I was down the hall so I only heard it half the time), he would masturbate and pretend the girl moans were some nurse or something (because he was at the hospital all the time)

Anyway, Darin went up to northern California for about 2 weeks and then came back home and had a fever. Off to the hospital.

I went to visit Darin and he said he had the best session ever. He hadn’t masturbated in two weeks and so when he was in the hospital, he just had to get it done and over with.

He said his session was so good (I believe he fantasized about two nurses or something), HE SHOT HIMSELF IN THE FACE.

You heard me, he shot himself in the face.

Dear lord.

And because I’m readily acceptable of these stories, I hear masturbation stories all the time. Such is the life of me.

FIN for now.

It is nearly 5 a.m. and I am updating my damn journal.

A couple of things:

1. I got a new laptop, which probably explains why I am on so late, because I’m constantly updating things and trying to personalize my computer, as if, I would think the type of wallpaper that I have (Futurama) would reflect the cool person that I really am.

2. I went on Friendster again and I was reading peoples favorite movies and musical groups. They were saying a lot of independent groups and independent new wave/ noir films. Because, you know, the more underground you are, the cooler and more “hipper” you are.

Accordingly, I thought, “Well, what if I wrote down the MOST underground groups and the MOST underground films…would that make me the coolest person in the universe?” So, I updated my music profile on diaryland with music so obscure, that not even I’ve heard of it.

3. In honour of my new computer, I also decided to update the profile to be brand spanking new. I think the world doesn’t know the magical world that is Sharon, so I decided to make my profile as EGOTISTICAL as possible. Because, c’mon, if you’re a filmmaker, the world revolves around you right?

4. Last night, I was mad late to a dinner. (I haven’t said “mad late” in forever. I’ve gone mad) Anyway, I was in the midst of waiting in line at Walmart and it was about 10 trillion people long, so I decide to do the dorky thing and go online…and lo and behold, to my surprise, Kerbang is online. Typing on a phone is hell on earth.

(I’m paraphrasing here because there is no way I can save conversations)

Kerbang: Hey, do you know the intellectual ramifications of a socialist? Or how about the Pythagorean theorem.

Me: It is long.

Kerbang: Why do you have that symbol next to your name?

Me: Because

(5 minutes later)

Kerbang: Because what?

Me: it is phne

Kerbang: Oh, you’re on your cell phone?

Me: Y

Me: Have to go. will e.

That was the best conversation we ever had.

5. Oh, yeah, I was mad late for a dinner. Anyway, so I go to the dinner and I see my friend Danna, who I haven’t seen in forever. Danna and I are the type of friends who constantly make fun of each other and see who can one-up each other. I don’t think I have any other fried like that. I sort of miss somebody saying my presence is irrelevant. And I saying that I never missed her (we’re really mean to each other in a very affectionate way)

Anyway, so later in the dinner, a birthday cake comes out and I’m all singing all super loud..thinking we were throwing a fake birthday for my friend Christine (Christine was the reason we were having this dinner, because she was in town from Rhode Island)

Well, the cake went directly to me.

Apparently, I was 45 minutes late to my own surprise party. This ALWAYS happens to me (I’ve had 2 other surprise birthday parties and I’m always late because, I don’t know it is a party for me. I once showed up so late, that people were leaving when I arrived. Ooops!)

6 or 7 or whatever number:

Okay, last thing.

So, Gumphood has gone gold. This means you can leave comments on each entry.


I was leaving a comment and was about to type my name, when it occurred to me:

I don’t have to put my name.

So I put Dinguspie’s and here is the result (hee hee hee):

Comments:

dinguspie – 2003-08-05 16:37:26
here’s an idea how about you go fuck yourself
——————————-
Gumphood’s answer – 2003-08-05 16:46:54
The door shut. 23 years of partnership and that’s the last thing that was ever said.

He made it clear that he didn’t want any more shit from me. He made it clear that my thoughts meant nothing to him. That our love meant nothing to him. It was all over. My drug habit had finally ended the only happiness I had left.

The only thing left for me now was the street and death.
——————————-
dinguspie – 2003-08-05 16:51:24
hey that wasn’t me!
——————————-
dinguspie – 2003-08-05 16:58:38
hmm. there has been massive confusion. I didn’t pen the comment that says: “Hey that wasn’t me!” which is weird, because the entry that THAT entry disowns was, in fact, written by me. To wit: here’s an idea. how about you go fuck yourself?
——————————-
dinguspie – 2003-08-05 17:27:59
maybe insanity has taken over my hands. Down, hands, down!
——————————-
dinguspie – 2003-08-05 17:28:56
ok…that wasn’t me either
——————————-
dinguspie – 2003-08-05 17:36:58
ok…I don’t know which is me anymore.
——————————-
Paige – 2003-08-05 20:56:47
It’s dinguspie theater
——————————-
dinguspie – 2003-08-05 21:11:25
ahhhh! someone is signing comments with my name! other than me!
——————————-
dinguspie – 2003-08-05 21:53:39
ahhhh! why am I doing this to myself? who am I trying to fool?

