AHHH!!!
I was innocently typing my entry and I somehow, inadvertently, pressed the back button and ended up on Dinguspie’s site (I was leaving him a note) and I came back here and my entry was gone.
Actually, I don’t mind that much. It was pretty boring. I was talking about how I was losing my memory at the old age of twenty-five.
So I’m going to do the twenty-five songs instead of twenty-four (since I’m cool like dat, I’m smooth like dat…we out)
TA-DUM
TWENTY-FIVE SONGS THAT AFFECTED (or effected even….wait I forget the difference) AND MADE ME THE LOSER I AM TODAY! WHOO-HOOO!!!!
(in random order)
1. Drive My Car– by the Beatles
I remember high school and how I was the only one who could drive…so people would constantly ask me for rides (I really liked the couples who wanted me to go to a movie with them…yeah right. third wheel action) anyway, I said the only thing they would have to stipulate to is to listen to my songs which included a LOT of Beatles. I used to blast this song..or as they said back then “BUMP IT!”
2. “She’s Always a Woman to Me” — Billy Joel.
I was 7. I heard this song and that the woman he described was exactly the woman I wanted to be.
3. “Killer Queen” –Queen.
I am obsessed with Queen. This was the first song, I believe, I learned to memorize…and gave me a passion for music. It was my first “adult” record next to The Monkees and The Chipmunks. I wore my record player (yes, I had a record player) out with this record and in particular, this song.
4. “Bullet with Butterfly Wings” –Smashing Pumpkins
Ahhh…smashing pumpkins. I believe this is where the inclinations of my intense depression began…you know the whole teenage angst thing. Yeah, I went through it and barely survived.
You see, I was intensely shy. INTENSELY and people who know me know are shocked to hear that…but nobody knew me before the 11th grade because I was so shy. I made this conscious decision around the 9th or 10th grade to make myself popular. Yes, I know, it was lame, but I really was tired of having no friends and eating by myself at lunch or spending it with books (which is probably why I little more well read than some of my friends)
Anyway, so I became this somewhat social butterfly…which was scary as FUCK because I was playing this person who I really felt I wasn’t. Here’s the thing–it was too easy and I learned how to manipulate people.
Yeah, I’m evil.
But if you give it a conscious effort, a lot of people will pretty much give you free reign and believe whatever you say. So I did the Cosmo/Teen Magazine thing and pretended I was popular and confident.
I eventually became ahem “popular” and was known as the class clown or the gregarious one or the friendly one in school. I was in a whole bunch of cliques and invited to a bunch of parties.
But I always had to have this high energy level and to be always the one making people laugh.
I would be, what you call a gregarious isolationist. Because I knew about everyone, but behind the smiling exterior, I felt more alone than ever.
Oh, how I related to in my senior year, “A Bullet with Buttefly Wings” and when I first heard the words “The world is vampire”…I yelled (in my car, by myself) YEAH IT SUCKS!! And hence began my fake happiness/depressed teenage angst phase. I like to listen to this song and am grateful I finally grew out of it. (man, that was a long one.)
5. “Shimmer” by Fuel
My best friend Alfred and I LOVED this song and would listen to it all the time.
Then when I did the whole suicide thing he said he couldn’t be my friend anymore because “I can’t be friends with anyone who be that selfish not to think how much it would hurt me if they took their life away” Needless to say, he was like, my life.
Well, one day, in our non-speaking terms, we both sitting at a table (we have the same friends) and we were on the opposite sides. I don’t know how it happened…but I started singing that song…(yes, I’m putting lyrics) “She calls me from the cold
Just when I was low, feeling short of stable
And all that she intends
And all she keeps inside, isn�t on the label
She says she�s ashamed
And can she take me for awhile
And can I be a friend, we�ll forget the past
But maybe I�m not able
And I break at the bend
We�re here and now, but will we ever be again
�cause I have found
All that shimmers in this world is sure to fade
Away again”
And we were the only two people who sang that song on the table and all of our mutual friends were silent. We never spoke again
(actually, we did..3 years later. )
6. “I want it that way” the Backstreet Boys
This reminds me of London. My friends and I would sing this at top volume…on the wrong side of the road.
