This might be boring. You have been forewarned:
I work for a law firm.
I am the assistant for three lawyers.
Anyway, this means I have a lot of work, dictation, issuing subpoenas on peoples asses and all that good stuff. My printer broke down on Friday and I’ve been sneaking on other people’s computers to print my crap.
However, since my printer is down and a lot of stuff has to go out, it was a state of emergency at the office and they called an “Emergency Printer Guy” to come out ASAP on that day to fix my printer. I didn’t know such guys existed.
Anyway, so printer guy comes in. He is not too tall…probably between 5’6 to 5’9. He is about late 30s, early 40s. He is not particularly attractive but he is not UNattractive. He had a little briefcase with printer type fixing materials. When he talks to me, he has an Australian accent. This automatically, beyond my control, turns me on. It turns me on the damn spot. (get a mop)
He looks at the printer and he opens it up. He starts to caress the printer and I swear to god, it felt like he was caressing me. He takes out his squirt bottle and starts wiping the printer…to make it all shiny and new.
My eyes open wide. I can’t believe this not-so-tall, oldish printer guy is turning me the fuck on. I stare and watch him clean my printer for about 10 minutes…wishing I was that printer…wishing he was putting his screwdriver into MY cartridge. I am envious of my printer.
And…get this…I get goosebumps. He doesn’t lay one finger on me and I GET GOOSEBUMPS.
I am sad that he is leaving. I am sad that my printer is fixed.
I feel like a lunatic for thinking this way about a printer or a printer-guy. What the fuck is going on here?
I come up with the following possibilties and/or options:
- I have a printer fetish unbeknownst to me and now the floodgates are opened to this new information.
- I am destined to make a film about printer porn (and my lighting would be really good!)
- In order to clarify what the hell is going on, maybe I should break my printer a few more times?
- I am fucking horny and any guy will do. I am just impressed that he has a specific talent (I’m a sucker for specific talents)
- I am fucking horny and I am turned on by the accent (another variable which I might of been blinded of at the time)
- I am actually jealous of my printer.
- I am actually jealous of any inanimate object that gets more play than I do.
Aw jeez. And I thought I got to that point that I forgot what it was like to be caressed. (I swear it’s been so long, that they’ve changed sex on me.) Damn printer guy, now I remember what I’m missing.
Egad.
Minimal Effort 