The funniest thing is that Dinguspie kept responding to himself (or me playing dinguspie) he fell right into my trap. heh heh heh (I’m so evil)


I also did it to Kerbang who tried to play it off like it didn’t bother him, but who is he kidding? If it didn’t bother him, he wouldn’t have responded. But respond he did. (he fell for the bait! sucker! hee hee. insert annoying emoticon smiley face here) :

Kerbang – 2003-08-08 15:06:36
if you’re a fan of word art, you’re a sucker. sucker.
——————————–
Judith – 2003-08-08 16:40:50
Wow… Kerbang’s so nice lol. I hope you have a nice hiatus. While you’re gone I’m going car hunting 😉 chances are I’ll have the car by the time you get back! WOO HOO 😀 lol.
——————————-
Kerbang – 2003-08-08 17:39:41
I am so nice that it kills me. At least I give Gump the honor of my presence. Wait a minute, if I think gump sucks, why am I obsessively reading his diary all the time at work? I must be a retard.
——————————-
sarah rae – 2003-08-08 18:42:30
i wish i had a job at which to read gumps diary obsessivly, as it is, i read it on my own time. does that make me more of a retard than you kerbang?
——————————-
Kerbang – 2003-08-08 22:34:03
oh god now your minions are dissing me by impersonating me on your comments. hahahahahaha.
——————————-
Marie – 2003-08-08 23:18:59
Word art is something I will never like. Except when it includes the word Gumpsucker.
——————————-
anniewaits18 – 2003-08-09 14:31:52
Kerbang, you are dissing yourself by responding to your impersonator. This just means you’ve read the comments section twice. hahahahhahaha. you suck!


You know what, I shouldn’t have revealed I was the impersonator because that means I can’t really do it anymore. DAMNIT!

But it was too hilarious (especially Dinguspie) to keep to myself. okay, maybe I’m the only one who thought it was hilarious, but it’s 5 in the morning.

Go Sharon, you god-awful woman, you.

I need to sleep

I was going on a writing strike because I was going through this funk wherein I felt everything I write is crap.

Like this.

However, maybe I just need to start from the bottom and up or maybe I am being too hard on myself…but I decided to try and type some crappy entry even though it is going to be crappy.

Because Dinguspie says he needs a West Coast fix.

And I am not one to deprive a man of his vices. Okay, so I was going to write this entry how I was going to hell. There’s some crazy shit going down over here which I would elaborate on but I am too tired and for fear that my crappy writing skills would not give it justice.

I like writing single sentences like this for emphasis.

On a lighter note, I have a booked weekend. I’m going to my college friend’s baby shower and then I’m off to San Francisco to meet my two best friends from New York. Angela has never been to California (or anywhere outside of the East Coast for that matter) and so she called to tell me that she wanted me to be there for her California devirginizing.

This is another emphatic sentence for emphasis.

All right I’m going to end this crappy entry now. But remind me to tell you people about the following things:

1. Why I am going to hell (because I am.)

2. Why my friends Ryan and Gina are going to hell with me.

3. My futile attempts at script writing the past couple of days which has given me a lack of confidence in any writing skills whatsoever (it was a really really bad draft that I tore up in sheer frustration)

4. My telephone call with Kevin.

5. Kevin’s story about the most disgusting porno ever (I nearly fainted on the phone)

6. Oh God! Computer guy strikes again!

He is coming to our office tomorrow to reset out computer networking system because we got new cubicles (ARGH! I’m in office space!). Great.

Now I have to look hot tomorrow. Like really really hot.

Okay, I am ending this entry on all the past jobs I used to have. (from least recent to most recent)

1. Worked at San Diego Zoo (near the elephants) at a place called “Sydney’s Grill”

2. Worked at the college bookstore.

3. Worked at the National Dispatch Center (Remember when we had pagers? Remember when some of them had alpha messages on them? People would call me to type up messages they wanted on other peoples pagers. I even had access to the New York Yankees pagers– I was really tempted to type something really malicious but refrained…but yeah, that’s what I did and that’s why I, to date, type approximately 70-90 words per minute)

4. Worked at UPS:

This was my job: You know those conveyor belts? Well, UPS Loaders and sorters would load and sort (duh) packages on different conveyer belts which were to be loaded in different trucks. I was the person who turned on the conveyer belts.