7. “What’s the dilly yo”/”Cadillac” by mest
There are two songs here because these two songs were the songs of my roadtrip from San Diego to New York and back again. One of my best friends (kathleen) and I were hopped up on Red Bull and driving through Alabama at full speed (90 mph) and we were listening to this cd that her boyfriend (my really close friend, Tyler) made for our trip. We put it on repeat for 2 hours so we could memorize the song. Good times yo. Good times.
8. “Bye Bye Bye” by Nsync
I did a 15 minute television project where 5 of my friends memorized a script, a dance routine and the lyrics to this song. Needless to say, after the project was done, my 5 friends (Ken, Cooper, Jacob, Micah and Alex) who HATED Nsync had so much respect for them and ultimately ended up loving that song.
9. “On top of the World” — Juliana Theory
I was drunk. Chad was drunk. He introduced this band to me. We were driving to his place after a New Year’s Eve bash in downtown. We held hands and told me how attracted he was to me and how I had this beautiful face. I just remember squeezing his hand and he put this song on repeat.
The lyrics: “we’re on top of the world, You and I, we gotta lot of time and it sure feels right cause you reached in your pocket and pulled out a pass which said you can take me anywhere…!”
I WAS on top of the world at that point in time and I just remember feeling so happy and so elated and…even though I was leaving for New York in two weeks. Ahh…first love (yeah, although I never admitted it to him).
We had a messy breakup…but everytime I hear this song, I remember that feeling and that time and I can’t help but smile because it just feels so good.
10. “Gotta Stay High” — The New Radicals
Best love song ever.
11. “Troubled Times” — Fountains of Wayne
This song always gave me hope that yes, I too, will find love. This song and the Shawshank Redemption (it’s a movie about hope goddamnit!)
12. “Photograph”/”Island in the Sun” — Weezer
I was an Assistant Director on this shoot and doing 16 hour days and such. The thing with shoots is that you save SO MUCH MONEY because you are fed and you’re at the shoot ALL THE TIME (your social life pretty much dissipates). Anyway, on my one day off, I bought the Weezer Green Album and everytime I was riding the subway to the shoot (meeting spot was at Columbia University, which btw, is the MOST BEAUTIFUL University ever) and those two songs were my favorites.
So everytime I hear those two songs, it reminds me of one of the funnest shoots ever.
13. “What do you want from me?” by Pink Floyd
I was dating Steve, the second guy I was with, and he confessed that he was falling in love with me and I said I needed more time (it was like…a WEEK!).
We made out after watching a few minutes of This is Spinal Tap, then he turned it off, and put on Pink Floyd and this song and he held me all night long. Then he asked What I wanted from Him and I said “I don’t know”
14. “Yellow” by Coldplay
Also with Steve, we saw this song on MTV every night. Needless to say, now I correlate this song with him. It’s just one of those things when you hear a song and BAM, you’re in that point in time.
I was senior in college when this song came out.
15. “Flower” by the Eels
I was depressed and I would cry and cry and cry with this song. and cry. Another reminder that thank god, I survived the madness in my life.
16. “Supersonic” JJ Fad
Damn. This song. So, I was giving this guy ahem “sloppy yawn” (Datchery, 2003) and there were songs playing and such and then Supersonic came on. And I completey stopped and look up at the guy and said “I can’t do this with this song” and he’s like “AHHH!!!!” and ran and deleted it.
I continued to give him his sloppy yawn.
17. “That’s why they call it the blues”–Elton John
I’m a sucker for piano men. This song made me sad in a wanting way. I don’t know why. Probably because it reminded me of my parents and how my dad would leave (he was in the military) for sea.
Anyway, I would just watch the video in awe and feel this longingness for love and yearning that somebody thought of me that much.
Then I felt like loser that I felt this way and wanted this much from life.
18. “Eye Palindrom Eye” by They Might Be Giants
TmBG is just a weird group. This reminds me of high school and how my friend Jennifer and Mike and I would spend hours upon hours upon hours upon hours (I am totally serious) talking outside of my car in the school parking lot.
Everytime we get together (Mike is in the bay area now) we just have so much in common all we do is TALK forever about ANYTHING.
We coined a “clique” name for ourselves, called FAGNOW which stands for
FRIENDS AIN’T GOT NOTHING ON WE
19. “Getting Better” by NERD
Actually anything from NERD album.
I bought this album when I was allegedly with Chad. Chad and I were telling everyone we were friends but we would have sex with each other practically every night.
I used to work at Starbucks (this is in california) and he would visit me a couple times a week. Him and my two best friends, Kay and Tyler. After I got off of work, we would chat outside the store. Then Chad would say he was tired and want to go home, then he would give me “the look” and I would say “Yeah, I gotta get going” and we would all separate. A couple minutes later, cell phone would ring and he would say “are you coming over?” hells yeah I’m coming over!
Anyway, since I’m going to his place in my work clothes, I would always take a shower at his place and wear HIS clothes.
The next morning (he had a 9 to 5 job) I wouldn’t want to change in my coffee stained clothes, so I would wear his clothes and walk to my car barefoot from his place every morning (because I didn’t want to wear my Starbucks boots) and drive home, with him behind me in his power suit (in the car) and we would wave and make faces at each other until our roads would separate (he would go north and I south)…then I would BLAST this song because I was so happy from having sex the night before or hours before.
Actually, this is my official sex cd. I haven’t played it in over a year.
20. “Close to You” by the Carpenters
Karen Carpenter has this voice that gives me goosebumps. 99/100, you start singing this song and people will start singing with you. I wanted to be Karen Carpenter…the drummer with the voice ..except with the whole anorexia and death thing. I don’t want that.
21. Paint By Numbers by Self
This reminded me of when I lived in Queens and I was doing temp work for New York and working at Starbucks at the side. I would listen to this song every morning while bustling through Grand Central Station.
Ahh…the purple line/ 7 train to Queens
22. “Over and Over” By Madonna
I go through these workout phases. But every time I start working out again, I always listen to this song because, goddamnit, you just wanna run.
23. “Ride the Train” by 69 Boyz
Yes. I was a dancer in high school.
A nasty dancer.
And, because of this alleged nastiness, I would dance anywhere from 5 to 12 guys at a party or a dance. AND because of this, I was dubbed “buckwild” in high school. Actually me and my two friends Karen and Jennifer.
karen, Jennifer and I were supposedly nerds but when we danced, holy shit…so when we would walk in the halls people would say “BUCKWILD!!” Dear lord.
Unfortunately, any sort of buckwildness I had has gone into hiberanation. But yeah, I was pretty nasty.
24. “Everywhere” by Fleetwood Mac
When I was 8, I used to grab a broom and stand on my bed and sing this song in front of the mirror. Then I would grab my sister and tell her she had to sing backup.
So my sister and I would sway back and forth and sing this damn song …oops I meant, lip sync. In the car, we would sing. She hated her part cause I got to sing all the lyrics and all she said was “aaaaaaaaaaaahhh aaaaaaaaahhh…I wanna be with you everywhere” and she would complain.
I would somehow convince her that I was doing all the work and memorizing all the lyrics was hard and such..and she would say “oh…I guess I got away with the cool part” SUCKER.
Eventually she got older and found out how I conned her into thinking she was getting the better deal, when in fact, I was always getting the better deal.
DAMN
25. “Don’t Change Your Plans For Me” –Ben Folds Five.
Nobody does it more accurately than Ben. There’s no other song writer who I connect more with than Ben. Although it is a tough call between this, “Army” and “Jane” …This song ultimately is my life and how I feel about everyone everything and where the hell I am going. I am always conflicted with West Coast and the East Coast and my love life– is in this song (next to the song “Winter Valley Song” by Founatins of Wayne)
However, if you have the dvd, Ben changes a lyric. Instead of singing
“All I really want to say, you’re the reason I wanna stay”
he sings:
“All I really wanna do, is leave this all and stay with you”
I can’t even explain how much this songs relates to who I am.
P.S. Thanks to Gump and Lobsterchick for letting me plagiarize their plagiarism. I feel compelled to have a much more impressive list but oh well, I did it more out of life-events rather than taste.
Minimal Effort 