I also turned them off. Oh and I called break.

Basically, I read magazines for about 4 hours every night.

And this was the switchboard: Green means go, Red means Stop. If I wanted say, have blue belt stopped, I would have to press the red button under the word “blue belt”.

I got paid $8.00 an hour to do this.

5. Technical assistant for Television Production class (I was taking this class and a TA for this class. Weird, huh?)

6. Front desk clerk for the drama department at Tisch. (I took these jobs concurrently)

7. Intern at Miramax Post Production (I didn’t get paid for this one but got a lot of perks. A LOT of perks and I put in about 15 hours a week here plus a part-time job, so I count it)

8. Starbucks Barista turned Supervisor

I make a mean caramel macchiato and the best Iced Grande White Mocha. EVER.

9. Assistant for a literary agent. This was a rad job. I inadvertently did became a reader for this job for wannabe authors and I soon learned that a lot of people WRITE A LOT OF CRAP. A LOT OF CRAP. My Lord. It was so crappy. Okay, I’m stopping about the multitudes of crappy manuscripts I had to read. (I worked here concurrently with Starbucks)
10. Legal Secretary/Paralegal worker type person at a Workers’ Comp law firm.My current job.Oh and btw, damn, what’s up with this 10 commandment hoopla? I have to say, it’s quite entertaining to say the least.

Today i thought, wouldn’t it be great to work in a porn store?

Accordingly, I went to the Hustler store (read: Larry Flynt. Sidenote: I love that milos forman film, “The People vs. Larry Flynt”) and asked for an application. I mean, wouldn’t it be cool if I had all these dildos and had to test the merchandise for quality? Hells yeah.

They had no more applications. Apparently, everyone else thought my great goddamn idea. One day, goddamnit, I am going to have “Porn Store Clerk” on my resume. Hmmm..maybe something more creative like “Porn Store Liasion” Between dicks and chicks. Hells yeah.

Damn, what is wrong with me? I guess I AM going through quarter-century menopause. Hmm…I better have lots of sex since I can’t get pregnant anymore. Thanks menopause!

In other (movie) news: There’s this movie out in Landmark (read: indie movie house) called Bobo tet or something.

The story: Two men in an old people’s home. One is Elvis. The “real” Elvis. Apparently, he switched with an impersonator and is now living his life in an old people’s home. The other guy thinks he is JFK..except he’s black.

These two join forces to defeat an Egyptian spirit (evil mummy dude) who has inhabited their old people’s home and decided to go hunting in said home.

GODDAMN..now why I can’t movies like this? (I did not make it up. the real synopsis is on http://www.landmark.com or look up landmark theaters). I think for my breakthrough-I’m-going-to-be-ridiculously-rich-and-famous (or the new big thing or the hottest director on the HOT list) has to be something in the vein of The Big Lebowski, Battle Royale, Monty Python and the Holy Grail and the Muppets take Manhattan all in one. Goddamn, it would be the best film. Maybe through a little Requiem for a Dream editing.

oh, to dream.

Anyway, two of my friends are both working in television shows. John “The King” (He is referred to the king because he does Elvis impersonations) is a junior accountant on a television show called “I’m With Her”, the other friend, Kerbang, is a location manager PA thingy on a show, I believe, is called “Knock First”

When they both told me about the premises for these shows, I was like “oookaaay” only because I never heard of either one.

Anyway, I saw commercials for BOTH shows today! weird mode. I gotta look for their names in the credits (I feel like a loser now)

Tomorrow (or technically, today) the recall election. There’s this one sign I love that says:

Vote No on the Recall. Yes on Bustamante and Cruz.

now, you’re telling me to vote no, but vote for you? What a retard.

I don’t know which way to go with these one. I guess I’ll make a decision when I’m in a booth.

I am in love with a white guy on t.v.

more on him later. (sigh.)

Things that are going through my mind RIGHT NOW:

I am not hungry

It is my lunch break

Why do I have this pimple.

God damn, I love this CURE cover that Ben did.

I need an apartment

This tank top isn’t very flattering on me.

Only three more piles of workers’ compensation dictation to go.

If a janitor got a broom stuck up his ass during his job, would that be called a broomoscopy?

How does a finger laceration become an injury to the lumbar spine?

God, I’m a loser. No plans tonight.

Maybe I should direct commercials and music videos instead.

I have no motivation to write anything of worth and content.

I really like writing those damn Friendster testimonials.

I should really get my picture downloaded to show that I am one hot chick.

Actually, I might get thrown with tomatoes and the mystery factor is sort of nice.

How did my ex-friend get 54 friends? Do people actually TALK to her?

Hey, I should write about that in my next entry…friend abuse.

That is lame. You idiot.

At least I can spell

Should I get contacts?

growing out my hair is a good idea. I like the ponytail action.

Hmm…should I go for unicorn boy? I think he’s a straight-edger. More research needed.

I’m going to make a 30 second commercial and then do the dvd commentary. My commentary would say “Oh, and in this shot…aw shit, it’s over”

I should really finish “Hitchhikers Guide to the Universe” Or galaxy or stars or whatever.

People sure like to throw books down my throat. READ THIS NOW! AT LEAST I CAN READ PEOPLE.

Why are Dinguspie and Gumphood such losers that they update every 5 minutes?

Why does it even matter?

Why does life matter?

Should I be nihilist?

What IS the Matrix?

I should really refute something on that philosophical paper dingus wrote but I have a lack of philosophical terms.

When can you thereof without the word lack? Does that word? Lack thereof. I just should so smart sometimes.

Where is my food?

Did I order a fish sandwich or a hamburger? I forgot.

I am so lame. Staying on the computer on my lunch break

Man, I sure have a lot of thoughts.

These post-its are bright.

AW SHIT! Note to self: pay cell phone bill

Where’s the love around here?

I haven’t smoked a cigarette for 5 days due to this flu…maybe I should quit FOR-EV-ER.

Oooh! Pay day is on Thursday

What movie should I watch?

Note to self: Get “bowling for columbine”

Note to self: Get the sublime greatest hits cd.

Note to self: Get some restraint you bastard.

Maybe I should write a screenplay

Maybe I should sell it to L.A.

Damn, I should’ve done it yesterday.

I should write an entry on my three blind dates (ooh. three blind mice…three blind mice)

I should write an entry on why you should avoid Yahoo.Personals at all costs.

I should get new calendar.

Hey, when is the season two Futurama come out?

Oh, I should add the “french” link. As if anyone was going to click on it around here.

Why the hell is my counter on the left upper corner of my template?

Should I keep my older entries green or blue? Hmmm…

Where is my food?

Oh dear lord, there’s my ex…on that damn friendster. Must not read profile.

must not read profile

yup, he’s in a relationship. that bastard.

Okay, I assume people are going insane reading this.

I wonder if Dingus and Gump have updated since this entry?

I should go check.

go asterisks!

Damn those New York Yankees. Stupid rich bastards

Damn those Padres. Win some games, will ya?

I like sand.

*My intellectual capacity is making me unable to finish this ent

For the first time ever in years, I’ve called in sick to work.

Actually, let me rephrase. I woke up, feeling a touch of the flu and thought “this is bullshit”. I really want perfect attendance because that is the type of maniac that I am.

Anyway, the whole morning, I kept wavering back and forth between going to work and not going to work. After some inner deliberation, I decided to go to work but was running late because this deliberation took up a lot of time.

So I called in saying I was going to be late because I was deliberating about calling in sick. They told me to stay home but I said, “No, I think I can make it”

I was in worse shape than I thought. I literally FORGOT I was driving. I don’t know.

I sat in front of the computer and one of the lawyers came up to give me directions. I sort of just stared at him. My co-worker Kaytee told me to go home and that she would cover for me. That sweetheart.

I talked to the office manager. Go Home they said. And she added “You’ve never called in sick. Go home” and so I did.

I slept the day away pretty much. I had OCD with the computer and checked it a jillion times.

I woke up at 7 or 8 p.m. only to get an invitation to a dinner. I have not eaten all day, so it sounded tasty. Went to the dinner at 9.

Okay, so for most of you who read this, this won’t mean anything. However, I know there is a small population who will know what I am talking about. And this is what I request.

Don’t rat me out. Not yet.

Rat me out on what you say?

I went to this dinner and I was walking into the apartment (in slow motion of course)…I saw him.

The cutest guy ever.

Sitting on a black leather couch.

SIGH

I really don’t know his story. All I know is that he is the brother of the person (we’ll call him Scott for now) who invited me to the dinner. Of course, I was all casual and stuff but, I was practically DYING to ask a fellow female friend what his deal was.

anyway, I kicked his ass in chess and we watched some foreign films.

Which by the way, you TOTALLY have to see “Battle Royale”

It’s a mix between …what was it? The running man and Lord of the Rings…with Japanese students who still have high school crushes. Dude, you gotta see this.

I THINK, it’s a mix between Survivor and The Real World but that’s just me. But kids killing each other because you were not in the same clique or you had a crush on someone. Man.

Okay, I will have to do some more undercover investigating on cute guy.